They say beauty is fading...
And it's what's in your heart that counts the most.
Bullshit! That's only a make-believe reason for people who were born without it. Kasi ano ba ang unang nakikita ng tao sa'yo? Ang puso mo ba? No right? Your appearance... your face... how you look!
I believe that beauty is everything. A ticket that will allow you to obtain whatever you desire in life.
Blessed are those who were born with it, and fortunate are those who can afford it. In my case, though, I am both.
"That emerald green suits you better," I observed from the full-length mirror as my mother entered the room.
I surveyed myself with a frown on my face. Before facing her. "It's a shame. Hindi fit eh," I uttered, clutching the slack about my waist.
If my guess is correct. I haven't fitted this gown in almost a week, and I thought I would maintained my weight. Anyway, I've got more than a dozen of dresses ready, so it's not really a big deal.
My mother rolled her eyes and patted her blonde curly hair, which was just below her chin, upwards. "My dear, it's not a problem at all. What's the point of a corset?"
Hinugot niya ang isang black leather corset na buhat ng isang maidservant at lumapit sa akin. Nakayukong napailing nalang ako sa inasta ni Mom at ibinaling muli ang tingin sa salamin.
Napigil ang paghinga ko nang ipatong ni Mom ang corset sa soot kong gown. A tear almost escaped from my eyes as I extended both my hands to reach the mirror for support. Natapos niyang buhulin ang dalawang lubid sa likod ng corset.
Corsets are designed to fit your body, so if it hurts you or makes you uncomfortable merely by wearing it, it's not the right fit. It wasn't supposed to be like this. My mother, on the other hand, selects a smaller one for me. I'm already in shape, with a 20-inch waist, but it'll never be enough for my mother.
"I-i cant... breathe...," I whispered as though I'm being choked.
"You'll be fine. Remember what I told you," pagsasawalang bahala ni Mom at mariin akong tinitigan sa salamin.
"Pain is beauty, endure it...," I recited. Unti-unti nang nasasanay ang paghinga ko suot ang mahigpit na corset. Hindi ko nga alam kung kakayanin ko pang yumuko dahil dito.
"Louder," my Mom commanded.
"Pain is beauty, endure it!"
"Great! See? The gow look fantabulous!" she then exclaimed with her infamous british accent ringing in my ears. I caressed the fabric of my gown.
I knew that line like the back of my hand. It wouldn't even be a surprise if after I was born and the doctor slapped me, those were the words that came out my mouth.
My mother never fails to tell me that, if I want people to like me... I should strive to be beautiful at all times. Those words were my morning and before-I-go-to-sleep prayers.
Mom went outside after. So, I immediately grab the opportunity to have a snack from the catering just inside my room. I haven't eaten anything for the whole day and my mom wouldn't let me have a bite of these canapés, for her, these foods are just decorations.
I was about to bite at one when the waiter stopped me. “My Lady... ibinilin po ni Madame na huwag kayong pakakainin.”
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at ibinalik ang canapé sa tray. Pinagpag ko ang kamay ko at umakmang tatalikod pero agad rin akong pumihit paharap sa kanya.
Tinitigan ko siya at bumuntong hininga. Pagkatapos ay pinalungkot ko ang mukha ko at isinilid ang buhok ko sa likod ng tainga ko.
“P-pasensya na p-po... hindi po talaga p-pwede. Mawawalan po kami ng trabaho—” Muli akong napabuntong hininga at sa pagkakataong ito ay nag-pout na rin ako na naging sanhi nang pagtigil niya.
“P-pakibilisan nalang p-po,” nang makahuma sa pagkatulala ay sabi niya. Lumawak ang ngiti ko at kinuha ang dinampot ko kanina at isinubo ito.
"Uhm... can I ask what was this party for again?" I asked Mom. Pababa na kami ng grand staircase at natatanaw ko na ang nakabubulag na pag-flash ng mga camera na nasa dulo ng red carpet. Nandoon na rin si Dad with his signature wooden cane and white tuxedo.
Napalingon sa amin ang lahat nang makalapit na kami. Nginitian ako ni Craven bilang pagbati, ang nakababatang kapatid ko suot ang kulay abo niyang tuxedo.
"Only Dad knows...," my Mom mumbled between her pageant-like smiles while posing for the cameras.
Everything just gets weirder. Hindi dahil maraming media pero wala namang ibang bisita. Sanay na ako sa ganitong eksena. Hindi rin dahil kahit si Mom ang nag-organize ng event ay wala parin siyang ideya dahil madalas siyang left in the dark when it comes to Dad's business. What weirded me out is the fact that most of the attention are drawn to me.
That's a big deal! Most of the time, na kay Dad ang atensyon ng lahat at sa multi-billion corporation niya.
"Mr. Ishioka, how are you feeling that this is the last time you'll bond with your daughter?" Naestatwa ako sa tanong ng isang reporter.
I looked at Mom na may alanganing ngiti sa labi pero hindi niya iyon pinapahalata. Pagkatapos ay sa kapatid ko na halatang clueless din sa nangyayari. Pero Mom pulled me closed to her and whispered in between her smiles, "Posed for the camera."
"When you're a parent, it is just normal. A sacrifice you should make in order to let your children grow. You should be able to let them go, and spread their wings to fly higher than you've reached." I almost choked at what my Dad said.
Isinantabi ko muna ang pagkadisgusto ko sa speech niya na malamang ay kinailangan niya pang kumuha ng ghostwriter para doon. My eyebrows raised, nagtatanong na tumingin dito.
What the fudge did he mean?! What fly?! What let them go?!
Sa wakas ay sa akin na nabaling ang tingin ni Dad. Ngumiti lang siya sa akin saglit, na never niya pang nagawa before pero kahit gaano pa niya makumbinsi ang media na isa siyang ulirang ama ay hindi ako maloloko ng ngiti nito, bago niya ibinalik ang tingin sa mga reporters.
"It was just until she graduates though. We could always fly to her if we misses her or vise versa...," Dad jokingly stated.
The flashes were so intense that they drowned out all of the reporters' remarks, until all I could hear was a pindrop and my heavy breathing, not just because of my stiff corset, but also for masking my worries as I smiled for the camera.
I'm doomed! He's going to send me abroad!!!
After I graduated? With my situation now, I wasn't even sure if I'm gonna survive the night.
"What was all that fuss about?" tanong ko. Nasa loob na kami ng isang pribadong room sa isa sa mga hotel ni Dad at nagdi-dinner. Sa baba ginaganap ngayon ang pa-farewell party ko.
"I told the maids to pack your things. Tommorow you'd be off to Switzerland," Dad answered firmly, while all his attention was at his plate.
"What?!" I blurted.
"I'm not repeating myself."
I looked around for help, but Mom was calmly eating her dinner, as if she were in her own little bubble. Of course, why did I even think of her? This is my own problem and as much as I hoped she'd be a mother to me for just a moment. She just... do not care. My brother, on the other hand had a troubled expression, despite focusing only on his plate. I know he disagree with Dad too. His untouched supper is proof of that.
"No! I won't go anywhere!" I shouted, able to pushback my heavy chair and it scratches on the marble tile making a loud screeching noise echoing inside the room. Natigil sa ere ang akmang pagsubo sana ni Mom sa pagkain.
That wakes her up from her slumber and said, "My dear, listen to your Dad for your safety. He knows everything—"
"Safety? We're not in a drama club Madame. So could you please spare me some acting?" Umawang ang pula at makintab niyang mga labi sa pagkagulat.
"Young Lady! You're forgetting your manners! I've decided... you're going tomorrow. Case closed." My Dad's voice vibrated around the room. Ang mga waiter at maidservants na naghihintay sa gilid ng pader ay halos mapatalon sa takot. They bowed their head in a domino effect.
I slammed the table, causing my glass of wine to spill on the gold embroidery design of the table cloth. "You're really going to chase me away, huh?! Of course, my bad! In that way, even if I'm assassinated the media wouldn't blame you cause I'm too far away from you to be supervise! In fact they would even pity you because your daughter died without even saying goodbye to you—" Nilakasan ko narin ang boses ko.
"Charm Tempest!" hiyaw ni Mom sa matinis niyang boses na halos ika-piyok niya pa. I knew this triggers her. Me, losing all my poise and manners.
I won't go anywhere. If I'm going to die, then I'll die here.
Mabigat na ang bawat paghinga ko at nalalasahan ko narin ang malakalawang na likido mula sa mariin na pagkakakagat ko sa loob ng pisngi ko. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng kahinaan sa kanila. Lalo't may mga naghihintay pa rin na reporter sa labas at kung hindi ako mag-iingat ay baka lalo lang matuluyan ang pag-aabroad ko.
Padabog kong inilapag ang kutsilyo at tinidor sa lamesa. It made a clang sound that pulls Dad's attention from the meat on his plate. Akmang tatayo na sana ako nang magsalita muli si Dad, "Manners!"
I can't believe them. How could they chase me away from them despite all the threats I'm getting?! They are heartless! How much I wished I'm not their daughter! That I wasn't born from this cruel family!
"I'm done eating, SIR," matigas na sabi ko. My jaws clutches from restraining my anger.
"Wait until we're finished," sagot ni Dad at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Lalo lang uminit ang ulo ko dahil doon pero wala akong nagawa kundi ang manatiling nakaupo kasama sila.
"I'm done eating too." I heard my little brother said that made me turn to face him. He has this small faint smile that still able to reach his eyes, reassuring me that he got my back.
As always.
Then as if on cue, my Dad put down his fork and wiped the non-existent dirt on his mouth before leaving without notice.
Senyales na rin iyon para kumilos na ang mga maid at waiter sa gilid. Lumapit na sila sa mesa para ligpitin ang pagkain.
"What can I do, Charm?" tanong ni Craven. His curly hair look so soft as they bounces with his every step. Inilingan ko ito nanag makalapit siya at tumayo na.
"Wala. Don't stick your nose into someone else's business," biro ko sa kanya na ikinailing lang niya.
"Your business, my business... what's the difference? You're my Big sis!" Piningot ko siya at impit siyang napasigaw.
Umayos ako nang tayo bago siya inirapan. "I got this," sabi ko na lang bago taas noong nag-walkout palabas ng room. Nakasalubong ko pa ang bulto ng mga reporters na agad ring naharangan ng mga guards ng hotel.
I won't go anywhere. Once I said it, consider it done. I always get everything I wanted, and this, wouldn't be an exception.
Never.
Over my perfect body!