fourtyfive:
_____________________
"It's been awhile, Eunbi... how are you?"
Jay awkwardly asked, looking at Ms.Nam with a soft smile and looking around after to find haru. She doesn't seem to be in the place just yet. Perhaps, he came too early. He gazed at ms. Nam who was just smiling at him the entire time. A mischievous smile. very sly.
"very well. How about you?"
she asked, leaning on the railings next to them and adoring the beauty of the Han River.
"Pretty good... It's nice to see you recovering after..."
"After Yeseul's death. yeah, it's nice."
She sighed, faking a smile. Jay nodded his head and pursed his lips, slowly feeling awkward since it's been awhile since the two of them talked.
He wasn't lying when he said Yeseul wasn't his first love but Jiwon.
Yeseul... was one of the women he used to fling when he was still younger. He was still innocent back then, just want to play with girls for fun. he never really loved her and he told her that. still, Yeseul agreed on a one-sided relationship with him.
With only her loving. The reason why he let her do that?
it was her death wish. she was already bed-ridden at a very young age, observed with stage 3 leukemia. he held her tight until her last breath. Yeseul... was a memorable person. a friend to him.
yes, yeseul died already.
But it wasn't because of him. She never committed suicide. Ms. Nam just want to blame someone for her bestfriend's death.
"I heard your relationship is now complicated.."
Jay froze from his location, hearing Ms. Nam's words. he gazed at her, she's smirking at him as if she knows something.
"Poor little Jay doesn't know how to fix a relationship..."
she whispered, chuckling.
"How.."
he wants to know how did she knew. Did Haru told her? Did someone close to them told her?
"Jeon Haru, The name sounds familiar?"
he began feeling anxious and scared. he walked closer to her, staring at her eyes.
"What did you do to her?"
he asked, on a low tone, A slight hint of warning on his voice.
"What? I didn't do anything to her.." She smiled at him, eventually turning into a chuckle, "Instead, she did something to you." she whispered, making his forehead crease.
"What do you mean by that?" his glare intensifies, holding Eunbi's arm.
Eunbi smiled at him again.
She holds the greatest weapon that will destroy them.
And now, It's the time to tell him.
Jiwon and Haru left her with no choice.
tell him the truth.
The crooked truth.
"50 Million. I didn't know you were worth just that much."
she laughed in ridicule.
"What do you...."
he began to understand everything, he didn't even have to finish his sentence to realize it.
"a deal."
she whispered, antagonizing his mind.
"For Jeon Haru, loving you was just a deal..."
she concealed her laughter seeing how his eyes lose its glow, "It was for 50 million.. As far as I can recall, She only need to make you fall for her, and then break you apart again! funny isn't it? Just like how you are back then..."
she leaned closer to him, whispering something on his ear.
"How's the taste of your own medicine... bitter, ain't it?"
She giggled, removing his frozen hand on her.
"w-why should I believe you? you're only trying to ruin us."
"How I wish I was lying... can't you even realize the obvious? she never really loved you. and she never will. It was all for the money. "
"I don't believe you... you're lying."
"Of course you won't believe me, I know that very well. you're already blinded by your love for her which made it even funnier! She did a great job making you fall really hard.."
she gazed at the woman standing on his back, glaring at her intently.
"How about you ask her yourself?"
Ms. Nam said, taking his arm off her and walking towards Haru. Jay gazed at her direction, seeing her anxious eyes looking at him with nervousness. she was stoned on her position. Ms. Nam walked towards her, smiling.
"Congratulations, Haru. you won."
she told her, walking away.
he eyed her with disbelief, a small sigh escaping his lips as he walked closer towards her.
"Love...."
his voice broke apart, tears started pooling from his eyes.
pain....
tell him it's not true.
lie to him.
Haru.
Haru's
"I missed you..."
he whispered, forcing a smile for me. I didn't expected everything to be like this.
"Jay... I'm sorry.."
I cried, looking down.
"No.. don't-don't apologize.. Tell me she's lying.."
he moved closer, holding my hands tight.
"love.. Tell me she's lying, I'll believe you. please..."
he begged me, his voice breaking down. It was painful for me but i cannot say anything. my mouth won't move.. the only thing I can do is to shake my head.
I can't lie to him anymore. he deserves to know the truth.
Even if it's painful, just how I expected it will be. I'll apologize.
"I'm sorry..I'm sorry.."
I apologized again and again. he shook his head, not wanting to believe me. his mind is totally in chaos and it's painted in his eyes. anger, disappointment, resentment and pain.
Mixed up emotions filled him up until he's sick of it. he broke down.
"Why?! Why do you have to apologize!?! I did everything for you!! I fixed my mistakes, I wanted to be the best for you... Why do you have to do this??!!"
he shouted in pain, tears streaming down from his face. He aggressively wiped his tears, staring at me with resentment.
Do not look at me like that... Jay.
"Why do you have to fix me just to break me again? I was already aching when you came! you fixed me! you healed me and I thought I already found my peace in you because you made me feel that! Did you have your fun, Haru? Making a fool out of me? You won! Why the hell are you crying? I cannot fvcking understand everything!"
Pain is enveloping his words. he is in pain and agony and it just killed me even more.
I looked up, shaking her head. i never won. It was never my intention anymore.
"I-It's not what you think.. Jay-"
"It's clearly what it is, haru! you just played with me! for what? for money? for your own entertainment? stop acting like you're in pain because you're clearly not!"
he yelled in anger, despising me more than anyone. I can't control my emotions anymore. My hands were mad shaking, my lips trembling as well.
"I love you! yes I admit everything started because of that freakin deal but that doesn't mean it was the reason why I loved you! I already forgot bout the deal and was already deciding to cutting it off because I already fell for you! I love you, Jay.. and I'm sorry if i didn't told you everything.. I was scared that this day will eventually come.."
I said sincerely. i should have... I should have done better.
I was too late. I'll never save him again.
he looked at me with a cold expression.
stone cold. his gaze pierced unto my soul as he shake his head.
"How many on the words you said just now are lies, Haru? tell me. "
he said, not wanting to believe me anymore.
I understand.
the pain was already too much for him. I'm sorry, Jay...
"You've been lying to me the whole time, right from the start... how am I supposed to believe everything you just said? Do you still want to continue pretending so you can break me again?"
"you're a liar, a traitor and a good actress..."
he walked passed me. I was just stoned on my location, tears falling from my eyes. before he can even leave, he spoke once again, not even looking at me.
even if I can't meet his gaze, I know how much he loathed me.
"You were such a good actress for acting like you really loved me, and I was a fool to believe everything you did..." he shut his eyes closed, sighing aggravatingly, "Let's end everything here. Do not ruin me again, Haru."
end everything... here?
Can I do that?
he turned towards me, glaring at me with resentment. something she would never expected for him. it was like he loathed her. It pierced through her heart.
That eyes.
"I hate you the most, Haru."
he coldly whispered, walking away and leaving me there, crying.
Why is loving for the both of us.. seems to be so complicated?
Just when I already found my own solace, my own salvation, my own home..
everything will eventually be taken away from me.
twice painful, thrice agonizing.
I'm sorry if loving me was painful, jay. I'm sorry if loving me means hurting you.
I love you, My peace. I'm sorry if i'm painful to love.
_____________________
updateeeee!! so yeah, i have no classes today so I updated! Also it's our dear hoonie's birthdaaaaay!!! Next update might be this friday... or not. hshshshs bye bye! take care! that's all, chuu~
Badly wanna publish professional seducer's first chapter tpday for our boy hoonie's birthday but naaah
I feel like we are not yet ready for Seducer. Just by looking at their moments here, hshshshs