“Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all, but lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall. Lend me your eyes I can change what you see, but your soul you must keep, totally free.”
Those were my favorite lyrics in the entire universe after I realized how much they resembled my relationship with Zach. It just made dancing along to them that much more enjoyable, and this time I wasn’t as nervous. It was the last of my performances that Zach would ever see, so even though I knew it’d have to be perfect, I was confident after practicing it so much. And it was perfect. When it was finished and all the roses had been thrown, Alexa came up on stage and, using her headpiece, made an announcement to the entire audience.
“Please congratulate Layne Davis for being the only junior in Dance Workshop to ever complete three solo dances in one year. You’re performances were amazing, Layne, and I look forward to working with you next year,” she said to everyone while keeping her eyes locked with mine. A big smile appeared across my lips as I gracefully walked towards her with open arms and engulfed her in a giant hug. When the crowd was finished with their applause, I walked offstage with Alexa, ignoring the glares shot at me from the other senior dancers. I understood why they were angry with me. I mean, I wouldn’t want a sophomore to steal my limelight, but I guess since I was the thief in this situation it was okay to flaunt what I had.
“Well,” I heard a voice say from behind me. I spun around to see Zach and my smile immediately got three times bigger…if that was even possible.
“Damn,” he finished, his eyes wide. “It was perfect.”
“I know,” I shrugged, walking past him to get my bag.
“When did you get so full of yourself?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“When I decided my dance had to be absolutely flawless if I wanted to impress you,” I said, making him blush a little.
“You’re always flawless to me,” he said softly, kissing my cheek as we walked out towards campus. “Let me carry your bag.”
Ever since Zach and I had gotten back together, he’d been extremely nice to me; offering to do things for me, taking me out, spending lots of time with me, etc. His excuse was that he wanted to be the best boyfriend ever after hurting me so badly, so I obviously didn’t argue. I handed him my bag and thanked him as we silently walked towards cottage. The tension was unbearable. It was our last day together before graduation and we weren’t even talking. I knew it was because we were both feeling bittersweet, but I didn’t like it.
“Zach,” I said suddenly, my voice breaking the unbearable silence.
“Yeah?”
“Just…” I started, taking a deep breath. “Just fucking kiss me already.”
So, in the middle of campus, surrounded by parents that had flown from all over for graduation, Zach dropped my bag and put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me like it was the last day on earth. Then, someone clearing his or her throat interrupted us. I turned my head easily away from Zach, expecting to see one of my friends, but then was shocked to fond Mike, my mom, and my dad standing there with a bouquet of flowers.
“What the fuck are you doing with this dick again?” my brother sneered, making my mom frown.
“I trusted you with my daughter,” my dad spat, pointing at Zach.
“Oh, Layne,” my mother whispered in disappointment.
“Calm down!” I said to all of them. “Please. He apologized to me.”
“So, what for?” Mike asked Zach, “So you could get some before you graduate? She’s my little sister, man. What the fuck?”
Zach looked down, pain clear across his face, making my heart break into a million tiny pieces.
“Please!” I shouted at my family, protectively throwing my arms around Zach. “All of you. This was my choice.”
“What the hell kind of a choice is that?” my dad spat in my face. “Date a boy who used you and broke your heart after he left you and then suddenly get back together with him before he graduated? You know better than that, Layne. Jesus.”
“See?” Zach muttered. “This is exactly what I didn’t want.”
“And it’s all about what you want, isn’t it?” Mike growled in Zach’s face.
“I broke up with her because I didn’t want to hurt her before I left. It was going to happen either way,” Zach said.
“But now it’s going to happen twice,” my mom whispered, making Zach cringe.
“And now you’re all making it a hundred times worse!” I cried, a tear falling down my cheek.
“Oh and, thanks for the flowers,” I snapped, grabbing the flowers out of my mothers’ hands. “It’s been a pleasure.”
With that, I turned on my heel and sprinted towards my room, tears falling down my cheeks. Why couldn’t everybody just get along? This was our last day together, for crying out loud! I swear, they all wanted to make my life miserable.
“Ugh!” I groaned, throwing the flowers to the ground when I entered my room.
I immediately stripped off my clothes and shoes, leaving me in my white, lace bra and underwear when my door immediately burst open. Without even flinching, I looked up to see Zach, wearing a very hurt expression.
“Go away,” I muttered, walking towards the door and trying to close it, but Zach pushed it open more.
“It deserved it,” he said looking me in the eye. “Your family had every right to be angry with me and we both know why. Layne, sweetheart, I love you but we both know you would’ve never said those things to my face, so thank God you have an amazing family to tell me off like that. I deserved it.”
I blinked back my tears in surprise and smiled.
“God,” I whispered, pulling him inside my room by his shirt. “You sure have a way with words.”
Our lips moved in harmony against each other as I pressed his body against the back of my door. His hands traveled from my cheeks to my hips, giving me goose bumps throughout my entire body and reminding me that I was still half naked. I needed to make this fair for both of us, so I pulled Zach’s shirt up and over his head with ease, leading him to my bed.
I was so caught up in the moment that I realized I really wouldn’t mind if Zach made love to me tonight. In fact, as cheesy as this sounds, I wanted him to. What a better person to loose it to than your first love? So, my hands traveled down his chest as he kneeled above me, kissing the weak spot on my neck and sending chills down my spine. He gasped when my hands stopped at his belt and I started to undo it with shaking hands.
I suddenly remembered how many girls he’d done this with, not that I wanted to remember, but the thought just came to my head at that exact moment and made me very nervous. My breathing picked up significantly and you could see my heart beat making my chest move up and down. My stomach was tight with butterflies. It was the most beautiful, painful feeling in the world to have Zach kiss me, because I knew tonight might be the last night I’d see him in a while and I should be sad, but I could never really be sad in his arms. I knew it wasn’t the last time I’d ever see him. Like Zach said, if we were meant to be, I could be on the moon and Zach could be on earth and somehow God would find a way to make our relationship work. I did think Zach and I were meant to be. He was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me, but the ‘best’ definitely overpowered the ‘worst’.
“Mm,” I moaned as he continued to kiss my neck. I felt him chuckle above me, his hot breath on my collarbone.
“What’s funny?” I breathed in between gasps.
“Nothing,” he laughed. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered; looking into his shiny, blue eyes. His lips moved back to mine and I closed my eyes, feeling his weight press down on me some more.
“Zach?” I asked, running a finger through his soft, black hair.
“Mhmm?” he mumbled, moving his lips to my jaw line.
“Are we…a-are we going to…” I stuttered nervously. “You know…”
“No,” he laughed, like I was being funny. “Absolutely not.”
I frowned, moving my head away from his so I could look him in the eye and see if he was serious or not. I thought boys would do anything to have sex; I suddenly regretted ever suggesting the idea to him.
“Why not?” I asked in disappointment.
Why did he not want to do this with me? We loved each other enough, didn’t we? Well, at least, I loved him enough.
“It’s nothing personal, Laynie,” he said, kissing my lips again. “I’m not taking you tonight. Not like this.”
“Why not? I want this. I want you,” I said, pulling his face closer to mine with my hands in his hair.
“Layne, I’m leaving tomorrow,” he reminded me, making my eyes water a little. I swallowed the lump in my throat and sighed.
“I know,” I choked. “So make love to me before you go, Zach. This is what I want. Don’t you?”
“Of course I do, silly,” he said softly, sitting up on my bed and pulling me into his arms, brushing through my hair with his fingers. “But…”
“But what?”
“But if we do it, we’ll both be heartbroken by tomorrow. I guarantee it. Besides, Layne, you’re only sixteen. I’m eighteen, remember?”
I frowned. I didn’t want to think about being heartbroken again. Nothing seemed real to me, like tomorrow was never going to happen.
“But Zach, I want you to be the first. I love you. This is the first time I’ve ever been in love and…and what if it never happens again? What if I never fall in love again? The opportunity is right in front of us and I don’t want to just let it slip away. What if I end up loosing it with somebody I don’t even love? Please Zach. Let’s just be here right now, together, no strings attached.”
He looked at me in shock until his brow creased like I’d said something he never expected to come out of my mouth.
“First of all, I love you. Second of all,” he started, licking his lips, “You will fall in love again. I know it. Every man on this entire fucking planet is going to want you when you go out into the world. It scares me to death, Layne. But, I know it’s bound to happen, so I can’t be your first. Not yet. Third of all, there are always strings attached…for girls, anyway.”
“Oh,” I said after a long pause, frowning because I was baffled by his response. Maybe he was right after all.
“You aren’t upset, are you?” he asked, searching my eyes to see if I was okay.
“No,” I said, sounding slightly unsure of myself.
“Do you want to go to sleep now?” he chuckled, combing my hair away from my face with his fingers.
“Yeah.”
“Good night, then. I love you.”
“Good night,” I said, caressing his cheek after we fell back down onto my bed. “I love you more.”