Hardin's POV:
Week 20. We're halfway through and I still am not able to tell Tessa about what doctor Elliot said. I cannot bring myself to even think about telling her that. I have no idea how she is going to react. Plus she has been pretty weak these 3 weeks, now that she's finally feeling better and somewhat normal, I have to tell her. I don't know how but I have to.
I have had almost no sleep, thinking about all this. My concentration in work is nowhere to be found. Tessa agreed to listen to me for the first time and is not leaving the house for work or anything. She works from home too, that too very less.
"The thing that excites me is that we'll get to know the gender at this week's appointment" she pats my hand while surfing through something on the TV.
"Yeah me too" I try to sound enthusiastic for her, not sure I succeeded.
The gender. She has been nagging me about it for weeks but somehow it slipped my fucking mind that we're gonna find out at this appointment. If we find out what we're having, it will just make it more and more difficult for what might come.
"When is the appointment again?" I ask her, hoping to get some time to figure something out. Even though I have no idea what.
"Thursday" her eyes haven't left the tv screen once, for which I am thankful because I just know she might be able to tell if something is troubling me.
"Tessa today is Wednesday" I look at my phone screen and she snaps her head at me.
"What?" she asks in disbelief. One cannot blame her for not being able to keep track of days if she hasn't left the house in weeks. "Thank you" she chuckles in amazement. As if saying what we might do if I hadn't made her realize.
She turns over and gets closer to me, surprising me by getting on top of me and sitting on my legs. She shuts my laptop and tosses it aside, thankfully not breaking it. The look in her eyes tells me exactly what's on her mind.
Without a word she slowly climbs up my body and stops when her face is centimeters away from mine, I am partly grateful for her horny mood, which is definitely going to take my mind off things.
Not so harshly, I toss her over so that now I am top of her and remove my t-shirt from above my head.
"You can't throw me now" she laughs, helping me undress and then herself.
"Always can" I practically shove my tongue inside her mouth and she responds as aggressively, her fingers locking in my hair.
"Will you-" a moan escapes her mouth when I make my way to her neck, my favorite spot. "Will you go slow?" her voice comes out as a mere whisper.
"No" I tease and continue nibbling her skin, which is always her weak trait. I think I am going to make her wait now that I know she's so eager, I will stay in the top half for a while. Until she begs me.
"Hardin" she chuckles as I bury my face in her neck while also unbuttoning her bra.
"Y-you'll stop me if I don't go slow?" I whisper, and notice that my voice has changed husky.
"Uh-huh" she nods, slipping her hands in my boxers. This woman is really surprising me right now, in the best way possible.
"No you won't" I slightly press her nipple between my thumb and index finger and she takes in a sharp breath.
"Oh try me" her breath shudders and her eyes roll back, I know this makes her feel good. Slightly painful, but good.
"Stop talking" I plead and grip her both hips with my hands, my mouth tasting her skin like I haven't ever before. Her stomach is coming in between, I cannot press my body against hers, it is slightly annoying but it won't stop me from doing my job.
The combination of her thumping heart, her shuddering breaths and her moans is something I can never ever get used to. It always has some kind of internal effect on me, lightening up the inches of currents in my body.
"God I love you" she says breathlessly, I haven't even started on the bottom half now.
Her grown breasts give me more pleasure than anything in the world. They fit perfectly in my hands more than ever, and I cannot love this more.
I move my kisses from her breasts to her bump, at which she laughs, and then to her abdomen. Even with the light dimmed, I can clearly see the goosebumps on her skin arriving as my hot breath continues to make contact.
The fact that she is pregnant and we don't use a condom anymore is just so satisfying, more than anyone could imagine.
"Hardin-" she whispers opening her knees when I pull my boxers down. I know she's worried since her bump is an actual bump now, but I would never hurt her.
"Trust me" I give her a nod and she shuts her eyes, holding out her hands for me.
"I do" she whispers back and I hear her gasp as I enter, I keep my eyes on her because her satisfied face is something I don't see often nowadays.
I collide my mouth to hers, giving her the warmth she craves. Her hands grip my bare back a little too tight as she digs her nails in my skin, boosting me even more.
She gets breathless in between to the point I know she won't be able to breathe if we continue further.
"Just- stay with me for a minute" I plead her and she shakes her head no. I cannot pull back now, I want to but I can't. Both of us haven't felt this good in ages.
"P-please" she gasps, asking me for her oxygen pipe and not wanting, I had to pull out. I couldn't watch her suffering to breathe any longer so I bring her the nasal cannula and she takes a few minutes to herself, catching her breath to normal, while I wear my boxers again.
Tessa's POV:
I was having the best time I've had in weeks but this- this again had to ruin it. If he hadn't passed me the pipe, I am pretty sure I would have collapsed. My lungs just couldn't handle the pressure and I feel so worthless right now.
He pleaded me for just one minute more and I couldn't give him that. He has gone out to the kitchen, to get some water maybe, but I can just tell that he is disappointed, angry even. Who wouldn't be?
He comes in the room after a few seconds and I sit up straight, waiting for him to say something. He just gets on his side of the bed and lays down without saying a word to me. His bare back facing me while I know he stays awake, pretending to be asleep just to avoid talking to me.
I wrap the cover around me and lay down too, forcing myself to fall asleep and trying to divert my mind. Tomorrow is the appointment we get to know the gender of our baby.
morning
The alarm sound just pisses me off than I already am, I shut it down and sigh. I do not want to get out of this warm bed.
Also not from his firm grip, he has his arm around my stomach and he's pressed against my backside. However mad or disappointed he is, he always finds his way back to me in his sleep. I always wake up to him holding me or vice versa.
I slowly turn over to face his beautiful face and manage to do so while still in his grip. He sighs and gets comfortable, pulling me rather closer so that now my bare chest is pressed against his. I close my eyes and decide to stay like this for a few more minutes- the most comfortable I've been in ages.
"Morning" his raspy morning voice speaks and I open my eyes to find his still closed, his gorgeous long eyelashes resting peacefully.
"Good morning" I whisper and wrap my arm around his neck. "I'm sorry for last night-"
"Shh" his hot breath tickles the skin of my collar area. "Do we have to wake up now?" he asks, clearly not wanting to let go of our position in bed.
"I'm afraid so" I run my fingers through his soft hair and he exhales dramatically.
"I've told you not to sleep naked, you make me feel things in morning" he whispers, slightly running his hand up and down my back.
"You sleep shirtless almost every night. Do I complain?" I ask and he shakes his head no.
"You always have an answer don't you" he chuckles and I thank god that he's in a better mood than he slept in. I can say that- like a child, he slept it off. I really do feel like I am his mother sometimes. I probably shouldn't say that while I am lying naked in bed with him.
***
"Are you ready to know the gender today?" the sonogram person asks while she applies the gel on my stomach.
"No" Hardin surprises me by saying that and I look at him to see if this is one of his practical jokes again. Apparently he's being serious.
"Why?" I whisper and he debates himself on what to say. I don't know why he's behaving like this but I am not liking it at all.
"I mean- we should- shouldn't we wait?" he leans in to whisper in my ear.
"I don't want to wait" I shrug as if he already should have known this.
"I-" he sighs, fixing his hair. "I mean- we could maybe do a reveal type later" he says and it makes so much sense now. I would love to know it in any other interesting way than this stranger telling us.
"Absolutely" I squeeze his hand slightly, thanking him for being sensible with all this.
We watch our baby through the screen, hearing it's heartbeat, and as always it swells my heart up. Knowing that it's growing inside me and we have the privilege to watch it grow, it's all overwhelming.
I look over to Hardin and for the first time I notice that his eyes have started tearing. He has never cried in any of the sonograms we've had till now, not even when we go through the pictures, but now. His glossy eyes are fixated on the screen and he tries to put a plain expression while he hides too much emotions behind it.
"Are you crying?" I ask him in a low voice and he blinks off his tears.
"No" he scoffs and strokes my hand that he is holding.
I decide to let it go instead of pulling it out of him since I know he won't every accept that he got overwhelmed and shed tears watching his baby.
Soon we are taken inside Dr. Elliott's office and the both of us take a seat in front of her. Her expressions are not as cheery as they always are and when I give her a smile, it was as though she didn't expect it and was caught off guard.
She looks at Hardin and Hardin looks at her, they both exchange a weird look but I know I am just overthinking and overlooking into matters.
"How are you?" she asks me and begins with the appointment.
Unlike always I cannot feel her vibe today during the whole time, she was plain and answering my questions instead of all the friendly tips and advices she gives me everytime we meet.
"Any severe pain due to the kicks and all?" she asks and I go into my thoughts for a second, what does she mean by that-
"Um- y you mean-" I stutter and she looks at me with subtle surprise.
"You do feel kicks and movements right?" she waits for me to say yes when I can't.
"I don't" my heart has already paced it's speed, as if knowing it's bad news.
"Oh" she looks surprised in a bad way, and she looks at Hardin again.
I don't know how it didn't come to my notice that I didn't feel any movements, even though I am 20 weeks along now.
Hardin's POV:
The doctor's words keep coming back in my mind like a tape recorder when it's brought to our notice about the movements.
"Maybe you did and you didn't notice" I try to ease it but she hesitates.
"No. I'm sure I would notice, it is inside me" she scoffs lightly, tension clear in her voice but she's trying to hide it.
But why can't she feel any movements? Elliott said there's thin chances of our baby to be normal. Maybe it's underdeveloped. Or maybe it has stopped developing at all.
I flush these fucking thoughts out of my mind forcefully because I don't want to let my emotions out in front of her.
"Don't worry" Elliott breaks the silence and I gulp. "Show me the pictures. Did you see it moving in the sonogram?" she asks and I think harder, realizing that we didn't see it moving. I was taken over by guilt and the fear of losing the baby during today's sonogram that I almost even broke down in front of Tessa but I pulled myself together.
"No" Tessa whispers, half gasping. "Is- everything okay? It'll be okay right?" she asks the doctor who gives me the fourth look for the day. I get it I messed up by not telling her but when will she stop giving me such snarly looks.
"Why don't you tell her Hardin" she says and I mentally throw the chair on her fucking face.
I shift uncomfortably on my seat and clear my throat, both of their eyes on me. "Tess" I take a deep breath. "It'll be okay" I decide against telling her and hold her hand in mine, giving her false hope again.
"We'll take you in for some scan and detailed sonogram" the doctor stands up and so do we. "You may sit here" she turns to me and I sit back down, knowing I am in for a lecture now.
As soon as Tessa steps out of the room, she starts talking and I prepare myself not to lose control and take in whatever news she gives, positively.
"You have to tell her Hardin. I told you the baby is in danger- look at her now. She will eventually find out I told you and now she is"
"I couldn't okay, I couldn't" surprisingly I maintain my calm.
"Without the scans and everything I can tell the baby is underdeveloped Hardin. It will take more time to grow and nourish than normal. It's abortive"
She takes a deep breath and sits down on her seat. "Look I know, but this- she deserves to know and it is my duty now to tell her" she says with a helpless look and I click my tongue.
"No. Listen there is no meaning in telling her. She won't ever agree on ending this pregnancy and the news will only give her more stress and guilt. I know her better than anyone and I know she won't be able to live with the guilt that our baby is suffering too. I am taking care of her and by god's grace she is in better condition than last time. We will get through this too, I just need you to understand" I sigh, rubbing my forehead.
"Okay well, you do make sense" she looks away, thinking of something. "If you don't want to discontinue this pregnancy- you will have to take extra care measures and make sure everything is fine"
"I was actually going to ask you if I could take her to Miami" I whisper, knowing I am wrong, and she scoffs.
"You're kidding me right?" her disbelief look is just what I expected.
"No- look I want her to be happy and live her-"
"You know what? Take her" she surprises me by saying that and I look at her for a second to see if she's being sarcastic, she isn't.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. It will be better for her to enjoy while she can before going in the third trimester. Keep me on your speed dial and I will have a list of things made that you are not allowed to do, all the safety and preventive measures, everything" she says and I really feel like giving her a hug right now. To my surprise, my brain automatically takes me to her and I throw my hands around her.
"Thank you so much" I whisper and she chuckles, patting my back.
I cannot express how relieved I am to have gotten her permission now. Tessa will go crazy when I tell her about this, she won't even believe me at first.
She might finally be able to enjoy her dream trip like she wanted.
***
Author's note-
We can only hope that everything goes well during this trip right? They might even check some things off the list 👀
Thank you for reading, hope you liked it! x