Even though Ashwin was facing the other side he was able to feel the set of piercing eyes on his back. Before entering the kitchen, he stopped and turned towards them.
Sivaangi was sitting on the single seater of the sofa which showed only her profile to Ashwin whereas Akash was sitting on the three seater facing Ashwin directly with Nethra and Mithra on either side of him, busy looking at the bag of confectionaries he had bought them.
"Nethra ma, Mithra ma, Appa kooda vaanga, let Uncle and amma talk at peace" said Ashwin giving an extra stress to the words 'Appa' and 'Uncle' looking into Akash's eyes.
The slight flicker in Akash's eyes was all he needed to see to confirm his doubts.
Nethra and Mithra immediately kept the bag on the sofa and ran towards their father. Ashwin lifted both of them while his eyes stayed fixated on Akash sending slight chills through him.
He stared at him for few more seconds and moved towards the rest room carrying both in his hands
"Thanks Akash for coming immediately, nallavela his fever is gone now and hopefully it doesn't come back, but yesterday fully his status was horrible that it scared me, that is why I called you" said Sivaangi apologetically.
"That is ok, but what is it Sivaangi? are you both living together now?" asked Akash with little disgust
Sivaangi who was extremely exhausted did not notice that in his tone.
"Illa Akash, nethu dhaan he came here, because it will be easy for me to take care of him, actually he was against it at first" justified Sivaangi
"Adhellaam summa nadichirpaan appo dhaane nee kenji kootitu vandhirppa" murmured Akash silently.
"Ennadhu? enna munu munukara Akash, sathama sollu" asked Sivaangi
"Illa, feels like you are giving him too much space than he deserves" said Akash now his anger evident in his tone.
"Mind your words Akash, who are you to decide what he deserves and what not? " replied Sivaangi with the same amount of anger.
"Who am I to decide? are you seriously asking that question to me Sivaangi?" asked Akash very much hurt.
"Let us see, I am the one whom you came crying to when he ditched you after getting you pregnant, I am the one who bought you safely to SG, I am the one who got you your current job, I am the one who accompanied you to your doctor visits when your parents were unavailable, I am the one who gave the shoulder to cry on every time you broke down, I am the one who gave you the assurance when you felt the whole world is ending, finally I was the one who held Nethra and Mithra first when they bought them out of the delivery room. Even after that I have been there for them and you every step of the way and now that he is here, you have the nerve and audacity to ask who I am right? " Akash literally burst out all his pent up anger.
Sivaangi looked at him frozen, like she was slapped on her face
"I am sorry Sivaangi but did you forget that he is the reason for everything that happened to you?" asked Akash
"No Akash, I am the reason for everything that happened to me, but that is none of your business, now thank you for coming, I don't want to shout at you and erase the beautiful friendship we had all these years. As you clearly listed out, yes you have done so much for me, you have been my pillar of support, my go to person all these years and so I am willing to give you one free pass and forget today happened, using it or not using it is up to you. But know this, Ashwin is part of my life, if you want me in your life, then you should be willing to accept him too" said Sivaangi sternly looking into Akash's eyes.
"Also, I am extremely sorry if you felt in anyways that I had used you or taken advantage of you, that was never my intention. You have always been my good friend and will forever have a place in my heart and in my life as a friend regardless of what you think about me" she added as calmly as possible.
Akash felt like he had been given thousand slashes.
"Cha ivalo assault ah embarrass pannitaale" he thought and left the house silently.
Sivaangi moved to the three seater sofa and lied down on her stomach, her body started shaking subtly indicating that she was crying.
Ashwin who was there in the rest room helping the girls to brush their teeth and finish their morning duties did not hear anything that happened between them.
Sivaangi got up suddenly and wiped her face not wanting to let Ashwin know what happened there, especially now, when he is still recovering.
"Enga un friend poitaara? " asked Ashwin seeing that she was sitting alone.
"Aamam, he said he had some urgent work to do" replied Sivaangi looking at the floor
"Ennachu Sivaangi edhavadhu problem ah? " asked Ashwin with lot of concern in his voice.
"Cha cha adhellaam illa, vaanga edhavadhu break fast pannalaam, kids are already hungry and you also need to take the next dose of tablet" replied Sivaangi and started moving towards the kitchen trying to change the topic
Even though unconvinced Ashwin followed her silently.
The rest of the day went uneventful, Ashwin became tired just by helping her to make breakfast that he spent most of the day sleeping and rejuvenating himself. Even though no fever, he was completely drained.
Sivaangi came tip toeing inside the kids room
"Thoongitaangala?" she mouthed looking at the kids who were lying on either side of Ashwin on his shoulder curve sandwiching him perfectly in the middle.
Ashwin smiled at her and nodded his head as yes.
"Appo medhuva ezhundhu vaanga" she whispered.
Ashwin hesitated for a moment, but his hands started sleeping along with his kids and his back too started aching due to tiredness and because of staying in the same position for an hour.
He slowly moved them down to the pillow from his hand delicately and got down from the bed as slowly as possible.
But the kids who were accustomed to sleeping alone and to the habit of their mother tip toeing out like this every day after putting them to sleep, didn't bother much, they stirred a bit and went back to sleep.
"Nee poi paduthuko ma, I have slept the whole day that I don't feel sleepy" said Ashwin sitting on the sofa and switched on the TV.
"Illa enakkum thookam varala" she said sitting next to him.
Both of them randomly watched something but their mind was clearly else where.
Finally Ashwin took a deep breath and turned towards her.
"Something is bothering me, I am not sure how to ask without hurting you, but I think it is better to ask and get it clarified than assuming, I feel" Ashwin said looking at her
As though she expected this, she gave him a dry smile and nodded her head as an yes encouraging him to ask
"Does Akash have feelings for you? " he asked
"I think so, I didn't realize it until today, but off late he had been behaving quite weirdly" she replied in a blank tone without showing any emotion.
Ashwin nodded his head, but hesitated a bit before asking the next question, nevertheless he had to know the answer so he swallowed hard and went ahead.
"Is it mutual? Did I come in between, confused you and stopped you from moving on? " he asked his face showing all sort of emotions.
Sivaangi didn't reply immediately. She thought for a while and then replied
"Akash is an important person in my life Ashwin, he had been there for me during my most vulnerable times, as for whether I have feelings for him , I do respect him and admire him a lot, but beyond that I never felt anything for him and I never tried to move on from you, because I knew if I did, I would only fail"
Ashwin's face cleared a bit hearing that but still he had so much questions.
"Is this the same Akash who was your point of contact when you came here before? May I know what he did to deserve such a high place in your life? I can understand that he helped you to move to SG, is that all? " Ashwin asked hoping she would answer and not shut him down.
Sivaangi again did not reply immediately, she continued to stare at the TV screen where some random 80's movies was getting played.
"To know why he is so much important to me, you need to know everything that happened in my life after you left." She took a deep breath and continued
"It took me four to five days to come to terms, that you really meant when you said you didn't love me any more and had really left me. So finally, I stopped calling you. After that the only thought in my mind was pregnancy. After lot of hesitation with no other choice, I told my parents, thankfully even though they were disappointed in me, they did not show it via words or actions. They took me to our family doctor who took care of amma's delivery too. After the check up we came to know that I was pregnant with twins and I was already 60 days + (2 months +) long"
Ashwin listened to her intently even though his stomach started knitting into knots.
I thought I had time Ashwin, but having twins changed things, my body already started showing changes. I didn't want to become a media circus, so I decided to finish all my commitments within a month and then recluse myself into solitary until delivery. It all went smooth until the day of your return, the day you had told me you will be returning back from London"
"But my shooting got delayed by 3 days and I came after that only" interrupted Ashwin
"Oh! " she replied thinking
"But I didn't know that then, being the stupid impulsive idiot I had always been, I waited at the arrival for one whole day not wanting to miss you in case your flight got delayed or came early" she said tears dropping down her eyes clearly showing that her mind is replaying that day for her
Ashwin took her hand in his but she removed it slowly.
"When I didn't see you, my pregnancy hormone ridden mind started thinking worst possible scenarios and it confirmed that you have removed me from your life completely"
"Please Sivaangi Ma, Yes I was angry but I can never remove you from my life" he interrupted but Sivaangi continued like he never talked
"Don't know what caused it, may be the continuous physical and mental stress, lack of proper nutrition, added with standing at the arrival continuously for hours together, the moment I reached home I started bleeding."
"My parents took me to the doctor immediately and thanks to modern medicine they were able to stop the abortion and save the babies but I was put on bed rest" she continued
"Bed rest means complete bed rest Ashwin, cannot get up even for rest room breaks, everything had to be done in the bed pan, do you know how embarrassing that is for a physically strong and abled person?"
"Thankfully the doctor made all my nurses and attenders to sign a NDA (Non disclosure agreement) so that the news did not leak outside, we took a suite at the hospital and my parents too locked our house and shifted along with me to avoid travelling in secret and save me from media frenzy.
"But all these did not stop the nurses and attenders from judging me and mishandling me. I was a 23 year old girl Ashwin, whose maximum tension was which pizza flavor to order but what I faced that time was excruciating. Every time an attender or nurse came to check whether I was bleeding, really, avalo shy ah irukkum, if I hesitate a bit to open my legs, immediately they will jab with a remark saying something along the lines of if I had shown a bit of this shyness and hesitation before doing the deed I wouldn't be in this position, hurting me every single time where it pained the most. "
"Then there was this speculation of who the father might be, they would discuss every single man I had worked with right in front of me and my parents and each one would debate why it is the guy they are suggesting and finally come to the conclusion that I myself didn't know. These words didn't bother me much, but to the parents who gave ultimate freedom to their daughter, it broke them down." she said now tears flowing down her eyes uncontrollably.
Ashwin looked at her helplessly his eyes too filled with tears not knowing what to do.
"I decided I cannot deliver in India, but I didn't know where else to go or what else to do, that is when I got a call from Akash and I took it as a sign from the universe as to what I should do next. He had called me for another guest lecture, as my previous one turned out to be a hit. I asked him whether I could get a permanent post, and if it is possible as soon as possible"
"He didn't ask me a single question Ashwin, he immediately did everything I asked and the moment I completed 20 weeks and got stabilized a bit medically, I moved to SG."
"Even after that I faced a lot especially financially, the cost of living here is so high that all my savings went in settling down here, after that my parents pitched in but there is only so much they could also do, Akash came to my rescue again, actually even though I repaid him later he was the one who even paid for my delivery, he made sure I kept all my pre natal appointments, he got me a substitute lecturer position initially, helped in processing of my employment visa, arranging for my parents visa and visits every single time, taking care of the babies whenever required, everything he did wholeheartedly, I almost owe my life to him, that is why he will always be an important person in my life" she finished looking at Ashwin who looked as pale as a white sheet.
"Even though I knew I was the main reason for our separation, everything I went through got converted as an anger towards you, like every single time I missed you it turned into anger, every single time some one insulted me it turned into anger, every single emotion I had for you got converted into anger so much that I almost forgot my involvement in our separation" she said with a dry chuckle.
"Now I know what I did that day was wrong, but I would have not done it if I had known Mika's feelings for you, or may be I still would have, I don't know, because I was an idiotic impulsive stupid girl then, that is what made me do such a cruel prank, made me come and stand at the arrival for 12 hours, while carrying twins without even knowing whether you will be coming that day or not and lastly made me sleep with you, completely forgetting about safe sex and usage of protection." She said getting up.
Ashwin too got up along with her, silently moved towards her room and came back with his bag.
"Enga poreenga?" She asked
"Even if you forgive me, I don't think I can forgive myself Sivaangi, so I am leaving" he said looking at the ground
"So ivalo kadha kettu still thirundhala, prachanai vandhuchuna first solution always odradhudhaana ungalukku?" She asked with a smile.
He looked at her confused. "ada inga vaa Ashwineyy" she said pulling him back to the sofa.
" I did not say any of this to make you feel guilty Ashwin, I started it to say why Akash is important in my life and I just got carried away, after seeing you now with Nethra and Mithra I know how good of a father you would have been if you would have known, but things had happened and nothing can change that, but from now on you will be part of their life as well as mine, but I am still reeling with old scars and I need some more time to accept you wholeheartedly, engayum odi pogaama adhu mattum enakku kudu Ashwin nee, that is all I am asking" she said leaning on his shoulder.
Author's note:
Hello Hello! New chapter here!!!
Again a bit emotional one, but this needs to be told, so that Sivaangi's anger towards Ashwin gets justified to some extent.
So what do you guys think? liked it? no.... ?
Let me know you thoughts via comments and you love via votes.
Love,
DV