ZEKIAH XYRIEL'S POV
"Nagustuhan mo ba? I rent this place for you."
I looked around to observe the surroundings. This place is like a secret garden in a central park. Dinagdagan lang ng table for two sa gitna at mga lights para mas lumiwanag ang paligid. He even told me that today is the 30th anniversary of this park that's why it's the perfect place to bring me.
"Para sa'kin lang naman pala eh bakit nandito ka pa? You can go now. I'll enjoy myself in this place that you prepared for me."
Nalukot naman ang mukha niya sa sinabi ko."Of course, I'll accompany you. Pinalagyan ko nga ng table for two para sa'ting dalawa tapos ikaw lang ang mag-eenjoy? Wow naman!"
"Who says I'm going to enjoy? Magpapalipas lang ako ng gabi rito para tantanan mo na ako," walang gana kong sagot.
I heard him let out a sigh and pulled my wrist gently to the table."Can you forget our deal just for this night? Sa totoo lang ayoko naman talagang sabihin 'yon eh. I just said that for you to agree on my plan."
"Sa loob ng isang taon at limang buwan, hindi ko na naranasan pang maging masaya. Seems like I don't know how to be happy again. Kahit nga si Alina hindi ako magawang patawanin eh," pagtatapat ko pa.
Bigla na lang niyang nilagyan ng iba't ibang klase ng pagkain ang plato ko."Lagpas na ang oras ng dinner natin kaya kumain ka na. It's not good for our health if we eat late. Mamaya na lang tayo mag-usap pagkatapos nating kumain."
Nagtataka man ako sa kinikilos niya ay sumunod na lang ako at kumain. This foods weren't familiar to me but it's delicious. It has pork, seafood, and chicken cooked in different kinds of dish. If I know, he ordered this food for us because he doesn't know how to cook.
Wala naman talagang aasahan sa lalaking 'to!
I couldn't deny that I'm really hungry that's why the I ate all foods that he put on my plate. Napapansin ko nga minsan ang pagsulyap niya sa'kin pero binalewala ko na lang. Hindi naman ako naiilang pero minsan nakakainis talaga siya. Seems like he want to say something but there's stopping him from saying it. Pati tuloy ako hindi mapakali.
"If you want to say something, spill it. Kapag hindi mo 'yan nasabi pagkatapos ng gabing 'to magsisisi ka." I didn't bother to look at him and took a sip on my pineapple juice.
Narinig ko ang pagbaba niya ng kutsara't tinidor niya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya."So, you're close with your half-sister now? Masaya ako para sa'yo. I thought you're going to let your anger eat you."
Naalala ko naman 'yong scenario kanina sa gate. I saw him talking to Scarlet that's why I immediately went to open the gate for her. Baka kung anong sinabi niya, hindi ko pa naman natanong ang kapatid ko tungkol do'n.
"Anong sinabi mo sa kanya? Did you tell her that we're friends or a sort kind of?" I curiously asked.
He shook his head, wiping his mouth with wipes."Hindi ko sinabing magkaibigan tayo pero sinabi kong manliligaw mo'ko. Can't you remember? You even told us that you're not ready and you will never be. What's the meaning of that?"
"Nothing. Don't mind it. Maghintay na lang tayo na matapos ang fireworks na sinasabi mo at saka ako aalis."
"Ayan ka na naman! Bakit ba nagmamadali kang umalis, ha? Don't you want to be with me? Wala naman akong gagawing masama sa'yo." His brows frowned, probably getting pissed.
I let out a sigh before drinking my juice in just one shot."Alam ko, dahil malilintikan ka sa'kin kapag sinubukan mo. Wala bang wine dito? I'm not used in drinking juices."
"Pansin ko na parang gusto mo ng mga hard drinks. Who taught you to drink? Hindi ka siguro nagpapigil sa Mama mong uminom 'no?"
Damn! He's so talkative!
"I started to drink after graduating highschool. Marami lang akong pinagdaanan no'n kaya natuto akong uminom at manigarilyo. No one could stop me from doing what I what, not even Alina. 'Wag ka na ngang magtanong." Inis akong tumayo at naglakad-lakad para makapagpahangin.
His questions were suffocating me and I don't feel like answering those. Wala akong gustong pag-usapan tungkol sa mga bagay na matagal ko nang kinalimutan. I might beat him up while telling him the reason.
"Wuy! Sorry na! Hindi ko naman napigilang itanong pero titigil na ako. Just talk to me. Magmumukha akong baliw dito, eh." He keeps on following me wherever I go.
Bigla akong huminto at lumingon sa kanya kaya halos magkadikit na lang ang mukha namin. Just one wrong move and he'll going to kiss me. Pero bago pa man mangyari 'yon ay ako na mismo ang umatras at lumayo sa kanya. He was stiffened a bit and gulped for so many times. Ni hindi ko na nga mabilang kung pang-ilan na at may laway pa ba siyang malulunok.
"Keep a distance from me. I don't like being near with guys especially to you. So if you want to be with me for this night, obey my words." Nagpatuloy ako sa paglakad-lakad at ramdam ko pa ring nakasunod siya sa'kin.
He didn't talk anymore maybe because of what happened earlier. Wala rin naman akong plano na mag-open up ng topic dahil bukod sa hindi ako pala-kwento ay hindi ko rin ugaling mag-first move. Like duh?! He's the one who brought me here so he should say something involving this place where we are. Nakakabingi talaga ang katahimikan kaya naiinis ako.
I stopped walking and turn around to face him."Ano? Are you going to follow me until death do us part?"
"Hindi ba vow 'yon sa kasal? Uh...k-kase...bakit mo sinabi ang line na 'yon?" He immediately looked away, obviously avoiding my eyes.
Pagak naman akong natawa nang mapansin ang pamumula ng tenga niya."At bakit mo naman naisip kaagad 'yon, aber? Why aren't you talking, huh? Biglaang pagkapipi ba ang nangyari sa'yo?!"
"Baka kase nakukulitan ka na sa'kin o baka naririndi ka na sa boses ko. But honestly, I badly want to spend the whole night talking with you. Para kaseng nakakagaan sa pakiramdam na hindi ko alam. It's a strange feeling for me maybe because I'm with the girl I like."
Matagal niya akong tinitigan na para bang binabasa ang reaksyon ko. In the end, I turned my back on him because I couldn't resist his eyes staring differently on me. 'Yon bang tingin na parang ngayon lang siya sumaya. But that eyes...I could see the same emotion before. Gano'n na gano'n ang reaksiyon ng mga mata na niloko lang pala ako.
"Makinig ka sa sasabihin ko. I don't know if you're just playing with me or what. Pero kung totoong gusto mo talaga ako, maghanap ka na lang ng mga bagay na paglilibangan mo. You can see someone or date some other girls as much as you want. Doon mo mapapatunayan na pansamantalang atraksyon lang ang nararamdaman mo para sa'kin," I said in a monotone voice.
Sumulpot siya sa harapan ko na nakakunot ang noo."Alam kong hindi kapani-paniwala pero sa maikling panahon na nakakasama kita, nahulog kaagad ang loob ko sa'yo. I have this feeling that something's different on you that no one has. Ikaw kase 'yong klase ng babaeng imbis na mahulog sa mga salitang binibitawan ko, sasampalin lang ako sa mumurahin. I like you because you're the only girl that could do this to me so please don't push me away."
I could see the determination and plead on his eyes but I stopped myself. I know on myself that I could never forgive someone again...never. Tama na ang mga pinagdaanan ko at ayoko nang madagdagan pa 'yon. Being fooled hurts like hell and I don't want to experience it again.
"Hindi ako madaling maniwala sa mga sinasabi ng iba, Shael. I forgive you this night not because I want to. I'm holding on to your words that you'll stop bugging me around right after this night. Kahit naman anong gawin mo, 'yong inaakala mong mapapasaya mo ako ay hindi kailanman mangyayari."
"Sige. Pero alam mong hindi ako madaling sumuko, Zeriel. I always get what I want and keep that in your mind," he seriously answered.
Hindi ko na lang pinansin ang sinabi niya at tumingin sa taas kung saan nagsimulang pumutok ang mga fireworks display. It was sparkling that brought colors to the night sky. Matagal-tagal na rin simula nang makakita ako ng ganito ka gandang fireworks kaya medyo gumaan ang loob ko. I suddenly felt guilty for saying that to him but it's wrong to feel that way.
Why should I be worried if he was hurt? Kakasabi niya nga lang na hindi siya madaling sumuko.
Pero bakit may parte pa rin sa'kin na dapat akong magpasalamat sa kanya dahil dinala niya ako rito. That because of him, my emotions calmed down so as myself. And he's the reason why I felt this way.
"The fireworks is over and it's sad to say that I never felt happy as what you wanted." For the first time, I lied to him.
Nabulabog ang tulog ko dahil sa sunod-sunod na pagkatok sa pintuan ng kwarto ko. I lazily stood up to open the door and there I saw Scarlet standing in front of me, wearing her school uniform. Kinusot-kusot ko ang mga mata ko nang masilaw ako sa sikat ng araw. The sun is shining brightly today so I'm wondering what time is it.
"Ate, sabi ni Papa ihatid mo raw ako sa school. He doesn't want me to ride a taxi nor to commute. Okay lang ba sa'yo?" kinakabahan niyang tanong sa'kin.
I just nodded in response but when I remember what day is it, my eyes widened in shock."Scarlet! Anong oras na? Gosh! I forgot to set my alarm clock before going to bed. I'm sure that I'm late."
"Sabi mo po malapit na ang semi-finals niyo. I think you should prepare yourself for your lesson recall."
"What the fu---Wait for me downstairs. I'll take a quick shower and then we'll go." Nagmamadali akong pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko at halos magkahulog-hulog na ang mga gamit ko.
Nasanay na kase akong kapag walang pasok, eh weekends na pero naalala kong Thursday pala kahapon at Friday ngayon. The reason why we don't have classes yesterday is because of the teacher's day. They celebrated in a beach resort for their most awaited event. At nakalimutan ko pa talagang magpa-alarm kagabi dahil na rin siguro sa pagod ko.
Holy freaking shit!
"Get inside the car first. Kukuha lang ako ng isang pirasong toasted bread at fresh milk."
Agad naman siyang tumango at hindi na nagsalita pa dahil alam niyang wala ako sa mood. And when I'm not in the mood, I'll yell whoever that person I'm talking to. Even Scarlet knows what kind of person I am that's why she'd rather keep her mouth shut. Sinabi niya pa nga sa'kin na hangga't maaari ay iintindihan niya ako dahil ayaw niyang magkaaway na naman kami.
"Kanina ko pa inutusan si Scarlet na gisingin ka pero ayaw niya dahil baka pagod ka pa raw. Tingnan mo, late na kayo pareho." This man has the guts to talk to me like that as if everything was going through normally.
Kung hindi pa hiniling sa'kin ni Scarlet na dito muna ako matulog kahit isang gabi lang, asa namang tatapak ako rito kahit sa harap lang ng gate.
"Wag mo nga akong pagsasabihan. So what if we're late?! Hindi naman ikaw ang papasok kaya manahimik ka d'yan."
Mom stood up from his chair and gave me a 'stop saying that' look."Zeriel, kumain ka muna at 'wag ka na lang pumasok sa first class mo. Don't go when your stomach is empty."
"And what makes you think that I'll do that? Mahalaga ang oras ko at inilalaan ko lang 'yon sa mga importanteng bagay. Besides, I can eat in our cafeteria if I want to. Pinagbigyan ko lang si Scarlet kaya nakisama ako sa inyo." Malakas kong sinara ang refrigerator pagkatapos kong kumuha ng fresh milk.
Hindi ako umimik habang pinagmamaneho ko siya papunta sa school niya. She sensed that I had a quarrel with them but she didn't bother to ask me. Medyo kumalma na rin naman ako nang makarating kami sa pinapasukan niya kaya nilingon ko siya.
"If someone bullied you, fight back and don't let them underestimate you. I-text mo lang sa'kin at ipapa-expel sa school niyo."
She gave me a small smile and nodded."Una na ako, Ate Zeriel. Thanks for the ride."
"Just stay in the waiting shed after your class. Susunduin kita pagkatapos ng klase ko," I said as I closed the window and drove to the university.
Tuluyan na nga akong na-late sa first period ng klase ko kaya wala akong nagawa kundi magpalipas na lang ng oras sa cafe. I already ate my toasted bread and fresh milk when I'm driving here so I felt full. Hindi naman talaga required na 'yon lang ang kainin ko sa umaga pero nasanay na ako eh.
"Zeriel! Oh my gosh! Buti nakita kita rito, coincidence ata."
Agad akong napalingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses na 'yon."Don't fool me, Alina. Dito ka naman talaga palaging pumupunta at nagbabakasakaling magkita tayo. You know that this is my favorite spot."
"Eh, bakit ba late ka? What did you do last night? Wala ka naman sigurong appointment sa manager mo 'no?" She placed a cafe americano in front of me and another one for her.
I played the straw of my drink while taking a sip on it."Shael courted me and he brought me to the central park last night that's why I didn't get enough sleep. To make it clear, I disagreed and rejected him but seems like he doesn't care at all."
Naubo pa siya dahil sa pagiging straightforward ko at tinitigan ako para kumpirmahin kung magsisinungaling ba ako o hindi. And when she found out that I'm telling the truth, she totally freaked out.
"So, pumayag ka pa rin? Even if you rejected him, you still come with him. Gano'n na rin 'yon, couz. Goodness! You're in a danger zone!"
"Hinaan mo 'yang boses mo, Ali. Wala namang masama sa ginawa ko dahil sinabi niyang lulubayan niya ako pagkatapos. He even told me that if I enjoyed our night, he'll continue courting me. But if not, then we're over. Wala naman talaga akong pakialam kaya sinabi ko 'yong second para hindi niya na ako kulitin pa," I explained.
Tumatango-tango naman siya na para bang naintindihan niya na."Ah, talaga ba? Wait...I have one last question for you. Hindi ka ba talaga nag-enjoy kagabi o sinabi mo lang 'yon para lubayan ka na niya? Because if he's going to pursue in courting you, it's the end of the world."
"Anong ibig mong sabihin? That I enjoyed being with that cassanova? Let me remind you, my dear cousin. He's a guy and I hate their species! Of course, I'm willing to do everything in exchange of him to stay away from me," matigas ko namang sagot.
"Then why did you agreed to have a night with him? I know you more than your mom does, Zeriel. You have your plans. Pwede mong gawin ang kahit ano mapatigil lang si Shael sa ginagawa niya sa'yo. But instead of thinking some plans and do something to make him stay away from you, iba ang ginawa mo. Sinamahan mo pa talaga siya at nag-date kayong dalawa. Now you tell me, nahulog na ba ang loob mo sa lalaking 'yon?"
Natigilan ako saglit at tinigilan ang paglalaro sa inumin ko."I don't like him, period. At para matahimik na 'yang kaluluwa mo, anong gusto mong gawin ko?"
"Avoid him, that's the least that you can do."
Lumilipad ang isipan ko at hindi rin ako makapag-focus sa klase namin kanina pa. Tomorrow is the start of reviewing our past discussion and lessons so I'm complacent not to listen to our teacher. Marami naman kami rito sa loob ng classroom at alam kong hindi lang ako ang hindi nakikinig sa kanya. I'm still bothered about our conversation and I don't know why.
"Ms. Knoxville! Are you with us?!"
Naputol ang pagtingin ko sa labas ng bintana nang tawagin ako ng subject teacher namin sa Arts. I just let out a sigh and shook my head. Masyado naman siguro akong honest kaya nilapitan niya kaagad ako at pinatayo.
"What is Introducing Communication Theory: Analysis and Application. If you can't define it, better leave this classroom."
Takte! Bakit ba sa tuwing lutang ako palagi na lang akong pinapa-recite?! Ako na lang palagi ang nakikita nila at nakakabwisit na!
"The range goes from intrapersonal communication to intercultural communication, with everything in between. This provides a broad foundation for understanding communication theory, though it also means no theory or concept can be covered in-depth," nagdadalawang-isip kong sagot.
The whole class went silent after answering her question. Hindi naman siya nagsalita at tumango lang saka sinenyasan akong umupo pabalik. She continued lecturing us while I looked outside the window again. I even caught them taking a glance on me, probably in struck because they couldn't believe that my answer was right. Aminado naman akong hindi nakikinig sa mga tinuturo ng teacher namin pero hindi rin naman ako bobo.
'Ang talino talaga ni Zeriel kahit na hindi siya nakikinig kanina'
'Baka naman nag-advance reading lang siya at sinadya niya 'yon para makuha ang atensyon niya'
'I even saw Sophie's twitter update that she's an attention seeker. Is this a proof?'
Lihim naman akong napairap nang marinig ko ang sinabi ng paepal kong kaklase. She's totally the attention seeker in this class and not me. Akala niya naman magkalahi kami eh sobrang layo sa itsura pa lang.
"What now, Zeriel? Bingi-bingian na lang tayo ngayon, gano'n ba? It's obvious that we're pertaining to you."
Arguing with a low class like her doesn't make any sense. Akalain mo 'yon, pinigilan ko ang sarili kong ibagok ang ulo niya sa pader pero pilit niya pa ring kinukuha ang atensyon ko. What a bitch!
Nilingon ko siya at nginitian ng peke kagaya ng ugali niya."I know that you're pertaining to me, Ms. Whoeveryouare. It's just that my time is so expensive to waste for a trash like you. Wala naman akong pakialam kung attention seeker ako sa akala mo pero sana naman bantayan mo rin 'yang kinikilos mo. Lumalabas kase na gumagawa ka lang ng kwento na ikaw 'yong bidang uhaw sa atensyon."
As always, I left them dumbfounded as I get out of our room. May thirty minutes break pa bago ang second to the last subject. Mabuti na lang at may oras pa akong mag-research ng summary sa mga past discussions at lessons namin. I need to gather all of it and then print it out so that my reviewer is ready for tonight.
"Zeriel! Hintayin mo'ko saglit, may sasabihin ako sa'yo."
Kumunot ang noo ko nang marinig ang boses ni Shael hindi kalayuan mula rito sa kinatatayuan ko. Why is he here?! Did he forgotten our deal?! O baka naman niloloko niya lang ako kagabi at nagpauto naman ako.
I need to stay away from this jerk!
Bakit niya pa ba akong sinusundan na parang tuta?! Hindi ba malinaw sa kanyang ayaw ko siyang makita at mas lalong makausap?! He's annoying as ever! This fucking moron is getting off my nerves!
"Sandali la---Zeriel! Wait for me damn it!"
Nang lingunin ko siya sa likuran ay pilit niya pa rin akong hinahabol kaya mabilis akong sumisingit sa mga estudyanteng nakapaligid. I still have to go to the computer's laboratory but I might waste all of my time in running away from him. Even though he's always there to get my attention, I'll hold on to what Alina said.
If he couldn't stay away from me, then I'll be the one to do it. Simple as that.
"Step aside, fuckers! Hindi lang kayo ang tao rito sa hallway kaya matuto kayong tumabi," inis kong sambit habang nagmamadali pa rin.
Sa kabilang building pa ang laboratory kaya kailangan ko pang tumawid sa field at magpainit. It's on me that whenever I'm going to need something, saka ko lang maaalala. I need a freaking umbrella but it's on my locker and kilometers away from here. Bwisit na araw naman oh!
"Hey! Ngayon lang kita nakita ulit, Zeriel. I want to have a little chit chat with you but I'm busy on our upcoming exam. Next time, labas tayo ah." Katria was with his boyfriend and its brothers, maybe because they were too close from each other.
"Ang bilis mo naman maglakad! Iniiwasan mo ba ako?!"
Mariin akong napapikit at malalim na bumuntong hininga."Pwedeng pakisabi sa pesteng sumusunod sa'kin na lubayan niya na ako katulad ng deal namin?! I can't study with him pestering me around!"
Hindi ko na hinintay pa ang sagot nila at agad silang nilagpasan saka mabilis na naglakad para hindi niya ako maabutan. When I entered the laboratory, I was thankful because no one's inside except for me. I locked the door so that he couldn't enter and bother me anymore. Because of him, I only have 20 minutes left and I'm a hundred percent sure that I won't finish this. Anim ang subject na meron ako at may dalawang lesson ang bawat isa kaya talagang sa condo ko na 'to matatapos.
I was in the middle of researching my second subject when I suddenly heard a sound in the door. Seems like someone's scratching on it so I immediately stood up and turned off the printing machine. Pinasa ko na lang ang iba ko pang hindi na-print sa USB ko at in-off ang computer.
After finalizing my things, I opened the door and Shael lied on the floor right after the door opened. Napanganga ako nang makita ko siyang nakahiga sa sahig pero agad ding bumangon nang mapagtantong nakatingin ako sa kanya. Why is he here again?!
"Bakit ka na naman nandito?! Don't you have classes to attend?! Look, I'm a busy person and you know how much I value time."
At ayoko ring pagtuunan ka ng pansin dahil ayokong maging malapit sa'yo.
He looked at me seriously as if he didn't heard me offending him."Yong totoo Zeriel, bakit mo'ko iniiwasan? Is it about yesterday?"
"Yes! Nakakainis ka na, alam mo ba 'yon?! I agreed on our deal because I'm confident that I won't enjoy the night with you. Sinabi ko na, 'di ba? Why can't you leave me alone?!."
"And why are you so selfish?! I can change myself for you but why aren't you giving me a chance?! Palagi mo na lang akong tinutulak palayo." He sounded frustrated but I kept myself unaffected.
"Scarlet already told you the reason why, Shael. At kahit pa maging ready ako, hinding hindi pa rin kita papayagang manligaw sa'kin. Iba na lang ang gustuhin mo, 'wag na ako," I harshly said like I don't care about him.
Hindi ba talaga?
"Kaya ko namang maghintay eh, basta bigyan mo lang ako ng pagkakataon. That's what I'm asking for, Zeriel. Hindi naman kase ako robot na madali mo lang mapapasunod sa kung ano man ang sasabihin mo."
Matapang ko siyang tiningnan at nakibit balikat lang."For the second time, I'm telling you to stay away from me. You can change me in your heart like how you change girls everyday. Sinasabi ko sa'yo, nahihibang ka lang."
Kagaya ng ginawa ko kagabi ay tinalikuran ko siya at iniwan na lang do'n. He didn't move nor talk. He didn't follow me nor stopped me. Siguro naman ngayon naiintindihan niya na. Instead of being afraid to enter in a relationship again, I'm also afraid to get hurt just because of another guy.
A cassanova like him and a manhater like me doesn't match.
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