He frowned. „What... why?" He took another step towards her, and she retracted further, raising her hands in defense. He got seriously worried now. „Roni... what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen? Please, let me help you!"„No! I'm fine, just go away."„Don't be ridiculous! You're obviously not fine. What happened? Is it Belfrey?"
She took a deep breath and started massaging her temples to calm her nerves and focus her thoughts, then closed her eyes. She couldn't look at him, couldn't stand seeing the concern and pain on his face, he was so desperate to help her, to comfort her, be there for her. For Roni, his girlfriend. But Roni was gone. Forever.
„I can't talk about it right now. Please leave, don't make me say it again."
„But why? Baby, I... I don't understand." She could hear something changing in his voice. Concern turned into something else. Was it fear?
„Killian...", she started, then quickly corrected herself, „I mean..."
„Killian?? What the fuck, Roni! First you can't stop talking about this Robin in your sleep, now there's also a Killian? What's going on here? Are you... are you seeing other men?"
„No, I'm not! That's ridiculous! You wouldn't understand."„Well, try me! I want you to explain. You owe me that much, don't you think?"
„No, Rogers. I don't owe you anything."
„But we're in a relationship here! We're a team. You're my girlfriend."
By now Regina had managed to bring some distance between them by retreating back behind her bar counter. She took out a bottle of tequila and poured herself a shot that she downed in one go. Then she slowly shook her head, and it felt like ripping out her own heart. „No... we're not. This thing between us is not working for me. I can't do this. It's over."
She started wiping down her counter so she didn't have to see the shock and despair on his face, the tears that were welling up in his eyes. But she could hear his voice, soft now, and breaking. „No... no, Roni, please! Don't do this to me, love!"
She didn't respond, but turned her back on him so he couldn't see her swallow and fight the tears herself.
He started pleading with her: „I just... I don't understand. What happened?? Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said? I know I've been pretty caught up in this Eloise Gardener case lately, but... you said you were fine with it, you were even encouraging me! When we had lunch earlier today... we were fine. No? You told me how happy you were that you didn't have to face this madness with Belfrey alone anymore and how much you appreciate me being there for you... That was just a few hours ago! What changed between then and now?"
What changed, she thought. Oh, nothing, except for... everything! Absolutely everything. It would be wrong to continue this romance. And weird. So very weird. She couldn't possibly be with him and... God, her head started spinning at the thought of what they had done together, partly right here on this counter she was leaning on right now. Plus, she had more important things to take care of right now than her own pleasure. She had to save her son's life! Not flirt around with some filthy pirate who was playing cop.
By now he had joined her behind the bar, but he knew better than to try and touch her once more. This time he kept his distance. She took one look at his face, his ocean blue eyes, and she saw a broken man standing in front of her, barely able to hold himself together. His image tore her apart from the inside, but there was no other way. She had to rip off the bandaid, as fast and clean as she could. It was ironic. She was the queen of – literally – breaking hearts. And yet she had such a hard time breaking his.
„Nothing changed, that's the thing. This... relationship of ours hasn't been working for me since the beginning. I just wasn't willing to see it, I so much wanted it to work out. But I need to be honest with myself and fair to you, and that's how it is. I can't help it, Rogers, I don't have feelings for you. I just don't. I thought they would develop with time, but... I'm sorry. You're a good fuck, now and then, but... to me not more than that. I'm sorry I wasted your time, now... please go."
By now he was crying and shook his head. „No... no, Roni, I don't believe you! You... this isn't you! This is not the same woman I was with those past few weeks! I know how you used to look at me, talk to me, how you used to make love to me. You do have feelings for me, I know it! And I, I have feelings for you. I'm in love with you, Roni! I... I love you."
With that she forcefully shook her head and walked over to him, pushed him even. She was yelling now.
„No, you don't! You don't love me! You don't know me! You're right, I am not the woman you used to be with anymore. And you are not the man you think you are. And yes, I know that all of this doesn't make any sense to you, and it's not making this hurt any less, but it's the truth! And maybe one day you will understand. And you will thank me. You, me... us... it's not meant to be. The woman you think you love is gone. There's nothing left for you here."
She poured two more double shots of tequila and put one glass down in front of him. „Now drink this and then get the fuck out of my bar before I call your mates and have you removed!"
He lowered his gaze, looking down at his feet, trying to steady his thoughts, and took a few deep breaths. Then he drank up and replied, a little more collected now: „I will go. But I will be back. I don't know what's gotten into you, whether you're under some influence or something, but I know you don't mean what you're saying. You're a good person, Roni. You simply can't be that evil."
She scoffed, then downed her own tequila shot and smiled at him. Not with empathy. But with pity. „Yeah, see... this is exactly where you're wrong. You're a terrible detective after all. You could even say, being evil is part of my profession."
***
She was walking through the streets without a destination, from block to block, the night air was chilly, but she wasn't ready yet to say goodbye to her leather jacket in favor of a warmer winter coat, to say hello to the often gruesome Seattle winter. Or rather, Roni hadn't been when she had dressed herself this morning. Regina had absolutely no clue what to wear moving forward. She felt terribly uncomfortable and out of place in these rags, filthy even. But she also knew that there wasn't really anything in her closet that she'd fancy more, and it would look pretty weird if all of a sudden she'd go out shopping for a completely new wardrobe. Was she supposed to pour tequila shots in a pencil skirt, a satin blouse and stiletto heels?
After the talk with Hook – their breakup – she just had to get away, to get some fresh air, to think about nothing and everything at the same time. How could they all get out of here? Break the curse, go home to Storybrooke... without any harm coming to Henry or anybody else she cared about?
Finally, she ended up in front of a bench, her bench, that she always used to frequent when she needed to be alone and think. She pulled out the photo of her and Henry. So it was real after all. Drizella wanted her to find it. She WAS the Evil Queen. She still remembered how outrageous she had found that thought when Henry brought it up. And her boy... her sweet little boy. He was everything she had left, in this world and any other. And she had forgotten about him. He had forgotten about her! And if she didn't find a way, he may not survive this chapter of the story...
Suddenly she heard an all too familiar voice next to her and looked up. When her eyes met his, it was as if her heart would explode into a million shining stars. Henry! Her little boy. Her everything. Just now she became painfully aware of how much she had missed him, even though for the most part of her life here in Hyperion Heights she hadn't even been aware of his existence. A wave went through her entire body, to jump up, to hug him, hold him, thread through his hair, but she knew better than to give herself away. He wouldn't believe her anyhow, and at the worst, if she kissed him, true love's kiss might break this curse – and kill him – right then and there. So she didn't move, she didn't get up, she just smiled as casually as she could. „Hey, Henry!"
„What are you doing here? I thought you and Rogers were going to this concert tonight? He has been telling me about it for days. Wasn't that tonight?"
He sat down on the bench next to her.
„Yes, indeed... that was tonight. But as you can see, in the end we didn't go."
„Why not? Where is he?"
„I don't want to go into the details of it, just, it's over between Rogers and me. We're no longer together, so... no concert for us." She tried to smile but couldn't avoid looking sad while doing so.
Henry was no less shocked about this news. „What?? Oh no! Why? Did he... wait, did he hurt you in any way? Did he cheat on you?"
„What? No! No, no one dares cheating on me, I hope!", she tried to wave it off, „Nah, it's not a big deal, we've only been together for like a hot second. And it's not his fault. He's a good guy, and he couldn't have been a better boyfriend to me, it just wasn't working out for me, that's all. So I broke up with him. We're just better as friends."
„Ah, no, Roni, I'm so sorry!" He put his arm around her and pulled her close, and he was blissfully unaware of the fact that right now he was putting his mother through hell. Much worse than the actual hell she had actually been to. „I can't believe this, you were so happy and cute together! He was so happy with you, he was so in love, and you too! You were telling me all about it just a few days ago. How happy he makes you and how glad you are that the two of you took this step. How great you are as a couple. And you're saying... that wasn't true?"
„Well, what can I say, sometimes we tell ourselves the lies we so much want to believe."
„No, I don't believe you. Haven't you been preaching me about following my heart, not giving up and taking a chance on love for weeks now, regarding Jacinda? Where are those big words now? I think you're just scared, like you said. Scared to be hurt or disappointed, so you're running away."
She sighed and shook her head. „That's sweet of you to say, but that's not it. Life just isn't a fairytale, and happy endings aren't guaranteed."
„I gotta say... I understand you, really, I do. But I am kind of disappointed to hear you say this, shocked even. I thought you were different, Roni."
Her heart stopped for a second and she had to swallow hard. Everything within her wanted to scream. I am, Henry! I am different! I'm your mother and I love you more than my own life. And I cannot keep dating Hook because... well because he's Hook, some version of him at least, and that means he's an idiot by default!
„I'm sorry to disappoint you", she said softly.
„How about that: we go on a double date, you and Rogers, and Jacinda and me."
„No. That's a cute and absolutely horrifying idea. How did it go with Jacinda anyway?"
His compassionate complexion immediately turned into a beaming smile upon hearing her name and thinking of her. „It wen't... pretty well, I like to say. Great even! I think we're heading somewhere, I really do. Thank you for pushing me in her direction, I really appreciate it. Even though you're apparently not brave enough to do the same thing for yourself. But don't worry! I'll help you get your happy ending, just as you helped me."
He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently, she could barely suppress an epic eyeroll. Now, not only did she have to find a way to prevent or at least significantly delay her son's happy ending until she had a solid plan for how to save him, she also had to endure him trying to create one for her that simply didn't exist. If only he could see. If only she could tell everybody and they could all see!