Aurora lupin
Tw: self harm
Two days, two days until I have to go back to school.
I sat on the couch with my mom, holding my hand to her stomach as my baby brother kicked.
"Ew, that's kinda gross." I cringed feeling him kick out into my hand.
my mom laughed,"the little fucker is crushing my ribs." She groaned.
"You nerves to go back?" She asked, I swallowed.
"Maybe. I have to get it over with eventually."
"Going back or seeing Mattheo?" She asked
"Seeing him." I whispered, I can't imagine seeing him with her.
A part of me keeps telling myself not to be mad at him because I didn't really set any rules for the break but I'm also pissed at him for hanging with Julie the day we decided to take a break, even if we had broken up forever and I never wanted anything to do with him again you would think he would have the decency to wait a few days before hanging out with another girl.
As much as I want to fight with him and freak out about him hanging out with her, it's been nice just with my mom, dad, and friends.
It's hard being a girlfriend to him, I feel like I owe him more than my friends and family, and I can't give him anymore than I feel comfortable with.
So I'm gonna try and keep my distance from him when I get back, it's gonna hurt but probably not as much as it would be to see him.
"I'm all for you doing what you feel is best for you but do you really think breaking up with mattheo is what's best?" My mom asked placing her hand on top of mine on her stomach.
"I don't know. I miss him, and I do- I do want him. I think I just need time alone." I explained.
"I need to be able to fix myself."
She offed a small smile. "Okay."
~
One day later
Rose and I roamed Eva's for a book for me to take back to school.
She handed me fifty shades of grey, "since your mom isn't with you" she smirked.
"I don't even know if I'd like this." I said spinning the book around and looking over the back.
"Do you like sex?" She asked.
My cheeks heated and I looked over at her wide eyed.
"Do you?" She asked again.
"I-yeah. Yeah." I laughed.
"Then you'll like it." She smiled.
"Fine I'll get it." I smiled back at her.
"I'm gonna miss you." She groaned.
"Same, I'm not ready to go back to the real world." I sighed, sitting down at a small circular table.
"Oh so I'm not part of the real world?" Rose asked, a smirk on her lips as she sat down across for me.
"Nope you're part of my fake fairy tale world." I joked.
"Mm, do I have wings?"
"Yes, big purple ones."
Rose laughed, "we can still hang out just not as much."
"Of course, I'd miss my fairy friends."
Rose rolled her eyes.
"What color are my wings?" I said turning sideways.
"White."
"Ohh, I like."
~
I said goodbye to rose and headed back to my house, once I got there I packed up a few things that I wanted to take back with me.
My last night at home was really nice, my mom and I played card games.
My dad already headed back to Hogwarts.
The next day I said goodbye to my mom and apparated to Hogwarts, I'm not going to any classes until tomorrow because I wanted be settled in before going to my classes.
I unpacked my small bag and went to Pansy and Lucy's dorm, Luna was there and ran up to me wrapping her arms around me as soon as I walked through the door.
"I'm so sorry..." she whispered, squeezing me tightly to her.
I looked past her at Pansy and Lucy.
Lucy made a 'yes people know.' Face.
I hugged Luna back, feeling her small hands move up and down my back as she comforted me.
"You can always talk to me." She said and pulled away kissing my cheek.
"I know." I smiled shyly, blushing at her kissing me.
"I was just gonna paint my nails but I can paint yours first." Luna said squeezing my hand.
"Okay." I said.
~
I sat down, my back against Lucy's bed as Luna painted my nails a light blue color.
I'm sure Luna knows that me and Mattheo also broke up on top of everything that happened but she's nice enough not to talk about it unless I bring it up.
"I know a lot of people must be asking you how you are doing, but be honest with me. How are you?" Luna asked looking up at me.
"I'm getting better." I said honestly, I haven't had a nightmare in two days.
I'd never say I miss my nightmares but waking up from a dream about Mattheo kinda sucks.
"That's good to hear. I got you this." She said and handed me a white bag.
"What is it?" I asked opening the bag.
"It's a healing tea." She smiled brightly.
"Thank you." I smiled back, looking into her sweet eyes.
She's such a kind person.
I miss Mattheo.
I have thought about him, and maybe I should go see him, talk to him.
I need to beat his ass for hanging out with Julie, even if he was just smoking with her.
She's not a good person, especially to me my fifth year...
"I need help, someone needs to distract me from Mattheo. I'm not ready to see him yet." I told the girls.
"If you're scared you'll run back to him, stay with us." Pansy said. "You can sleep in my old bed." She offered.
I chuckled, "yeah while you two fuck?"
Luna tried to hide her smile behind her hand, but I saw her blush, god she's one of the most kinkiest people I've ever met but gets all flustered when someone mentions sex, it's hilarious.
"Scared you'd join us?" Lucy asks.
I close my eyes and laugh. "totally."
"I can stay with you Aurora." Luna offered, smiling at me.
I raised my eyebrows at her.
"I can sleep in your roommates bed, you told me she's never there anymore."
I contemplated her offer, I wouldn't be alone and I wouldn't be tempted to have Mattheo over.
"I think Aurora would rather you sleep in her bed." Pansy smirked.
I slapped her arm, scowling at her.
She's not wrong.
Luna is a amazing big spoon.
I calmed myself down before speaking, "I'd love for you to spend the night in my roommates bed."
"Fun! I love our sleepovers!" Luna jumped with excitement.
I widened my eyes, our sleepovers.
~
Luna and I went back to my dorm, I looked down at my freshly painted nails seeing a beautiful blue color.
Luna showed me her hand, "we're matching." She smiled.
I smiled back at her.
For the rest of the day Luna and I watched tv, she braided my hair, which reminded me of Mattheo but then she quickly made me forget by saging my dorm.
I laughed as she walked around with sage burning in her hand.
She later went down to the great hall and got us dinner, we both ate on my bed as we watched tv.
After eating she stood up.
"Can I use your shower?" She asked.
"Of course." I replied.
After her shower she came out in a towel with her long blonde hair down and curly.
"I didn't bring any extra clothes." She said, holding her towel close to herself.
"I have some things you can wear." I stood up from my bed and grabbed her a pair of my clean underwear and a t-shirt I sleep in often and some sweatpants.
She thanked me and went to change in the bathroom, she came out only in my t-shirt and underwear.
"I get really hot in my sleep." She said placing my sweatpants on my dresser.
I nodded.
~
The next morning Luna woke me up with a plate of breakfast.
"Morning, how'd you sleep?" She asked, I sat up and grabbed the plate from her.
"Good." I replied.
Luna sat down next to me and grabbed a piece of bacon off my plate.
I finished eating and took a quick shower before getting dressed for the day, I didn't realize putting on my uniform would be this triggering, it was exactly what I was wearing when-. I stopped myself before I could finish that thought.
I brushed my hair and teeth, luna and I headed into the Slytherin common room, finding Lucy and Pansy waiting for us by the couches.
"Morning." Lucy smiled.
My first class of the was transfigurations, of course the class i suck at and sit next to Mattheo in.
"Ugh I think I'm gonna skip my first class." I groaned.
"What why?" Luma asked placing her hand on my lower back.
It was her way of trying to be comforting but—.
"I sit next to Mattheo in this class- I just feel like I should have seen him before just appearing in class." I exhaled.
I moved away from Luna making her hand fall off my back, "from what I know you two are taking a break so you can be alone, you don't owe him anything." She said.
"I'm scared to see him, I think I'll miss him too much and get right back together with him."
"Okay but that wouldn't be the worst thing, you two love each other." Lucy said.
"Yes but I really do need time alone." I agreed with her.
"You'll be fine.." pansy said and pushed past me toward the common room entrance. "Can't hide forever."
"I can try." I forced a smile.
Lucy and Pansy both left, leaving me and Luna alone.
Luna grabbed my hand, "you'll be fine, you are strong." She said standing in front of me and kissed my cheek, "I'll come over tonight."
"Yes please do, I love waking up to breakfast in bed." I smiled at her.
she skipped out of the common room and I laughed.
"Breakfast in bed?" A deep voice asked behind me.
I stood up straight as goosebumps formed on my skin, spinning around I saws Mattheo staring down at me, his jaw clenched and his eyes dark.
"Hi." I whispered.
"I didn't know you were back." Mattheo said ignoring my 'hi'.
"I got back yesterday, I just stayed in my dorm."
"Why's Luna brining you breakfast in bed?" He asked.
"She stayed in my dorm last night." I explained not that it was really any of his business.
"Why?" He asked tilting his head to the side.
"It's nice to see you too." I said jokingly and turned away from him.
I headed out the exit of the common room and Mattheo followed me.
"Why are you hanging out with Julie?" I asked feeling him at my side.
"Because I can." Mattheo replied.
"That's exactly why Luna is staying in my dorm." I said, already annoyed by him.
I have bigger problems to deal with then him.
We walked the corridor, he huffed annoyed with me as well.
"Oh and by the way.." I pushed him by his shoulder into the stone wall, "when we 'broke up'..." I said with air quotes.
"I didn't mean we we're breaking up, I said a break. Not a chance for you to fuck other girls." I glared at him and shoved his shoulder into the wall and then walked off.
I heard him storm up to me, "I'm not fucking anyone." He whispered.
He grabbed my upper arm making me gasp but he quickly pulled me into a empty room.
Slamming the door making me flinch he locked it.
"No one who hangs out with Julie Miller and doesn't fuck her. God she's fucked every unavailable guy in our year,' I snapped at him "It's like she has a kink for taken men." I scoffed, Julie and I have never been friends especially since fifth year and the things that she did to Lucy and I.
"I didn't—"
"She slept with Lucy's boyfriend in fifth year, then I tried to defend my best friend and she-."
"It doesn't matter what she did because I didn't sleep with her!" Mattheo raised his voice.
"Right, so you just smoked with her?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.
This is not how I wanted my first day back to go.
"I-I yes, I just smoked with her." He stuttered.
He lying, and he's terrible at it.
"Fuck you!" I scoffed shoving past him and reaching for the door.
He slammed his fist into the door, coming up behind me.
"You broke up with me." He whispered. "I didn't fuck her." He said sternly, "but I thought about it, and I wanted to and I kissed her but I didn't Fuck her. I pushed her away, I was having a bad day you broke up with me and I was confused and alone, it was stupid."
I felt tears prick in my eyes but I pushed them back.
"I said we should take a break." I clarified, turning around to face him. "And you didn't even wait a day before kissing another girl!"
He stepped back, "and I told you I needed you." He said his voice growing quiet.
"I can't have you needing me." I said, my chest rising and falling quickly.
"Then I think we should break up, so I can need someone else." Mattheo glared down at me, his jaw clenched.
"I hate you." I said, tears fell down my cheeks as my throat got tight.
"I asked you for space." I said, swallowing I glared up at him. "And you're fucking breaking up with me?" I scoffed.
"Yes, you clearly don't need me, you have Luna." He growled down to me.
"She's my friend."
"Yeah that you've fucked on multiple occasions!" Mattheo said loudly.
I clenched my jaw, shoving him back as hard as I could.
"You did this! You did this to me!" I shouted, shoving him again, "you're crazy fucking life! This is your fault!" I shouted and continued to shove him.
Mattheo roughly grabbed my wrist and pulled them away from his chest, "stop." He said roughly.
"I hate you." I told him again, it wasn't true I was just so fucking pissed at him.
"Feelings mutual." He looked down at me, his face filled with disgust.
"Good." I said shoving his hand off my wrists.
"My dad was right, you don't fucking deserve me and you're bad for me, you're a bad person. You don't deserve any of the love I've given you and I feel stupid for ever fucking loving you!" I ranted feeling instantly guilty.
"I-."
"Yeah? And you're a selfish cunt!" Mattheo shouted, my heart stopped and dropped into my stomach. "Let's be honest the real reason you ended things with me wasn't because you needed space, you just wanted to able to fuck other people like the whore you are!"
My eyes filled with tears, I saw a flash of what looked like guilt and concern but then he just glared at me again and shoved past me, unlocking the door and shoving it opened, slamming it close as I stayed frozen.
I feel like I'm gonna puke or pass out.
~
Heading back to my dorm, I got a carton of ice cream and headed straight for my bed, I placed my ice cream on my nightstand and changed into sweatpants I reached for a sweatshirt but then I realized it was Mattheo's.
I stood in front of my desk ad grabbed a pair of scissors, cutting his sweatshirt in half.
I fucked up. I know I did.
I'm sorry Mattheo.
I'm still surprised by the things he said— the things I was.
I'm a who-. I'm not the whore he is! Not even a day after I told him I needed space from our relationship he's kissing another girl and now accusing me of breaking up with him just so I can hook up with other people?
I grabbed the dagger out of my dresser drawer and sat down on the ground, pulling down my sweatpants I pushed the tip of the dagger into my thigh just under my other cut.
I looked down feeling guilty about them, I stood up and walked to the bathroom getting a big bandage and putting it over both of my cuts.
I looked down at my fading bruises and decided I've had enough of them, grabbing the bruise removal paste I started putting it all over my bruises, tears slipping out of my eyes as I ran my hand over my thighs.
I'm disgusted with myself, I hate touching myself and I hate when Mattheo touches me, I never wanted him to be disgusted with me, but apparently he's already disgusted with me and thinks I'm a whore.
He means the most to me that's why I ended things, I didn't want him to think of me of this disgusting, I didn't want him to think of me as a weak, pathetic person.
None of that matters now.
~
Luna came to my dorm at lunch and asked why I wasn't in class, I didn't say anything about what happened with Mattheo but I grabbed her hand on pulled her on to my bed.
She sat on her knees beside me, "what's wrong?" She asked moving my hair behind my ear.
"I just wanted to stay in bed." I lied, not wanting to talk about it, honestly I need to forget about it, and him.
"I can stay for a few minutes but then I have to get back to class." She said.
"I shouldn't have ended things with him, he's going through things to and I'm just.. A selfish, terrible person." I swallowed the lump in my throat, keeping my eyes down.
"No you are not." Luna said to me. "Some times you have to be selfish—."
"So you think what I did was selfish?" I asked.
"Let me finish."
"Sorry." I whispered.
"Staying together would have done you two no good. Trying to help him with the things he's gone through while dealing with the things you've gone through wouldn't be good for you."
I nodded understanding what she was saying, Mattheo and I are both hurt and taking our anger out on each other because- well I know I'll always have him no matter what, right?
"Thank you Luna." I sighed, "I think I just need to be alone right now."
She nodded with a smile and left my dorm.
Mattheo riddle
"Yeah? And you're a selfish cunt!" Mattheo shouted, my heart stopped and dropped into my stomach. "Let's be honest the real reason you ended things with me wasn't because you needed space, you just wanted to able to fuck other people like the whore you are!"I said harshly, her face fell. As tears welted in her eyes.
No. Why did I say that? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I felt suddenly nauseous and pushed past her, I couldn't look at her. She was right, I did this to her, this is all might fault, and I am a terrible person, I definitely don't fucking deserve her.
Closing the door behind me, leaving her alone I headed into the nearest bathroom, puking up my breakfast.
I'm actually the worst person in the world.
She'll never love me again, and I don't blame her. I can't fix this, i fucked up too bad this time.
~
I sat in the last class of the day, I haven't payed attention to anything.
I can't stop thinking about what I said, she's gone through shit and it's all my fault those things happened to her, and I'm just the fucking worst, I mean calling her a whore Jesus Christ.
"Hey." A female voice said sitting down beside me, I looked to my right and saw Julie sit down next to me, smiling.
I glared at her and didn't speak to her.
I've already fucked up enough for a lifetime, If I ever want Aurora to speak to me- or ever look at me again I have some serious begging to do.
I felt her tap my thigh, I quickly slapped her hand away from me and glared at her.
"What the fuck?" I scoffed.
"Sorry." She said holding her hands up, surrendering.
"Don't touch people without there permission." I said harshly, clenching my jaw.
"Okay," she huffed, "I just wanted to talk to you—."
"Yeah well I don't want to talk to you." I forced a fake smile at her.
"I was gonna ask how you were doing with your breakup but apparently not good."
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and praying that this class is over soon.
I could just leave...
Fuck it. I stood up grabbing my books as walking out of the class.
~
Walking down the empty corridor, I wished I had a cigarette. A cigarette definitely wouldn't fix any of my problems but for a few minutes..
"Skipping too?" I looked up seeing Noah smirk at me.
"Yeah." I said and continued walking to the slytherin common room.
He followed beside me, "I heard you and Aurora broke up."
"How do you know that?" I asked looking over at him.
"Everyone knows." He said, I furrowed my eyebrows, "you two are the hottest couple, like ever... of course everyone knows."
I smirked.
"I need help." I told him.
"With?" He asked.
"Aurora hates me and I'm a terrible boyfriend- or ex.." I sighed, "I need to apologize to her for... calling her a whore-."
"You called her a whore?" Noah scoffed.
"Yes- like I said I'm terrible."
"And for kissing another girl." I whispered.
"Shit dude, that's gonna be hard."
"I know, but I don't know how to make her forgive me." I said feeling guilty.
"Hold on." Noah laughed, "you called her a whore but kissed another girl?"he asked furrowing his eyebrows down at me.
"I- yes." I scoffed running my hands down my face.
"Don't worry, I'll help you fix this." Noah said.
"Why? We are not friends."
Noah gasped, "I thought- never mind."
"Tell me how to fix this!" I said loudly, getting more and more annoyed.
"what I suggest, switch teams for a little while." He smirked at me.
"I'm not gay." I whispered.
"Bi?" He asked.
I furrowed my eyebrows, "do I look gay?" I asked my voice squeaking.
Noah laughed, "for a guy who is not gay or bi you seem very concerned-."
"Shut up."
"Okay, okay." Noah laughed.
"What I really think you should do is apologize and then leave her alone for a while, to think about your apology, and she'll eventually miss you and hopefully want you back."
"How do I know you aren't messing with me so you'll have the chance to fuck me if I'm single?" I asked in all seriousness.
Noah laughed, "I'm being friendly, trust me you'd know if I wanted to fuck you."
My eyes widened slightly, "okay."
4091 words!
This chapter was going to be WAYYY worse but I changed my mind, you're welcome!