a/n: Remi's baby bump size above <33
----------------------
As the weeks passed, Remi grew more and more attached to the baby. This was because of two reasons.
1. Because he finally knew the baby's gender.
2. And because of the fact that he recently began feeling the baby move and kick.
At first, it was just light flutters like Doc said every now and then, little movements as the baby turned and wriggled. But just a few days ago, Remi felt a soft thud inside of him. At first, he got scared, not knowing what it was. Then, it began to happen more frequently, and that's when Remi knew that it was the baby kicking.
He wished that Marcelo was here to feel the baby kick. But then again, no. He felt that Marcelo didn't deserve to be here. Not after he broke his promise and betrayed him and hurt him time after time. Remi didn't feel sorry that Marcelo missed out. If anything, he felt sorry for himself. These damn back pains were hell.
"Come on, Pax," Remi said softly as he walked into the living room where Paxton was laying on his bed. He just woke up from a nap and heard Paxton whimpering as he tried to let Remi know that he had to use the restroom. He put Paxton's leash on and waddled behind him as they exited the apartment and walked through the breezeway.
For some odd reason, Remi expected Marcelo to be there when they exited the breezeway like he was last time. But of course, that wasn't the case.
Remi shook his head of the foolishness and led Paxton over to his favorite bushes. Paxton sniffed around for a few seconds before he eventually lifted one of his legs and did his business.
Remi enjoyed the fresh air and the September sun on his skin. He hadn't been leaving his apartment a lot except for work since he'd been so tired lately. The baby had been taking away all of Remi's energy for his little kicks and wiggles. Remi's been so tired because of this that Mrs. Callum even caught him asleep a couple of times on the job, but she never bothered him. She knew from experience how rough pregnancy could be. And, she knew that Remi was alone and had to do a lot by himself so he had to be extra, extra tired.
Once Paxton finished up, Remi unfolded one of the disposable puppy bags that he'd brought and cleaned up before he threw the bag into the complex's dumpster nearby. Then, he and Paxton went back inside.
Lately, along with increasing exhaustion, the cravings that Remi was experiencing before were replaced by new and much, much weirder cravings. Like jalapeños and Cinnamon Toast Crunch or corn dogs dipped in ice cream or pickles and cottage cheese. The list gets weirder.
But now, Remi was craving his absolute favorite: bananas and lime juice.
He grabbed a bowl from the cabinet as well as a knife, a lime from the refrigerator, and two bananas. He then brought everything over to the counter. He unpeeled the bananas and cut them each up into tiny slices before placing the tiny slices into the bowl. He then cut the lime in half and squeezed all of the juice out of the first half into the bowl before squeezing all of the juice out of the second half into the bowl.
By the end, he had a delicious-looking—at least to him—bowl of bananas and lime juice. Lastly, he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and a spoon. He then went over to the couch and eased himself down onto it. He made a self note to get more pillows for the couch. He turned on something to watch on the tv and got to eating. He literally moaned at how good the concoction tasted—to him.
He rubbed his belly unconsciously as he ate. It was something that he began doing a lot more now, for reasons already listed. He could feel the baby begin to wriggle a little. He looked down at his belly, smiling. That's really the only time that he smiles: when he feels the baby. Or when he's playing with Paxton of course.
"Hi, mi joya. I feel y-you in there."
The baby kicked softly.
"I can't w-wait for you to come. Maybe it'll b-be less lonely with you here." Remi's smile then turned into a sad one. "I promise that I'll a-always love you. And I promise to k-keep my promises."
-----------
Remi turned onto his side and placed one pillow underneath his belly and another in between his thighs. He sighed at how uncomfortable he felt. He'd have to get a boppy pillow soon.
It was nearly 10pm. Remi usually goes to bed a lot more earlier than this—a result of being lonely all of the time—but he stayed up a bit longer ordering a few things for the baby. He didn't want to get too big before ordering the major things that the baby would need: a crib, a bassinet, a few clothes, and other major things.
Lately, Mrs. Callum has been upping his payment. He tried to tell her not to do that, but she wanted to make sure that he had enough money to pay for the things that he needed to buy. Remi was more than grateful, hence him using said money to buy the baby things.
He had no idea what he would do when the items actually came though. He had no idea how to build a crib or a bassinet. He assumed that he would just have to learn when the items arrive.
Sighing again, Remi adjusted himself once more on the bed. Ugh, the bed felt like a pile of bricks.
Once Remi got temporarily comfortable again, he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, not wanting to be awake for too long in case he got uncomfortable again. Key word: he tried. But, there was something keeping him awake. Of course he had millions of thoughts running through his mind 24/7, but there was only one that mattered this time.
Marcelo.
Remi couldn't stop thinkings about him. He missed everything about Marcelo. His smile, his voice, his laughter, everything that wasn't here anymore. Remi missed how he would kiss him so gently, how his touch would feel so, so fucking good, how amazing he would treat his body.
Slowly but surely, Remi slid his hand down his body and into his pajama shor—No, he shouldn't. But he wanted to, and he did.
He placed his fingers on top of his button and began rubbing himself. He closed his eyes and imagined that it were Marcelo's fingers instead. He imagined that Marcelo would run his hands down his body, pinch at his nipples, suck his lips, adore him.
Remi moaned shakily and bit his bottom lip with his teeth. He slowly pushed two fingers inside of himself. It was a little uncomfortable since he hadn't done anything down there in a while.
He tried, but it didn't feel the same. Nothing would amount to Marcelo. He tried not to think about it, but he needed Marcelo. Not just sex but every single ounce of his life was in need of Marcelo. It was this night that he realized that their separation might be a good thing. Maybe he was becoming too dependent on Marcelo for his happiness. Maybe they needed this separation to become better as independents.
Remi didn't want that though. He wanted Marcelo, but he could no longer have him. Marcelo wasn't his anymore. And that's why Remi came with tears in his eyes and a broken soul. It hurt. It hurt knowing what once was. That nothing would ever be the same.
No matter how hard Remi tried to think different, no matter how good he acted as if it wasn't the truth, Remi would never be fine. He wouldn't be fine if he wasn't with Marcelo. Marcelo was his other half. They were two halves of a soul that needed each other.
Marcelo, wherever he was, knew this too. But something happened. Something transpired to make him think different, to make him believe that he wasn't worthy of Remi. But even during these thoughts, he knew. He knew that he and Remi were made for each other.
But he wouldn't come back.
Not only did Remi's eyes form tears but he cried himself to sleep like he had many nights before, waking up with dried tears on his face and puffy eyes. He was stressed, and life would never be the same.