Tine's POV
My head was paining, I felt like I might pass out. I took a taxi to the office in a rush, got stuck in traffic but somehow made it to the meeting with just one minute to spare.
Two hours later, I finally got the time to sit down quietly in my office and take a breathe. Sneaking out of Sarawat's parent's house like I was some thief was not how I wanted to start my week, but here we are I guess. I felt colder than usual and even Sarawat's warm suit wasn't working. May be I shouldn't have taken that cold shower this morning — but I also couldn't figure out how to turn on the hot water in Sarawat's stupid fancy bathroom. There were so many buttons and I was running out of time. I just needed to get ready as soon as possible and get out of there. I had already overstayed my welcome.
Knock.
I looked up hearing the knock on the door. Trying to readjust my eyes.
"Come in." I called out.
"Hey, how was the meeting?" May stepped into my cabin. "Okay, you look terrible. Do you have a cold?"
"I don't have a cold." I sniffed and coughed out to clear my throat. "The AC is cranked up. Ask them to increase the room temperature?"
"The temperature is the same. AC isn't cranked up. You are the one who has a cold, Tine. You went to the meeting like that?"
"Of course I did because I am absolutely fine. The meeting was the usual. Boring. Uneventful. Ineffective." My eyes went to the big cup of coffee she was holding in her hand which had the logo of the coffee shop across the street. "Please tell me that coffee is for me."
"It is." She put the disposable cup on my table and I could see something written on it. "Someone ordered it for you."
"Who?" I asked.
"How would I know? The delivery guy didn't give me a name. I thought you might know."
I picked up the cup and saw the message written on it — 'Have a nice day, Teepakorn.' Sipping the coffee, I realised it was the same vanilla latte that Sarawat bought for me everyday in office.
"You are smiling? Wow, you are smiling Tine? So you really know who sent this, huh?"
"I-- I am not smiling." I fidgeted and kept the coffee down.
"That was definitely a smile. I saw it already, Tine. Too late to hide it. Now tell me who sent this for you."
"No-body May." I adjusted my suit a bit and tried to pretend I was looking at something very, very important on my laptop screen. Sarawat's suit really did fit me perfectly but the jacket was just slightly tight on my arms.
"Tine... " Instead of leaving, May sat down on the chair opposite mine. "Is that suit, Prada?"
"WHAT??" I looked up in shock. How the hell does she even know?
Before I could say anything, May pulled on my suit sleeves to check the cuff links. "That's definitely Prada."
"Yeah I just...." I pulled back my arm. "I just bought it last week..."
May squinted her eyes. "You are not someone who likes to splurge and you are definitely not someone who would wear something that expensive to office, which only means two things —"
"That you are snooping into my life too much and making my coffee go cold?"
"No, that means, either you have somewhere special to go after office or... this isn't your suit."
"I-- I have no special to go and this is my suit, okay?"
"Its a bit tight around the arms. "
Dammit.
"May, do you have literally no work today for you to be asking me all these questions? If you don't, I can happily give you more work."
"You are being weird. Something is weird here."
"May, nothing is weird here except you."
"You get a coffee delivered from some mystery person. You are suddenly wearing designer clothes, which you have told me yourself that you hate. You are busy every weekend I ask you to meet. You leave office on time and you hardly ever work overtime."
Oh my god, Tine Teepakorn, are you dating someone?"
"In your imagination, may be?"
"Does the person you are dating know you are so much of a workaholic that you would rather come to the office sick?"
"I am not sick, May and I have a meeting in..." I glanced at the clock on my laptop. "..10 minutes. So, I'd really like some time alone."
May sighed and got up. "Fine. But at least have some lunch before your meeting. Should I order something for you?
"No, it will take too much time. I'll have some later." May stared me down, waiting for me to change my answer. "I am fine, May. I'll see you later."
"I'll check up on you after the meeting... Oh by the way, I got a message from the reception desk. There was a visitor for Sarawat again."
I looked up hearing Sarawat's name. "The same person who came last week?"
"I am not sure? But he did ask for Mr Guntithanon when the reception staff told him Sarawat wasn't in office and they weren't allowed to give Sarawat's number to him."
"Did he leave a name?"
"No, he left right after they told him Sarawat wasn't here and Mr Guntithanon doesn't meet anyone without prior appointments. Should I email Sarawat about it?"
"Umm.. no, its okay. I'll let Sarawat know about it. Thanks for letting me know, May."
Finally, May left and when she closed the door, I picked up my phone to call Sarawat.
"Hello?"
"Hey you I just got to the lab, miss me already?"
"Thank you for the coffee."
"You're welcome and I am really sorry for rushing you this morning. I didnt know mom was going to suddenly show up."
"Wat, its okay." I coughed to clear my throat again. The AC was definitely cranked up today. "She was probably just worried."
"You feeling okay, Tine? You sound like you are coming down with something."
"I am fine." I took a big chug of coffee to clear my throat.
"Did you eat something? Ah, I feel so bad, I couldn't even make you anything for breakfast."
"We have breakfast together everyday, Wat. Its not—its not a big deal. You don't have to say sorry about that. How's Phukong?"
"He's okay. Pain medicines have kicked in, but he still needs proper rest. I-- actually, I don't think I'll be able to come home tonight. Mom wants me to stay home for a few days and help out Phukong, after office. The house staff can manage during the day but he'll need some help moving around in night. Would it be okay? I am really, really, really sorry."
It would be okay but I wasn't sure if I would be okay. If it were up to me, I would spend every single second of my life with him. That's how much I loved him. But I also don't want to be like those clingy people in relationships. I want to give Sarawat the space he needs. I want him to have enough time to spend with his family. I just want him to be happy.
"Wat... why are you apologising again? Its okay. You should stay with Phukong — You were anyway planning to stay with Phukong until your mom came back."
"I know, but my plan was to make you stay home with me."
"That-- that wasn't the plan at all. I just stayed last night because it was late."
"Well, my plan was to trick you into staying the whole week."
"Sarawat Guntithanon. I am starting to believe you tricked me into dating you and now you just give out coffees to make sure I don't figure out your secret plan.."
"But is my plan working?" I could hear his laugh over the phone.
I smiled, taking a chug of the coffee. "I think its working really well. The coffee is nice."
"Will you be okay on your own for a few days?"
I don't know. May be I will, May be I won't. All I know is that I will miss you. I have forgotten what its like to go back to an empty apartment and sleep in a bed alone. I have forgotten what its even like to go grocery shopping alone.
But may be I need to remind myself of all that again — Nothing good will come out of being too dependent on Sarawat. I have been doing okay on my own and I can be okay on own.
"Of course I'll be fine." I said. "Wat. I am a 26-year old adult who has been living alone on his own since he was 18."
"You are not alone anymore, Tine. You have me."
And that's when my heart skipped a beat. No Tine, you can't just tell him you love him over the phone. Not now, its too early. Everything has the right place and the right time.
"Right.." I say after pausing, trying to talk about anything, but this. "so, there was a visitor for you at the reception desk today. Actually there was a visitor wanting to meet you last week as well — I think they were the same person because when he was told you are not in the office, he wanted to meet Mr Guntithanon... which means..."
"He knows me and dad. What was the name of this person?"
"I don't know. He didn't give a name. He wanted your personal number, which the reception staff isn't permitted to give out. You know how it is, visitors don't even get to enter the office unless they have prior permission."
"Weird. I wonder who it was."
"May be your cousin or something?"
"I don't really have any cousins in the city at the moment. I am not sure actually. I'll ask dad about it." That's when I heard somebody call Sarawat's name in the background. "Ah, Tine, I need to go I'll see you tonight-- Goddammit, I won't see you tonight. I guess I'll see you when I see you?"
"Yeah, see you soon. Bye."
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I stepped out of the elevator, unlocking the door to my apartment when my phone rang again, and I didn't even have to look at screen to know who it was. Smiling, I tapped on the phone screen and put it to my ear.
"How was your day?" I said, as soon as I picked up the phone.
"It was — nice and boring all at the same time. Sorry I couldn't call you earlier. Got stuck in traffic on my way back and then mom was already waiting for me to have dinner. What are you doing? Did you have dinner already?"
Sarawat had messaged him when he was getting off work and I had assumed he got busy with his mom and Phukong when he didn't call back.
"I am just getting home..." I murmured and closed the door behind me.
"Tine, its 10 fucking PM."
"I—I had some work." I put my office bag down on the table and loosened his tie.
"What work needed you to stay in office this late?"
Nothing. There was no work. I was just scared of going home alone — I was no longer used to this feeling. And now, coming back to the eerily empty house, I realised I should have just stayed at the office for longer.
"Just some work that needed to get done today..."
"Tine..."
He called out my name in a low and angry voice. I could feel Sarawat about to go into a rant and I needed a distraction — quick.
"So.." I said. "I got an email today from our college's Alumni Board. There is a small charity event for the Alumni members who support the Scholarship fund."
"So? What's that got to do with us? Tine, don't try deflecting from the topic."
Well, I am trying
"I am one of the Alumni members who support the fund to help more kids get scholarships. I have been invited to the party with a plus one. Do you want to come with me?"
"Wow. I—I didn't know that, Tine. That's really amazing. I didn't even know there was a fund like that."
"You know I was one of the scholarship kids, right? I wouldn't have been able to afford an MBA without the scholarship. Now the most I can do is, give back. So, what do you say? Do you want to come with me? The party is in a few weeks."
"I am really proud of you, Tine. I really am. But I am not sure if I want to go back to college. It reminds me of a lot of bad memories that I want to forget."
"But you also said you wanted to replace the bad memories with good ones. Isn't it time, Wat?"
And I all I needed was the right time and the right place to tell Sarawat how much he meant to me.
"Tine..."
"I promise it won't be as boring as it sounds.."
"Everyone will be there Tine and I just — I just don't want to meet everyone."
"Not all the alumni will be there, Wat. Its a small event with only the alumni members who have been donating to the scholarship fund." I sighed. I was clinging to him again. I was trying to cling to him, again. "You know what? Nevermind, I'll tell them I can't come. Its not a big deal—"
"No. No. Let's go, I don't mind Tine. Lets go."
"You don't have to if you don't want to, Wat. I am serious. Its not that big of a deal—"
"Lets go. Tine. Seriously. Lets go. You are right. Its time we replaced our bad memories with some good ones."
I couldn't help but smile. "Okay. if that's what you want —" sneeze.
"Tine Teepakorn, are you seriously sick?"
"No, I am not Wat. Its just allergies." I sniffed.
"You don't have any allergies."
"I get dust allergies.... sometimes."
Sarawat sighed. "Have some dinner Tine. Take medicines, and go to sleep. Don't go to work if you don't feel okay in the morning, got it? Call me if you feel unwell."
"Sarawat, I am fine..."
"Tine, you are already making me regret not coming home to you."
I chuckled. "you are literally half an hour away from me Wat. Stop being so overdramatic."
"That's what you turn me into Teepakorn. I am constantly worried about you." Sarawat went silent on the phone for a few seconds and I almost thought we got disconnected until he spoke up again. "I miss you. I can't believe I have to share a bed with stupid Phukong instead."
I laughed. Just listening to Sarawat's voice was enough to erase all the stress of the day. "Oh come on, he's not stupid Wat. And he is hurt."
"And he has been bossing me around ever since I got back from the office."
"At least he's not trying to sneak out of the house." I said.
"That's true-- " I heard some voice from behind. "Tine, I'll call you back. My stupid brother can't even walk his way to the bathroom."
"Wat, he literally has a sprained foot. Be nice to him. I'll talk to you later." I put the phone down and the silence of the house engulfed me again.
I miss him.
I made some instant noodles, sat back down on the living room sofa with a blanket, and started some romcom on TV that I had watched with Sarawat a while ago. My body pained. I felt weak. May be I just needed some sleep. May be I just missed him.
When I woke, I realised I had slept on the sofa all night. There were messages and missed call from Sarawat on my phone
Sarawat [11:02pm]: Tried to call you. I think you already slept and I don't want to wake you up
Sarawat [11:03pm]:You sounded so tired on the phone. Hope you get some good sleep and please take medicines if you don' feel well in the morning.
Sarawat [11:03pm]:Call me if you need me to come
Sarawat [11:54pm]: I miss you
Tine [08:12am]: Hey. Just woke up. I am feeling okay. I'll call you when I am on my way to the office.
I feel like shit. I feel like utter shit
I don't even know how I crawled out of the apartment and made my way to the office. I don't know how I talked to Sarawat calmly this morning without sounding like everything was going to shit. But I didn't want him to worry about me. He had enough on his plate already and I don't need to be the one adding to his worries. I am old enough to handle everything myself. I have always been old enough handle everything myself.
"Tine, I think you should go home. You don't look okay." May announced, as soon as I came into my cabin,
"I am fine, May. What time is the meeting with the marketing director today?
"2pm. Do you want me to get you some lunch?
"No, I don't feel like eating."
"Did you even have breakfast Tine? I have only seen you drinking coffee"
"I am okay May. You can go back to your desk."
May sighed. "You looked so happy yesterday. I can't believe I actually thought you were dating someone. You are too much of a workaholic to date someone."
"Are you insulting me or complimenting me — I have no idea." I laughed sadly.
"You look worse than yesterday, Tine. I can move your meetings for later or Josh can go attend the meeting on your behalf. You can go home and rest up."
"For the last time, I am fine, May. Just remind everyone about the team meeting at 4.30pm. I'll leave for my meeting with the director."
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I checked the time when my phone rang again. It was close to 8pm and I knew who was calling — The boy I missed so very much. The boy I probably wouldn't see until the weekend.
"Hey you.." I whispered on the phone, realising, I didn't have much energy left to speak any louder.
"Why are you still in the office, Tine?"
"How do you know I am in the office?"
"I didn't actually — I took a wild guess and turns out, I was right."
I coughed up to clear my throat. "I am just wrapping up some work"
"Babe, you still don't sound good — Are you sick?"
"Ah. No. Just allergies."
"I am starting to think you don't really know how allergies work."
I laughed lowly. "These are just allergies, Wat."
"Leave right now, Tine or I'll come to pick you up."
"You should go home instead, Wat. Phukong still isn't well. I'll also leave as soon as I finish up the work here."
There was a silence on the phone for a few seconds and I almost assumed Sarawat would yell at me. But instead, he spoke in a calm, low voice. "Fine. Then work all you want. Goodbye." And, he disconnected the phone right then in a very passive aggressive way.
I tried calling him back and texting him, but he didn't answer. Resigning, I got back to the work with the little energy that I had, hoping that Sarawat would eventually call me back.
He didn't. But 20 minutes later, my office door opened with a loud thud.
"Wat... " He was standing right there standing in front of me with furrowed brows and a strange look in his eyes that I couldn't understand.
"Get up right now Tine, we are leaving."
"Wat.. I thought you went home."
"I am going home and I am taking you with me."
"Why did you come Wat? I swear I am fine."
"You are fine?" Sarawat laughed but his laugh didn't reach his eyes. "Tine, you sounded bad on the phone, but god, you look so much worse. Why are you still here in the office? Everyone else on the team has already left."
"I would have been fine on my own. I'll just take some meds and go back to sleep. Seriously, you should go home, you can still make dinner. Your mom will be disappointed if you don't make it."
"Why can my mom be disappointed with me but you can't? Tine, you are unwell, why can't you just tell me you are sick? Why can't you just ask me to stay with you instead of being okay with everything? Why can't you just be disappointed when I tell you I can't come home? I don't want you to be 'just fine' on your own Tine. You have me."
"Because I am fine, Wat. I have been doing just fine on my own for a long time and I am used to it."
"Don't you think its time you got used to me too?"
I opened my mouth and closed it back again. I didn't know how to answer him. I was too scared to get used to him.
Sarawat walked closer to me and put his palm over my head. "God, you are burning up. Lets just go Tine. We are going to the hospital. I don't want to waste time arguing with you on this."
"Stop overreacting Wat." I took a long deep breath. I could feel he was running out of energy. "I will go home, take some medicine and I will be fine."
"Tine, I will give you exactly 10 seconds to pack up your stuff and leave -- or I will physically pick you up and throw you in my car."
"Wat, I am fin—" I got up from my chair and that's when things started to go wrong. I was losing my balance. Everything started blurring out. And I was instantly filled with regret.
"Tine?
Tine?
Fuck."
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When I opened my eyes again, I was in a different room that I didn't quite recognize, lying on a bed with something attached to my hand. Hospital. This was a hospital.
Looking to my side, I found Sarawat, sitting there, tapping away on his phone furiously. And that's when I remembered everything. He had to come to the office because of me and then he had to take me all the way to the hospital instead of going home to his family. God, I was so stupid. I should have just taken care of myself better.
"Wat--- " I called him out. My voice still groggy and weak. "Wat, I am sorry."
That's when Sarawat looked up in surprise. "You are up. Thank god. I'll call the doctor to check up on you. How are you feeling?"
"I am okay. I am just really sorry for today. Sorry for wasting your time and —"
Sarawat sighed loudly. "I am going to call the doctor first and then we are going to have a talk."
"A talk about..?"
"A talk about how stupid you are, Tine Teepakorn."
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A/N: Can I get a high five for not leaving this chapter on a cliffhanger?
I wouldn't really term Tine as a 'tsundere' in this story but I would term him as more 'closed off.' Someone who never really thought he 'fit in' anywhere — This was one of the main reasons he stayed away from Sarawat in college and why he wanted to create some distance from Sarawat when they met again.
Tine had to grow up too quickly with his father dying and taking care of his grieving mother. He had to do everything himself because he didn't want to be a burden on his brother who already had a lot on his plate — And that's why insists on being alone and indepedent.
When you have been alone for too long, when you have build a wall around you over the years, it can be hard bringing it down for a person, even if you love them. You stop asking for help.
There is a lot of learning and unlearning Tine needs to do. He needs to unlearn the fact that he isn't alone and he needs to learn how to ask for help.
I don't know why I wrote this to be honest, may be because I am still trying to learn that too.