-Willow-
“This is so embarrassing.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands. My cheeks were burning and I couldn’t look Noah in the eyes.
He started laughing again. I dropped my hands long enough to slap his arm. “This isn’t funny!”
I came home a few days ago after ten days in the hospital, but my parents couldn’t stay with me all the time. Noah has taken up residence in Ash’s old room until I get better. He checks on me constantly through the night, sometimes he falls asleep on the floor. Some nights can be worse than others. Like the pain and nightmares. I haven’t told Noah about the nightmares and I was afraid to. He already apologizes a million times a day and I felt horrible.
Today is a day that has actually been good. It doesn’t hurt as much to walk, but I still have a little bit of a limp because I’m scared the stiches will pop open. But I heard Noah laugh today, something I haven’t heard since I got home. He’s been quite serious. His face always holds that hint of remorse. He handles me like I’m about to break, but I am much stronger than that.
It’s Noah I’m worried about. He hasn’t talked about any of it. He never mentions his dad, rarely mentions his mom. Scott never comes up in conversation either. I don’t want him to hold all of that in because of me. I want him to talk to me because I know it’s hard to talk to his mom right now.
Speaking of his mom, Carrie has been supportive. She sends flowers every day and my room smells like spring. She’s only came to visit me once and that didn’t go well. She basically broke down and I couldn’t do anything to help her. She apologized more than Noah has, but of course, nothing Leo did was her fault and I didn’t want her to think that. Noah made sure she got the letter I wrote her. She hasn’t said anything about it, but I’m hoping everything’s okay.
I shut off my mind and turned back to the snickering boy in front of me. “If you don’t stop laughing I swear I will kick your ass.” I said seriously.
But that only made him laugh harder. “You’re about as intimidating as a rabbit.”
“Then come closer and I’ll show you how hard I can bite.” I narrowed my eyes, sending him a glare.
His blue eyes held a small sparkle when he smiled. “Now you’re just teasing me.”
I stuck my tongue out at him and he lifted me up carefully from my bed. “I really don’t want you to do this. I can wait for my mom to get home.” Even then, it’s still awkward. And I basically do most of it myself. Noah's taking this duty too seriously.
“I’ve seen you naked before.” He chuckled. “And besides, your mom is working late. So you’re stuck with me.”
I sent him another glare as he sat me down on the edge of the bathtub. “The undergarments stay on.”
He smirked at me before placing his hands on the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms up and felt a slight sting on my side that caused me to wince. “I’m fine.” I said quickly.
He pulled the shirt over my head completely and threw it to the side. Next went the sweatpants. Noah didn’t make me uncomfortable but the thought of my boyfriend giving me a sponge bath made me squeamish.
Noah was gentle. He started at my legs, working up to my neck. He left a small kiss behind on my jaw before pulling away from me when his job was finished. “Was it seriously that bad?” He asked, taking a towel to my back. “If you must know…no, but still, you’re never doing it again.”
He lifted me up and brought me back to my room. “I wouldn’t object if I had to.”
He laid me gently on the bed and went back into the bathroom to gather the things he needed to change my bandage. He managed to help me get a pair of pajama shorts on before going to work on my bandage. It’s usually my mom or dad that changes the bandage, it was weird having Noah do it. He was more careful and slow. Not saying my parents weren’t, but I think he’s afraid of hurting me.
When Noah pulled the bandage off, his breath hitched in his throat. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” I said, trying to ease his mind. And it really wasn’t. I saw it yesterday and was surprised at how bad it looks, but it doesn’t hurt as much.
Noah was good with his hands, so it didn’t take long for him to finish. And not good in the way you’re thinking. I mean, he is a drummer for a reason. “It still looks pretty bad.”
I shrugged. “It does, but it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” It could be the meds talking because sometimes I wake up in a lot of pain.
Talking about this always killed the mood. I wanted Noah to be happy and I understand it’s hard right now. I don’t want him to worry about me. I want him to worry about himself first. “I’m not going to break, Noah.” I said.
He smiled at me sadly. “I know. I still worry though.”
“I understand. But I really need you to kiss me before I lose my mind.”
His sad smile turned into a surprised grin.
Noah leaned over me, placing his mouth on mine for a moment that wasn’t long enough. “So needy.” He joked.
I placed a hand in his hair, letting my fingers wrap around his dark locks. “It’s been two days. It had to be done some time.”
He kissed me again and then his phone decided to ring.
He stretched out his legs to get it from his pocket. He let out a sigh when he looked down at the screen. Before I could ask who it was, he answered it. He didn’t have much to say so I’m not too sure how important the call was. He hung up, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Who was it?” I asked.
“Scott.” He replied. “He wants to come see you.”
Something else we haven’t talked about. I know he heard what Scott said to me but we never talked about it. I’m guessing that means he just didn’t want to talk about it and I was scared to bring it up.
And Scott’s only coming to see me because he wants to say goodbye.
I wrapped my hand around Noah’s arm and tried to pull him towards me. “You have nothing to worry about, okay? I chose you. It will always be you, Noah.”
When I dropped my hand from his arm, he scooted closer. He picked up my hand to bring to his lips. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He said softly, kissing the top of my hand.
“Likewise, Lockwood.”
He gave me another quick kiss on the lips and stood up. “If Scott’s coming over, you’re definitely going to be needing a shirt.” He pointed to my bra clad chest.
“Too bad.” I pushed out my bottom lip playfully.
I got to hear Noah’s laugh again and it’s all I wanted.
Noah and I were in the middle of a Breaking Bad marathon when the doorbell rang. Noah hopped up quickly and went downstairs to answer it. I heard Scott’s voice and something inside me jumped a bit. Scott stepped in my room without Noah trailing behind. I looked at Scott now and noticed how much he reminded me of Noah, but with blonde hair. The blue eyes were the same and Noah’s features were sharper. There’s no denying Scott is something to look at.
Scott smiled and came towards the bed. He sat down on the side, leaning on his hand closer to me. “You’re looking better.”
I folded my hands over my blanket and gave him a smile. “So are you.”
At that moment, I wondered where Noah was. I don’t know why he left us alone, unless Scott asked. I seriously doubt that though. “Are we okay? I mean…” He trailed off.
I nodded. “We’ve talked about this. We’re fine.”
“Good. I came over because I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning. I promised I would see you before I left.”
I attempted to push myself up a little against my mountain of pillows and was successful without causing myself pain. “It was good to see you. We’ve known each other for so long, it’s going to be a little weird not having you around.” I admitted.
He let out a laugh. “I’m sure you’ll manage.”
I did for nine months. I also hated his guts then. “Still…”
“I wish things could’ve been different.”
Sometimes I wish they could’ve been too. “Things happen for a reason.”
He nodded in agreement.
Scott’s eyes landed on my lips and went back to my eyes. He leaned in closer and I almost thought he was going to kiss me but his lips landed on my cheek. His lips burned my skin with familiarity. I don’t even know how long it’s been. He moved his lips only a centimeter away when he leaned his forehead against my temple. “Stay in contact.” I muttered.
I turned my head slightly, catching the sight of his eyes that were watching intently. “I will.” It was my turn to return his kiss and I kissed his cheek for a little longer. “Bye, Scott.”
He didn’t say anything back, he just jerked away from me. It scared me, but he was out the door before I could ask him what I did. It was hard to say goodbye even though I know it’s not forever.
Noah came strolling in a few minutes later with my evening meds. After I took the medicine, he resumed his previous position. He didn’t ask about Scott and I didn’t tell. I wanted to cry. I felt weak and vulnerable. I didn’t want to believe I was the reason Scott was leaving. I know I wasn’t the full reason, but part of me knows that I was a fraction of it. I never wanted Scott to leave again. He’s safe now at least and that made me feel better.
A mere three weeks later and I was on my feet again. I wasn’t completely healed, but I could manage walking again without the worry of busting my stiches. And I could also take showers by myself again. I think that was the best part of this.
Noah isn’t around as often anymore and it worried me a little. His mom needs him more than I do right now and that I understand. And it’s not that I’m worried about our relationship, I’m worried about him because he won’t talk to me. I know there’s something wrong and I think that’s why he’s avoiding me so he doesn’t feel the need to talk about it.
My nightmares have only gotten worse as the days go on. I don’t sleep much anymore and it’s catching up with me. Ash and Ashley were here for a few hours to check on me and to bring me to my doctor appointment. Everything looked fine and no infections. The pain is more of a dull ache now then just an outright searing, stinging pain I felt when it happened.
I retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and started back towards my room. I stepped on the first stair and the front door opened. Noah stepped in, his eyebrow raising out of curiosity. “I can walk up stairs by myself, Noah.” I retorted because I can read the look on his face.
He had a crooked grin when he scooped me in his arms anyway. “Not when I’m around.”
He carried me upstairs and placed me on my bed. “Thanks, but I was completely capable.” His grin turned smug. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Noah asked about my appointment, as he always did. I delivered the same news and he was happy about it. He was more distant than he has been for the past few days and it worried me. I know I keep saying that, but it really does. “Is everything okay?” I asked, lifting my head to look up at him.
He rubbed his chin nervously, purposely avoiding my eyes. “Yeah…yeah. I went to see my dad today.”
It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it was. “And?”
“It was mainly for my mom. She was finally ready to go see him, but she wanted me there with her. I didn’t want to see him. I did though and I wasn’t sure what to expect. I maybe expected him to apologize. He didn’t. He had nothing to say, but I was so angry. I let it out. I got so mad they had to pull me away. I was glad my mom didn’t see that.”
“You have every right to be angry, Noah.” I spoke slowly, scared to say the wrong thing.
He sat down beside me and I wrapped my arm around his back and leaned into him. “I’ve never been so angry in my life. I just thought about everything he’s done. Every person he’s hurt. I don’t understand how he can live with any of it.”
I wanted to tell him that his dad was sick and needed help, but definitely decided against it. He knows it and I didn’t want to repeat it. Even with the way he’s acted, I couldn’t understand it either. “How’s Carrie and Alex?” I asked.
“She’s dealing and we tried not to tell him too much. It’s hard to keep it from him because it’s all over the news. He’s dealing also. Better than my mom, but still dealing. That’s why I haven’t been around as much lately. She’s had to take care of a lot of things for him and she couldn’t do it alone.”
“It’s okay.” I said.
Noah turned his head, burying his face in my hair. “I missed you.”
The words brought a smile to my lips. “I missed you more.”
“Doubtful.” He kissed the side of my head and moved to the top of the bed. I scooted backwards until I was in his arms. I still had trouble laying on my side so I stuck to lying on my back. His arms carefully encircled me and he looked down at me. He brought a thumb up to my eye, softly stroking just above my cheek bone. “Why haven’t you been sleeping?”
I opened my mouth, ready to lie because I didn’t want him to worry about the nightmares. But instead, the truth came out. I didn’t tell him the gory details. I told him enough that he looked at me like I was broken again.
The nightmares always ended with blood on my hands. The nightmares started with me and the sound of a gun. But as times went on, I found myself dreaming about Scott and Noah. They would try to protect me but it only hurt them. I’m afraid of losing Noah so much and I know he’s not going anywhere.
After I finished telling him, he nudged his face into the crook of my neck. “You should’ve told me sooner.” He mumbled, his hot breath fanning over my neck that lit my senses. “I would’ve been here.”
I shook my head. “Your mom and Alex needed you more.”
He couldn’t disagree.
“I’m here now.”
I raked a hand through his hair while his hand found the dip of my waist. He was careful to touch around my wound. The whole area of my abdomen stayed sore, just not as bad. It felt like Noah made it better. It never hurt.
I kissed his forehead and lingered a bit. “I love you.”
“I love you the most.” I felt his smile against my neck.
It all felt right again. It almost felt normal, but we were kind of a big step away from normal. I think this will be as normal as we get. And I wasn’t sure if I could be happier. It was over. Everything was finally over. I felt like I could breathe again. Noah was the breath of fresh air that I needed.
“Doubtful.” I replied simply.
He kissed my neck again before we both fell asleep.
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I'm a mess right now oh my gosh. I can't believe this is the last chapter, I cried writing it. I didn't want it to end, but at some point, all things have to. (Except Noah and Willow of course lol)
The epilogue will be up soon, I promise! (So far it's really long and I'm not even done) I'll do all my emotional thank you's in that because y'all are gonna get a lot of that, hahaha. The support is so unreal, honestly.
Please leave your thoughts in a comment, they make my day omg
Song: James Dean & Audrey Hepburn (Acoustic) by Sleeping With Sirens