" Two cups of pineapple, watermelon, ginger, dates and cucmbers, all mixed specially for an amazing duo"
" What's with you and announcing what you always get for us?" I say while laughing a bit and collecting the two cups of smoothies from Haneef's hands. " It's fun" he says, settling down in his drivers seat. " Here" I say as I hand him his smoothie cup. " Thank you. Their smoothies are the best wallahi, very refreshing"
" I know right"
" Come on let's go, my mom's waiting to meet you finally" He's indeed happy that I'm finally going to meet his mom, but no that's certainly not the main plan. Today's Khairiyah's Henna party and I and my girls are attending. Well I could drive myself, but Haneef lately has been hanging around me, giving me the most intriguing company I've had in a while for weeks now. He offered to pick me up and I accepted, while Juwairiyah and Tay Tay would just meet us there. Their respective drivers would be taking them. We agreed earlier to only attend the wedding dinner but Khairiyah met me privately, hoping if I could attend all the events and I politely told her that I would, anything to make the bride happy. So yes, I'm bringing my friends along with me. " It's Khairiyah I'm going for"
" So you think you can see Khairiyah without seeing my mom, be dreaming. I've told her alot about you, she's very excited to see the girl I'm spending my time with these days" He says and drinks his smoothie. " Why're you telling her alot about me?"
" Well.." he starts and shifts in his seat, " Why would I talk to my mother about you?" He asks and I furrow my eyebrows. " Why're you asking me my question?"
" You're meant to understand" he says, intently gazing upon my eyes. " but I don't" I respond, looking away from him and drinking my smoothie. " Well maybe I told her I finally actually might have found a compatible partner" He says, making me choke on my drink and I begin to cough out loud. That's seriously uncalled for but I honestly can't help but feel flustered. " Calm down Hajiya, let's go. They should be waiting for us" He says and starts the engine of his car.
Compatible partner
My heart's beating faster than it's supposed to and I'm meant to not feel anything from his attempt to shoot his shot at me but I can feel my lips creep into a big smile while looking out the window, enjoying my smoothie. I'm really not supposed to feel this way, I'm betraying what I and Saleem shared. If anything happens between I and Haneef it would be us cheating on Saleem. But I really can't help but feel eager to have Haneef present by my side, it's something I've slowly grown used to and I'm not sure I would want anything to ruin our closeness now. I won't be able to bear another loss.
So I'm glad he found a way to change the topic as we drove to their mansion, today's going to be my first time there. I can already imagine how huge and grand it is, with exquisite decor as well.
The Isa DanLadan's mansion is located in Unguwan Sarki, their home stands out amongst others. It's huge, like I expected and heavily guarded of course. Statement houses like that aren't things I fancy, but they have a reputation they have to uphold and this, their home is to show for it.
Ladies were scattered everywhere in the compound of their home. With canopies around and music playing, everyone present was either chatting while having their Henna done or dancing and vibing around. I found Juwee and Tay Tay already getting theirs done so I and Haneef moved to greet the bride who was exclusively seated under a canopy with comfy pillows around her as she and a few of her friends sat on a furry rug. She sat like royalty as her Henna was being done. She was glad I was able to make it but we didn't talk much because she actually dismissed I and Haneef into going to finally greet her mother. As she dismissed us, a blush appeared on my face as I took in all what was going on. I really don't want to admit it to myself but it is happening. From all the looks everyone shot at us as we walked in side by side all smiles and the glares I got from some of her friends as she openly dismissed us to go greet her mother.
Well Haneef is a spec so I don't blame them for sending glares my way. It's annoying that I'm getting glares for just being his friend, what if he finally brings his wife home?. Girls would use their eyes to scan even the blood vessels in her system just to look for an error.
" Assalamu Alaykum everyone" Haneef greets with a very big smile as we approach the canopy where Haneef's mother and probably some of her friends and sisters sat under. " Haneef how are you?" One of them asks and he responds positively as I stand behind him shyly. " Mom, Zakiyah's here"
" Really?" She literally screamed that out of joy and Haneef moved from my front, making my tiny figure visible to every single one of them. Saleem's mother's present here too. " I told you she's a fine girl" She says to Haneef's arabian mother happily. " Good afternoon" I greet shyly, facing everyone present and acknowledging them. " please have a seat Zakiyah, how're you my dear?" She asks and with a warm smile, I respond. " I'm fine Alhamdulillah. You look great by the way, your Henna is very beautiful ma" I say politely as I stare at the Henna on her fair hands. The Henna artist is still working on her feet. " Thank you my daughter. She'll work on you when I'm done" She's beaming with a beautiful smile.
" I'm glad you're finally moving on after my son Zakiyah, Saleem would be contented seeing you with his bestfriend" Saleem's mom says and I swallow a lump. " We're just friends fa, that's all nothing more"
" Well I didn't say you were more than friends, did I?" She says, winking at Haneef's mother. Oh my goodness. " There's nothing wrong if you two decide to be more than friends you know. He's always talking about you when he's with me, every single time I see him he always tells me about you, how beautiful and nice and funny you are. I'm sure he doesn't even talk like that about me with other people" she says and pulls his cheek as we sat side by side in front of her. Haneef's indeed lucky to have her, even after his mother left him, he was lucky enough to find an amazing mother figure.
I miss my mother every single day honestly, I know there's no one in the world that can give me the irreplaceable love and care she gave to me but, I always crave to have that motherly concern around me. I'm thankful my father is with me, and I have my friends mother's but it's just not the same as having someone to genuinely call mom.
As I got my Henna done, Haneef's mom and Saleem's mom told me stories about when the two boys were kids, all the embarrassing things they did and the cute stuff. It is obvious in Saleem's mother's voice how she missed him so much, we didn't get a body to bury for Allah's sake. I got along with the moms and aunts present, I had to give myself a pat on the back for being a free spirited person. We ate lunch and had a little dance session before Haneef offered to drop my friends home before me. They both seem to get along with him so much, most especially Tay Tay, they're both experts in the savage bullying game.
" Today was fun, you enjoyed yourself yeah?"
" Yeah I did, your mom's very nice" I respond, fixing the strap of my handbag around my arm, ready to get down from his car. " Yeah, she likes you that's why"
" I like her too, she's a complete vibe. I'll see you tomorrow Haneef"
" No, wait" he says, making pause while trying to get down from his car. " What?"
" Don't you think we need to talk?"
" What about?"
" Come on Zakiyah, it's pretty obvious" I really don't want to go down this lane now. With a deep sigh, I respond, " I don't want there to be something to talk about Haneef" and get down from his car without waiting to hear his response. " Zakiyah wait" he says, following behind me out of the car. " Haneef please stop this. I really don't want to ruin the friendship we have" I snap, stopping in my heels to pour my heart out. " Our friendship is blossoming into something more beautiful why don't you want it to happen?"
" Can't you see. All this, all what we're doing, we're cheating on Saleem"
" oh my God. Saleem is dead Zakiyah for goodness sake" he snaps, leaving me speechless as tears brim up my eyes. " Come on Zakiyah, do you honestly think Saleem would love it if you don't find happiness after him. Do you honestly think that he's going to be happy if you don't move on from him and give yourself another chance of happiness?. Grow the hell up and face the reality Zakiyah, when you die everyone around you is going to cry but they end up moving on with their lives remembering you in their hearts so why hold onto him forever?"
" Even if he's gone Haneef, I love him with all my heart and what I feel for you is just wrong" in between tears, I say.
" why's it wrong?"
" You're my step-sisters's ex, you're my late boyfriend's bestfriend. How in the world can we share what's developing in our hearts with our past?"
" We're trying to focus on the present Zakiyah, we wouldn't be here if our past didn't bring us here. Zakiyah I've spent more than enough time with you to be certain of how I truly feel about you. I can see what Saleem saw in you and even more and I can't bear to see you with someone else when I could have continued what my bestfriend started" He says, leaving my mind cluttered. " Good night Haneef" I hurriedly walk into my compound, closing the gate behind me and sending my greetings to Baba Adil. As fast as my legs could carry me, I walk to my room and throw myself on the bed immediately after closing the door.
I want to accept Haneef, I really want to. Over the weeks, we've shared a lot and we've bonded and I honestly can't seem to picture myself living without him anymore, just like I did with Saleem but it doesn't sit well with me. I feel like a horrible person for falling in love with Haneef because I shared something beautiful with his bestfriend and he shared something with Ameerah who keeps on telling me to stay away from him.
Zakiyah:
You guys, I just had a sad encounter with Haneef.
They were the only ones I could talk to right now.
Few minutes later, Juwairiyah replies.
Juwee💖:
He finally told you he likes you and you rejected him.
Yeah?
Zakiyah:
It feels like I'm cheating on Saleem.
Tay Tay🙄❤:
You can't cheat on a dead person.
Zakiyah:
But he has history with Ameerah and she's been warning me to stay away from him.
Tay Tay🙄❤:
Since when did you start to care about what other people say?
Zakiyah:
😶😶
I'm just so confused. I know that Saleem's gone but then..
Juwee💖:
Why're you being so negative about moving on with your life without Saleem?.
Zakiyah:
I'm not being negative. I'm just trying to be cautious
Tay Tay🙄❤:
Cautious of?
Zakiyah:
Cautious of doing something wrong
Juwee💖:
Zakiyah Buhari Ali, your heart isn't wrong for finding happiness in someone else. Ameerah asked you to stay away from him but did she tell you why?.
She did not.
Saleem's life on earth has ended and you still have yours to live, it hurts to let go but if you want to survive and work for your akhirah, you need to move on.
Tay Tay🙄❤:
We've seen how happy and full of life you are when you're with Haneef. We want to continue seeing you happily pushing your way through life like that. Saleem would be happy knowing you ended up with someone he trusts to take care of you, and Ameerah's jealousy shouldn't stop you from being happy.
Zakiyah:
What if Saleem isn't dead?
Many times, this question has crossed my head. Nobody found his body so what if he isn't dead and he comes back to see his girlfriend and his bestfriend in love with each other, he'd be crushed. This is what's scaring me from moving on, I need proper closure, I need certainty on his demise. This is why I feel it's wrong, I can finally wrap my head around the reason why I can't move on. I'm still, lowkey holding on to the fact that he might come back even though the chances of that happening is just 1%.
Tay Tay 🙄❤:
You're finding it hard to let go even if you're in love with someone else.
Juwee💖:
Saleem's not going to haunt you you know
Zakiyah:
I know, but it's not certain he's dead.
Tay Tay 🙄❤:
What kind of certainty do you need Zakiyah?.
Zakiyah:
Many bodies were recovered but his wasn't. What if he's out there somewhere waiting to be rescued?
Juwee💖:
He was flying the plane, how could he possibly have survived it. I don't want to say this but his body was probably blown into bits during the explosion. That's certainly why nothing was found.
Yeah, that's something I always accept when this theory crosses my head. He's gone for good, I was going to accept it sooner or later.
Tay Tay 🙄❤:
What other way to move on from Saleem than finding love again and staying happy?. Think about it.
I don't need anyone to tell me to think about that, I've been pondering on it for days. I need time away from him to process my thoughts, I know I'm going to end up making the best choice.
*********** ********** **********
Cough cough, " I'm sorry I can't make it Khairiyah, I'm still feeling feverish wallahi" trying to sound as weak as possible to avoid going to Khairiyah's Kamu event is my only option to stay away from Haneef, even though it's killing me. Ignoring his calls and texts is killing me as well but I made a promise to myself to stay away from him so I can move on with my life without him in it and I'm not planning to cave to my own promise. That would be so petty.
I figured if I really wanted to be at peace, I needed to stay away from Haneef, it's the right thing to do. I made it clear to my bestfriends and they had no other choice but to support me. " I know you're not sick Zakiyah. Even though you're having issues with my brother, it really shouldn't make you not keep your promise to me" she hung up. My goodness, why am I feeling much more guilty when I'm supposed to be at peace. This is so hard. Calling her back is going to be useless and I can't get ready to attend the event now, they're probably rounding up.
My besties were looking forward to attend Khairiyah's Kamu and now that I'm in dilemma, they're forced to be in it too. I feel bad for them but it's going to be a matter of time until it all wares off. In Sha Allah. The moment I gulp down my glass of water in the kitchen, Ameerah walks in, sitting in front of me. She slides her phone to me across the kitchen table with an annoyed look on her face and I pick her phone, trying to see whatever she's trying to show me.
Haneef:
I'm degrading myself by sending you this message, but I don't know what to do anymore. Zakiyah doesn't want to talk to me and it's driving me crazy. I've talked to her friends and even her father but she doesn't want to budge, I've come to see her many times but you all don't want to let me in. Tell her I'm really sorry, I'm willing to forget about everything I said to her I just want everything to go back to how it was before. I won't force anything on her so please tell her to talk to me Ameerah.
" What nonsense is this?" Ameerah snaps, making me literally shake. " I'm sorry you got involved in this mess.."
" If you two are trying to flaunt your relationship all over my face I'd advice you not to. This is so stupid, I told you to stay away from him Zakiyah"
" and I'm doing just that, you don't need to yell at me like this"
" you ruined everything. I was trying to see how far he could go to prove his love for me but no you messed it all up, you just had to come into the picture and ruin every single thing. Now he loves you, he freaking loves you" so she was testing him?. " You're an inconsiderate person Ameerah"
" Shut up you don't know anything"
" What's your problem for goodness sake?. All this while you've been jealous and I thought I was doing you good by staying away from him. I sacrificed my happiness with him to be at peace with you"
" You're stupid. You should have stayed away from him when I told you to"
" you badmouthed him all this while and you're saying you were trying to see how far he could go for you. How selfish can you be, you didn't consider his feelings" I put a dead person's happiness and an inconsiderate person's happiness before mine.
What in the world was I thinking?.