TWs- mentions alch0holism, Eat1ing dis0rder, swearing, hospital, shouting, injecti0n/ needle, struggle with breathing
IMPORTANT AND RELATED TO TWS- in this chapter George is forced to do something he doesn't want to. It's not sexu4l and it's to look after him but it's sensitive and he says to stop. Please read safely and don't continue reading this book if anything in it triggers you.
George's POV
Everything was cold.
My body was weightless, as if floating in the void that was my reality.
If there was any noise I couldn't hear it, just a sort of rushing sound as if wind was blowing. Maybe it was.
My mind wasn't even aware enough to understand the usual concept of life or death, no fear for my on world existence crossing my path. Everything was just empty, cold and dark. It would even be peaceful if my non-existent body wasn't shaking violently with the temperature, a feeling like ice settling itself sternly into my bones. There had to be some way to get out of it, to warm up. I just didn't know what it was yet.
Time passed. I saw nothing. But as it did, the parts of my mind started piecing themselves together. I became more aware of what I could feel, and a sort of unidentified panic started buzzing in what felt like my stomach. Not that I could tell what that even was.
......
Sound. I could hear sound. A steady beep, my own breathing and that of another. Surely I couldn't be dead if I could hear sound. Right?
......
My back's against something. I can't tell what, but it's soft and seems to want to keep me warm. It's certainly failed at that. There's something on my arm, many things of the same shape. Just as the other I have no clue what they are. But I can feel, it's all just dull. And I can hear, I believe. I'm improving.
......
I know. I understand! I remember, I know where I am, I know what I'm doing. At least I think I do. Hospital, I'm definitely in a hospital. And I fainted because Clay was awake. Right? Yeah, I fainted. But then again why am I with a doctor? Maybe he just panicked. He probably just panicked. Is there something wrong with me? Where is everything?
______________
I opened my eyes slowly to be met with the ceiling. My entire body was shaking with cold, an unfamiliarity with my surroundings screaming at me. What happened? Where was he?
"Fuck,"
the sharp word escaped my mouth as a numbing pain hit my body. The beeping in the room got ever so slightly faster as I tried to force myself up and look down at my legs, my arms, anything that could prove to me what was going on. My hands slipped uselessly against the mattress, before brushing past some sort of wire, making me jump. What the fuck was going on.
Slowly, and as calmly as I could with my entire body shaking, I lifted my arm to be in front of my face. I eyed the tubes attached to my veins, sticking into me like they had any right to be there.
And now I struggled. A small cry left my lips as I tried desperately to just push myself into a sitting position, my legs pushing against the soft surface as my hands had. For fucks' sake, why was I so weak? Why couldn't I even move my own body? The beeping in the room got more intense yet again, my breathing ragged as I lay powerless in an unknown room. I kept pushing, I kept trying, but my body only grew weaker as the panic in my mind grew stronger.
Where was I? What was happening? What were the tubes doing? Why was I so cold? I needed to escape, I needed help, I needed support, I needed-
"George."
The voice was soft and familiar. The hands that pushed my thrashing arms against the mattress were the same. And the face that appeared in front of my eyes, looking distraught and worried, was as usual the most beautiful thing I could ever see. The beeping started to slow again. My breathing started to settle. Every thought in my head, of the tubes in my arms and the ceiling above me and my overpowering weakness, was gone. He was here, so I was safe.
"U-up. Sit." Even the words leaving my mouth were shaking, but nevertheless the gentle hands lifted me and rested my back against something as soft as the last had been. I could finally see the bed I was on, the white walls around me, the heart monitor beside me and, again, the tubes running into my arms. There was a chair against the wall, a familiar bag leaning against it. Clay had probably been sitting there. "Why? Here, I-" The words in my head wouldn't leave my mouth the way I wanted them to, the annoyance of it making my eyebrows furrow slightly.
"Go on. It's okay." He kneeled beside my bed, holding my hand ever so gently in his. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes in concentration as I forced myself along, word by word.
"What- no, wait- why am I..here?" I did it! A look of satisfaction probably passed my face before I looked up at Clay expectantly.
"You don't remember?" I shook my head. "Well, um..you walked into my room with a glass, but I was awake and sober when you didn't expect me to be. And- you dropped the glass, and started swaying so you knocked more down, and then- then you were on the floor, but the glass- it hurt you. So I had to call for help." It was a clearly dumbed down explanation but I didn't mind, because it got the message across. But it still didn't explain everything, and I again looked up at him before speaking. "Why the tubes?" Glass didn't mean I needed stuff put in my body, did it? So why were they there?
"George..." He stared at me, worry plain in his features. It made my heart sink, but I needed an answer. He needed to tell me. It was my right to know, and in my current state I knew that unless he told me I wouldn't find out for a good while. "Why, Clay."
A moment of silence was held between both of us before his eyes dropped down to the floor. His tall frame looked awkward stood there in the middle of the room, tear stains shining on his cheeks. He was in pain. He wanted reassurance. He wanted time as much as I did, and I had to remember that. After another minute I reached out, watching him hesitate to take my hand and stumble when I pulled him down beside me. He was just a guy. He needed help too, and I would have to give him that if I wanted answers. He took a deep breath.
"George...they noticed your weight." My heart stopped. What? "No." Immediately the bright eyes looked desperate, Clay immediately trying to reason with me. "George, it's unhealthy. They're just trying to get you to an average weight, if you keep going the way you are you'll end up killing yourself-"
"No!" I couldn't let them. I couldn't let them destroy the progress I had finally started to make. I couldn't let them restore everything I had FINALLY, deliberately gotten rid of. I started trying to push myself further up again, reaching my hand for the single tube attached to my arm. Clay grabbed my wrists desperately, pinning me down while I tried my best to fight against him. They couldn't do this to me, he couldn't let them! Cold tears streamed down both our faces when he shouted for the doctor, ignoring my cries for him to let me get them out, ignoring the sobs leaving my throat as my body thrashed desperately. "Clay, please!" The door opened harshly, the blonde above me rushing to tell her about what I was trying to do. The doctor nodded, a look of concern flashing across her face before fumbling with something in a cupboard. I tried to shout, but my voice was weak. "Please don't!" I didn't stop fighting. I couldn't. I had to escape, had to get out, had to keep getting thinner, I needed him to love me, I needed to love myself. "Stop!"
But I was ignored, tears still streaming down Clay's face as the doctor quickly explained what she was gonna do. My boyfriend just nodded, they were both ignoring me, they wouldn't listen, I needed them to listen. "I don't want to, please!"
A dull pain seeped through my shoulder, and I turned my head to see a small syringe held in the doctors hand. "No, please stop, I don't want to.." my body grew weaker. More and more tears filled my eyes, more and more flowing down my face on to the pillow. "I don't want to.." A desperate sob shook my body, my hands clutching at nothing before Clay slowly let go of me. I needed to escape, I needed to get it out of my arm, but I couldn't move. I couldn't stop it. All I could do was cry.
"George, I'm a doctor. I'm sorry about what just happened. But what I've given you will stop your movement for a little while. That tube is what's keeping you alive, because you need to put on some weight. And that's okay, we're gonna make you better." I stared up at her, wanting and needing to run away. I tried to lift my arm but it just felt heavy, as did my legs. This wasn't fair.
(A/N- btw, I'm like very sure this doesn't happen. I don't think an injection like that even exists, but I started recovering from my ED before it got to the point where I was in the hospital. Literally all of this is made up for the story.)
She turned to explain some stuff to Clay, mentioning rehab and how much it's helped people in the past. All I could do was listen, still crying in silence with an unmoving body. "Maybe lay him down, it will make it easier for him to sleep. I'll be here, just shout for me if you need anything."
"Yeah, um..can he hear me?" Clay sounded worried and in pain, but then again he wasn't the one lying down being forced to destroy everything he had finally done. "Yes, hon. He can see breath and hear fine, it just makes his muscles feel numb. Don't worry." She smiled before walking out the door, and Clay walked round to be in front of me.
"I'm sorry, George. I just wanna help you get better." Glistening tears were in both of our eyes as he reached out to lay me down, making sure the pillow was under my head and that I was laying on my side the way he knew I liked to. He looked a me for a moment, hesitating before asking if I wanted him to lay beside me. "One blink for yes two for no?" He asked gently, letting out an emotionless chuckle at the weird suggestion. I blinked, letting him climb beside me and pull himself closer to me, unsurely stroking some of the hair away that had plastered itself onto my forehead. I looked at all his gorgeous features, relieved I had a reason to feel calm.
"I love you so much. I'm sorry I got you to this point, I should have asked for help with the drinking. It's not fair that you had to go through this because of me. You're beautiful George. You always have been and always will be- a tube in your arm won't change that. Maybe we should both go to rehab, hmm?" He smiled slightly again, wiping a tear off of my cheek. "I'm gonna get us help, George. I'm gonna fix what I did, and we're gonna be happy again. I promise." He pulled me into his chest, and I was content with the way his fingers twisted in my hair. No matter what, he would always be the one person that could fix everything wrong with my life. And seeing as he caused a problem, he wanted to fix himself, because that's the kind of man he is. My one. My gorgeous, affectionate, alcoholic boyfriend.
We're gonna be happy again.
(2065 words)
Ahehehehehehehehheheheehheheheheh espresso depresso. Vote and read muffled words<3
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Sorry updates are so rare, I'm tryna do so much at the same time lmao.
If ur reading this ily<3