Jean.
July 4th, 2022
She's gone. And I never said goodbye.
I wasn't able to pull myself together in time to talk to her before she left this world, and I will regret that every day of my life.
Everything seemed to go in slow motion over the next few hours. Niccolo, Connie, the hospital staff, everyone was a blur to me. I don't even remember them moving her. When did they do it? They must have sometime while I was sitting here.
What time is it? I seemed to lose track of everything now.
Connie held out one of the pre-made hospital snacks from the cafeteria, waiting for me to take it. His eyes were red and swollen. I didn't know how long we'd been there, but the sight of food made me realize how hungry I was. "Thanks." I mumbled, taking the food from him. I was still sitting on the floor. When I realized, I stood up, and felt immense pain in my ass. "Fuck... how long has it been?"
"13 hours." Connie stated, completely straight faced. I'd been sitting on the floor for 13 hours, not moving, completely zoned out, at a hospital. That seemed.. odd.
"And they didn't try to move me?" I muttered.
"They did, and you just moved back here every time. You don't remember?" Connie started, then sighed, shaking his head. "We should go be with Niccolo."
I froze when he said that and I looked down at the food in my hands. "Why?" I wasn't a huge fan of him in the first place, not just because him and Sasha were a thing.
"Because he was her husband, and he is in pain just as much as we are." When he said this, I immediately looked to him for clarification. Husband? What did he mean by that? I didn't go to any weddings. "They eloped around Christmas, just the two of them. Sasha told me when I visited her in January."
Of course that happened.
We walked to the waiting room, where I saw Niccolo sitting in one of the chairs. His face was wrought with agony, and I did notice a ring on his finger as we got closer.
We all sat there, in silence, for what felt like hours. The hospital staff didn't know what to do with us. They didn't want to kick us out, but we couldn't exactly stay there either. It was Krista who came up to us, her eyes just as red as ours.
"You guys should really head home and get some rest. It's been hours since.." She trailed off, her lip quivering a bit. "We wouldn't want to check you into the hospital for exhaustion.. so please, take care of yourselves. Get some rest, eat some food, and take some time to just cry and comfort each other." In the middle of her sentence, she began to cry.
Niccolo was the first to stand and he walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you, Krista, we know you mean well." His voice was surprisingly stable. "We will go now." The way he said that... made me wonder.
I watched as he walked out of the waiting room and out of the hospital. Then, Connie and I stood up. We each gave Krista a hug, since she seemed quite emotional, and we left.
"Niccolo was acting a little weird, don't you think?" I asked Connie after a few minutes into our walk. I don't know why, but I was concerned for the guy. I thought I didn't like him, but for some reason, I feel the need to protect him. It's.. what Sasha would want.
Connie took in a deep breath and let it out before he looked over at me. "Doesn't he always act weird? I mean, give him a break, his wife literally just died." He was trying to be light hearted, but I could tell he was in pain too. "Sasha just died."
"You don't need to remind me and you don't need to repeat it so much. I don't need to hear that anymore." I sighed, looking down at the ground. I couldn't say for sure why, but I felt like I needed to check on Niccolo. "Do you know where Niccolo lives?" I asked Connie, figuring he'd be the one to know since they were much closer friends.
"Yeah? It's like.. almost midnight though and we were just with him at the hospital. Don't you think we should leave him alone to cope a little bit?"
"Connie, didn't he specifically tell you once the reason he met Sasha. Because he almost killed himself?" I asked him, completely dumbfounded at my friend at the moment.
When I said that, I swear I saw a lightbulb click on in his brain and he immediately switched directions, and I followed. "Shit, you're completely right. That man has always been unstable and he's probably even worse since Sasha is gone."
I hated that he was right. I did notice how happy Niccolo was when he was with Sasha, and it makes sense. In a way, Sasha probably saved him more than once.
When we arrived at his house, it felt a bit eerie, honestly. No lights were on, granted it was midnight so he could be sleeping. Which, admittedly, is was Connie and I both thought at first.
"Maybe we overreacted. Just because he had attempted once doesn't mean he'd try again, right?" We were both thinking out loud. What were we going to do, really?
Well, we were about to leave when we heard a thud. An unnatural thud. We shared a look before we immediately tried the door. It was locked.
"I'll try the windows. You try the sliding back door." Connie said, going around the side of the house.
This was so illegal, but in a way, we could be saving his life. I rushed to the back of the house where the sliding door was and tried to open it as well. Locked.
Connie came around the corner, panting heavily, slouched over. "No good. Everything is locked." I stared at him for a moment, then back at the glass door.
"I guess we have no choice." I looked around for anything we could use and picked up one of the loose bricks from around the house. I threw it as hard as I could against the door. It didn't break. So, I picked it up and threw it again. And again. And again. Until finally, a part on it broke off. Just enough for me to reach in and unlock the hatch, only getting cut once or twice in the process. "Let's hurry."
Quickly, I pulled the door open and we both ran inside. There were spilled pills on the counter and it looked like they were sleeping pills. "Shit."
Connie yelled from down the hall. "Call an ambulance now, he's passed out!"
The next few minutes were a blur. The phone call, the ambulance arriving. It all happened so quickly. Connie and I had to ride in the back with them on the way there. It was surreal.
The next few hours went by agonizingly slow. He had to have his stomach pumped because of the drugs in his system and all we could do was wait.
Krista walked out a few hours after the incident, looking relieved. "He will be just fine. He's sleeping right now, but he should wake up in a few hours. We were able to react quickly and get him on the correct treatment, thanks to you guys," She sighed softly and shook her head. "Sasha wouldn't have wanted him to do that. So I'm glad you guys checked on him. We.. I shouldn't have let you guys go yet."
I could tell she thought this was her fault. "It's not your fault, Krista. We needed to leave. It's just how he is, and if only we had gotten there a little sooner, then maybe we could have talked him out of it. I'll be sure to keep him here, because I know that's what Sasha would want."
Connie agreed with me. And in a few hours, that fool woke up.
"Can't believe you tried to kill yourself, ya bastard." I towered over Niccolo, my arms crossed over my chest. Connie stood on the other side of him.
He was silent for a moment. "I just wanted to see her again."
"And you will. In like 50 years when you die of old age because you know she wouldn't want you to kill yourself." Connie shook his head.
"We are here for you. Both of us. For however long you need us. We all lost someone special to us." I added, sighing. "We will be back tomorrow. You need to rest and you need to clear your mind somehow." We began to walk out of the room, but we paused when we heard him.
"Please, just stay a little longer. I don't think I want to be alone right now.."
So, instead, we stayed in the room and talked with him. Sat in silence. Then talked again.
And we did this every day through his recovery. We went to Sasha's funeral together, and her burial. We all placed roses on her grave. And we all kept in touch. We never let each other feel so alone again.
Niccolo.
July 4th, 2023.
It was unusually cold outside despite it being the middle of the summer and a light rain began to fall from the still blue sky.
Those who were outside quickly made an effort to get somewhere the rain wouldn't hit them, as it soon began to pour.
The rain didn't bother me as I walked along the side of the road, hearing nothing but the sound of rain against pavement and my own breathing.
My eyes were red and puffy and my hair was a mess.
People gave me strange looks as I walked past them, most likely because I was completely soaked. However, I didn't care. I had a very important date today. And nothing was going to stop me from seeing her.
"Niccolo." I heard my name from behind me and I stopped in my tracks, looking over to see no one other than Jean, a friend whom I'd grown closer with over the past year. "Don't do anything you'll regret."
I've heard those words before. Countless times. I turned away and continued to walk forward, my hand gripping the wilted flowers I held just a tad tighter than before.
If only things had been different. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be tempted again.
"Niccolo!" I heard my name again, this time it was from in front of me. It was Connie. Both Jean and Connie were by my now. "Just listen. Today is a hard day for all of us, remember? But we can get through it together. Come on." Connie held his hand out.
Jean nudged me forward from behind and I couldn't help but let a few tears fall again. It had been exactly one year since the most perfect person passed away. And I still saw her everywhere I looked.
I looked down at the wilted roses I held in my hand. These were the ones I set on her grave when she was buried.
"We can go to the flower shop and pick out another assortment of them together. She will always be taken care of, remember that." Jean said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"There will never be any wilted roses on her grave as long as we are alive." Connie said, smiling a bit. "Because we all care so much about her."
The rain began to let up, and the sun peaked through the clouds. "And she knows we care about her. And she knows that we will love her forever." Jean added.
I took in a deep breath and I nodded once. I set the wilted roses down next to a nearby bush, not having the heart to throw them away, and I walked forward with them. The two that had kept me in like for the year since that day.
—
We each took our turns at her grave, setting flowers down, and talking to her. I asked to go last, because I couldn't muster the courage in the first place. I hadn't been here since we buried her, and I hated myself for it. Jean and Connie were the ones keeping her site clean. I needed to pull myself together.
I sat beside her headstone and set the flowers down next to theirs. I told her about my year and how hard it was without her. I told her how much I missed her. I told her about all the new recipes I tried to make to keep my mind off of her, and I added how it didn't work because food in general reminded me of her.
And finally, I told her how much I love her. "You will always be the one in my heart. I'll love you forever, my sweet potato girl. Thank you for saving me."
A/N: I will post a special chapter soon, but I won't say what it is. But thank you for reading! And I hope you don't hate me too much for how sad it was.