SHAWN AXCEL'S POV
"Gago! Baka iniisip mong tubig 'yang alak at pwede mong inumin kahit ilang balde pa. Stop it, bro. You're wasted!"
Pilit na inaagaw ni Miles ang bote ng beer na iniinom ko pero nakipagbawian ako sa kanya. Yes, I'm fucking wasted for fucking sake! Who wouldn't be? Ilang beses niya na akong ni-reject kahit na kakasimula ko pa lang na ligawan siya. Wala pa ngang tatlong araw ganito na ang nangyari sa'kin.
Why did I go nuts with that brat?!
"Miles is right, bro. Mahigit isang oras ka nang umiinom. You're going to have a hangover tomorrow." Si Rynier ang tuluyang nakabawi ng iniinom ko at pinasandal ako sa sofa.
I told them what happened in our encounter earlier that's why they represented to accompany me. Umuwi kaagad ako pagkatapos niya akong pagsabihan ng masasakit na salita kaya pati ang mga kapatid ko ay hindi alam na nag-ditch ako ng dalawang subject. Actually, I don't have plans on telling my friends but they called me and keep on asking where am I. So when they arrived here, I'm already this drunk.
"Hayaan niyo na lang ako. Umuwi na kayo, gabi na. I can handle myself," pagmamatigas ko pa.
Miko immediately stood up from the couch and get his bag."Okay, sabi mo eh. Mauna na ako, alagaan mo 'yang sarili mo at dapat nasa katinuan ka na bukas. Sige, bye."
"Really? In this kind of situation? Aalis kami pero bago 'yon tatawagan muna namin ang mga kapatid mo para mapuntahan ka nila. Lasing na lasing ka na oh!" Baling naman ni Miles sa'kin.
I didn't talk back because of dizziness. Umiikot na ang paningin ko kaya hindi na halos maidilat ang mga mata ko. I just lean on the sofa, trying to relax myself and hoping that in this state I could forget what Zeriel told me. Paulit-ulit kaseng sumasagi sa isipan ko ang mga sinabi niya kaya hindi ko makalimutan talaga.
When I felt like my senses calmed down, I stood up to get another bottle of beer but unfortunately, my feet slipped onto the table that made me fell on the floor. Agad naman akong dinaluhan nila Rynier at pinabalik ako sa pagkakaupo sa sofa.
"Bro naman! Kung hindi ka pa namin naalalayan kaagad, baka nabagok na 'yang ulo mo sa sahig. You're insane!" Rynier hissed.
"Wag niyo na nga akong pagalitan. G-Gusto ko lang naman uminom para makalimutan siya, eh. Why are you guys stopping me even if you know that it's the only way that could make me forget those things she'd said?!" I answered in a monotone voice.
Marahan naman akong tinapik sa balikat ni Miles."Alam naman namin. Pero grabe! We didn't expect that you will get worse just because of a girl. Palitan mo na lang kase."
Napatawa naman ako ng mapait dahil sa sinabi niya. Again, I suddenly remembered her...the way she told me that. Kung gano'n lang kase talaga kadali na gawin 'yon eh. If I could just do it right away. Iniisip ko pa lang hindi ko na kaya o baka naman hindi ko lang kaya kase wala pa akong ginagawa.
"Ay shit! Anak ng babaero naman oh! What happened to him?!" I heard Katria's voice echoing in the whole room.
"He got drunk when we arrived here. Sabi niya ni-reject na naman daw siya ni Zeriel. Nasaktan ata ang ego niya kaya naisip namin na baka matulungan niyo siya." Si Rynier na mismo ang sumagot.
Bumibigat na ang talukapkap ng mga mata ko at medyo sumasakit na rin ang ulo ko. I never get drunk like this in my whole life. Kapag naglalasing kase ako kinakaya ko pa naman na tumayo at magsalita ng maayos. Is this what we call as heartbreak thingy? Pero hindi naman naging kami. Punyemas!
Someone held my forehead, probably checking my temperature."We'll take care of him. You can go now. Thanks for waiting."
Kampante ako kahit na alam kong sesermonan ako ni Kuya Daron pagkaalis nila. The alcohol has a great impact to me so I'm not scared nor nervous. Alam ko na kung paano magalit si Kuya pero balewala na sa'kin 'yon ngayon.
"Gago! Ginawa mo 'yan sa sarili mo dahil lang sa babae? Grabe! Magugunaw na ba ang mundo?" Cohen said sarcastically.
May naramdaman akong tumabi sa'kin at tinapik ang balikat ko."Are you okay now, Kuya? Malapit na ang exams kaya dapat ayusin mo ang sarili mo. Kalimutan mo muna siya kahit saglit lang."
"It's effective, Raizer. Ngayon kase lasing ako pero sana nga hanggang bukas din. I can't afford to see her ignoring me again tomorrow." Nanatiling nakapikit ang mga mata ko at pinakinggan lang sila.
Magkatapat pa naman ang condong tinutuluyan namin. Malas ko talaga!
"Ang sabi mo hindi ka mababaliw sa isang babae, Kuya. So, what's this? Seems like what you're feelings for her isn't just like but more than that."
Tuluyan ko nang naidilat ang mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi ni Akken."No...It's not like that, dude. Baka nahihibang lang talaga ako at ang paraan ko para mawala 'to ay ang maghanap ng ibang babaeng paglalaruan. I'm a cassanova and I don't do love."
"Lasing ka na kaya kung ano-ano ang sinasabi mo. Pero sasabihin ko sa'yo, hindi 'yan gagana. Just one advice from your past babysitter, Shael. Nothing could heal your broken heart but the only person who tear it apart."
Nagising ako nang bandang alas dose dahil kumukulo na ang tiyan ko. I massaged my nape when I felt like I'm having a stiff neck. My head hurts like hell that I need to hold on to something to support my weight. Pansin ko ring nag-iba na ang suot kong damit at naka-pantulog na ako.
Who dressed me up?! Wala naman sigurong pumasok dito sa condo ko maliban sa---Damn it! I forgot that my friends and so with my brothers were here when I got drunk. Sila siguro ang umalalay sa'kin kanina nang malunod ako sa alak.
Fuck! Ginawa ko talaga 'yon?! Hindi ako makapaniwala!
Ipinilig ko na lang ang ulo ko at saka pumunta sa kusina para maghanap ng makakain. I saw a fried sausage and fish in the ref so I get it and placed on my plate. Katria probably made this for me and it's so embarrassing to think that I disturbed them because of my improper behavior.
Sinermonan kaya ako ni Kuya Daron kanina? Eh si Cohen, paniguradong minura na naman ako no'n. Tapos si Raizer baka pinagsabihan din ako sa mga dapat kong gawin. Si Akken sigurado akong binabalik niya sa'kin 'yong mga sinabi ko noon. At syempre, magpapahuli ba si Katria na palaging nagbibigay ng advice at walang pakialam kung lasing ba ang kausap niya o hindi.
I chuckled and continued eating, thinking how they cared for me despite of my stupidity. They're always there through my ups and downs that's why I'm thankful for having them in my life. Hindi ko rin makakalimutan ang mga kaibigan ko kahit na minsan hindi rin sila matino kagaya ko.
Kinabukasan ay hinanda ko lahat ng gamit ko para sa pagpunta ng University. Today's Saturday but the things that I needed are in the University. I can't say that I'm okay but it doesn't mean that I will disregard my studies. Malapit na ang semi-final namin at sa Monday na 'yon kaya kailangan kong ipasa lahat ng mga schoolworks ngayong week. Kapag pinaabot ko pa ng deadline wala na akong additional points. Plus, my reviewers were cumulating and it's hard for me to cope up if I won't finish my works immediately.
Kasabay ng pagbukas ko ng pinto ay ang pagbukas din ng pinto na katapat ko at lumabas siya ro'n...ang babaeng parang walang pakialam sa mundo. She was busy looking something inside her bag that she didn't even notice my presence...well, as always. Siguro uuwi siya sa kanila o baka didiretso siya sa entertainment nila. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at marahang sinara ang pintuan ng condo ko pagkatapos ay ni-lock 'yon gamit ang susi ko.
Dire-diretso na akong naglakad pababa at hindi na siya nilingon ulit. Para saan pa? I'm just fooling myself for her. Kahit na pagtingin lang sa'kin ng isang beses parang ikamamatay niya. Is it hard to give me even just a little attention? Oo nga pala. Why am I asking even though I already know her reason?
She has a family problem and I'm aware of that. Kahit na hindi ko alam ang buong storya niya, okay lang din naman sa'kin na hindi niya sabihin dahil naiintindihan ko siya. She hate guys from the bottom of her heart and I heard her cursing with her dad's name. May isang beses na narinig ko siyang nagsasalita habang tulog at palaging sinasabi na ayaw niya sa dad niya kase manloloko raw. And maybe that's the reason why she hate our species. She's just protecting herself from getting hurt because she's tired of experiencing too much pain.
Kaya siguro ginawa 'yon sa'kin ni Alina para ma-disappoint si Zeriel sa binigay ko sa kanya. She loves her cousin just like what Rynier told me.
But I'm still hoping that she will open up her heart again...even if it's hard. 'Yon nga lang sobrang labong mangyari ng bagay na 'yon.
"Hey! Sabado ngayon ah, bakit nandito ka? May gagawin ka ba?"
Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang may babaeng humarang sa harapan ko."Uh...Excuse me? Who are you? Pwedeng tumabi ka muna, dadaan lang ako."
"Oh! Nag-iba na ba ang ihip ng hangin? You're not peevish and avoiding girls isn't your thing." Nakasunod pa rin siya sa'kin kahit na saan ako magpunta.
Totoo ba talagang nagbago na ako? Eh ano naman kung gano'n? I can still go back to my old self, the Shael that was known as a cassanova. Wala namang saysay ang pagbabago kong 'to dahil ayaw pa rin naman sa'kin ng babaeng naging dahilan kung bakit ako nagbago.
"What are you up to? If you want to date me, then let's meet right after I'm done with my works." I tried to smile at her before walking in the hallway heading to the BSAT building.
"Hihintayin kita sa gate mamaya! Wag mong kakalimutan ah!" pahabol niya pang sigaw.
This is what I think is the right thing to do. Ang libangin ang sarili ko sa mga dati kong gawain. Siguro ito ang tanging paraan para makalimutan ko siya. Baka nga tama siya na nahihibang lang ako.
A cassanova like me doesn't have feelings for her. That was just a simple attraction. Nothing more, nothing less.
Nagtungo ako sa lockers room para ilagay do'n ang mga natapos ko nang gawin at ready nang ipasa sa Monday. It's hassle for me if I'm going to bring all of this from my condo unit until here in the University. For now, I only have to do a PowerPoint presentation, a thesis, and a report for the Finance Government.
Kung hindi ko lang talaga ginawa ang mga dapat kong gawin pagkabigay pa lang sa'min baka hanggang Lunes hindi pa rin natatapos. I'm still responsible for my works because I don't want to be a failure to my parents. My dad told me that he'll send me to Dallas if I'll maintain my high grades.
"Ang tagal mo namang natapos pero okay lang. Where are we going now? What if we'll eat in an expensive restaurant. I heard that their food is extraordinary." Yumakap naman siya sa braso ko pagkakita niya sa'kin.
I awkwardly get off her hands on me and get the key of my car on my pocket."Sige ba, kung saan mo gusto. By the way, what's your name?"
"I've been watching you from afar but as expected, you didn't notice me. I'm Jheinsen, a sophomore from Architecture building." Nilahad niya ang kamay niya para makapag-shake hands kami kaya agad ko itong tinanggap.
"And I guess you knew me so well. Pumasok ka na para makapunta na tayo sa restaurant na gusto mo."
The whole ride is so vexing and all I could do is to tighten the grip of the steering wheel. Actually, I'm already used to it when I'm dating with girls because they're annoying as hell. Pero ngayon nakakarindi na talagang pakinggan dahil matagal-tagal na rin simula nang gawin ko 'to. And also because I always do the first move to Zeriel when we're together. Hindi naman kase siya palasalita at---Fuck! Bakit naman na ako napunta sa kanya?
"Nandito na tayo sa Swan Lake Restaurant. Hindi masyadong malayo kaya dito na lang." I parked the car outside and get out first.
Nagtaka ako kung bakit hindi pa siya lumalabas sa kotse kaya kinatok ko ang bintana niya para palabasin siya. When she get out of my car, irritation was plastered on her face. I raised my eyebrow at her, asking what's her problem.
"Grabe naman, Shael. Ang gentleman mo, sobra," she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes on me.
Napailing na lang ako nang mauna na siyang maglakad kaysa sa'kin at halatang nagmamadali, hindi man lang ako hinintay. So she's waiting for me to open the door for her? Takte! I'm not a type of guy who acts gentleman in front of the girls that I date. Kumbaga, chill lang ako at sumasama sa kanila saan man nila gustuhin.
"What's your order? I'll pay it for you."
Then, she eventually smiled at me and picked the menu in the table."Simple Green Salad, Prawn Aglio Olio, and Plan Affogato."
"Okay, waiter! Two sets of her order, please." I snapped my fingers in the air to get his attention.
Hiniram ko saglit ang menu na hawak niya para tingnan ang presyo ng inorder niya. What the heck?! It cost dollars for goodness sake. Kung sabagay, expensive nga pala ang gusto niya. Sana tumanggi na lang ako at sinabing sa fast food chain na lang kami kakain. Though, she looks like rich and would probably disagree my choice.
Pero shit lang! Parang ayoko nang gumastos ng mahal ngayon. Imagine, I'm going to pay 1,730 for one set. Kung pati ako kakain din, nasa 3,460 ang babayaran ko. Damn. I'm not going to eat dinner in this state. Gagastos na naman ako kaya 'wag na lang.
"Here's your order, maam, sir. Please enjoy your food." He bowed a little after serving our foods and entertain the other customers.
"Anong mukha 'yan, Shael. Where's the cassanova that always wear his glamorous smile? Hindi ka ba nag-eenjoy sa date natin?" She sounded disappointed and pretented that she's sad.
Kahit na wala akong gana, hindi pwedeng ganito na lang ako palagi. I shouldn't feel sad and lonely because I have this girl with me. Kaya niya akong libangin at pasayahin...mga bagay na hindi magagawa ni Zeriel.
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya sa ibabaw ng mesa at ngumiti ng matamis."Sorry for being sluggish, Jheinsen. Kumain ka na, sayang ang libre ko sa'yo kung hindi mo uubusin."
"It's okay, at least you're back on the old Shael that I know. Pagkatapos nito pumunta tayo ng Mall, pwede ba? I just want to buy some things and all you have to do is to accompany me. Is it alright?" She smiled back at me while intertwining our hands.
I nodded in respond and gestured her to start eating. Lahat ng iniisip ko ay dinaan ko na lang sa pagkain dahil ayokong masayang ang bayad ko. Tinuruan pa naman ako ni Katria na ubusin ang pagkain at dapat hindi magtira kahit na konti.
Hindi ko sinasadyang mabilaukan nang mahagip ng paningin ko ang kakarating lang na si Zeriel at may kasama pa siya...isang lalaki. After all, she's been lying to me? She told me that seeing with guys isn't her thing and now she's doing what she hates the most. The worst is, in public!
Who's that guy, huh? Lahat ng tao na kumain dito nasa kanila ang atensyon. Isn't she aware of what might happen after this? Magiging laman na naman siya ng balita at panibagong issue na naman ang kakaharapin niya. But she's not dumb to put her life in the spotlight. Alam niya ang ginagawa niya at ang magiging kahihinatnan nito pero parang wala naman siyang pakialam.
And maybe I shouldn't worry about her too. It's her decision as well as her will. Ano bang pakialam ko sa kanya eh wala rin naman siyang pakialam sa'kin. It's just me who likes her but it's all over. Sapat na sa'king sinabi niya na wala siyang interes sa'kin.
"Are you attracted on her? Well, hindi naman talaga maiiwasan 'yon. She has everything that girls live without. Mukha namang close kayo kase maraming estudyante sa University na nakakakita sa inyong magkasama."
Agad kong binawi ang tingin kay Zeriel at tiningnan siya."No, we're not. Nagkakamali lang sila ng pagkakaintindi. I was just trying my best to get closer to her so that I could get her trust and attention. Tumigil na rin naman ako kase parang wala naman."
"You're right. Hindi rin naman ikaw 'yong tipo ng isang lalaki na mababaliw lang sa isang babae na kagaya niya. She's not worth the wait and even your sweat. Tatanda ka na lang pero wala ka pa ring chance sa kanya," she said as if she's really sure about it.
Tama nga naman siya. Pursuing her is a mistake for me. I was just wasting my time for nothing. Now I know why most of the guys can't resist on courting her. It's because she's the kind of girl that you don't want to mess up with.
"Just continue eating and don't mind them. If I know, they were just trying to get everyone's attention like what she always do," balewala ko namang sagot.
Nagpatuloy kaming kumain at hindi na pinansin ang nasa paligid namin. Of all the place here, they still choose to eat here. Is it a plan of destiny? Nah, I bet not. I don't believe in destiny after all.
"Uhm...What if we'll go shopping now? I'm already full." Alam kong sinadya niyang lakasan ng konti ang boses niya para marinig nila Zeriel na katapat lang namin.
I know that she has a plan so I'm going to ride on her idea.
I gave her a sweet smirk and wiped the side of my lips with a tissue."Sure, babe. If that's what you want, then so be it. Besides, I'm not that busy today so I can give you my time."
Naglapag ako ng bill sa mesa at iginaya siya na maglakad. I didn't mean to look on her side so our eyes suddenly met. I couldn't read her expression but I'm sure that she didn't expect to see me with another girl in the same place. Ako na ang naunang nagbawi ng tingin at hindi na lumingon pa nang tuluyan kaming makalabas do'n.
Pagod akong nakauwi sa condo ko pagkatapos kong iwan si Jheinsen sa Mall. Yes, I left her without even knowing it. Ginawa ba naman akong tagadala ng mga pinamili niya kaya napagod ako sa kakaikot do'n. And me being a jerk, my disrespectful attitude strikes so I did it. Wala rin naman akong pakialam kung anong isipin niya at maging reaksyon niya.
I didn't enjoy our date no matter how I tried!
[Shael, bro. Napatawag ka yata? Any problem?]
"Balik tayo sa dating gawi, sabihan mo sila. Let's get drunk. Zebu's Music Bar & Grill, 7 pm sharp." Pinatay ko agad ang tawag at saka humilata sa kama ko.
I felt like my body was being tortured by some works. Mas sobra pa rito ang mangyayari sa'kin mamaya kapag nalasing na ako. I won't tell my brothers, especially Katria, that I'm going to get drunk again. Paniguradong pagsasabihan na naman nila ako tungkol kay Zeriel. As much a possible, I'll keep my mouth shut whenever she's the topic. It's just going to give me a goosebumps.
"Sabihin mo nga, ano na naman ang dahilan mo at nagpatawag ka ng inuman? Did something happened?" Miles asked curiously.
I shook my head in refusal."Wala naman. Hindi ba pwedeng welcome back celebration lang sa pure cassanova ng grupong 'to? I'm just feeling...relieved. Dahil naibalik ko na rin ang dating ako. Biruin niyo, nakipag-date pa ako kanina."
"Ganyan nga dapat! You shouldn't get drunk because of a girl but to celebrate even more. True love doesn't exist, bro. Cheers!" Miko raised his bottle of beer and toasted with me.
"Ni-reject ka lang bumalik ka na naman sa dating babaero? You easily give up, bro." Rynier looked at me unbelievably.
Tinunga ko ang beer na hawak ko at pinunasan ang bibig ko."Rynier, bro, alam mo naman kung bakit. If a girl rejected me then maybe it's a sign to stop what foolishness I am doing. Okay na ako sa isang beses, nasaktan na rin ako. At least I know on myself that I did my part. Wala naman akong pinagsisisihan."
"Mas mabuti na rin 'to kase hindi ka na umiiyak. Hindi bagay sa'yo ang umiyak, bro. Swear!" Tinaas pa ni Miles ang kanang kamay niya na para bang nanunumpa.
Ang bilis tamaan ng alak ang loko!
Minutes later, the club is starting to get lively. The bands were playing songs in the stage while the others were dancing in the middle of the floor. 'Yong iba naman may kanya-kanyang ginagawa at halos hindi na kami magkarinigan dahil sa lakas ng tugtugan.
Girls couldn't resist my charms that's why I have toys on my both sides. Sumasabay sila sa'king uminom at kung minsan ay ninanakawan pa ako ng halik. I just let them because this is what celebration feels. Hindi naman na bago sa'kin 'to. Sa katunayan, eto ang pinakagusto kong gawin sa lahat. Ang magsaya na may kasamang iba't ibang babae.
"W-Wait for me here, girls. I have to go to the restroom first," pagpapaalam ko at dahan-dahang tumayo dahil nahihilo na ako.
Nasisilaw ako sa liwanag ng spotlights na mas nakakadagdag lang sa hilo na nararamdaman ko. I still forced myself to walk even though I couldn't see the way clearly. Ni hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilang beses na akong nakabangga ng mga mesa at mga taong nagsasayawan. The only way that could freshen me up is to wash my face first and then drink a cold water.
"What the! Lasing ng lasing tapos hindi naman pala kaya!"
That voice...Is it really her? Tsk. Guni-guni ko lang talaga 'yon.
"P-Padaan muna ako! I-I have to go to the restroom!" Tinulak ko kung sino man ang humaharang sa dinadaanan ko at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.
My head started to ache that made my vision become blurry. Ang alam ko lang maraming dumadaan at lumalagpas dito sa kinaroroonan ko. There's no table that I can hold to support my weight. And when I was about to fell on the floor, someone catched me and guided to stand up again.
"Tumigil ka na! Iuuwi na kita. You're so drunk...again."
Am I not dreaming? Siya na ba talaga 'to? But why is she here in this kind of place? Bakit ba palagi na lang kami nagkikita?! Or this was an imagination. Yeah.
I tried to blink my eyes and recognize her but I failed."J-Just leave and let me do what I want. K-Kapag may nakakasama akong ibang babae, palaging mukha ni Zeriel ang nakikita ko. I'm starting to get crazy over her."
"Omg! Zeriel! Bakit inaakay mo siya? Don't tell me you're going to help him? Let me remind you---"
"I know it, Alina. It's just a friendly help. Baka kung ano pang gawin niya rito." Ang babaeng kaboses ni Zeriel ang sumagot.
"Seriously? Tinamaan ka na rin ba ng alak na ininom mo? You're not thinking right! What if something happened, huh?"
Bakit ba sila nag-aaway malapit sa'kin? Tangina! Nasusuka na ako!
"Hindi mangyayari ang iniisip mo. Habang may malay pa ako, kaya ko ang sarili ko. I'm sorry if I can't send you back to your house. I know that your boyfriend will do his responsibility." Inakay niya ulit ako at tinulungang maglakad palabas ng club.
When I felt like I'm going to vomit any second from now, I immediately removed her hand that supports me and finally let out what I'm holding back. Naramdaman ko ang paghagod niya sa likuran ko kaya nang mahuli ko ang kamay niya ay kaagad ko siyang sinandal sa kotseng nasa likuran niya. I could feel her hot breathe on my neck that tempts me to kiss her.
And I did it. I do kissed her. The next think I knew was she's already responding on my kisses.
"You may not be my first kiss but it's the best luscious lips I've ever tasted."
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