~ 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚 ~
The master bedroom at the end of the hall was dim when Peter carried her through the door. A small glance at the clock told her that it was- actually, it was broken, because one of the hands wasn't even there. She didn't pay attention to it for long, though. Not when her heart beat a little faster than usual in the anticipation of what was next.
When she turned her head to look at Peter, his eyebrows were knit and the corners of his lips were slightly creased downwards. Amara had to remind herself that he wasn't cute, and he wasn't something that she wanted to hold in every way possible. No, he wasn't. He just happened to make her feel good, and if she was honest, she needed a little bit of that right now.
What she wanted was to feel good. Not him. She didn't want him at all. Nope. No way.
She was surprised at how unashamed she was in front of him, especially when considering how different their lives were in terms of what they were about to do.
Peter wasn't a womanizer or anything like that, but he had been known to get around. It was safe to say he knew what he was doing. Amara, on the other hand, hadn't made out with a boy since she was fourteen. That itself should've been the most mortifying thing to admit as a teenager that lived in a mansion with hundreds of kids her age.
But it wasn't. It wasn't like that with Peter, and she wished she knew why. Why she was so comfortable with him after an entire year of being at each other's throats. Why the hatred she had for him was melting away so much faster than it should have. Why butterflies filled her insides as Peter set her down on the bed and looked at her with the most gentle, caring gaze anyone had ever given her in her life.
It didn't take much for her to cup his jaw and bring his lips down to hers. Kissing him was different than in the shower, since before she had his stubble tickling her palm, whereas now she was met with the soft, smooth skin of his cheeks as she pulled him in closer.
Amara decided downstairs that she didn't want It chirping in her ear as this happened.
This was between her and Peter. It would only make everything rushed, and unimportant, and even though she was the Shadow, and the Shadow was her (and the Shadow would definitely not stop talking about this), she wanted to be the one to influence her movements. Not some psychotic demon determined to make everything as extreme as possible.
So, she forced herself to stop healing in the hope that she could keep It tame, just for a while. She just wanted to focus on him, and the way he made her feel.
Peter was warm, and she liked that. She liked trailing her fingers down to hold onto his arms as he pushed her down on the bed, and the fuzzy feeling she got as he cupped her face instead to deliver a slow, passionate kiss.
He seemed to understand that she wasn't overly experienced, and it sent a small sense of relief through her body. He was taking his time, and the way he was holding her told her there was no reason to be nervous.
His slow movements gave her time to think, too. About the movements he was making, the feel of him pressed up against her, the things she felt as he hiked her leg over his waist, then caressed the tips of his fingers up and down the back of her thigh.
She wasn't lying before when she said Peter helped her forget about Remedy and everything that happened at the base. It was like her mind could only focus on him.
His hair tickled her cheeks and she reached up to tuck it behind his ears, but after a minute, she put her leg down and sat up. It forced the kiss apart and left them breathless, and Peter crawled back (barely) to give her some room.
He furrowed his eyebrows, but she kept her gaze on his face to watch his reaction. Gently, Amara tugged her sweater off her body and set it on the floor, then reached her fingers down to pull her shirt over her head and set it down, too.
Goosebumps ran across her skin, but it wasn't from the chill from the room she was suddenly exposed to. It was the way Peter's eyes danced across her frame, almost with adoration and care. He didn't laugh at her. He didn't call her names. And he didn't take advantage of the situation, either.
Instead, he leaned in and kissed her just as gently as before, coaxing her to lay back down. The brocade comforter was rough against the bare skin of her back as Peter began to trail his kisses from her lips to her jaw, down the hollow of her neck and to her chest.
Amara's fingers carded through his hair when he started kissing the swell of her breasts, which were poking out of the top of her bra. She gulped.
"Y-you-" She cleared her throat to try to stop her voice from shaking. "You can take it off."
She bit her lip a little harder than she meant to, nervously waiting for Peter to look up at her.
He paused and tilted his head up to look at her. "Are you sure?"
She nodded.
Peter sat up and pulled his own shirt over his head in one swift motion, then crawled back over Amara to kiss her fully. She hummed, letting his tongue explore her mouth while his fingers tickled along her spine.
Her back arched up to give him better access, but he was quick, since it seemed that only a second passed before he helped her pull the straps off and discard the unwanted clothing into the growing pile.
The warmth between both of their chests was comforting, especially when Peter pressed them together and pulled back from the kiss to travel back down. He kissed down the valley between her breasts before moving to the underside, where he nipped softly, making her gasp.
Her hands moved back to his hair when he traced the long gash that crossed her chest with his lips, which was almost healed, but not completely. When Peter started nipping at one of her buds, she leaned into his touch.
This was a very new feeling for Amara - one that she was quickly finding herself enjoying more and more. There was a certain heat that was beginning to grow in her lower belly, and she wanted it to keep going.
She pulled Peter up from her chest after a few minutes to kiss him, her fingers dipping down his chest to his belt, where she slowly pulled the loop out of the buckle. Amara tossed it off to the side and trailed her fingers up his back, eliciting a small hum from his throat before he pulled back.
Her eyes slowly opened when she didn't feel him come back down. She was met with Peter's dark eyes and a small smile gracing his lips, but before she could ask what was going on, he beat her to the chase.
"I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he whispered, his thumb grazing the skin of her cheek.
Her cheeks immediately grew hot. That was unexpected, and certainly didn't help with the mantra she was supposed to be (and also failing to) remind herself of. She wasn't doing this because she liked him, because she didn't like him. She didn't like him at all.
But the comment had her flustered. There was no way he was being serious, right? He was just trying to help her get into the mood. There were many prettier girls he had been with before her. That just made this one of his moves, didn't it?
Amara frowned, looking down and shook her head. "Peter, I- I know that's not true-"
"What?" he interrupted. "Why wouldn't it be?"
Her eyes rolled. "I've seen some of the girls you've been with and they're-"
"Nothing compared to you."
"Is that what you say to all of them as you're about to get laid?" Amara asked with a slightly teasing tone.
"No," he answered, shaking his head. "Actually, I usually don't... talk."
Her eyes widened. "What?! But all you do is talk!"
"Gee, thanks," he chuckled.
"No, that-" Amara scoffed and raised her hand to her forehead. "I- I didn't mean-"
Peter laughed and leaned in to kiss her. "I'm kidding. And, I dunno... I guess I've never really had anything to say before."
There was something in Peter's eyes that told her he was telling the truth, and she couldn't decide if she was flattered, or completely horrified. Was this a bad idea? Was this getting out of hand? She already knew she was going to hurt him in the end, but it was starting to sound like it would be a lot more than she realized.
"I... I want to make something clear, Ames," he said, maintaining eye contact. "I... I want this. I'm okay with where this is going. But, you..."
She gulped.
"One 'no.' One 'stop,' or 'wait,' or 'don't,' and I'll stop. That's all it takes. I understand if it isn't something you're ready for. Whatever you aren't comfortable with, whenever you want this to be over, tell me, and I'll stop. I promise."
Her thumb tickled along his cheekbone as she cupped his jaw, and tears embarrassingly pricked her eyes. He was so good. It was like light was the only thing that touched him. He was pure, and uncorrupted, and good.
She thought about her sudden words from earlier.
I'll make anyone that hurts you sorry they even looked your way.
She would never forgive herself if something happened to him - whether it was her doing, or someone else's.
And, more importantly, the Shadow. She had tried asking what It wanted with Peter, and she never got a clear answer.
What were It's plans? Would Amara be able to hold It back so Peter could get away?
She didn't know. The fluttering in her chest was confusing her. The feelings she was having for Peter were confusing her. She couldn't have these feelings for anyone - that was how she kept them safe.
"Why are you crying?" he whispered, his voice low and concerned.
Amara shook her head. Some of his hair was twirled between her fingers and her other hand rested on his back as she looked at him.
"I-I... I don't... deserve..."
'You' was what she wanted to say, but she couldn't. But she couldn't finish her sentence. It would open a door for so many things she couldn't have.
Her hand raised to her face and her tears trickled down her cheeks.
"What?"
She took a deep breath. There were a lot of things she didn't deserve, and quite a few flashed before her eyes instantly. But her face scrunched as she found the perfect answer.
"Kindness," she said. "Especially from you."
Peter shook his head. "That's ridiculous, Amara."
She laughed despite the hollow feeling in her chest. "I made your life hell."
"Yeah, and I made yours hell, too." His smile was gentle, but it was understanding. He understood. And he wasn't giving her shit for it.
She frowned. "If you knew all the things I did - all of the things I've thought about... you'd run for the hills."
"You don't know that."
Her frown deepened. Yes, she did. The only reason Jean and Professor X hadn't run from her was because they didn't know everything. They didn't even know about It.
Peter's fingers tucked some of her hair behind her ear, and she looked into his eyes.
Except... Peter knew about It. Peter saw what she did, and he knew about It. And he was still in bed with her, in that moment, brushing her hair back out of her face and kissing her in a way that made her insides tingle uncontrollably.
"And what if I'm not what you want me to be?" she asked, her voice shaking. "Peter... one way or another, mentally or physically, in love or in hate, whether I want to or not. I'm going to hurt you. I will hurt you."
She sniffled, holding his head in his hands.
"I don't want to hurt you."
He sighed. His eyes were searching for something in hers, but to be honest, she was just trying her best to not completely break down in front of him. She was a fucking mess. A complete shit show. What the hell was he even going to find? Probably murder, with a dash of horror. Maybe a little sprinkle of depression in there, too. Nothing he could ever want.
After he contemplated something for a minute, his fingers tickled the skin of her arm and his breath mingled with hers.
"What about this," he finally said, licking his lips and readjusting his arms while Amara nervously traced his collarbone. "If you get mad at me, I- well I might get mad at you, too-"
She couldn't help a choked laugh through her tears.
"-but I'll do my best to make it right."
His eyes bore into hers, trapping her in his gaze and keeping her still.
"And if you hurt me, then I'll patch myself up until I feel better."
She gulped nervously.
"And if you try to run away from me, then I'll catch up to you, mutation or not," he continued, giving her a nod.
He paused, his chest centimeters from hers.
"And if you break my heart..."
Her breath hitched, and Peter leaned in closer.
"Then I'll put it back together," he whispered, "and fight through every person, wall, thing I have to, until I find you, and beg you to take me back as yours."
Her insides burst.
She wanted Peter. In every way possible, Amara wanted Peter. Her doubts were wavering, and her heart was pounding as she pulled him down desperately, their tongues dancing together and their bodies clutching each other so tightly she was sure that if she had nails, she would have left deep imprints on his skin.
When I kiss you, everything bad just... disappears.
Every thought about how she would hurt him in the end, every thought about how she was hurt in the past, every thought was gone. Poof. Everything.
It was just that moment, with Peter helping her with her leggings and throwing his jeans away. His skin warmed her and his body caged her to a place she never wanted to leave.
***beginning of smut***
Her grip was tight, and her body was almost as hot as Peter's was. She gasped as Peter began kissing down her chest again, but he passed her breasts this time, went down her stomach and off to the side. After he pulled her to the edge of the bed, he hooked her legs over his shoulders and kissed the insides of her thighs.
"Please," she murmured, trying to control her breathing and the aching between her legs she had never felt before. Amara wasn't quite sure what she was asking for, but Peter knew how to answer.
His fingers hooked into the strap of her underwear before he slowly pulled it down. She could faintly see the material fly through the air, but her mind left it completely as she felt him lick up her folds, and her body jolted.
"Are you okay?" Peter asked, the hum of his voice hitting her center, making her let out another gasp.
"Yes," she breathed out, her legs already shaking, but she didn't want to stop. "Do that again."
She didn't mean to sound so bossy, but it didn't matter, since Peter chuckled and dove right back in. Amara was expecting him this time, which gave her the few seconds she needed to prepare for his touch.
His tongue swirled in ways she hadn't even thought possible, and he focused on the one spot that made her fist the sheets so tightly she was sure her fingers would fall off. Peter's breath tickled and his nose bumped her knot, leaving her nerves to jump and have her squirm in her spot.
Amara whined; her hips rocked almost out of will. She was growing desperate quickly, and her body pulsated.
Peter's hand moved up to press against her stomach so her movements would cease, and she whined again, crossing her ankles and raising one of her hands up to pull at her hair. It was when Peter finally inserted a finger that she cried out, her mind spinning in a surprisingly good way.
His tongue was quick as he began pumping his finger, starting at an agonizingly slow pace before picking up, then adding another finger and making her whimper and cry out again.
Amara couldn't explain the movements his fingers were making, but holy shit did they feel good.
Stars formed in her vision, and she moved her hands to card through Peter's hair again. His tongue was still focused on her bud as he spread his fingers and moved faster, and her legs tightened, almost as if she were afraid he would pause his actions altogether.
Her body was slick with sweat. When he curled his fingers, her back arched up off the mattress as a white hot bliss shot from her core and spread everywhere. She cried out in ecstasy, failing to breathe properly as Peter worked her through her orgasm - the first meaningful one she ever experienced.
It was exhilarating.
It crashed into her like a tidal wave and filled her with the most amount of pleasure she had ever felt, and she didn't know how to react, other than dig her heels into Peter's back so he didn't dare stop what he was doing.
She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to control herself, or what she had to do to make this last as long as possible. But she focused on the feeling, and how the warmth spread from her belly, all the way down to the tips of her toes and up to the top of her head.
As her high came to an end, her sighs were loud (loud enough for her to notice, but not loud enough for her to care), and her whole body stopped working. Her arms and legs fell limp and her breathing was ragged. She didn't even have the strength to watch Peter gently pull his fingers out and licked up every last drop, and her heart pounded a million miles a minute.
The kisses along her thigh were brief as Peter slowly stood up, only to kiss back up her body and suck at a soft spot on her neck.
"You-" - she inhaled deeply and reached one of her hands up to grip his arm - "You're very good at that."
Peter hummed a low chuckle, and her eyes closed, his lips sending goosebumps up her back while her already exhausted body did its best to recuperate.
She could smell herself now that Peter was closer to her. When she guided his lips to her own, she could taste herself on his tongue. It made her hum and wrap her arms around his shoulders, but her breath was still short, forcing her to pull away and hold on as Peter nibbled on the lobe of her ear.
Amara sighed.
"Wha-" She inhaled again and licked her lips. "What about you?"
Somehow, he rolled both of them over. Her legs straddled him and her body was weak against his as he sat up, one of his arms holding her waist while the other propped him up from behind.
"I know you're tired," he whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her arms and back. "But I want you to start when you're ready. I'm not gonna do this unless you want to."
She nodded her head against his shoulder. His hand slipped between them, and she kissed the sweaty skin behind his ear. The groan that escaped him made a small grin appear on her lips. His hand was moving faster, and she pushed his shoulders, silently telling him that it was his turn to lay down.
Her hand grasped his wrist to get him to stop, and when she switched their hands, she chuckled at the way his back arched. Her lips kissed down the hollow of this throat and across his chest, and her hand moved at a slow pace.
She frowned when her lips reached the wound he asked her not to heal. Instead of commenting, however, she simply kissed around it. If she couldn't make it better for him, she was going to let him know she wouldn't forget about it.
When Amara finally felt that she was ready, she held onto him gently and sat up. All she had to do was look at his face, and all her nerves disappeared.
Peter wasn't going to hurt her. His hands clutched the bedspread to let her do what she wanted. His chest moved quickly in excitement, and his cheeks were already flushed.
Her eyes were glued to his expression when she finally sank down on him, but her lids closed at the warm feeling building in her belly again. It didn't sting, like she was expecting it to. It didn't feel wrong, either.
Her hands leaned forward to rest on his chest, and once his hands were on her hips, she let him guide her into slowly moving. Her insides were slick thanks to Peter's help from before, allowing her grinding to move fluidly.
His grip on her hips tightened when she picked up the pace. She was only half aware of the eager whines escaping her lips since it was lost in loud sounds of the bed creaking with every movement and Peter's sighs close to her lips.
She rocked faster, the temperature rising around them and her hair falling in front of her shoulders.
"If you keep making those sounds, I'm not gonna last," he murmured into her ear as he sat up, bringing the both of them impossibly closer.
She whimpered unintentionally, using his arms for support so she was able to keep her rhythm.
But his hands never moved from her hips, and she practically whined again from the thought of them roaming her skin. She wanted his hands everywhere, holding her tight against him and buried in her sweaty hair to keep her upright.
Her brain was so scrambled however that all words were lost to her. The only thing she could manage to breathe out was "Touch me," and the grip on her hips was lost.
His hand was immediately between their bodies, rubbing her knot and sending jolts of pleasure through her while the other cupped her ass, encouraging her to keep moving. Don't stop. Don't stop.
The kiss she planted on his lips was greedy. She just wanted every part of him everywhere, sending her heart racing so quickly she wasn't even sure it could handle it.
When her legs started to give out, Peter immediately flipped them over. Her hair fanned out across the pillow when she gasped, his lips attached to her neck and his pace unrelenting.
"Oh, Peter," she whined, clutching onto his back for any sort of stability.
He moaned loudly into her ear, and her eyes slipped shut.
"I love it when you say my name, Ames," he breathed out, and she shivered.
She loved the sound of her name on his lips, too. The name she wished she asked everyone else to say because that was her. But Peter saying it was something in such a desire-filled, wanting, amazing way drove her mind to spin in the best way possible.
Amara hadn't even uttered the name Peter once in the past year, and now it was the only thing she could remember how to say. She moaned it into his ear and called it out in a high-pitched, desperate tone when he drove her over the edge.
She couldn't describe the feeling. Peter made her feel like the luckiest person in the world, like she wasn't a murderous idiot that couldn't control her own goddamn mutation. He kissed her lovingly, without an ounce of shame or hesitation, and she curled into it. She craved the attention that she was convinced she was only going to get this one time for the rest of her life.
Her whole body clutched onto his as he kept moving. His hips stuttered lightly, and she tugged his hair, trying to help him as best as she could. Amara gasped when he pulled out suddenly, but she saw him reach down to stroke himself, and she moved immediately.
She turned him onto his back and slid down his body, then wrapped her lips around his shaft. His hands buried themselves in her hair as she bobbed her head and sucked him gently. Her hand made up for what her mouth couldn't while she focused on his voice, making sure everything she did was something he liked.
His gasp was enough of an indicator to keep going.
"A-Ames, I... I'm gonna..."
Seconds later, her throat was filled with a warm, thick liquid, but she swallowed it all, trying to make this last as long as possible. Only when his body relaxed did she pull away, and she kissed up his torso to his lips.
The kisses turned lazy only a minute later. Fatigue crashed into her as she fell onto the bed beside him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her eyelids were already drooping, and her limbs were weak as their eyes met.
No words were said between them. They just simply looked at each other, their eyes locked and their hearts pounding out of their chests, unable to do anything more.
She hummed when Peter leaned forward to kiss her. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders to keep him in place, and his nose nuzzled hers gently afterwards. Peter muttered something about cleaning up, and she was aware of him wiping something between her legs when he came back to bed.
Amara forgot that she was supposed to hate Peter.
Or, her mind told her what she was supposed to be doing, but her body told her mind to shut up as it inched closer to his warmth. Her eyes couldn't even open, she was so tired. She appreciated the blanket thrown over her body.
She fell asleep seconds later, enjoying the way the breath of the mutant she "hated" tickled her skin, and the strange, soothing calmness she almost never felt settling in her chest, just from being close to him.
*****
w/c: 4492
a/n: do you think this will finally be the turning point for them?? or are they going to go back to the way they were before, just like amara wants?? lemme know what you think!! thanks again for all the reads, votes, and comments!! xx