I ᗯᗩKE ᑌᑭ ᗩᑎᗪ ᖴEEᒪ for Amelia, but she is no longer in my arms. I get a sudden pang of panic. My eyes fly open, but I relax as I look across the bed. Amelia is huddled up next to the Darkling. His arm is wrapped around Amelia's tiny frame. I lay there and smile at the two resting peacefully together.
The Darkling's eyes flutter and eventually open. He looks at me, wondering why I am smiling. He shifts his arm a bit and realizes that he is holding Amelia. Aleksander understands and glances back up at me. My grin becomes wider and he raises a brow as a silent communicator. I can hear the conversation in my head.
'You two look adorable.'
'How do I get out of this?'
'You can't.'
As we lay there, I start to get a peculiar sensation. I feel more than just absoluteness. For the first time in a very long while, I feel satisfied. I don't have to worry about saving thousands of lives or fighting the Darkling. I am not running for my life like so much of my past has been occupied by. At this moment, everyone is safe and calm. The Darkling senses my contentment and gives a small grin.
Amelia stirs and turns. The Darkling takes the opportunity to remove his arm from her and whispers, "sorry, little one. I have to get up."
Amelia whines in a half-asleep state, "can't you both stay for a while longer."
"No, unfortunately. Us grown-ups have too many responsibilities to stay in bed all day."
"I'll just stay a kid forever then," Amelia mumbles at the Darkling into the pillow.
"I have found that staying young forever only brings more obligations."
Amelia looks up at the Darkling with scrunched eyebrows. "I don't know what ogglibations are, but I don't like them very much," she responds before pulling the covers to her chin. I smile at her mispronunciation.
"Alina needs to attend to her ogglibations as well." The Darkling looks down at my figure buried deep under the warm blankets. I groan even though he is right.
I help Amelia climb out of the tall bed and she goes back to her room to get ready for training. I put on my intricate, black kefta and attend the morning meetings with Aleksander. We debate the ongoing crisis with Fjerda and their drüskelle.
The argument is beginning to get heated. One of the Darkling's highest-ranking Grisha growls, "We need to stop drüskeller before they get near our Grisha. They are smuggling and killing them right under our noses! They need to be stopped."
"We should be more concerned about the Shu Han," a first army Oprichnik states firmly. "They are threatening to close more trading routes and more riots are forming down South. Our enemies are upset that we now have two rulers who are Grisha. They fear the Fold will expand now with the Sun Summoner and Shadow Summoner's union"
I pitch in with a diplomatic, sure voice, "then we just assure them that the Fold will not grow over the current boundaries."
"We cannot assure that," the Darkling looks at me. I stare at him in disbelief. He continues to say, "we cannot assure their safety until they stop smuggling Grisha across the borders."
The Oprichnik yells in frustration, "Let them smuggle Grisha. Our country will run without them, but the economy will fail without trade routes." The room goes quiet. The man realizes that he slipped up, but it is too late. Shadows bleed into the room in sharp, black streams. The room remains deathly still. No one dares move a muscle.
"Aleksander," I warn. He ignores me.
His unpleasant tone cuts through the dreadful silence. "Let them smuggle Grisha," he says as if it was an unfamiliar phrase on his tongue. "Let them... kill our strongest defense and best warriors, you say? Let them continue to do what they have been doing," the volume of his voice suddenly raises tenfold. "for HUNDREDS of years!"
The tentacles of shadows slither around the shaking Oprichnik. The man struggles as the shadows grow tighter. I try to get the Darkling to stop, but then I hear a sickening snap. The man's body crumples to the floor. I gasp and turn away trying not to vomit.
"Let this be a lesson," the Darkling announces. "Grisha will not continue to be persecuted as long as I rule over Ravka. Anyone who disagrees can join him," he gestures to the Oprichnik. All of the Grisha cheer while other representatives cower in terror.
I am enraged as I look at the Darkling. The man may have been in the wrong, but there was no need for him to die so brutally just to be made an example of.
I walk up to the Darkling and whisper in his ear, "that is a bold statement to threaten our enemies with the Fold considering you will not have a Sun Summoner to guide you through it."
I turn to leave, but the Darkling grabs my arm and pulls me back. The Grisha comtinue to cheer, not realizing that our argument is about to get heated. Aleksander says in a low voice, "you will accompany me into the Shadow Fold if and when we need to."
"You have no bargaining chips left to use!" I cry. The Grisha have stopped cheering as they realize what is happening. "You killed Mal and turned Nikolai into a flesh-eating beast. I will not go back to the Fold unless it is to destroy it."
"Then I'll chain you to the deck if I have to. If our enemies do not stop bringing harm to my Grisha, the Unsea will expand whether you want it to or not."
"It is not about the Grisha anymore. You would expand the Fold if Fjerda and the Shu were our strongest allies. Do you know why?" I yank my arm out of his grip. "It is because you want people to see your power. You want them to fear you because you are a greedy, selfish man with no humanity left." I storm out of the room.
I stroll down the hall to cool down. What I said in there was not entirely true. This morning, I witnessed Aleksander's humanity. I can still see his crooked smile as he holds Amelia in his arms.
I sigh as I remember that I have three more meetings to attend today. Before I move on to the next gathering, I go back to the bedroom for a minute. My head is pulsing from the intensity of the past hour.
Traveling across the room to lay down on our bed, I pass the Darkling's desk. There are documents scattered on the mahogany surface. I look down at the papers and keep walking, however, I backtrack when I glimpse the word "firebird" on a paper addressed to him. Slowly, I pick up the parchment and it reads:
Moi tsar,
We have gathered all available tracking units of the first army. All supplies and weapons are prepared to make camp as needed. The army has reviewed and is confident in the quantity of rations sent. Food has been taken into account for a three-week trek. At your command, we are prepared to travel to the arch in search of the Firebird within the week.
Command Sargent Major, Alexei Sidorov
I stare at the letter in disbelief. The Darkling has Ravka at his fingertips, yet he is still searching for more power. The worst part is my glimmer of hope that the Firebird is within reach. This must have been what Ivan told him that night to make him so happy. But that same night, I felt his sorrow about finding the Firebird as well. Why? Did he plan on binding us together yet again with the third amplifier, or does he have something more sinister planned?
"You should not be interfering with anything on my desk." I gasp and whip around. The Darkling is standing close behind me.
"What is this?" I hold up the letter.
"That is confidential information for me to worry about, not you."
"Is it?" I question as I step closer, finding confidence from an unknown source. "If you do find the Firebird, are you going to claim the amplification for yourself, or are you going to use me again to satisfy your craving for power."
"Oh please," he grumbles. "Don't act like you have not wanted the third amplifier from the minute you claimed the sea whip.
My breathe hitches. I recognize that he is right, even if I do not want to admit it. I have drempt of the third amplifier. I want the intoxicating power that it could give me. However, I know I cannot have it. It would tear away the one thing I have left. My compassion. Greed would take over my goal to save the innocent lives caught in the crossfire of our desire for more control. I am not sure if I would stop the Darkling from consuming cities and countries with the Fold. Not if it makes me feel powerful as well.
"Of course I want it. We all want the fictitious symbol that appears in all Ravkan myths to be true."
"You want it for the power, Alina. Do not lie to me. I want to get the Firebird for you so that we might rule as equals." His voice gets softer.
"We are equals, moi tsar."
Without warning, shadows snake up my legs and arms, preventing me from shuddering away. The Darkling steps closer with a menacing smile.
"We may be equals in court, but I still have centuries of practice compared to you, moya tsaritsa." He places a hand on my cheek. "I will find the third amplifier for you, Alina. You will wear it with me while we enter the Fold to engulf Fjerda."
"No," I cry. "You will be killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people!"
He has leaned in close to me now. I can see my reflection in his cruel, grey eyes. "None of them are without guilt. They all stand by and watch the Grisha be tortured and killed and experimented on like a sick science project. What do you think they would do to a Sun Summoner if they got ahold of one, hm? I'll tell you exactly what they would do." He pauses. I feel his warm breath on my skin as he speaks. "They would cut you open to see if saints bleed. They would flay you until nothing remains and have analyzed your insides while you gasp for air on their examination table."
"No!" I yell shakily. I try to move away from him, but the shadows remain tight against my skin.
"I am doing this to protect you, Alina. We need to kill them first before they slaughter us." He places a soft kiss on my trembling lips. The shadows fade back into the air. He goes to pull me closer, but I separate myself from him and tremble over to the bed.
"Leave me," I plead wearily.
He stands here for a minute. When I begin to believe he will never leave, he slinks away towards the door. "I'll inform the Economic Development Committee that the Queen is not feeling well enough to attend their consultation." I do not respond but am grateful that I can relax for a few hours.
After lying down on the bed, I begin to feel myself fall into the grasp of sleep. It pulls me deeper into the shadows until my entire body relaxes and I am no longer in my bed. I am in the Shadow Fold. Not this again... Any dream but this one.
I am alone in the deathly still Unsea. Just as it happens every night, I call out and no one answers until I turn around. There he is. Mal stands in front of me with his middle displaying an open gash extending across his stomach.
This is always the part of the dream where he speaks to me, but no words come out of his mouth. I try to understand what he says, but it is no use. This time, however, the dream has changed. He walks up to me, leans his forehead against mine, and cups my cheeks with his palms. It feels so real. I perceive the warmth of his skin on mine. I never want him to let go. I miss his touch so much that it hurts when I am reminded of what I have lost.
I open my eyes and find myself back in Keramzin. The smell of the air is just as I remember.
"Come on!" Mal says running around the corner of the hallway inside the orphanage. I take his hand and he leads me outside. The sky is a beautiful array of colors. The sunset is at its peak of vibrance before it fades to stars. We run out in the field of wheat and up a hill to watch the sun disappear behind the horizon.
After a few minutes of laying together in the grass, I tell him, "I know this memory. This is where you promised you would never leave me. Why did you bring me here?"
"Even if you fall in love with the Darkling, I want you to remember me. I want you to remember us."
"I will always remember you, Mal. Always." I pause. "Also, I am not in love with the Darkling."
He looks at me with a pained smile. "All I'm saying is that I am okay with it if you do have feelings for him. I want you to move on."
"I-I don't understand what I feel," I admit. Tears start to form in my eyes.
"I know," Mal replies
"I just lost you. I lost my friends; I can't see Nikolai... What do I do?" I ask him as the tears roll down my face.
"Be who you were meant to be."
"I don't know who or what I am supposed to be anymore!" I sob.
Mal calmly says, "deep down you know who you are. You are the people's savior. You are their true Saint fighting on the side of good, whatever that may be." I look at him in disbelief. He was never one to call me a Saint before now. "It is time for me to go, Alina."
"No, please. I want you to stay," I plead.
"That is not how this works. Alina, there is something else." His expression turns grim.
"What is it?" I ask concerned.
I gasp when he grabs my wrists suddenly. There is a shock of electricity that surges through me. We are back in the Shadow Fold.
"Let go of your fear, Alina. You know what you have to do."
"I don't know what you mean!" I cry. Then the Fold disappears along with Mal. I gasp with a sharp inhale as I wake up. I can still feel his hands wrapped around my wrists, the energy flowing between us.
"Alina!" I hear the Darkling yelling. Quickly, I realize why. My skin is glowing a radiant white. Sunlight surrounds me in an orb of unbridled power, lighting up the bedroom like a lantern. There is no support underneath me and I slightly comprehend that I am floating a foot above the mattress before I fall back down.
"Pull it back!" The Darkling demands of me.
I use all of my strength to retract the pure sunlight filtering out of me. The blinding light fades slowly back into the dark room. I am shaking from holding back the power trying to escape. I eventually feel it settle within me, like a beast laying down for a temporary slumber, and I relax.
I vaguely register the Darkling holding me in his arms. I feel the coolness of black leather gloves over his hands and realize that it is so that he does not amplify me with his touch. All I can do is tremble and sob while he strokes my hair to calm me down. I do not understand what happened. Was it truly just a dream? He says nothing, but I can see the fear in his eyes.
Aleksander sits with me and clutches me tightly until I fall asleep in his arms. I fear another dream will come, but my mind is too fatigued to dream. My rest is dark and quiet and beautiful.
'I've seen what you truly are and I've never turned away.'
'I never will.'
Will the Darkling still say the same now or does he fear me; my unknown surge of power. I fear myself, so why wouldn't he? Maybe he will turn away, realizing that I am not what he wanted. Then I would truly be alone...