*18+ graphic sexual content in this chapter, masturbation, sexual fantasy descriptions*
*Obviously there was already a warning at the beginning of the entire story, but I feel the need to stress again. If potentially disturbing content makes you uncomfortable (sex, stalking, obsessions, potential violence), then this story IS NOT FOR YOU. I haven't gotten any complaints on this story for its content but just thought I would reiterate, as it's never my intention to trigger anyone or have people unintentionally read content they don't want to read.
Ok enjoy :)*
Josuke POV:
I returned to my room early that Sunday morning. I hadn't gotten sleep all night.
Where was I, you might ask??
Well at Y/N's of course! I should've never pushed her away and out of my home earlier, and after she left I spent the rest of my day locked in my room, sitting in the corner... staring at the ever growing mass of photos up on my wall, occasionally scratching myself. The scratching hurt at times, but I just couldn't help it. It's what happened now when I thought about Y/N for too long, but she wasn't near me. Just a tick, to try and calm myself down I guess, before I went around getting any other.... ideas.... fantasies I guess.
How could I do that?! What was I thinking, pushing her away like that?!
But she had almost come into my room after all. It was justified then wasn't it? We just couldn't have that. Not yet, at least.
I thought about the party Y/N said she was going to Sunday night. Something just didn't sit right with me about that. I mean, I never went to parties but I was always invited. I didn't hear a peep about this one until Y/N told me about it just earlier.
I sighed. It was just some dumb party right? No reason to get so worked up over it. But it did mean I probably wasn't going to see her tomorrow... so might as well see her tonight right?
I waited for the sun to go down. It felt like an eternity of torture but finally it was night. As if possessed by something, I got up, no longer feeling that awful anxiety from my longing that caused me to scratch at myself. I would see my love soon after all.
A new wave of determination hit me and I was wide awake. I had been away from my diamond for too long.
I slipped quietly out of my house and walked down the sleeping Morioh streets to Rohan's house, and with Crazy Diamond's help I made my way to the second floor, just outside Y/N's window. All of this was done as if it were second nature, but even more than that still. It was like a trance I couldn't break, that I didn't want to break, even though I knew it would utterly destroy me one day, like a sailor willingly crashing his ship against the rocks, beckoned by the sweet songs of sirens.
Y/N was that siren, her sweet song simply being her very presence, her very existence. If I had to crash my ship and the ships of a thousand others just to spend a night with her I would do it. Oh how I would do it in a heartbeat!
And speaking of heartbeats, mine grew faster by the minute, and the closer I got to Y/N, the faster it became. It was as if it threatened to burst out of my chest just to race toward her, like I took too long to get to her and it couldn't wait any longer. My face grew hot as well, and I began to sweat.
I could feel the dampness of my hands and they started to shake a little. I tried to calm my breathing and stay as close to the wall as possible. A fall from this height wouldn't kill me but it would sure hurt, and not to mention it would wake up that bastard, Rohan.
Always getting in the way of my happiness with Y/N, wasn't he?
Josuke this, Josuke that. don't talk to Josuke, Y/N. Stay away from Josuke, Y/N.
I know what he's said. I know what he still says now to her, trying to turn her away from me.
Nobody can take her away from me.
I opened the window gently and came in. I carefully placed my feet down on the floor, cautious. I couldn't have her waking up. I crept slowly up to Y/N's bed and stood over her sleeping figure.
I stared down at her, eyes wide, and eventually I simply became lost in my increasingly frequent fantasies. What would happen if I just woke her, took her in my arms? That rational voice in my head said she would obviously wake up and scream... but more recently that voice has been drowned out by a different one.
Maybe she wouldn't scream. She likes you very much after all you know? So why not just do it? Crawl into her bed and take her in your arms. Caress her as she wakes, feel those lips on yours. Haven't you wondered what they taste like? Sweet, probably. Haven't you wondered what that skin would feel like against yours? You could give her and yourself the best night of your lives. You could slip your hand down there, make her feel good.
Don't you want to hear soft moans and gasps escape her? It would be an intoxicating sound, wouldn't it? You only need to commit. So do it Josuke! RIP ALL THOSE CLOTHES OFF AND SPREAD HER LEGS--
"shut up, shut up..." I gritted out in a whisper. This isn't what I want.
Or was it?
I wasn't sure who I was anymore half of the time.
Just that I wanted her.
That was the only thing I was absolutely sure of in the world.
This isn't what I want, this isn't what I want... is it?
To be such an awful person to even think about doing stuff like this... but at the same time.... I've already done some pretty awful things for her. Maybe it is what I want.
How long had I been standing here? Just staring down at her perfect sleeping figure, refusing to break this trance?
My hand was on my dick. When did it get there?
Was I awful? Or was the world simply trying to keep me from doing what I truly wanted? To have her and take her in this very moment. To control her body and her pleasure the way she has controlled my heart and every aspect of my life from the moment I laid eyes on her.
I swallowed, and my hand trembled still holding onto my hard shaft beneath my pants.
If she woke? Then what, Josuke? Then what!? Remember what happened the last time you woke her? Remember fear you caused her?
That rational voice interjected, finally able to overpower the constant urges to take what I believed to be mine.
I bit my lip. I wasn't even sure what I was going to do next...
And that terrified me.
But I couldn't do it.
Palms clammy, with sweat dripping down my face I scrambled out of the room the way I came. Y/N stirred, but never woke.
I sped straight back to my room through the dark streets, panting as I finally returned to my room, my face burning from everything that had just occurred.
My hair was in a mess, and I slumped down on my floor, resting my head against the wall.
I was still kind of hard.
Well, I had to do something about that, right?
I got up and unpinned my favorite picture of Y/N from the wall. I had about 50 of these at this point, but my first was always my favorite.
I quickly unzipped and dropped my pants, staring down at the photo the same way I stared at her gorgeous figure just before. With no chance of Y/N waking up right in front of me and no chance of retribution from Rohan, I closed my eyes and let my fantasies consume me.
Take it, Y/N! Take all of it! Every inch... you like being pinned down like this? My dirty little diamond...
Spread it for me... just like that...so tight...
You look amazing with my shaft stuffed inside you. I'm gonna stuff you full of my cum.
Wanna have my babies?
I'm gonna cum.... it feels so good...faster... faster... faster!
"Y/N!" I gasped out, shooting cum everywhere while I imagined filling her up to the brim.
Sweat dripped down my face. I grabbed some tissues and cleaned up, exhausted.
I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror. Was it the shame? Or maybe I just didn't dare look at my disheveled hair and sunken eyes. It felt like it was almost morning, but I didn't want to look at the clock either.
I stumbled over to my bed as if I was a complete drunk coming home late from yet another night at the bar. How was it that I could get drunk off of only the thought of her?
"Y/N..." I groaned out. I gripped my bedsheets, grasping desperately as if I expected her to be here with me. How I wished she was...
If I went to sleep, would she be there with me in my dreams? I might never want to leave if that was the case. Reality was so much more complex, with so many more variables that you just couldn't predict. Not to mention the various people always interfering with everything around the two of us, whether intentional or not.
I might opt to just stay in a dream forever, where I can be with Y/N without anyone else around, and she would be perfectly content with just me. No Rohan, no Okuyasu, no Richard, no Yukako, no Celine, no... no...
My thoughts drifted slowly away as I caved in to my exhaustion. What a lovely dream it all was! But a dream was just a dream.
But did it always have to be?
I woke up late into the afternoon that Sunday. It was almost evening. Was I really that exhausted from everything?
I rubbed my eyes. Did I dream? I don't remember, but I hope if I did it was of Y/N.
My thoughts began to drift off to the events of the night before, and to the fantasy that had filled my head, the perverse dreams of ravaging her right where she was. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks again, my shaft stiffening just a bit... but I shook my head. Now wasn't the time for this.
Speaking of Y/N, she was probably almost done with that party right? It was getting pretty late. Maybe I would see my love soon again.
But still... I just couldn't shake that feeling.
Something was... off.
I had half a mind to just write it off as my paranoia, caused by my feelings for Y/N. Feelings that grow deeper and drag me further into the depths of insanity by the day.
But I just had to confirm for myself.
I made my way to Celine's house. It was her party after all. As I walked, I was hit with an increasing sense of urgency, and my pace quickened minute by minute by minute. Though nowhere near running, the air felt hot and I was exhausted.
Anxiety was overtaking me. Why? Something is off. I just know it.
I stopped suddenly and looked in front of me. I had reached Celine's place. Strange... I could've sworn it was still some distance away.
I was going mad, wasn't I?
But somehow I found myself caring less and less about it, about how it was a bad thing. Was it really?
All this shit with my head started because I fell in love. And love wasn't a bad thing, so how could this be?
Back to the scene at hand, it certainly looked like there was a party here, with some pieces of trash here and there in front of the house. But no one was here. Made sense, as it was already pretty late, but then where was Y/N? That's all I care about.
I walked up to the door and knocked.
No response. Celine couldn't be gone too, right?
A thousand different scenarios flooded my head, and I bit my lip, anxious.
I knocked again. "Celine?" I called.
I heard footsteps behind the door. Surely she recognized my voice.
The door opened a crack, and Celine peeked out. She seemed overly cautious. What happened? There was no reason for her to be like this.
"Josuke, hi!" She greeted me with a kind smile and a positive light voice.
It was fake. I was sure of it.
"I was just cleaning up after the party, you know, we have school tomorrow and all that. So I'm just gonna go to bed after this." She explained.
I didn't care about that. I had already sent Crazy Diamond as far as he could go into the house to see if Y/N was anywhere there.
It didn't seem like it. Celine was alone, not to mention that her house was a mess just taking a quick look around. Did someone spill the entire punch bowl?
"Must've been some party," I quickly brushed off whatever else Celine must've said. I couldn't pay attention to most of it. My mind was where it always was. With her. "Listen," I continued, wanting to end this as quickly as possible, "is Y/N here with you by any chance? Or did she go home already?"
"Oh Y/N. Yeah... she already went home. She called me when she got back, she said she was fine."
She said she was fine? What are you hiding, my dear Celine. Don't make me hurt you to get it out of you--
"Did something happen?" I asked bluntly.
She pursed her lips, presumably unsure if she wanted to say anything. "To be honest, Josuke... yeah something did happen. I didn't know but... a lot of the girls at the party had planned to use the opportunity to bully Y/N. I couldn't really stop it... I didn't know, I swear." She looked away shamefully.
She seemed incredibly genuine.
Crazy Diamond was behind her, ready to strike if I gave the word... but not today.
"Do you have names? Of the girls that did the bullying, I mean. I just wanna know who they are."
Her eyebrows furrowed, thinking. "I... can't say for sure... it all happened really quickly. Maybe I could remember some of them later, once I've calmed down a bit. I just need some time." She was clearly still distressed.
"Its alright." I tried to comfort her. "But Y/N did go home?"
"Yeah, she called me, like I said."
"Thanks, Celine. I'll check up on her. Have a good night. See you at school." I left her there, quickly turning around, planning to make a beeline for Rohan's house. But not before fixing up Celine's house for her, of course.
What can I say? She seemed like a true friend to Y/N, and I definitely had somewhat of a soft spot for that. As long as she didn't overstep her boundaries, of course. But for now, she could stay around Y/N. It would be temporary, sure. Y/N all to myself is the goal, and I haven't lost sight of that one bit, but I suppose Y/N could have some company until she was ready for that.
So it was back to where I was last night, wasn't it? Back to Rohan's, back to that window on the second floor, the sweet scent of her room. I became flustered, the heat rising in my cheeks as I remembered all of the events of the night before. The urges, the perverse thought, the horniness, the fantasies.
I shook them all off. It wasn't about that right now. It was about making sure that my diamond was just fine. It was about taking care of her needs, whatever they might be, not mine, no matter what might come to my head.
This time she would know I was there. I would announce myself, without fear of being caught by her in the middle of a shameful act. For the first time, I wouldn't have to hide, because all I wanted in this moment was to take care of her when she needed it. A rough night eased by comfort that I could give her. Could I tell her I loved her?
Maybe this was the real love that was in my heart. Could it be? What was this? It felt different.
I reached the house, retracing my steps from the night before to get up to the window, only this time with a completely different intention in my heart. I found myself smiling, I would get to see her again.
I gave a gentle knock at the window, and then peeked in, only to see....
Nothing. Nothing except an empty bed. The light, fluttery feeling in my chest was slowly starting to fade.
I silently opened the window, stepping in. Every breath I took felt so heavy, like a single breath lasting a thousand seconds. Time didn't exist here anymore. Whether I stood there for 1 minute or 100 minutes trying to take in everything made no difference.
Something felt different. Something was different.
A neat bed and clean room, but no Y/N to be found.
I stepped closer and closer to the bed, feeling like every step of mine was being dragged down by heavy weights. Something was waiting there for me wasn't it? Something I can't handle.
Still I stepped ever closer.
And finally there I was. In front of an empty, neat bed. Just like I saw from the window.
Great, right Josuke? She was fine and probably downstairs getting some water, so let's just leave it alone and see her at school tomorrow.
That rational voice begged and begged me.
She wasn't downstairs. I knew she wasn't downstairs. She had gone somewhere.
Something on her bed shined in the moonlight creeping in through the window in that moment, and I bent down to see it.
In that moment, my mind was finally silent at last. Clear.
That voice, completely forgotten... as I stared blankly at the short, pure blond hair I had just taken off her bed.
*Stay Tuned.*