I'm sorry.
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Levi’s Alone
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Numb. Levi couldn’t feel anything. He didn’t even know how he was still alive. The only reason he could tell that he was alive right now was because of how much pain he was in and also because of how the cold bit him, numbing him to the bone. His wings were the only protection he had against the bitter cold alongside the snow boots that were several sizes too big. He found himself at the border of the woods. Erwin had stopped shooting for the moment, probably because Erwin thought he had shot Levi dead. Levi could just see Erwin’s figure in the frame of the door… All he had to do was make a run for it. And then Levi stood up quickly on shaky legs making a mad dash for the woods. It was hard to run with the boots he had on, but they were the only thing that was keeping Levi from losing his feet. And… There was a loud bang and Levi was sure Erwin had fired at him…
Luckily missing again.
Levi didn’t stop though. He didn’t stop when he entered the forest. He didn’t stop when he heard more gun fire. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop if he could help it. But with every step Levi took, it seemed to be getting harder and harder… Moving was becoming difficult… His vision was blurry… His wing was still bleeding… He felt lightheaded and his breathing was heavy. He couldn’t help it when he started to sway as he slowed down to a walk. By now the snow seemed to be pouring onto him. Blizzard-like conditions was what it felt like, although Levi had never been in a blizzard before… He could only assume that this was what it was.
After what seemed like forever in the snow, Levi couldn't take it anymore. He was tired… no, flat out exhausted. The pain in his wing was unbearable. It hurt him like fire, a white pain burning his whole body. His head hurt. His legs hurt. His lungs hurt… He wanted it to end. He wanted the pain to go away.
Levi fell.
Now that he was laying on his side, Levi shivered violently from the intensity of the cold snow. His white wing slumped and was twitching slightly in the snow while the other one was wrapped around his body. Levi was actually thankful for the snow… It was making his pain numb… He was starting to feel nothing…
So with shaky hands Levi pulled out the camera he had with him, luckily it hadn’t broken… Levi felt his lip quiver. This would be the last time he could ever record.
Levi turned the camera on and pressed record. “Eren…” That was his opening for all of his recordings except for the first one, followed by the same phrase, “I don’t know if you’ll find this…” And then Levi would talk as if Eren was there, as if the camera was Eren. “As you can s-see…” His voice wavered, “I finally got out… I’m free… but…” Levi bit his lip trying to hold back tears that threatened to fall. Levi was trying to keep himself composed but he knew that it wasn’t going to last long. He could already feel himself slipping… “Er-Erwin he… He…” His voice cracked and he almost dropped the camera. His fingers numb, “He tried to r-rape me… And… He b-broke my wing… It’s bleeding Eren… It hurts, Eren. It hurts.” Levi could no longer see the camera, he had to wipe his tears from his eyes. He took in a shuddered breath, his breathing was uneven and becoming shallow. Levi snorted, it was a distorted laugh, “Looks like this is the end… Isn’t it? At l-least I won’t die being imprisoned b-by S-Shitwin…” Then the camera blinked, signaling that it was about to die… Levi felt like he could relate to the camera. Levi ended his video with the same phrase, except for the first one, “And I don’t know if you’re looking for m-me anymore or even c-care… but…” Levi made eye contact with the camera, as if he really was talking to Eren, “I still love you, Eren.” That’s when the camera blinked, made a beeping sound, and died.
Emptiness was what Levi felt now. It was dark out, or maybe that was his vision? However, he could see the white of the snow… He felt so weak… Levi wanted it all to end already. He was tired of everything… of life… But did that mean he wanted to die? No. Levi honestly didn’t want to die. He didn’t feel ready. He wanted to see Eren before he died… But that didn’t look like it was going to happen… Levi could only hope Eren would find the camera… Levi pulled the camera close to his body, also in an attempt to get warm. The weather was making this difficult for Levi…
And he found it suddenly harder to breathe.
It was bitterly cold. Levi was sure that if he didn’t die from the blood loss, he was going to die from… What was it called again? Oh yes, hypothermia. He felt like his fingers would soon break off from frostbite. Even if Levi wanted to get up, which he did, he just couldn’t find the willpower. So he laid there, looking into the darkness of the woods. Everything was becoming less defined, hazy. This world was indeed a cruel place. What did Levi do to deserve this? What did he do to piss off the world? Why was he the one suffering? Why..?
Levi closed his eyes, letting more tears fall.
Well at least his life wasn’t utter complete shit. At least he didn’t die in his cage like he had believed he would have. At least he had a chance to be free. To meet Eren. To work. To fly… Levi remembered what Eren had said.
“You can’t fly if you never try.”
Levi hummed. You told me so long ago… Levi thought. And despite how grim his situation was, Levi felt a small smile make its way to his lips. Eren, you gave me so much hope… Even when everything was hopeless…
Even though Levi was alone right now, he felt somewhat content. Yes, he wished that Eren was here but not everything works out the way he wanted to. Levi had come into terms with that. At least, if his body was found they would find the camera. Well, that is if Erwin didn’t find it first.
Now that Levi could actually reflect for a moment, he had just realized that he’d never actually seen snow before. He had never felt its coldness until now… He learned that snow was a beautiful thing… He thought about the pretty flakes, seemingly floating down from the skies above, light and airy. He didn’t have the time to appreciate the flakes that melted upon contact…
Levi decided that he liked the snow.
Calm. Levi was calm even though he was dying. Death was inescapable. It happened to everyone. He let his breathing slow. It wasn’t snowing as hard now. Everything was peacefully quiet. He relaxed into the snow below him. His wings were wrapped closely around him. He couldn’t feel the pain in his white wing anymore. He couldn’t feel any pain right now or anything else really but it didn’t matter.
Levi let the darkness take him…
■
Echoes. The sounds of the TV sent echoes through the room. Eren was barely listening anymore.
“…and for other news today…”
Horrified. It has been too long… Eren was desperate for answers that would seemingly never come.
“Drivers should be weary…”
I promise to never leave him alone again… Eren thought.
“With blizzard-like conditions…”
“Eren… stop pacing.”
“…whiteout that results in little to no sight.”
I have to find him… Eren thought.
“…cautious and be safe.”
“Eren!”
What if he’s– Eren suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, he stopped with his head hanging low. He quickly pulled the hand off of him as if was on fire. He turned in haste, “I won’t stop until we find him!” He then grabbed the remote, turning off the TV that was currently annoying him.
“Well you’ll have to wait until she gets here! Eren, there is no use…” Hanji said, trying to calm down Eren. “We already told everyone that we can trust to keep an eye out for Levi… My poor little angel is out there alone with caterpillar brows… And he’s probably all creepy crawly with him…”
“Like hell.” Eren scowled, “I swear he’ll pay! When I get my hands on Shitwin, I’ll beat the fuck out of him. I will never forgive him for what he did…”
This was how it was. Days had seemed to melt into weeks for Eren, the lines between them blurred. Days would go by so slow to the point that Eren thought he would go insane. It was like time had dug its heels into the Earth in an attempt to stop it completely.
The information they had was not sufficient enough to find Levi. What they did know was that Mike never intended for Levi to get taken… From what he was told, Erwin had a ‘surprise’ for Eren and wanted Mike to stall him as long as he could. Mike was very upset to learn what ‘surprise’ actually was. Another thing they learned was that Erwin owned several homes. That’s why it was taking them so long… Once they found somewhere Erwin had lived, they would immediately check it, only to discover that the home would be completely empty. They would check the homes carefully anyway, just in case, for any signs of where Erwin could have taken Levi.
It seemed Erwin was prepared for this day… He didn’t even have to be there for them to have to go through several loops and jump over several hurdles.
Ever since that horrible day, Eren hadn’t been able to sleep much if at all, he was constantly stress, always on edge, his eating habits were irregular and almost nonexistent… Levi was on his mind. He was worried about his friend, his lover, his angel… Levi. Nothing in the house had been rearranged since Levi was taken. Eren didn’t have the heart to clean any of Levi’s clothes… and as creepy as it sounded, Eren sometimes would smell said clothes, relishing in Levi’s scent, the scent that he so dearly missed.
Levi…
Levi.
Levi!
Eren wanted to cry… but now wasn’t the time to cry… He needed to find Levi first, hopefully alive and well. His heart skipped a beat when he heard a knock at the door. She’s here! Eren literally ran to the front door, yanking on the handle and forcing the door open. “Mikasa!”
“I came here as soon as I could… I didn’t know Levi was alive!” Eren could hear how worried she was through her voice. “How come you didn’t call me sooner?” She pulled Eren into a tight hug.
“Well it was supposed to be a surprise… I was going to have you over for Christmas… So we could celebrate his birthday together… I’m sure he would have been happy to see you. Mikasa, he doesn’t know that you’re alive either.” Eren smiled softly, it almost felt foreign on his face. “So it would have been a great surprise… I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Alright, I love that we’re having a family reunion but can we close the door? You guys are letting the cold in…” Hanji whined. After closing the door, the trio went into the living room, settling down on the cozy furniture. “So…” Hanji clasped her hands, looking over at Mikasa from the chair she was sitting in, “I didn’t get to see much over you… Oh how rude of me, I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Hanji!” She sat up straight, extending her hand to shake, “I took care of Levi when he was caged.”
Mikasa extended her hand to shake Hanji’s, “Yeah, Eren told me that you’d be here. He told me that you took good care of him, and for that I am thankful… At least I know there are good people in this cruel world…” She frowned, “It’s really too bad Levi got taken… but I am here to help in any way I can… After all, without him I wouldn’t be here right now, free…”
After their greeting, Hanji turned towards Eren, “So what’s the plan now that Mikasa is here?”
Eren paused for a moment staring at both of them for a second before saying, “To get Levi back of course.”
▐►►
Evidence and information was shared, mostly with Mikasa to fill her in on the details. She seemed to be frustrated just as much as Hanji and Eren were. How could someone just disappear off the grid like that? Where the hell did that bastard go? Mikasa currently had her arms folded across her chest. She was looking over the information, again. “Do you think he could have gone to a friend’s house?”
“No, unless he’s working with someone, Erwin isn’t the type to share. Plus, Levi is kidnapped, I’m sure Erwin would have gotten caught by now had he been staying with someone.” Eren answered.
“Then how about relatives? Erwin owns many houses, so what about siblings?”
“No, Erwin has no siblings… I mean, his parents died a long time ago but… We already checked their house… It had their things still in the house, unlike Erwin’s houses. Weird, considering they’re dead…”
Mikasa hummed at the new information, “Eren,” she started slowly, “Do you think that there is a possibility that Erwin got his house collecting trait from his parents? What are the odds they had homes, like vacation homes, just like Erwin? Do you think perhaps Erwin hasn’t had the chance to clean out that house yet?”
Eren brushed a hand through his hair. Sure, they had considered that… but… They checked the house… But then again they were not looking for a deed to another home, they were looking for leads to find Levi… Eren looked down at the feather he had. It was Levi’s. He wished it would act like a metal detector, except instead of metal, he wished for it to find Levi… He glanced up at Mikasa, then at Hanji who had, for once, been listening quietly most likely due to the fact that she was probably running on fumes. “If you think that we should check again, then we will.” And Hanji nodded too, agreeing with what Eren said.
Thus, the trio decided to leave right then and there. They each grabbed their coats, boots, gloves and whatever other accessories they needed to keep warm. After heading out the door, they piled into the car, Eren was in the drivers’ seat, Mikasa riding shotgun, and Hanji decided to crash in the backseat.
“Damn, it’s already starting to snow like hell.” Eren commented as he started the car, zipping up his coat.
Besides getting stuck in the snow once, the ride was pleasant. It was quiet yet tense. The home was on the outskirts of town, near the edge of the forest. Upon arriving there, Eren knew something was different about the home… That, and there were tire tracks leading up to the house, going around it as well. Someone had been there… and Eren couldn’t help but to have an uneasy feeling about this and it seemed that everyone else in the car was just as uneasy as he was.
Eren was the first to get out of the car, cold nipping at his skin, flakes melting right onto him when they made contact. He started to walk up to the house, slowly, quietly and cautiously. What worried Eren was the fact that a light was on in the house… No one home, surely? Eren tried the doorknob, it was unlocked so Eren let himself in. He let his jaw drop as he walked in… The home was empty… No… He glanced over his shoulder and saw Mikasa following him, he motioned for her to be quiet and split up. She merely nodded and went the other way.
Making sure to watch his step, he couldn’t be too sure if anyone was here or not. He passed the dining room- nothing. He was about to go to the kitchen when he heard a loud thud followed by a yell of, “Shit!” If Eren didn’t know any better… He knew who that voice belonged to. Rage took over him, leading and guiding his feet to where he heard the voice. Eren narrowly turned the corner, running to gain ground.
“Shitwin!” Eren yelled in disgust right as he saw him. Erwin had a hefty looking box in his hands, “I will fucking kill you! Where’s Levi!? Where did you take him!?” And then Eren charged forward, lunging himself right at Erwin. Eren never got his reply as Erwin chucked the hefty box right at him. The box hit him, causing him to fall over, papers spewed from it and they were flying everywhere. He hit the ground with a hard thud. Eren could hear Erwin leaving, running through the back door. “Fuck!” Eren cursed as he pushed the box off of him.
“Eren?” Mikasa called out, suddenly appearing in the doorway. She rushed over to him and helped him up, “Are you okay?”
“Fuck no, Mikasa that was Erwin!” He yelled, immediately running out of the house. No… no… He was too late. Erwin’s truck was plowing through the snow covered driveway and went around the house, leaving them in the snow covered dust.
“Eren!”
No… I let him escape…
“Eren!”
Eren felt like tearing his hair out. “What Mikasa!?” Eren hissed, turning around and glaring at Mikasa. He saw her frown. Eren felt bad now… It wasn’t her fault yet here he was, he had just yelled at her for no reason. “S-sorry, Mikasa, I lost my temper there… Um, what did you want to show me?” He pointed at a paper in Mikasa’s hands.
“It’s alright Eren, just remember to keep your head because-” Mikasa handed Eren the paper, “I found a lead… A different deed to a home… Under the names of-”
Eren blocked out what the names Mikasa had said. He felt like he was chocking. He couldn’t breathe…
The deed was signed by none other than… Carla and Grisha Jaeger.
Eren remembered it… That home was the very home that he spent summers in… It was the home that he met Levi. Where they had become friends and eventually lovers. Eren felt like he could cry… What if Erwin had been there the whole time..? In his house..? In the very house that he hoped to show Levi in the hope that Levi would regain his memories prior to the accident… If Erwin was staying there… Eren felt that he had no other option but to burn the house to the ground and burn Erwin with it. “Let’s go… Let’s go find that bastard and save Levi!”
With no hesitation, Eren turned heading straight for the car. He didn’t care about anything right now but to see Levi again. As soon as he opened the car door Hanji yelled out, “Did you see that!? Was that who I think it was? ERWIN!?” Eren gave her a firm nod. He waited for Mikasa to get in, they buckled their seat belts and Eren floored it- or at least tried to… The car got stuck in the snow. Eren immediately yelled out a bunch of profanities.
In the end Hanji said she would drive, claiming that for their safety they couldn’t let Eren drive with road rage in the snow. It was probably a bad idea to let her drive too because she was reckless but never the less at least they didn’t get stuck. She had to drive slower because it was snowing so hard. Sometimes she couldn’t see two feet in front of the car…
Complete whiteout conditions... The thought had clicked in Eren’s mind. Blizzard-like conditions. His patience was nonexistent right now but there was nothing he could do.
All Eren could do is hope and wait.
Hope. Eren hoped that Levi was alive and well. He hoped to see his lover again. He hoped to hold Levi in his arms again. He hoped to tell him that he missed him… that he loved him… He hoped he would get the chance to tell Levi about his past and why he forgot and why one wing is black while the other is white… Eren hoped… He hoped… He could only hope.
And wait. Eren had to wait to do all of those things with Levi. He had to wait to cherish those moments. Eren had to wait to see Levi again. He had to wait to hold him again and tell him those things… Eren had to wait for what seemed like forever… He could swear insanity was taking over him.
And wait… Eren had to wait… because everything was going so slow… and wait… because Hanji was driving slow, granted not even he could see… He wasn’t blaming Hanji. She was a wonderful woman who had helped him more times than he could count. Mikasa was also dear to him. She was like a sister that he never had. And while Eren was waiting, he had took the moment to be thankful for what he had.
And wait! “There it is!” Eren cried out, pointing at a house in the distance. Luckily, now the snow had calmed down. He could see the home where he would soon learn if Erwin was staying there or not. This could be it- Eren’s chance to see Levi… He wanted to see him so bad that he got out of the car and started to run in the snow. He was actually going faster than the car now, mostly because the snow was deeper here than the car could handle. Eren made a mad dash for the house. Again, everything seemed to be going slow. He could only run so fast with the snow almost up to his knees. The driveway was plowed though and Eren knew immediately that someone was here… If his hunch was correct, it was Erwin and hopefully Levi. He could see the tire tracks, his eyes followed the tracks and there it was, Erwin’s truck.
He’s here! He’s here! Eren subconscious jumped and his heart skipped a beat. His adrenaline took over, leading him to the front door. He was just about to pull the door open when-
BANG! Eren froze, his blood ran cold. Was that a gun shot? After hearing that shot, Eren resumed to open the door.
BANG! Eren needed to find the source of the firing and fast… What it is Erwin... and he is firing at Levi!
BANG! To Eren’s surprise he found Erwin, already bleeding and firing out the glass door that was wide open.
“Erwin!” Eren called out, gaining his attention. Erwin turned to look at Eren with a nasty grin on his face.
BANG! Erwin fired at Eren. The bullet buzzed past him and hit the wall. “Well it’s so nice to see you Eren… But you’re too late.”
“Oh no…” There was a growl that came from behind Eren. It was Hanji. She looked furious. It was as if her anger was radiating from her body and through her coat. Eren had never seen her this upset before. “I think I am on time. There is some much needed ass-kicking that needs to happen here…You better run because I think your time is up…”
To make things better, that’s when Mikasa walked in. Her face was deadly enough… If looks could kill… You would be murdered. Her face was half covered with her hair. Eren got a dark vibe coming from her that just like her looks… she planned to go through with murder. “You…”
It was now that Eren had just realized that Mikasa hadn’t met Erwin before now… Then why was she so mad?
“It was you all this time.” Mikasa said. Eren could have sworn she was about to combust into fire. “You are a murderer! You coward! You rapist!”
Eren’s brows furrowed. What is she talking about?
She pointed her finger at him and hissed, “You were the one… You killed Isabel and Furlan!” Mikasa totally lost her temper. “You did this to us!” Then she bolted at him and tackled him to the ground. Mikasa threw a hard punch to Erwin’s face.
“Woah, Mikasa don’t take all the fun! I want to beat him up too!” Hanji ran up to aid Mikasa.
Eren stood there baffled for a moment before he spoke, “Wait- Where is Levi!?”
Mikasa and Hanji stopped beating Erwin, holding him down and allowed him to speak. Erwin coughed some blood out of his mouth, “Levi?” Erwin laughed, “You mean your scrawny mutated freak. The one I beat almost every day, stripped him of his clothes, starved him, tried to break him into submission… You mean the one who I chase out of the house just now, bleeding to death because I broke his wing? That Levi?” Erwin had a twisted grin on his face, “You better go get him, that is, if you’re not too late already…”
“Levi’s alone!? Out there? You bastard!” Eren cursed.
Hanji punched him in the nose. Blood spewed out. She looked up at Eren, stress evident in her eyes, “Eren go! Save my baby angel! Hurry- while we beat the fuck out of this guy!” And Mikasa nodded too, giving Eren the thumbs up to leave.
And Eren left to do just that. He was horrified.
Levi, oh god- oh god. Eren ran outside, he could see a trail of footsteps leading right into the forest. He had seen an imprint that looked like Levi had fallen but then he had gotten up. The trail kept going. With each step Eren felt tear swell up in his eyes.
Blood… and lots of it… There was a trail of blood and Eren followed it…
Eren wiped his tears away. “Levi!” He said as he spotted a figure not too far away. Good thing it wasn’t snowing hard anymore… Eren was scared because Levi was laying down. He was pale… Levi looked lifeless. Am I too late..?
Could he be-? No. Levi’s fine. He’s okay… Eren told himself as he crouched down next to Levi. “Levi…” He repeated, still not getting any response. He looked at Levi’s frail form. There were frozen tears on his eye lashes… Eren saw all of the blood. He blinked and dare not look at Levi’s wing… all bent up and deformed…
No… I’m too late… No… No.
“Levi..?” Eren brushed his hand through Levi’s messy black hair. Eren took off his coat. He picked up Levi cradling him in his arms. He heard a sound and saw a camera. “You… had a camera?” Eren questioned. He couldn’t it on because it was dead. He would have to look at it later because right now, Levi was his top priority… He carefully tucked Levi’s wind close together and wrapped Levi in his coat. “Levi, wake up… I’m here… Please, Levi. I’m here. Open your eyes and you’ll see…” Eren started to rock his body slowly as he held Levi close to his chest. “Oh god, no… Levi… Please stay with me.”
“Levi… I’m here to save you… I’m going to help you get better again… We’ll get through this together…”
“Levi.” Eren repeated.
“Please Levi be okay…” He said as tears fell from his eyes. “You’re going to make it.”
“Please live Levi… I can’t live without you… There was so much we didn’t get to do yet… There was so many things I left unsaid…” Eren was talking to no one. He hoped that somehow Levi could hear his words… The most Eren could do was bring Levi back and hope that Hanji could help him.
Eren could only hope that Levi was still alive…
He wasn’t going to let his biggest regret be that Levi died… Alone.
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Happy Birthday Eren~!
March 30th~
I'm sure this is the worst gift you have recieved.