046
tw: just a heads up! this chapter will be bringing up issues with weight loss
and touching on the subjects of body
image, proceed with caution. thank
you, and enjoy reading!
After all the milling and searching around Devora and Jungkook did to find those battery-operated lamps, they were able to ultimately get their date started.
It was initially planned that they were going to eat at a restaurant together, but a major change of events occurred once they saw that the winds and thunderstorms made a perilous mixture.
She didn't mind staying in with him.
Sure, she was looking forward to having a nice meal with Jungkook, but staying in was for the better.
Devora could use some relaxation and conversations with him, anyway.
They did it over the phone as often as possible, but it was different in person.
Devora's fear of being alone in the dark dissipated over time, mostly because Jungkook being there made it better.
Sitting down with him and having a chat was something so beyond therapeutic for Devora. She never would have guessed that anybody could unfurl that entangled pressure in her gut.
Even a simple gaze from his jet-black eyes had her happiness burgeoning, a fiery passion taking over the knots in her stomach.
Burning up into her throat, her words stumbling over one another, inebriated by the smokey mess he unequivocally caused.
"Rain is okay, sometimes it can be relaxing." Devora mumbled, the ends of her hair sliding through her fingers. "When it's calm and not windy. I enjoy it more when my power stays on."
"I really enjoy the rain, cold weather is my favorite." Jungkook added to her statement. "I like wearing bigger and warmer clothes, and winter is perfect for it."
Devora was laid down on a small portion of the couch, she kept her feet tucked under Jungkook's legs to keep them warm, too comfortable to get up and put some socks on.
She did end up changing out of that small dress, putting on some shorts and an old T-shirt from college to keep her snug. Her hands rubbed against the side of her arms to spark up some heat.
Jungkook must've noticed her feeble attempt to try and keep herself warm being that he got up from the couch to retrieve his large leather jacket.
Devora sat up, arms still wrapped over her body. "Oh, Jungkook you don't have to- I mean I literally have blankets here-"
"Shh, it's okay. You can just wear mine. It had cloth inside, it'll keep you warm, see?" He bestowed her the warm fleece inside the coat, opening it up for her.
He was overly considerate, waiting for her to use his jacket with a welcoming smile touching upon his serene features.
She gave in, enveloping her arms inside the armholes of the sweater.
Laughing at herself when her arms couldn't even reach the ends of the sleeves, too long for her to wear properly.
Jungkook chuckled once she turned to him, presenting herself in her new and improved outfit.
"You look warmer now." He said, wandering back to his seat on the couch. "Come, sit." His arm was sprawled over the couch, waiting for her body to fasten itself to his.
Devora took up on his kind proposition, plopping herself right beside him.
A small space to keep them at a perfect distance, turning her body to face him for any conversations.
Through all the moving and shifting she was doing to get herself comfortable, part of her shirt had folded up, making a small portion of her lower abdomen expose itself.
It went unattended to Devora, sitting on her knees, and folding her legs to the opposite side.
Jungkook reached his hand over to where her shirt remained folded, pulling it down for her out of courtesy.
Staring at something that wasn't meant to be revealed was wrong, and he knew Devora wouldn't want him to look at places she preferred to keep concealed.
"Your shirt was up." He pulled the part down, drawing his hand back to his thigh.
Devora immediately gasped, her arms enclosing the area that was displayed. "That's so embarrassing. I'm sorry." Shutting her eyes out of mortification.
His expression was soaked with ambiguity fixing his slumped posture. "What do you mean? It's nothing to get all apologetic about."
"It's just. Ugh, I hate them so much."
Her indecipherable response didn't give him much context. She hated what? He didn't see anything that was on her stomach to make her react that way.
Shaking his head. "Wait, what do you mean? Hate what?"
Her shoulders withered, sighing. "I- no, it's nothing. If you didn't see anything, then I'm not gonna bring it up."
Jungkook knew of her former conflicts with food, and how she used to stress eat when she was a child. However, he had yet to find out about her weight problems from those times.
She never told him about all her failed attempts to get on a diet, to settle on a number that she was satisfied to see when she stepped on the scale.
Never content with the measurements of her waist whenever she wrapped ribbon around parts of her body.
Devora struggled to lose weight all through high school— finding the perfect lifestyle for herself didn't come until her last year of high school.
Due to the weight she quickly dropped — and the larger figure she had — stretch marks had formed in certain locations on her body.
Some were creased on her inner thighs, and some even traced sideways on her butt.
Those were never of much concern to her.
The ones that genuinely troubled her were the ones on her lower abdomen and the sides of her hips that rooted upwards.
She never spoke about them to anyone, nobody she ever knew related to her problem.
Everyone had perfect weight, slim and skinny. How could they relate to a problem like stretch marks?
Devora hadn't recognized how quiet she had become, a painstaking expression assembled on her appearance as she pondered quietly to herself.
Jungkook grabbed her hand, practically hauling her out of the vortex of concepts that she had unknowingly entered.
"Hey, remember, you can tell me anything." His body now facing hers, eyes begging for some sort of information.
How was he supposed to make it better if he didn't know the source of her predicaments?
Devora looked at their holding hands, squeezing him for support. "Right. It's just... I never really told you about how I really was back then."
"How you really were?" Jungkook repeated, confused.
"I used to stress eat, yes. But, I was also overweight." She sighed, letting go of all her bottled-up feelings. "It was bad, I could never eat in public places, terrified that somebody would say something to me, or scold my parents."
She told him more about the issues she faced when she was younger, the insults and criticism she had to endure in middle school, and half her years of high school.
How almost nobody knew her, and once she began to lose weight for herself — guys from middle school would compliment her. They would act as though everything they had put her through were mere jokes, and just children being children.
She told him how at some point weight loss was always on her mind. How she had to weigh one twenty, or she would still be considered bigger even if it was off just by a couple of numbers.
Of course, after many years of dealing with it all, she apprehended what truly mattered.
Surviving off salads wasn't the lifestyle she wanted, and how patronizing it was to obsess over numbers the scales labeled her as.
These were challenging sentiments to speak upon.
And the only person she ever talked to was gone.
Devora was handing Jungkook a side of herself that she never revealed to anyone.
A side of herself that she embedded deep inside a box of untouched recollections and sentiments.
"I know how hard it is for you to tell me these things. I'm beyond grateful that you trust me with something like this." His eyes never left hers. "But, I just wanna say that you going through this wouldn't ever change how I feel about you."
"You have stretch marks, guess what? I don't mind, I like you for you. I don't pick and choose the things I like you for. You're amazing, and anything different you try to change about yourself out of hatred is when you need to stop and take a minute to appreciate yourself."
Her glowering lips struggled, breaking themselves into a smile. "I- thank you. It's difficult to find some things to like about myself sometimes."
"But nobody said it would be easy. Believe me, sometimes I can't find good things about myself, either." He told her honestly.
That propelled her into obscurity.
He couldn't find anything good about himself?
There were countless wondrous traits that he had.
"I can name a million amazing traits you have." Devora clarified. "You're such a kind person with a big heart. That's one." Fixing her hand above his shoulder.
"And you have a flourishing personality, growing from the good and bad." He grabbed her hand that went on his shoulder, putting it up to his lips.
Her breath was captured in the fire that kindled in her chest, his silky lips outlining the ridged lines of her knuckles.
"Devora." His delicate voice rippled against her ears.
"I don't care that you have stretch marks. They're part of you, and I like you." His hand traced to the side of her covered stomach, pinpointing the area where they were located. "And since I like you, that means I like everything that comes with you."
His hands latched over her hips, pulling her body closer to him, her legs straddled his lap.
Her hands remained on his shoulders, heart pounding in destruction from how close their bodies were.
Their bodies nestled in specific areas, touching chest to chest, and pelvic area.
His hands were kept on the area of her stretch marks, his hands kept warm inside the large jacket she wore, squeezing onto the side of her shorts.
"I like everything about you, too." Her hands inched up to his cheeks, her pinky stayed at the rims of his sharp jaw, his cheekbone sitting perfectly in the palm of her hand.
His supple lips kissed the center of her wrist. Keeping his doe eyes low on her steaming face in the process of showering her hand with kisses.
"I just... I have to know." She kept his face in direction with hers, not wanting him to look away. "I like you, and you like me."
He nodded, placing his hand above hers.
"Then, what are we? I don't think I can just stay friends with you. I don't want to." Devora admitted, ignoring the flutter that clustered her chest. "Not after this, not after all the moments that we shared with each other."
His hands moved from her hips to her lower back, rubbing his chilling hands over her warm body.
He dawdled his hands over the side of her thigh, following the bumps of her curves, capturing the true form of her body.
His hand grabbed her upper thigh, feeling her vanish against his captivating touch, like butter bleeding its oils above a sweltering pan.
"You're my girlfriend." He elucidated. "And I'm your boyfriend."
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