BRIELLE
I haven't slept in days.
Days meaning two exactly, but still I feel and look like a zombie. I've probably had at least four hours sleep, within the whole two days.
The two days is also how long it's been since Grayson has talked to me.
As soon as he left that bookshop, he's been in some weird mood. Hasn't talked to me once, and also sent me the weirdest looks on the face of the earth.
Is it weird to say I miss him?
The locker slams next to me and I jump, seeing Astrid stood the other side grinning.
"Holy shit!" I gasp, holding a hand over my heart.
Astrid takes several looks over my appearance before her eyebrows furrowing. She bites down on her bottom lip, sending me a somewhat worried look.
"Are you okay? You look like your dying," Trid whispers, pushing my hair back.
I blow out a harsh breath before hitting my head on the locker. The sound can probably be heard from the other side of the school.
The bags underneath my eyes can't even be hid with makeup. So I gave up, along with my hair that's been pulled into some messy ass pony tail that's looks as though I've slept in it.
The baby hairs making an appearance and curling down onto my forehead. For the first time in forever.
"I am," I joke, but half of me is not joking.
Astrid sighs, playing with one of her braids as I smile, trying to half convince her that I'm not about to pass out from pure exhaustion.
Leo passes us, he spins around so his whole body is facing me. His mouth drops as he sees my current attire and I let out the biggest sigh.
"Oh my god!" He cries and I roll my eyes, "No offence my lovely, what happened to you?"
"Nothing," I grumble and they both furrow their eyes brows, "Just haven't slept."
"I love you okay?" Trid exclaims, putting a hand on my shoulder before roughly shaking my whole body.
"Sleep you bitch," Leo interrupts, slapping me around the face lightly.
I gasp, putting my hand on the cheek he just slapped before moving my hand to my head, rubbing small circles on my temples.
"But hey, I have news!" Leo adds, waving a hand in our faces to shut us up.
Even though none of us we're talking. But it's okay.
"Remember how coach Herbert was found on the floor of the boys changing room all beaten up?"
Yes, I was there.
We both nod, waiting for Leo to continue. He looks between us, sending us glances back and forth before nearly grinning.
"They're opening an investigation."
I blink a few times, trying to process whatever the fuck Leo just said to us. I'm hoping it's just me being tired and hallucinating something I don't want to hear.
"You what?" I ask, shaking my head a little.
Leo nods, "Yup, police and everything. Apparently it's because Herbert won't reveal anything."
"But he couldn't of done that to himself, his nose was broken, he's lost two teeth and can't really see out of his eye!" Leo gasps, making me realise how much damage Grayson actually did.
I sigh, thank fuck he isn't telling them anything, Grayson's entire future could be ruined in less then two minutes. And i'm likely to crack under pressure, especially if they tell me if I say the truth they will set me up with Dylan O'Brien.
But now they're opening an investigation for it? The whole investigation part is a little excessive, I mean it's just a casual beating up.
Kind of.
"But that was over two weeks ago," I argue, "Why would they open an investigation after so long?"
My hands fidget by my side, does Grayson know this?
What about if everyone gets questioned?
Technically, we have some kind of excuse seeing as Coach Adams did see us 'making out' at the back of the changing rooms. But police could totally think that's suspicious.
My eyes widen, he could get arrested. I could get arrested, it shouldn't bother me because I've been arrested before but something about that reminds me of someone I'm not anymore.
"Does the football team know?" I question, my fingers playing with the hem of my pleated skirt as I wait for his answer.
"Not yet, I was one of the first people to know seeing as apparently I'm a fucking slow changer," Astrid raises her eyebrows.
"The point?"
"The point is, that I just overheard it. Then Adams caught me and just told me everything," Leo shrugs, biting into a twizzlers.
"There was cops in there and everything."
My breath hitches, and I can barely get my words out. I don't want Grayson to go to jail for beating up someone, for me.
Could he even go to jail?
Grabbing one of Leo's twizzlers, he protests but I'm halfway through the hallway to hear his complaints anyway.
I may have not talked to Grayson in the last few days, but today is a Thursday- a good luck day. I'm fucking making this up, I don't even know if it is.
My heels click against the flooring as I walk into the cafeteria, I didn't feel like sitting in the middle of a busy place. I was getting closer and closer to punching someone in the face as they kept chewing so loudly, so I left.
I make my way to the table in the middle, where nearly every football player is sat. Joined by many cheerleaders.
Who much to my happiness, are not sitting on Grayson's lap. But the closer I get, the more I see some brunette practically leaning on his chest.
Jealousy pangs in my chest as I drag myself over there, at least it's not a blonde, I tell myself. But it doesn't work, I really am jealous of whoever this chick is with Grayson.
My shadow looms over the table, many heads turn. Including Grayson's, but they only turn back to the girl who glares at me.
Her brown eyes meet mine for a split second before turning back to Grayson's, who continues talking to her.
"Els," Ben speaks up, gaining my attention.
"Are you okay?"
I nod quickly, I wanted to scream no from the top of my lungs, but I didn't. It would probably earn me several weird looks.
"Yup," I respond quickly, ignoring the feeling of sick rising in my stomach.
"You look, tired and unwell," Charlie chirps, sending me another worried look.
What is with these people and caring?
I force a smile onto my face, "I'm fine."
Turning my body to Grayson, I stare at the side of his face. Now I'm officially jealous of someone's side profile, I need to cry.
I think my periods due.
"Can I talk to you?" Grayson's dark eyes meet mine as his chest rises quickly.
The brunette next to him speaks, "He's a little busy at the moment, can't you see?"
Her hand runs up and down his thigh, but it doesn't have the same effect as when I did it in bed a couple days ago, before he was mad at me.
When I did it, he flinched under my touch, his breathing all weird. But when she does it, he barely moved.
My eyes are fixated on her caressing his thigh, which makes her eyebrows raise and a smirk fill her face. Oh how I want to slap it off.
I sigh, letting my eyes close in contentment for a second before re-opening them.
Grayson is staring ahead, his jaw only slightly clenched as he pushes his tongue into the side of his cheek.
"I need to talk to you," I rephrase, hoping that he'd listen to me and get up, moving away from the weird look-a-like sat next to him.
"Grayson, dude a hot chick wants to talk to you," Mason points at me and I roll my eyes.
Yes, listen to your friend dork and come and talk to me. Or I'll drag you out of here.
Grayson's jaw ticks as he sends Mason a glare, hopefully for calling me hot. But with Grayson it can be anything, the man is very bipolar.
"Whatever you want to say, say it in front of everyone," Grayson grumbles, earning several laughs from around us.
Ben's face stays normal as he stares at the table, sending me a shrug in the process. But I don't miss the slight frown at Grayson's words.
"It's important," I add, but the brunette only shakes his head.
I bite on my tongue, so he wants to play that game.
"Well," I start, now realising everyone on the table is currently listening to what I have to say.
They probably all expect me to give him some kind of speech about how he's the love of my life or something, just like how millions of other girls have done in the past. And yesterday for that fact.
"The cops are here. Opening an investigation on Herbert."
Letting out a deep exhale I look up, my eyes meeting Grayson's who stare back for several seconds. Most likely trying to find some kind of lie or joke in mine, but I'm being brutally honest.
Within seconds, Grayson is stood up and jumping out of his seat. Walking out the hall, I suspect I'm supposed to follow him, so I do.
The girl from before begins shouting, walking after me until she tugs on my blazer. Stopping me, I don't have time for her or her bullshit right now.
"You can't just do that!" The brunette breathes out, out of breath from running barely a hundred yards, "Steal him away from me, you slag."
I keep the rude words at minimum, "Listen whatever your name is, let's be honest Grayson here probably doesn't even know it either."
Looking at Grayson who has a small smirk on his lips while shrugging when the girl looks at him, she lets out a deep exhale, her shoulders dropping.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to steal him away but it's just something that's really important. You deserve better than him if I'm honest," I give her a small smile, because I'm feeling nice today and follow Grayson out the hall.
He walks into a quiet, small hallway before entering some kind of janitor closet.
I follow him inside, closing the door behind me as I look back at him. Flicking the lock so no one can come in and see us.
His eyes are telling me something but I can't quite put my finger on it just yet, it's something no one has ever shown me before.
A single lightbulb hangs over us, creating the smallest amount of light in the closet. But enough to see each other.
Enough to see the bags underneath his eyes, he's tired.
Just like I am.
"What the fuck was that about?" Grayson mutters, not looking down once.
"You told me too say it in front of everyone so I did!" I exclaim, placing a hand on my hip.
He sucks in a harsh breath, "You could of said it was about him."
My eyes narrow, he won't even make eye contact with me. If he wants to play that game, I can play, just after I told him about the whole Herbert thing.
"Didn't seem that interested to talk to me," I shrug, and he rolls his eyes.
"You know exactly why," He grumbles, sending me once glance before looking around the room.
"Unfortunately I don't," I remark, shaking my head quickly only so that he knows I'm being serious.
"Because your a dumbass," My mouth drops, and he smirks in achievement.
"You say all this shit about me needing a how to be a good girlfriend book and all this. But then you go and cuddle some girl, who by the way looks like me!" I whisper shout, feeling a relief after letting it all out.
I miss out the fact I'm scared of being in a relationship because of my ex. I'm not ready to go on a rant about how shit my life was. I'd probably break down and cry in front of him.
"You deserve better than him?" Grayson growls, "Seriously?"
"You heard that?" I gape, embarrassed, but his single shrug and scowl tells me everything I need to know.
"I was protecting her!" I gasp out, rubbing my eyebrows, "I didn't want her to get heartbroken over you, she's probably painted this picture of you in her head about who you are and what you act like."
"She probably thinks you'll listen to her, and care for her and will let her explain in certain situations. And that you aren't a complete dick that walks away from everything that could be solved in a minute," His eyes drop to the floor.
"But in reality you won't. Will you? I mean you barely let me explain anything, first the coach thing," His jaw ticks at the mention of it, "And now in the bookstore, you walk off before I can even talk to you and avoid me for two days!"
Grayson's breath shakes as he looks up at the ceiling, his eyes meeting mine, and for the first time I see hurt. Just like I've seen once before.
One thing I notice is how his fingers have started spinning the rings around his fingers, and his chest is quickly rising and falling.
"Fuck. I'm such a fucking cunt!" Grayson grumbles, running his hand through his hair. Anger lacing his movements as his fists clench every now and then.
His breathing is picking up, while my heart begins to race. Is he okay?
"How the fuck do I mess up every single good thing in my life?" His voice cracks, and I frown. He doesn't mess up everything, hell my brother is still friends with him and that's saying something.
"Hey," I whisper, watching him as he holds his hands over his eyes, "Fuck. I'm fucking everything up."
His chest rises and falls quickly, as he begins taking in more and more air, releasing it quicker than before. It sound as though he's gasping, struggling to breathe.
Guilt runs through me, maybe I shouldn't have said what I said, but he needs to face it soon, but seeing as he's having a panic attack in front of me, I can't help but feel bad.
"Look. I can forgive you for what you've done. I mean hell you beat up a coach for me," He smiles, his breathing becoming faster and shorter, "But I need you to sort your breathing out for me okay?"
Placing my hand over his heart, I listen to the rhythm of his heartbeat. It's going extremely fast.
"Focus on something for me okay?" I say, looking in his eyes as he shakes his head quickly.
"I can't," Grayson pleads, "I can't loose you, I can't."
How did we go from arguing to me having to comfort him in less than two minutes? This isn't the Grayson I know, he's usually rude and grumpy. But this is a new side, a more vulnerable side that I've seen small splits of before.
"You won't loose me okay?" I whisper, trying to make him believe it as I brush my lips over his cheek, standing on the tips of my toes.
But it doesn't stop his breathing from slowing down, "Focus on one thing you can see, hear and smell. Focus on them."
"I can see you, I can hear you and smell you," Graybear whispers, his eyes tightly shut as his heart begins to slow down.
"Good," I drawl, smiling, "Do it again."
He repeats himself for a couple minutes, saying how he can see the colour of my eyes and smell the shampoo off my hair and hear the soothing sound of my voice.
Maybe he didn't say that exact words about my voice but I like to think he did.
Soon enough he's back to normal, my hand still over his heart as I listen to the steady beat of his heartbeat.
I take a deep breath and so does he, "You okay now?" I ask him, looking into his dark eyes that show more emotion than I've ever seen.
"Jam mire. Fale teje," He whispers, almost knocking me over with shock. Ever since the game nearly a week ago he hasn't spoken in Albanian but I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on a little.
My heart melts a bit at his vulnerability, it makes me smile and the corners of his lips tug up at the time.
"Don't hide the smile, I know you're doing it," I laugh and he frowns.
"You make it so hard to be mad at you," He chuckles, his chest rising and falling slowly.
His lips part for a second, but he closes them a second later. Choosing not to speak.
"What?" I whisper, my gaze lingering on his lips.
I wait for him to speak, but he doesn't. Everything falls silent, the only sound around us is our very uneasy breathing.
He doesn't say anything, his chest moving slowly as he pinches the bridge on his nose.
I won't bring up the panic attack, because I know one of the worse things to do after having one is talk about it. And I don't want to push Grayson to talk about anything he doesn't want to.
"About this coach thing," He changes the subject back to what we originally came here for.
I don't mind it, it's a little less chaotic than what just happened. But still important.
"Could you go to jail for that?" I ask with a hint of worry in my tone, my eyes searching his face.
Grayson hesitates for second, deep in thought, "Yes but no."
"Such a definite answer," I mumble under my breath, but the way his eyes light up shows he heard exactly what I said.
Great. There's nothing more awkward than someone hearing something they weren't actually supposed to hear. Cause then you got to act normal- it freaks me out.
It's probably just because I hate confrontation, but I love it at the same time. It's a love hate relationship.
"It's easy, I could just say he attacked me first. Besides I still have those fucking scars," Grayson grumbles, pointing to his shirt.
My cheeks heat, colour spreading them, reminding me of all the times I've seen him walk out of my bathroom most mornings after having a shower.
His abs in perfect shape, the perfect v-line coming from the top of his towel.
"And, only if your okay with it you could say about how he touched you in the bar," Grayson adds before sighing.
"Only if your okay with it, if your not I understand, and that's fine."
"I'm fine with it," I nod, before an idea flows through my head, "I could get the cctv from the diner!"
His eyebrows raise, "They don't have cctv in any of the back rooms right?"
My smile turns into a scowl instantly, Graybear only smirks down at me as he lifts his hands in surrender.
"I'm kidding babe, don't worry," His smirk widens and my eyebrows raise.
"For the future or whatever."
I bite back a smile as I fish around my blazer pocket, finding the small lighter. I flick the switch, lighting up the air around us.
I sigh, that was so unnecessary.
"We're back on the babe basis again?" I say, a little smile playing on my lips.
Graybear rolls his eyes, "Whatever, just if you get questioned or some shit I don't know, say what you like and I'll deal with it."
He steps away from me heading towards the door, but I stop him.
"You don't have to deal with everything by yourself you know?"
He nods, before remembering something as he grins for the first time in days.
I stop him again when he goes to move, "Are you sure your okay?" I double check again, he nods, smiling at me a little.
But it's more tight lipped than anything.
"How's it going on with that book huh?" He starts, "Learning anything?"
"How did you know I got it?" I inquire, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Well, I wanted a new book so I went into your room when you were working, then found it on your bedside table," He shrugs.
"It's good actually, learning some good things," I smile, playing with the lighter in my hand.
The lighter is currently bright pink, with gems that Astrid spent lovely her time doing. She's really loving the y2k at the moment.
"Mhm, well come talk to me about them yeah?" He says, a small smirk on his face.
His eyes drop up and down my body once, before lingering on my lips as his part slightly.
"See you around Bee."
His eyes don't leave my lips until he's out of the room. Leaving me alone once again as the bell rings several times.
Ah maths, my favourite.
~~~
Throwing my bag on the counter, Ben waltzs in after me doing the exact same. But he opens a beer, nearly drinking half of it.
"When I go to college, I am never doing maths again," Ben growls, placing the bottle on the counter so hard I'm surprised it hasn't broken.
"You're going to college?" Grayson asks, making me jump. I didn't even have a clue the guy was in here, yet alone behind me.
He's holding one beer in his hand, while the top buttons of his white shirt are undone, along with his tie laying loose on his chest.
Hot.
"Hope so," Ben sends me a nod and I smile, "You?"
Grayson nods slowly, "Yep. Not that I'd do any of that shit though."
"Hockey."
Ben agrees, sending him a high-five which I can hear from the other side of the room.
An envelope sits on the dining table, a very gold envelope and my eyebrows furrow.
It's addressed to Ben.
Weird.
"Hey Ben, what's this?" I question, waving the envelope in the air as I walk back in the kitchen.
He takes one look at it before shrugging, turning to Grayson who has a cigarette in his mouth as he leans by the window.
I haven't forgotten about his panic attack, it's been stuck in my head all day. I just wanted to know if he was alright, and okay wasn't panicking. But he seems okay now as he semi smiles at me.
He blows the smoke outside, before inhaling another drag.
"I don't fucking know," Graybear shrugs, pushing the cig between his fingers as he stares at the gold envelope.
"Just open it Els, I can tell it's killing you," Ben sighs and I smile, tearing open the top of the envelope.
I pull out a piece of paper on gold card with calligraphy written on the front.
Everything is so gold.
You are invited to the wedding of Candice and Charles.
My eyebrows furrow as my eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.
My dad is getting married again?
And after everything, he invited me and Ben? Well more Ben, but my name is handwritten at the top in a very feminine handwriting.
I skim over the invitation seeing something written down at the bottom.
P.S, please bring a date.
I look up, making slight eye contact with Graybear as I tilt my head to one side.
He copies me, mimicking my movements as I smirk, biting down on my bottom lip. He does the same.
It took me a while to realise he was playing one of those games Lucy and Josh do in the office from the hating game, cute.
Grayson blows the smoke outside and I smile, looking back down at the envelope which Ben is reading.
I know exactly who is going to be my date.