I hurried to eat my dinner. At least I had managed to get some training, but I wanted to train more after visiting Katniss and Finnick. They were the only people who knew how I felt with Johanna being a captive as they were experiencing the same. At least I was not completely alone.
When I approached Katniss' room I heard Peeta's voice and quickly entered.
"Don't be stupid, Katniss! Use your mind! They want to use you as a weapon to wipe out humanity. If you have such a great influence, then you have to use it to stop all of this! Stop the war, before it's too late! Ask yourself, if you can really trust the people you work for! Do you even know what is happening? If not ... you have to find it out."
The screen turned black.
I felt sick. Peeta had looked horrible and his words ... What had they done to him and what were they doing to Johanna?
I barely noticed how Finnick turned the TV off, while I was frozen beside the bed.
He grabbed Katniss' arms. "We didn't see that."
"What?", Katniss mumbled absentmindedly.
"We didn't see Peeta. Only the propo about district 8. Then we turned the TV off because the pictures upset you. Alright?"
Katniss nodded.
"Eat your dinner!"
While Katniss was eating, Heavensbee and Fulvia appear.
I was sitting on the ground staring at the wall.
At first Heavensbee and Fulvia did not notice me.
Finnick had given me worried looks, but had stayed with Katniss.
In the background I heared all of them talking about the propo. I came back to my senses, when Finnick casually noted that they had turned the TV off after the propo.
The gamemaster seemed to be relieved until he spotted me on the floor.
"Hey, (f/n). Are you alright?"
I snapped out of my daze and gave him an exhausted smile.
"Yeah. The video about Rue upset me. That's all. But I will be fine", I assured him.
It was not completely a lie, but right now I was rather worried about Johanna.
He nodded at my response, more relaxed. Then he and Fulvia left. No word about Peeta.
Had Finnick tested them? And apparently he had been right. They were doing everything in their might to keep us, especially Katniss, working. Skipping some important news did not matter to them. As long as everything worked out for them, we could be kept in the dark.
Suddenly Finnick was sitting beside me and pulled me toward him. "Shh. I know", he whispered soothingly while stroking my cheeks. He was wiping my tears away.
I quickly stole the task from him and wiped them away myself. "Of course. It'll work out", I exclaimed while standing up. I had wanted to reassure especially myself, but my voice had sounded so broken that I felt even weaker than before.
Katniss was looking at me, but I could not care less. I just wanted to get away from here, but Finnick pulled me back into his arms, making me struggle.
"Stop! Let go!"
He simply held me tighter as an answer. Deep down I knew that he wanted to help me and that he actually gave me what I needed: Support and comfort. But I could not take it right now. I had to choose between taking care of myself and being able to perform. It was not the time for me to crumble, although that time had not come for months and I was breaking more every day.
What would be left of me after this war? I did not know and did not want to know. I just needed to function, to fulfill my promise and create a safe Panem for my siblings and everyone else I cared about. What would happen with me then, could wait.
"Finnick, thanks. I appreciate it, but I will be fine. I need to attend training now." I managed to get out of his embrace and left before he or Katniss could stop me.
Two days later I got a message over the cuff on my wrist signaling me to come to the conference room. I did not even bother to rant about the timing as I had to leave my dinner behind. Hope always filled me, when we had a conference. That there were good news about Johanna. But the anxiety was worse. You never knew what to expect and usually Snow loved to torture me.
I sat down next to Finnick. He had kept two seats clear and I did not want to sit next to Heavensbee. It bothered me that no one had told us about the interview with Peeta.
Soon later Katniss joined us and took the other seat next to Finnick. "What's up? Didn't we want to watch the propos from district 12?", she wondered.
"Oh, no", Heavensbee replied. "Or maybe we do. I don't know which videos Beetee wants to use."
"Beetee believes that he found a possibility to infiltrate the national news transmission system. That would mean that the Capitol would also see our propos. He is currently in the weapons department and works on the problem. Tonight there will be a live broadcast. I think it is about to start", Finnick explained.
The coat of arms of the Capitol appeared on the screen, accompanied by the national hymn. Followed by a greeting of President Snow himself. He was standing behind a lectern, wearing a white rose.
Different feelings were battling inside of me, but the anxiety of what was about to happen had definitely the upper hand.
The camera zoomed out revealing Peeta, behind him a map of Panem. He was sitting on a high chair, creating a strange rhythm with his leg. Sweat was visible on his face and his expression was full of wrath. It scared me. What had happened to the gentle boy, who had always been searching for a peaceful solution? The selfless boy who had been the only victor who had appeared to be pure and innocent.
"He is looking worse", Katniss whispered to Finnick, but I had good ears.
I saw Finnick holding her hand. Despite my mean behavior two days ago, he looked at me and offered me his other hand. I took it gratefully. We were enduring this together.
Peeta started talking about an armistice again and about the destruction of the infrastructure in the districts. Though my attention was now on the pictures and videos behind him. A broken dam in district 7. A derailed train with a load of toxic waste. A granary who broke down due to a fire.
Peeta blamed this occurrences on the rebels.
Suddenly Katniss captured the screen, standing in the ruins of a bakery. Peeta's old home, I suggested.
"Ha! Beetee did it!", Heavensbee exclaimed jumping out of his chair.
The screen switched back to the now confused Peeta, who tried to continue. But then I appeared on the screen, holding my speech I had held for Rue's memorial video.
The fight between Beetee and the security crew of the Capitol had begun. Though the Capitol had been unprepared and Beetee seemed to have prepared effective short propo shots.
Heavensbee was overjoyed and everyone was cheering at Beetee. At least almost everyone. My eyes landed on Finnick and Katniss. Then on Haymitch. Our expressions were revealing the same feeling: fear. Because we could see the impact it all had on Peeta. And because we were not like the others here. They were happy about our success, but to us victors it did not feel like success. We had experienced ourselves that everything you achieved came with a prize. And this time we were not the ones who would be paying it. Instead utter worry for the captives filled us. The people who were important to us and we had not been able to protect, despite fighting together.
The broadcast was interrupted, before starting after about half a minute later again. The studio looked chaotic. Snow took the initiative: "Apparently the rebels try to stop the dissemination of burdensome information. But in the end, truth and justice will always win. When the security is rebuild, we will continue the broadcast."
Ironic. If his words were right, the revolution would be successful.
"Would you like to tell Katniss Everdeen anything?", he addressed Peeta.
Said person grimaced, probably trying to process all the information he had gotten since his captivity. "Katniss ... where do you think all of this will lead us? What will be left? Everyone is in danger. At the Capitol and in the districts. And you ... in district 13 ... dead before dawn."
I heard Snow order to turn the broadcast off. Had Peeta just warned us? I did not even want to consider what they would do to him now.
Beetee seemed to try to spread chaos by inserting a picture of Katniss in district 8. But in between the displays we saw how Peeta was pulled from his chair. The camera angle changed to the floor. The floor that was now tainted in blood, after a scream of pain from Peeta. The selfless boy, who had warned us despite the upcoming punishment.
Chaos erupted in our conference room. "Quiet!", Haymitch yelled. "It's not like it's a great mystery! The boy tells us that the Capitol plans to attack us. Here, in district 13."
Suspicious voices resounded.
"How should he know that?"
"Why should we trust him?"
"How do you know that?"
Haymitch growled annoyed. "While we are chatting, they beat him down. What else do you want? Katniss, help me out!"
She snapped out of her distressed state. "Haymitch is right. I don't know where Peeta has the information from. Or if what he says is right. But he definitely believes it and they ..."
"They punish him for what he said. That just means that Peeta spoiled important information. Otherwise they wouldn't have freaked out", I resonated.
Haymitch appeared to be grateful for my support. "You don't know him. We do. Gather your people", Haymitch addressed Coin.
The latter did not seem shocked but rather irritated at the sudden twist of the situation. She told us about the preparations district 13 had for such a case. But that an attack from the Capitol had appeared ridiculous as they would just harm themselves, radiating the atmosphere and risking a counterstroke.
"Possible that they are willing to risk all of that now that we officially joined the rebellion", she finished.
"You think so?", Haymitch replied sarcastically.
Though Coin did not seem to understand sarcasm. "Yes. Either way an air raid drill of level five is overdue. Let's initiate the lockdown", Coin continued.
Soon later I was even deeper underground than before as everything around us was shaking.
I had left the place, where my family was settled. I would only scare my siblings more as I was freaking out on the inside. The shaking reminded me of the earthquake during my first games.
Now I let Finnick hold me. Apparently he had spotted me in the corner despite the darkness. Had he suggested my state? Anyway he was an incredible friend. He whispered soothing words, assuring me that he would not leave my side. After a while I calmed down, at least mostly.
"Thanks, Finnick."
We moved to his bed and sat down on it as I did not want to return to my family. I loved them but being with Finnick felt better right now. I did not have to explain myself. He just understood.
The attack continued for three days and I did not sleep at all. Katniss, Finnick and I talked sometimes, but most of the time we were silent. I hated silence right now. It gave me the time to think about Rue's death. About the torture Johanna might be experiencing while I was sitting around. About the many times I had failed to protect the people I loved. But I refused to lose myself in grieve or self-pity.
Since the last broadcast Katniss was the most broken out of us three. Finnick had even given her his rope to tie knots, which always soothed him.
When we finally got out of this seemingly eternal darkness, another day had passed.
Finnick, Katniss, Gale and I were on the way to our new rooms when Boggs instructed us to follow him. We arrived in a room that looked similar to our other conference room. Coin, Heavensbee, Haymitch and everyone else at the table looked exhausted. Though I should not be one to judge.
"We need you five outside. You have exactly two hours to get firstly material of the destruction by the bombs, secondly proves that our military might is not just functioning but overpowering and last but not least that the mockingjay is still alive. Questions?", Coin stated bluntly.
"Can we get coffee?", Finnick replied.
I had never had coffee before, but the dark liquid looked suspicious.
Katniss eyed her coffee with a disgusted expression. At least I was not the only one.
Finnick poured a white cream into our cups and grabbed some sugar cubes.
"Do you want a sugar cube?", Finnick addressed Katniss with his Capitol playboy act.
Was that an insider? Surprise overcame me, when Katniss actually smiled.
"Here. Now it should taste better", Finnick stated while putting several sugar cubes into our cups.
Katniss was snatched away by her preparation team after that.
The coffee made me feel more awake. I was not used to caffeine. So it really gave me a push I desperately needed.
When we reached the surface a few minutes later, I enjoyed the freshness of the forest. The leaves were already starting to change colors. How long had it been that I had actually been outside? It must have been back in district 11.
"Which date is today?", Katniss suddenly asked.
"September is beginning next week", Boggs answered shocking both Katniss and me.
Already five or six weeks had passed since the capture. Nausea overcame me. It felt like my surroundings were shaking again but then I noticed that it was me who was shaking. My breathing had also quickened once again.
Before I knew it I was on top of a tree taking deep breaths. It worked. The others had not even noticed my disappearance. Now I could see how unsettled Finnick and Katniss were. I had quickly caught up to them on top of the trees. They did not even realize that I jumped down to them. Had my skills improved so much?
When we arrived at the old judicial building, we stopped in our tracks. Two dozens of red and pink roses were scattered across the ground.
"Don't touch them! They are for me!", Katniss exclaimed.
Her voice sounded panic-struck. She explained us, how Snow was using the roses to torment her. It was awful. Like he was saying: "I'm the one in control. No matter what you do, it will have consequences. You can't escape me."
Some people wearing special uniforms brought the roses away.
Then the camera team settled everything and Katniss stepped in front of the camera.
"What do you want from me again?" Katniss was completely unsettled, which I could not blame her for.
"Just some words that show that you are alive and still willing to fight", Cressida replied.
"Alright", Katniss agreed.
After minutes of staring into the camera, she said that she could not think of anything.
Cressida started to ask her questions instead, interviewing her. That seemed to work at first. But Katniss could not seem to get the lie out of her lips that she was alright. No matter how often she tried, it did not work.
Tears started streaming down her face and I did not hesitate to pull her into a tight embrace.
"Cut", Cressida instructed her team calmly.
"What's up with her?", Heavensbee questioned quietly.
"She understood how Snow is using Peeta", Finnick explained.
Haymitch took over and gave his best comforting her. I had not known that he was so caring. Katniss really seemed to trust him considering she was sobbing in his arms.
We all silently watched them.
"I can't do this anymore."
"I know."
"I can just think about ... what he will do to Peeta ... because I'm the mockingjay!"
"I know."
Haymitch's embrace tightened. "Did you see it? How strangely he behaved? What are they doing to him?"
Katniss had difficulties breathing. Her outburst brought a lot of my guilt, frustration and helplessness to the surface as well and I could see that Finnick felt the same.
"It's my fault!", Katniss cried. She was getting so hysterical that they injected her with sedatives.
I watched her go limb in a matter of seconds.
"She is right", Finnick suddenly exclaimed. "You have no clue what it feels like! We are endangering them the whole time! Who knows what they already had to endure because of our rebellious acts!" Before Finnick could even finish his rant, they gave him sedatives as well.
They all looked at me expectantly. Like they just waited for me to break down and lose my mind as well. But I had broken long ago. Exhaustion and the familiar painful emptiness were everything I felt right now.
I pulled my sleeve up to expose my arm to them, feeling a sting before being embraced by comforting darkness.
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"Plutarch is sending out a rescue team. He has allies at the Capitol. He thinks that they can get Peeta out of there alive." Haymitch? Was I dreaming?
"Why didn't we do that sooner?", Katniss questioned.
"Because it's going to be a losing game. But everyone agrees that we have to do this. We made the same decision back then in the arena. We can't afford to lose the mockingjay now. And you can only play your role, when they can't hurt Peeta anymore. Here drink something."
There was a short silence. "What do you mean by losing game?"
"A lot of covers will be blown up. Some might even pay with their life. But don't forget that people die every day for the rebellion. And we don't just want to get Peeta out of there. We are also getting Annie out for Finnick. And Johanna for (f/n)."
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Sorry, I was away for so long. I hope you like the new chapter anyway.