Tessa's POV:
My eyes flutter open and I look around for Hardin when I feel the bed empty beside me. A sense of relief flashes in me when I hear the tap open and close from inside the bathroom.
I get out of the bed and tie my hair into a bun, stretching my arms above my head. This nap was a needed one, I feel refreshed already and I cannot wait for what's ahead in our trip.
He comes out of the restroom but doesn't look at me. His head is hung down as he wipes off his face from the towel in his hands.
"Have a good rest?" he asks, his voice suppressed against the towel.
"Yep, you?" I walk towards him and he nods his head yes in response.
When he faces me, it comes to my notice that his face is red, his eyes hooded. Even though he has washed his face, I can tell he has been crying.
"What happened?" I ask him, swiping my thumb across his cheek.
"Nothing, why?" he sniffles, still not making eye contact with me.
"Hardin" I bring my palms on either side of his cold face and turn his face towards me.
"I just woke up Tess, nothing happened" he places a quick kiss on the tip of my nose and walks away.
Something did happen but I know he won't tell me that easily.
"Should we get going?" he asks, packing the open backpack.
"Yes just give me a few minutes" I give him a smile and walk inside the bathroom.
Finally, after some adventure, we finally reach the place in Rhode Island that Hardin booked for us. It is indeed a beautiful resort type place, with gorgeous lights that just bring out the beauty of snow around us.
We enter the lobby and we are immediately hit by warmth. The temperature is so cozy and nice here, there's Christmas tree, lightings, and a cheerful vibe around here.
"Wait for me, I'll get the room keys. Yeah?" Hardin says, placing a kiss on my forehead and I nod before he walks away to the reception.
The reception is crowded, as I expected, so he is definitely going to take some time. My eyes find a couch in the corner, just beside the Christmas tree, and I walk towards it with our bags.
I wonder what we are going to do here. There might be a reason Hardin chose this, and I really want to know.
I look around while waiting for him, there are so many couples, families even. With their kids running around, all dressed up in beanies and scarfs, laughing and chasing each other. Moments like this when it hits me I can never have this, are just petrifying. The only thing on my list I can never experience.
"Come on" Hardin brings me back from my thoughts and I look at him. He's holding out a hand for me and smiling, waiting eagerly to take me wherever. I keep telling myself he is all I ever need. He is my everything. And even without kids or anything, I am the happiest with him. He is the family I need.
I take his hand and return his smile, he kisses the back of my hand and we start walking outside. He tells me we get personal small villas here, instead of hotel rooms like we always go to. I am pretty excited about this.
"You good?" he asks and I give him a nod. It is freezing here, especially now because we're around water and the sun has completely set. He keeps checking up with me like this, but never mentions that he is actually asking about my sickness, and I love him for that.
We make it into our room, more like our mini villa. I keep the bags on the table and take a tour of the place. It has a big living room, which parts ways to the main bedroom and a separate master bathroom. The bathroom has a bathtub too, big enough to fit the both of us, which brings an automatic smirk on Hardin's face. I shake my head and walk into our actual room, which is the same size, a bit smaller, than our bedroom back home. It's all so beautiful and clean, that's the thing I love most.
"Tess come over here" Hardin calls from outside when I was looking through the closet.
I join him in the living area, he is standing by the window with closed blinds. As soon as I reach him, he opens the blinds and the site in front of me takes my breath away. We're surrounded by water as this room is on a pier, there are beautiful lights hung on a rope that go around all the villas around us. The snow is just adding more sparkle. It's an absolutely gorgeous site which is making my heart so happy. I cannot wait to watch the sun rise from here tomorrow.
"You like it?" he pulls me closer, putting his arm around me and I rest my head sideways on his chest.
"I absolutely love it" I look up at his twinkling green eyes and a smile emerges on his face, lighting up my heart even more.
"You should change, get comfortable, I'll order us some food and then we can go for a walk" he says but the thought of walking in such cold temperature is kind of scaring me. "Or we can just stay in here" he says after reading my tensed face.
"No no, I'd love to go for a walk. It's so beautiful outside" I wrap my arms around him and so does he, while kissing the top of my head.
***
After our delicious late dinner, sitting beside the window by the fireplace, talking and laughing about stuff, we are now going for a walk in the city.
I am wearing a full sleeves t-shirt and sweats underneath my coat, but I couldn't care less. We're on a vacation and I will wear accordingly. Hardin too has his hoodie and sweats on beneath his coat.
"Shall we?" he holds out his hand for me and I grab it, as we both walk outside the villa.
The temperature has dropped even more but Hardin somehow radiates heat when I wrap my arms around his arm, holding him tightly.
"It's so beautiful out here" I tell him as we walk by the waterside, kicking the snow ahead of me.
"It is, isn't it" he takes a deep breath and looks down to face me. It's like he read my mind when he bends down and clashes his cold lips against mine, sending a current of warmth inside my body. I take in his essence and I can't help but smile when he pulls back, taking in his bottom lip. Two strands of his hair are resting down on his forehead, his green eyes looking directly into my soul, and his gorgeous smile causing tingles in my body. He looks so handsome right now, I can never express how lucky I feel that I own his heart, this charming guy's heart.
"What?" he chuckles lightly, probably after noticing me practically drooling at him.
"Nothing" I shake my head and rest it on his shoulder, and we continue to walk in comfortable silence.
After about 20 minutes of walking and enjoying each other's warmth, we find a bench and decide to take a little break. It faces the frozen water reflecting the city's lights, just perfect.
The air is getting thinner and thinner, I am scared something might go wrong but I hope not because I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
"I got us some lattes" he hands me the hot cup and takes a seat beside me, scooting closer.
I sip the coffee, even though it burns my tongue, it hits spots inside and I feel a little relaxed in this freezing weather. We sit there in silence, sipping our coffees and staring at the beautiful site in front of us.
"You won't leave me, right?" I am taken by surprise when Hardin says this, out of nowhere. His eyes are darted at the water when I look at him.
"I won't" I lie for his sake, resting my head on his shoulder and trying hard not to let my cry come out. "I will always be there with you, always" Even if I'm not here physically.
"You promise?" he looks at me, his eyes saying more than his mouth.
I simply nod, giving him a smile, unable to lie on his face anymore.
"Say it" he whispers.
"I promise" at this moment it became impossible to hold back my tears and an unwanted sob leaves my mouth even after I try to stifle it inside.
I just loop my one hand around his arm and snuggle into it, closing my eyes I pray that I get a little more time with him so I can somehow prepare him. I can't bring myself to think of what will happen to him when that time comes.
Our silence is broken when my coughing starts. It's been over a year and even though I'm used to coughing and wheezing my lungs out, it becomes more uncomfortable everytime.
Hardin's hand travel to my back, rubbing it up and down, trying to soothe me like he always does. It has become an unspoken thing of his.
When the coughs come out a bit louder, a few heads turn behind and I bury my face between my palms, embarrassed from getting the unwanted attention.
"It's okay, hey" Hardin removes my hands from my face and brings my head to his chest, still stroking my back.
I am out of breath right now, but my lungs just won't cooperate. I continue coughing for like a good 5 minutes. Hardin's hand leaves my back and he removes my inhaler from the pocket of his coat. He always carries my inhaler with him whenever we're together, so that if I forget, like today, he comes to my rescue. Him carrying this started since the one time we were out and my breathing worsened, we both didn't have the inhalers and I had one of the worst evening of my lives.
After my breathing gets back to normal and I catch up with my breath, I realize my hands are shaking. Hardin realizes it too and clicks his tongue, shaking his head he removes his coat and wraps it around me.
"Aren't you cold too?" I ask him and he sighs, holding my shoulders.
"No" he kisses the top of my head and grabs his latte kept aside on the bench. "Did Kimberly tell you about that New Year party?" he asks.
"Um it was my idea, you know right?" I ask, annoyed that he doesn't know I was the one who came up with it.
"I didn't, wow" he clicks his tongue.
Once I told this plan to Kimberly, she took not more than a few hours to confirm it with all the guests. We're gonna have a big new year party with practically all our close friends and family. I am thrilled about it and I'm eventually gonna make Hardin excited about it too.
Hardin catches me staring at him again and raises his eyebrows. I wipe his coffee mustache and kiss the edge of his cold jaw. Like he always does, he makes snarly comment about my beanie and how I look like a child, then laughing at his own jokes like they're hilarious. I hit his shoulder playfully and flip his hood over his head. I know he's cold too, he just won't accept it for me.
*next morning*
"Tess" I feel Hardin's cold lips touch my cheek and I open my eyes to find him over me, waking me up.
"What?" I shove his chest and he falls beside me. It then comes to my notice that he's all dressed up, he has a black sweatshirt and jeans on, he has showered and his scent is strong. To my surprise, he also has a black beanie on.
"You what?" I laugh and remove it from his head because I am not used to not seeing his silky hair in the morning.
"Yeah" he joins me in laughing and kisses my hand. "Now wake up, I have a surprise for you" he whispers, putting the strands of hair behind my ear and giving me one of his best smiles.
The bed feels so warm and comfortable in this cold, I don't ever wanna leave but I am bound to.
"What surprise?" I yawn and he shakes his head no that he won't tell me, obviously. "Breakfast in bed?" my eyes go wide at the site of the breakfast tray kept in front of me.
"Yes but this is not the surprise, I brought it over here so that you won't waste anymore time" he chuckles.
"I'm impressed" I grab the coffee cup.
"You should be. Now get ready fast we have to catch a tram in 20 minutes" he shows me his phone screen, it's 7 in the morning.
I brush my teeth and take a quick hot shower. I realize while showering that it still hasn't hit him that we didn't use a condom and I haven't taken the pill yet. I have the pill with me, in front of me actually. It's a hard decision to take it or not, it shouldn't be. I shouldn't question taking it but I am because there is a ray of hope, one I cannot explain even to myself.
"Tess, how much more time?" he literally whines, eagerness clear in his voice.
"Let's go" I don't know where he's taking me so to be safe, I have put on a pair of jeans and one of my jumpers.
We got on the tram now and he says it's about a 20 minute ride.
"We didn't use protection in the car yesterday, it completely slipped my mind-" he says in a hushed voice but a hint of panic laced in his voice.
"I took the pill, Hardin" I didn't.
The relief that flashes across his face when I tell him that I took the pill is something I didn't wanna see.
He won't tell me where we're going the whole ride until we finally reach the place and he eyes me to read the billboard.
'Yawgoo Valley Ski Area'
"Hardin-" I scoff in disbelief, in utter surprise by this. "How did you-"
"What?" he chuckles, pulling me closer to his chest. "You don't want to go skiing?" he asks, clearly knowing how badly I want to go skiing. It's one of the things in my list, one of those things I thought I won't be able to do.
"Are you sure I can do it?" I gulp the lump in my throat and he gives me a comforting nod.
"Fuck yeah you can" he whispers and kisses my lips passionately, giving me the confidence boost I needed. "We need to check things off your list, one by one" he adds in a whisper and I choke on my breath.
I didn't just hear what I think I did.
"Hardin did you-"
"I did" he smiles lightly, biting his lip. "I'm sorry, I know I invaded your very private thing, unintentionally, but I want to be a part of this" he says and I feel my lungs getting heavier. After all we've been through- he has become someone I wouldn't have recognized a few years ago.
"Thank you" my voice cracks and he shakes his head, asking me not to cry as he strokes my cheek lightly with his thumb.
"Don't thank me, ever" he whispers and kisses my lips again. I take a deep breath, thanking him internally. "You know you're the only thing in this world I love" he adds and I nod as he rests his forehead on mine.
"Let's go inside now, I'm so excited!" I grasp his hand tight and he laughs.
"Of course you are" he quickly kisses the side of my head before we start walking inside.
***
Author's note-
I am holding back so much, I have literally everything planned and I am so so excited for you guys to read ahead. Just know it will be emotional (both good and bad emo), please don't hate me! xx