Alice had made blue mist appear from the tip of her wand.
Frank had made a blue tinge appear in the air.
Dorcas had managed to summon a blue shadow that had ran around the living room for a few seconds.
James and Marlene had made a blue shield appear.
Lily had summoned a blue shield as well.
Sirius had summoned a blue shadow, too.
Even Peter had managed to make the tip of his wand glow with a faint blue light.
And then there was me.
Nothing. Had. Happened.
I'm sure that we'd been practicing for at least an hour.
That's not necessarily a long time, but it's still one hour that I'd spent saying 'Expecto Patronum' while imagining the happiest memories I could recall.
And nothing happened.
I was beyond frustrated, but couldn't show it in order to not look completely crazy.
I felt like punching something. Or smashing plates. I couldn't do that here, though, since it was the house of James' parents.
I tried again and pictured yet another memory very clearly.
Aleya passes me the Quidditch cup. We're jumping up and down happily and a tear of joy escapes from my right eye.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Nothing happened. I clenched my teeth and lowered my wand. Red sparks shot out of it, making me jump slightly.
"Wow, Frey," Sirius chuckled and walked towards me. Great. Out of all people who could've seen that, it was him.
"Judging by this accidental outburst of magic, it's not working for you?"
I bit my lower lip. Sirius' attention didn't help with my frustration. "No," I huffed out.
"You can do this," he tried to encourage me. "You probably just have to use a different memory."
"I'm trying!" It burst out of me. My frustration at the situation piled up inside of me and I quickly shut up and concentrated on getting the angry tears out of my eyes. I took a deep breath so that my voice wouldn't quiver out of pure anger. Another character trait I hated about myself.
I always started crying when I was frustrated or angry, and it was horribly embarrassing.
"That's what I've been doing for the last hour!" I continued when I could trust my voice again. "No memory works, they're all too weak!"
The first memory I'd tried was of my sister and Mum just spending time with me. I was always super happy when we found time for each other, but apparently, that hadn't been strong enough.
I proceeded with getting my Hogwarts letter.
Then with getting chosen as a Beater for Ravenclaw's house team-
"That's not possible," Sirius said and laid a calming hand on my shoulder. That's what he'd intended, at least, but of course my heart started thumping even harder.
"Everyone has powerful happy memories! We just have to look harder..."
I didn't tell him that I'd tried everything I could think of.
My family. My friends. Successful moments, such as succeeding at the Homunculus Charm. Nothing worked.
I didn't want to look pathetic, though.
"When are you the happiest?" Sirius asked me, an encouraging smile on his lips.
I quickly looked away and ignored the painful tug in my chest.
When I'm with you...
Of course I'd tried these memories as well. I knew that Sirius made me the happiest person ever.
But no, thinking of the time Sirius and I had spent together didn't work either.
Everytime I pictured us playing Quidditch or chess together, or just strolling through the castle, my mind jumped to the moment that had changed everything. Even when I thought of random but happy memories with him.
I'm running towards Sirius, the biggest smile on my face. My heart is beating rapidly in excitement and happiness. Sirius bends down slightly and picks me up when I reach him, twirling me around. I was the happiest person ever.
Then a different memory always came up.
Sirius sets me back down with the biggest smile on his face. "I did it!" He beamed. "I really did it! I kissed Marlene!"
And I just wanted to cry. There was no way I'd get a Patronus out of that.
So nope, Sirius-related memories definitely didn't work.
The truth was, while Sirius was the person that made me the happiest, he was also the one who managed to hurt me like noone else could. All at the same time.
But I couldn't tell him all of that, could I?
"I've tried everything," I just muttered without meeting his eyes.
"Maybe it's something else, then," Sirius didn't lose faith. "I'll try it again to demonstrate it, okay? Maybe that'll help you."
I just sighed and let him go for it.
He cleared his throat and closed his eyes. When a small smile appeared on his face, he tightened the grip on his wand and said "Expecto Patronum!".
Everyone in the room stopped in their tracks when something big and blue, but this time very clear, burst out of Sirius' wand and ran around the room.
A dog.
Padfoot!
I began to smirk at the realisation. So that was his animagus form. A huge dog with shaggy fur. My smirk morphed into a light-hearted smile at the thought of dog-Sirius tolling around happily.
It suited him.
So, basically, I only had to wait and see what the other boys' Patroni were, and then this mystery would finally be solved.
"Wow, impressive Sirius!" Frank exclaimed, Marlene shouted "Awesome!", and James burst into laughter.
"Who knew that Padfoot was such a suiting nickname!"
Yeah, good one James.
"Yeah, who knew," Sirius repeated as he was watching the Patronus run around, a proud smile on his face.
Then the dog disappeared.
"Very good," I said quietly.
"Thanks," He grinned back at me. "I was thinking about Marlene's and my first kiss."
My smile fell off my lips and that horrible feeling returned, but lucky for me, noone paid attention to me: Marlene had obviously heard what Sirius had said, because she shouted "YOU CHEESEBALL" across the room, making everyone laugh.
Sirius stuck his tongue out at her. "You're just jealous because you haven't managed to create a corporeal Patronus yourself!"
"Yeah?" Marlene lifted an eyebrow. "Watch and learn, you chihuahua."
With that, she raised her wand. "Expecto Patronum!"
I think I wasn't the only one who couldn't believe their eyes when a massive bear came out of Marlene's wand. When she saw it, her smile widened. "HA! I told you!"
"You just won't let me have my limelight, will you?" Sirius sighed dramatically, but suppressing a grin.
"Never!" Marlene exclaimed proudly. "I've gotta show them people who's got the pants on in this relationship!"
"Nah," James grinned, giving Marlene a high five. "We never doubted you, Marls."
"That's true," Dorcas grinned. "You never had to prove anything, but it's still always nice to see."
Marlene's smug smile and the happy glint in her eyes were contagious to everyone in the room, except for me.
The atmosphere in the manor was amazing, everyone was chuckling and having a great time. By the time the evening had come around, everyone except for Peter and me had managed to summon a corporeal Patronus. (James' and Lily's matching ones had really been the highlight of the day, but I couldn't share the giddiness and excitement, no matter how hard I tried to be happy.)
I wanted to hide in my bed and never get up.
This day had been terrible.
An embarrassment and a display of my failure.
As if I'd needed another reminder of the fact that I'd never had, and never would, stand a chance against Marlene.
She and Sirius were a perfect match.
Yeah, you see how studying worked out.... But I did my minimum hour the day!
(I wanna use as much time as I have before the weekend is over and all exams will start)