Mattheo Riddle
Jesus Christ I want a fucking cigarette.
I huffed walking out of the great hall after lunch, I'm not going to the rest of my classes. I can't stand being in them.
All I think about is Aurora, it fucking hurts.
She doesn't want me to visit her, and it sucks.
It's been two days since I went to her house and talked to her for the first time since everything happened. 'Talked'... I scoffed out loud, we didn't talk. Not about what we really needed to talk about.
I want her to feel comfortable about telling me what happened in the dungeon but I don't know how to make her comfortable if she won't speak to me.
I thought about writing to her, but she'd probably just ignore it. And I don't even know what I would say, plus she needs her rest.
It killing me, thinking about her constantly. Thinking about what she's doing, how she's doing, is she thinking about me? Is she thinking good things about me??
God I want out of my own head!
I want to fucking scream. AND I NEED A FUCKING CIGARETTE!
I quit a while ago because... Aurora told me there were bad for me, which I knew but having her care that they were bad for me was enough to make me stop.
Everything I am, everything I feel, it's all her. That's why I can't stop thinking about her, she's my whole fucking life. I've never had anyone like her and I don't want to, I want her.
I want her here, in my arms. I want to be enough for her.
She doesn't need me though, she has her parents, and her friends. She had people who love her, but she's all I have.
Fuck I can't do this, I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this week without her and then a another week.
I stormed up the stairs to the boys dormitory's.
Swinging my door open- Ian, my roommate sat on his bed, with a stack of papers and books out in front of him.
He lifted his head from his book, his eyes widening a little bit. He's still scared of me, it's fucking hilarious.
"You got a cigarette?" I asked closing the door behind me.
"No." He said.
I pulled my nightstand drawers open and dug around, please let there be an old pack in here... Nope, just socks, boxers, and condoms. Great. Not only are there not any cigarette but I'm reminded of Aurora again, yes by the condoms and yes I do feel like shit for thinking of her after seeing condoms. It's not even like we use them anymore she's on birth control.
I close my drawers and huff.
My mind still thinking of Aurora.
Shit!
She's on birth control. That's not the bad thing, the bad thing is she hasn't been able to take them. I think at least. It's not like while being kidnapped she was like 'wait let me get my birth control'
"Fuck." I mumbled.
I looked at Ian, "you got weed? Alcohol? Anything?" I rambled, looking at his very confused face.
"No, I'm-I'm seventeen I don't do any of that—"
"God! Ian you are soooooo boring." I groaned covering my face and laying down on my bed.
After I cooled off for a second I sat back up looking at Ian, he lifted his head from his book again.
"You Wanna play a card game?" I asked.
He furrowed his eyebrows, "shouldn't you be with Aurora? Bugging her?" He huffed.
"Damnit. Ian. You. Are. The. Worst." I slammed my fist against my nightstand and stood up, leaving the room.
Son of a bitch. Ian- fucking- dumbass.
Aurora lupin
I walked down the stairs and turned left into the hallway before the kitchen. My mom was making lunch and I thought it might be a good idea to get out of bed and eat with my family... apparently not.
"No Remus." I heard my mom say from the kitchen, I stayed in the hallway and eavesdropped on them.
"You know I'm right." My dad said from the kitchen.
"No, I'm not doing that to her." My mom said, not doing what?
"We should have never allowed her to date him in the first place." My dad raised his voice.
Shit. Of course this is about my relationship with Mattheo.
"She's been through a lot, and I'm not forcing her to stop dating Mattheo. This will only make things worse—" my mom started but I heard something scatter across the floor.
"He's the dark lords fucking son!" My dad growled.
"We know Mattheo. He's a good kid, he can't help that his father is—.." my mom sighed, "she's going through enough." She said, I heard a few plates being placed on top of each other. "Maybe we should pay more attention to her and her relationship-"
"We couldn't have prevented what happened." My dad cut her off.
I can't stand to listen to this anymore.
I turned and headed for the stairs.
"It's his fault. And I'm not allowing my daughter to date him again," I heard my dad speak up again and I couldn't stop myself, I didn't want to hide in my room I wanted to yell at him.
"Especially after what he did to her." He continued.
"It was consensual!" My mom scoffed. "She told us herself, now will you stop."
I walked through the kitchen doorway, my dads head instantly going down to look at the ground.
I glared at him feeling tears burn in my eyes.
"Look at me." I clenched my jaw.
He looked up at me, my eyes moved between my parents.
"Mattheo is not the reason I got hurt." I stated, "I mean-" I sighed, "his fathers death eaters hurt me. Not him." I swallowed.
"What Mattheo and I do together is none of your business-"
"You're my daughter." My dad cut me off.
I inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.
"Yes I am. But I'm also not a child anymore. I can make my own decision and the things I do with my boyfriend- the things that are consensual are none of your business." I relaxed my jaw, sighing. It felt good to get that off my chest.
"And the fact that you look at me differently for having sex is fucked up. I got kidnapped, attacked, almost raped, and fucking stabbed but your biggest problem right now is that I had sex. Do you realize how fucked up that is?!" I shouted, tears fell down my cheeks as my fathers face fell.
"Yeah." I sighed, "that's what happened."
I looked at both of my parents seeing my mom with tears in her eyes.
"But freak out Aurora's not a virgin she's a fucking whore!" I shouted feeling sick to my stomach.
"Auro-"
"No you're-.." I cut my dad off. breathing quickly I stuttered, "you're a.. a dick!" I instantly regretted calling him that, my eyes went wide. "I'm sorry." I said quickly.
"Aurora that's not-"
"Remus shut up." My mom sighed, coming around the kitchen island she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
The only place I feel safe.
I hugged her back, quietly crying into her shoulder.
"I'm sorry." My dad said. I kept my head down In my mom's shoulder.
"That's not why I'm not looking at you. I love you Aurora, and I don't look at you differently for... for having sex. I'm pissed at myself, I should have protected you from what happened. I failed you." My dad explained.
"And you're right I'm a dick." He said, I laughed into my moms shoulder.
I pulled away from my mom and looked at my dad, "I'm sorry that was so rude."
"It's okay."
"No I feel bad-"
"Don't, you're going through a lot. If calling me a dick makes you feel better please, continue." I laughed at my dad again.
"Can we play a card game while we eat?" I asked.
"Of course."
~
In the middle of the card game I was playing with my parents someone knocked on the door.
I stayed in my seat and looked up at my parents.
"I'll get it." My dad said and stood up.
"I..." I grabbed onto the table and stood up. "I'll get it."
"Are you sure?" He asked, I nodded.
I walked out of the dining room and towards the front door, my first thought was that it might be Mattheo. I'm surprised he's stayed away this long.
Do I want it to be Mattheo?
I mean why else would I offer to get the door, I want it to be him. I think.
I gripped the doorknob and exhaled, twisting the knob I opened the door, Mattheo came into view a small smile on his lips.
His eyes flashed down my body, shit I'm wearing the same sweatpants and sweatshirt I was wearing last time I saw him.
I just haven't felt like changing into anything else, I changed my underwear at least.
"Hi." He said, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.
"Hi." I whispered.
"Sorry I know you need to rest but I just—. I wanted to talk, if that's okay?" He rambled.
"That's fine. Just wait in my room I'm gonna tell my parents." I told him and held the door open.
He walked in and stood beside me, looking down at me his eyes flashed over my face, probably wondering why I still had bruises all over my face.
"I'll meet you upstairs." I said to coverup the awkwardness.
~
After telling my parents that Mattheo was here and we were going to talk I headed up stairs.
Opening my bedroom door I saw Mattheo sitting at the foot of my bed, he quickly stood up as I closed the door.
"You can sit." I laughed quietly.
"Oh- yeah, okay." He whispered and sat back down.
"The healers gave me stuff for it." I told him holding a finger up to my face, "but I haven't gotten around to using it." I lied. I don't want to tell him I'm too scared to touch my bruises.
He nodded, "it helps with the pain." He said, "I used it on mine."
"Yeah I'll use it soon." I told him.
"Anyways what's up?" I asked, cringing at how awkward I was now around him.
"I'm just having a rough day." Mattheo said, resting his elbows on his knees.
He ran his hand through his hair, "I just wanted to see how you were doing."
I took a few steps and stood in front of him.
"I'm good, me and my parents spoke today, for the first time since... it was good." I sighed, "I called my dad a dick."
Mattheo looked up at me his eyes slightly wide.
"Wow. Uh how'd that go over?"
"I feel bad but it was kinda funny." I smiled.
Mattheo's face lit up as he saw me smile.
I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, "so why is your day shitty?" I asked, sitting down next to him.
"Well my roommate is a dumbass." He huffed.
"Ian is not a dumbass."
"Says you, you don't have to sleep in the same room as him and hear his snoring." Mattheo said, I smiled.
Today's has been good, I don't feel terrible.
"And he says stupid shit."
"Maybe if you two knew each other better you wouldn't hate him so much." I told him.
he shook his head, "I don't want to get to know him."
I laughed "you're impossible."
We stayed quiet for a second, his eyes wandering my face again.
I looked down at the ground, "it's good to have friends, someone talk to." I said.
"I have you." Mattheo whispered.
"Mattheo," I sighed. "You know the shit that happened, you went through stuff too but I have people to talk to, other than you." I said, picking at my fingernails.
"You should have someone to talk to other than me because... I can't.. I don't want to talk about those things with you, yet."
"Aurora it's okay, I understand it's gonna take some time for you to be able to talk about those things and I'm okay with waiting until you're ready to talk about them." Mattheo told me.
I nodded.
"Have you talked to pansy or Lucy?" I asked looking up at Mattheo.
"Yeah." He laughed, "Pansy told me you two kissed."
I laughed awkwardly, "I was going to tell you."
"It's okay, I was surprised though." Mattheo said.
"It all happened so fast, I didn't want it to happen. We were just drunk and I missed you, even though you were only gone for a few hours." I rambled, "and pansy was going through some stuff- her and Lucy are having trouble." I bit my bottom lip stopping myself from telling mattheo to much, pansy told me that and I don't know how she would feel about me going into detail with Mattheo, not like he'd tell anyone.
"Don't tell pansy I told you that." I laughed quietly.
"I won't." Mattheo said.
"So yeah sorry about kissing her." I smiled.
"I'm not worried about it." Mattheo laughed.
"It was nice to talk to you and I want to tell you even though I'm not ready to talk about what happened, I don't blame you." I said and grabbed his hand, running my thumb over the back of his hand.
He smiled.
"Actually now that you're here can you help me with something?" I asked and stood up.
"Yeah, of course." Mattheo said standing up next to me.
I smiled and walked into the bathroom, Mattheo followed after me.
"I um.. I can't left up my right arm to brush my hair because of the hematoma." I told him grabbing my hair brush.
"Hematoma?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Yeah," I cleared my throat, "He-he threw me down onto the ground in the dungeon..." I whispered looking down. "Hematoma is a fancy word for big ass, painful ass bruise." I chuckled.
"Sorry." Mattheo mumbled.
"Can you just help me brush my hair? I would ask my mom but I've had her brush my hair before and she's not gentle." I smiled and passed him my hair brush.
"Yeah." Mattheo said.
I turned to fave the mirror but kept my head down.
Mattheo pulled down my hood and undid my braid that my mom did yesterday.
"Start at the ends." I told him.
He brought the brush up to the ends of my hair and started slowly brushing.
I smiled at his carful brushing.
"Thank you."
"Anytime." Mattheo said placing his hand on the back of my head so his brushing wouldn't pull my hair.
"You wanna learn how to braid?" I asked after he finished brushing.
Mattheo but his bottom lip, "I'll try, can't promise I'll be good."
I smiled, "okay separate my hair into three different sections." I instructed him.
"Uh... okay." He mumbled unsure of himself.
Mattheo separated my hair into three pieces and waited for my next instruction.
"Now take the right section and pull it over the middle section but not the left section." I looked up in the mirror to see what his facial expression was, his eyebrows were furrowed as he was in deep concentration.
~
"Not... terrible." I told Mattheo as I looked in the mirror at my braid.
"It's terrible." He sighed.
I laughed, "yeah."
"I'll get better at it." He told me.
"It's perfect." I turned around and smiled at him.
His big brown eyes looked down at me.
"Do you want to come over tomorrow?" I asked.
I looked away from his eyes and down at his smile.
"Yes."
"Okay, I'll see you then." I stood up on my tippy toes and kissed his cheek.
A faint blush spread across his cheeks, as he did a terrible job at hiding his smile.
It felt good to take things slow, something as simple as a kiss on the cheek made me feel strong, like I wasn't hiding anymore. Like I wasn't scared.
2695 words!
I want Mattheo to braid my hair;(