"What?!" Tommy shouted, standing with his dinner knife brandished.
"What the f-ck!? Eret! You f-ing ratted us out?" Quackity cried jumping from his chair and flicking out his straight razor.
"F-ing hell, Eret!"
"I trusted you!"
Eret pulled out their sword and stood between Tommy and Quackity at the table and Technoblade. "These two are under my protection. You'll have to get through me to get to them."
Quackity noticed they didn't say three, Eret was trying to hide Tubbo. Even with the three of them, they were no match for Technoblade if he wanted to kill them and they all knew it. At least, if he believed he got them all, Tubbo might survive.
Technoblade smirked. "You say that like it'd be hard." he said darkly. Then he put his sword away and sauntered into the room. "Chill, chill, I'm not here for them. I come over to your place thinking maybe me and you could have a nice dinner and there's two other guys here you didn't even think to mention and you didn't even have a place set for me. Really, I'm the one who should be offended," he said, putting his hand on Eret's shoulder.
Eret bristled. "I'm sorry, no one told me they were planning to stop by for dinner tonight. Including you," Eret said stiffly.
"Yeah, but me and you, we're cool. You don't care if I come by unannounced."
"When have you ever come by at all? If I had any real power to rule and wasn't just a figurehead, you'd kill me."
Technoblade chuckled. "Yeah." He took a glass from the table a drank it. "But, you know, you're wrong; even a figurehead has some power. And that's why I'm here."
Tommy and Quackity jumped forward to protect Eret. A f-ing ridiculous move given what they were armed with, but Quackity wasn't about to let Eret die without a fight; not after what he'd just done for them.
"Hey, relax, I'm not killing anyone tonight. Probably. The night's still young."
"Why are you here, then?" Tommy demanded.
"You know, like I said, dinner. And maybe some conversation."
Eret sighed. "Fine. I'll inform the cooks."
Eret, Quackity, and Tommy kept shooting glances at each other as Technoblade blissfully consumed a dish of potatoes and carrots.
"Well, talk!" Tommy said. "You said you came here for conversation."
"I said maybe for some conversation," he replied, dabbing his tusks with his napkin.
"Fine, what the f-ck do you maybe want to talk about?"
"I mean if you're going to talk to me that way maybe I'll just come by some other time."
"Ignore Tommy," Quackity said. "He was born without any f-ing manners, a condition that could possibly prove fatal if he keeps this up," he finished through gritted teeth. "You came here for a reason. What is it?"
"Maybe after dessert. We are having dessert, right?" He looked up at Eret with large, round eyes.
Eret rolled their eyes in exasperation. "Fine." They whispered something to the footman who ducked back into the kitchen.
Technoblade dug in to his large hot fudge and sliced strawberries ice cream sundae as the two sparkler-wheels stuck into it whirled in circles. The others glowered at him from their slices of cake. "So," he said as he finished the last bite of his sundae, "a little birdie told me some interesting news about Las Nevadas."
"How's Wilbur?" Quackity blurted out.
"Damn. Can't you two even go a minute pretending you care about something else? Jeez! Oh Las Nevadas was leveled by an atomic explosion but is Wilbur ok? How's the hunt I'm actively sabotaging going? I hope you didn't catch him. Bro, you guys do realize that couples therapy is an alternative to stealing your husband's country and forming a despotic government, right?"
Quackity's cheeks reddened. Technoblade was right, he hadn't even f-ing cared how Las Nevadas - his own f-ing city! - was. At least maybe... maybe what Techno said meant Wilbur still cared for him - if he had sabotaged the hunt... And he was f-ing doing it again!
"I take it things have taken a bad turn?" Eret asked.
"Bad enough for me to come here." Techno's face instantly became serious. "I got a letter from Dream calling me back to Las Nevadas, says he wants my help bringing another country into the fold. I told him I was allergic to mushrooms. Strange allergy, just developed it the other day. So, you know, couldn't help him."
"Mushrooms?" Tommy asked, his expression perplexed.
"Mushrooms..." Quackity contemplated it for a minute. Then it came to him as bright as George's hat. "He's going after Kinoko Kingdom! Isn't he?"
Techno held up his hands. "Hey, I didn't say anything about where he was going. I'm just here to suggest maybe the king might need to step in."
Eret raised their eyebrows. "There's something else, isn't there?"
"I heard Badboyhalo paid a visit to Las Nevadas, but he hasn't been seen since."
"F-ck they're moving fast," Quackity said, standing so quickly he knocked into the table causing the large sundae glass to clink. "We need to go!"
"You and what army?" Techno said gruffly. "Which is what they have, an army. And more heavy explosives than you could get in a month. Seems your little husband had been planning to turn Las Nevadas into a crater for quite a while and was stockpiling explosives under the city. There's enough for an instant war on the whole continent."
Quackity fell back into his chair, his mouth hanging slightly open. He tried to form words but they wouldn't come.
"Yeah. I have to say, you couldn't have timed your romance better."
"Sam was f-ing right," he finally said. "He kept f-ing warning me that Wilbur had tunnels." His mind flashed back to Kinoko Kingdom, to Sapnap and Karl. "We have to warn them."
"Even if you went now, you'd probably be too late."
"I've got to f-ing try!"
Eret grabbed his arm. "No. You're exhausted, you need to rest. At least for a day. You're no good to them if you pass out in a field and die."
He tore his arm away from Eret's grasp. "I've f-ing got this, Eret. Me and Tommy can go, you can take care of Tubbo, right?"
Eret closed their eyes and sighed. Quackity realized immediately what a f-ing idiot he was. Eret was right, he was too f-ing exhausted. He couldn't even keep a simple f-ing secret!
"Tubbo's here?" Technoblade asked, looking genuinely surprised. "Bro, do not leave him alone. Dream has plans for him. A firework to the face is nothing compared to what he has in store."
A chill ran through Big Q's body. He remembered that horrible f-ing festival day. Tubbo lying lifeless in the box with half his face and body charred. "He's too sick to travel," he said.
"Did you not hear what I said? It's too late for you to stop it. Don't you understand? This plan has been ages in the making. The pins are set up, they just need to go in and knock them down."
"And what about you?" Quackity asked. "Which f-ing side are you on?"
"Yeah," Tommy added. "How do we know this isn't a trap?"
"Because," Techno said. "I don't need to trap you. You don't get it, do you, Tommy? There's not going to be some prison cell for Tubbo and Quackity. If they get caught, they're dead."
"Well, what the f-ck are we supposed to do?" Tommy said.
"Just stay here. Rest and don't do anything stupid for a day or two. I know that's asking a lot of you." He glared at Tommy. "I need to go have a few conversations up north." Technoblade said, getting up. "I'll send a crow."
Eret nodded.
Technoblade strolled out of the room. "Quackity." he said, not looking back.
Quackity looked to Eret, who gave him a slight nod. He got up and followed after Techno.
"Technoblade?" he said, catching up. "How is he?"
"The first question out of your mouth. You don't even have to tell me who you mean, I know you're not talking about Phil or Ranboo. You're both like dogs staring at a bone. Look, Quackity, I don't know how he was when you married him, but you're going to need to accept that that Wilbur is probably gone. Dream's been feeding all his worst impulses and he wasn't good to start with."
"He's better than Dream."
"You think that? You really think that? No, he is ten times worse than Dream! At the end of the day, Dream wants his world to love him. Wilbur... to say he wants them to fear him would imply he cares if they survive. Whatever was keeping that part of him in check, that's gone now. It's only a matter of time before he snaps. And when that time comes, when he kills you and Phil, I'll put a crossbow bolt right through his brain."
"He's not going to f-ing snap." Quackity said with absolutely no f-ing confidence in his words.
"Uh huh."
"Well, if he ever f-ng does, at least I'll die quickly. I gave him my f-ing compass."
Quackity had rarely seen Technoblade shocked or even particularly caught off guard. It was f-ing terrifying to see that expression now. It usually preceded horrible death.
"You what?" Technoblade's words were a quiet growl.
"I gave him my f-ing compass," he repeated cautiously. "Months ago. He could always find me."
"He had a compass this whole time!" Technoblade roared. Then he doubled over with laughter. "Bro, please tell me that's actually true and you're not just yanking my chain in the hopes I'll tell Dream and it'll create a rift between them."
Quackity nodded. "If you were still working with Dream you would've f-ing killed me by now."
Techno was holding his stomach, he was laughing so hard. "He's been letting Dream go out every day to search for you in the worst weather and the whole time he knew exactly where you were! Dream got frostbite twice! He almost lost part of his ear! Wait until I tell Phil when this is all over. I knew he was sabotaging the hunt for you! I just didn't know how much. Bro!" He wiped away a tear from his eye as he finally got control of his laughter. "Wilbur doesn't know what the hell he wants, does he?"
Quackity allowed a shaky smile. "He's always been a little f-ing unstable."
"Understatement of the century." Techno chuckled, turning to leave, then he turned back. "Oh, Quackity, I had something for you; you know, if I saw you." Technoblade handed Quackity a folded up piece of paper. "Just something... just something that might come in handy later." He turned and strode out of the castle.
Quackity unfolded the paper. The rough edge told him it had been torn from a book. As desperately as he wanted it to be from Wilbur, his heart sank. Wilbur wouldn't send him a ripped out page. He opened it and read. It took two more read throughs to realize what he was looking at, despite the bloody fingerprints on the page. He stared at it, trying to commit the words to memory as a note at the bottom suggested.
Somehow, Technoblade had stolen the resurrection spell from Dream's book.
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The room was completely black. In the darkness, Charlie could hear a loud pulsing beat, like that of a heart. Wet, shallow rasps echoed in the underground room. "Hello?" he asked.
One glowing white eye opened. "No... stay away..." a voice croaked.
Charlie heard the shuffling of a large form moving away from him. He lit a candle. Charlie tilted his head as he looked at the body huddled on the floor. "Oh. Hello Badboyhalo from the Badlands. You don't look like you used to. Are you missing some pieces?"
Bad seemed to recognize him. He reached out a clawed hand. "Help... me..."
"I can see if I can get you replacement pieces."
"Water... please..."
"I can get you water. When Quackity from Las Nevadas comes he'll get all of your pieces back."
This seemed to stir something in Bad. He lifted his head slightly. "Quackity's... not dead?"
"Nope," Charlie said, shaking his head enthusiastically.
Bad lay back on the floor, a weak, wet sound that was almost laughter escaped his... well, it was basically a mouth as far as Charlie recognized that weird face-hole feature most multi-cellular creatures seemed to have. "Wilbur's going to lose..." he said.
Footsteps sounded down the hall. Charlie snuffed out the candle. "I'll come back with water," he said, and slipped out through a crack in the wall.
As he slid through the limestone he heard Bad shout, "You're going to lose, Wilbur! You're going to-" Suddenly, there was a lot of screaming. Charlie's viscous body shuddered. Bad was probably going to need even more pieces.
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The bed was too large. It could comfortably have slept three people and here he was, lying in it, all alone. Wilbur stretched his tall body out, it still didn't reach the edges. His body was exhausted. He was out of shape. He hadn't expected Bad would leave him this tired, but it was the good kind of tired. The kind of tired that made him think he could sleep in his own bed instead of on the sectional sofa. But memories of Big Q and he in this bed refused to let him rest. He felt like he could reach over and find Big Q there. But when he did, he never was.
This wasn't working. He stood up and walked to the window overlooking Las Nevadas. Wilbur pulled out his compass. It was still pointing south, as it had been since yesterday. What was he doing staying in one place for so long? The only thing there was... Eret's Castle...
Eret, Quackity's first love. He'd seen them kiss long ago and suddenly that was all he could see, their lips pressed together, their bodies entwined, Big Q seeking comfort in the arms of the lonesome traitor king. In his mind, he could see them in bed together the way he and Big Q had been, he could hear Big Q's whispered words, his gasps and moans, being given to Eret. His ears f-ing rang with them. Big Q f-cking Eret! His mind went black. Rage filled him like he'd never felt it before. Two nights with Eret. Two f-ing nights right under their noses, the arrogant pr-ck!
"You couldn't even go a f-ing week without jumping into bed with someone else, could you, Quackity?" he shouted to the darkness. "Was I so f-ing easily replaced?! Did I mean so f-ing little to you! Just f-ck the first person you get the chance to. Of course it's f-ing Eret! He screwed me over so you screw him over and over! You f-ing b-stard. Do you think you're safe from me in the walls of Eret's f-ing castle?"
He flung the compass onto the bed.
All he felt was the fire inside of him, devouring his sanity. His fingers twitched, his breathing came fast and shallow, he couldn't see straight. He grabbed the phone. "Get me Punz," he ordered. He dialed a second number. "Dream, I'm calling a press conference for tomorrow morning. I'm done waiting. Oh, and Dream, I'm going to need Ranboo."
Dream was right.
Niki was right.
He'd been blinded by his love for Quackity. By an idyllic past that only existed in his mind. And now he saw it all for what it really was, Quackity, for who he really was. Manipulative, exploitative, vicious, explosive, violent, cruel - a man who had gone to any lengths to achieve his ends and would readily go there again. A man who didn't know how far down into the depths of depravity he could go. There were already enough people like that in this world, it was time to be rid of one of the worst of them once and for all.
The phone rang. He answered it.
"You have a job for me?" Punz said.
"I need you to find and kill Quackity."
"How much are you offering?"
"It depends how long it takes you to complete the job. Regardless, I can promise you it'll be the biggest payday you've ever had."
"Done."
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That morning, Wilbur stood at the podium in front of the television camera on a small stage outside the Las Nevadas tower. It was a good place for the press conference, iconic really. That was why he'd chosen it. The tower was one of the first things a person saw when they approached the city. It was where he'd been reunited with Quackity, it was only fitting that here was where they would cut ties.
"Quackity is guilty of numerous crimes against Las Nevadas and the continent on which it sits," he announced. "Anyone caught assisting the fugitive, Quackity, will be executed until they are dead. Any nation that gives him aid or comfort will be committing an act of war against Las Nevadas and can expect retaliation in kind. We will not rest until Quackity and his companions, Tubbo and Tommy Innit, have been brought to justice."
He stepped down as cameras flashed. Technoblade stood beside Phil, his arms folded, his expression one of thorough disgust as he glared daggers at Wilbur. Phil was pale as he stared at his son. His fingers curled and uncurled around the hilt of his sword. But Dream, even without being able to see his face, it was clear Dream was grinning.
Dream reached out and shook Wilbur's hand. "I'm glad to see you're finally taking this seriously," he said.
"Of course. It's the dawning of a new world for us and there's no place for dangerous men like Quackity in it," Wilbur replied.
As Wilbur walked toward his penthouse, he could hear the soft rustling of wings behind him and the clack of pig trotters. He ignored the sound until he knew they were alone in the hall between the boardroom and the penthouse. "What is it, Dad?"
"Wilbur, you don't want to do this!" Phil cried,
"Yes. I do," Wilbur said irritably. "I know what I'm doing."
"First war with the Eggpire and Kinoko Kingdom and now you're going after Quackity, Tubbo, and Tommy. Where does this end?"
"Those three are traitors."
"They're your husband and brothers!"
"Not by blood. Look Dad, just because you can't resist adopting strays doesn't mean I can't put them down when they've gone wrong. And, as for my husband, he betrayed me."
"When did he betray you?"
"He's in bed with Eret now, or haven't you heard? In more ways than one, I'd imagine." He chuckled, but there was not even the slightest hint of humor in his smirk.
"Eret?!" Phil cried.
"Eret?" Technoblade echoed. "No, he's not-" he stopped himself.
"How do you even know that?" Phil asked.
"I have my sources," Wilbur replied.
"More sources, more spies, more secrets! Wil, look around. There are guards on every corner. No one can go in or out without permission. This isn't a country, this is a police state!"
"It's only until Quackity is caught and the wars are over."
"That's what they all say, it's only until this thing or that is over, but then when that thing happens there's always another thing and another. One thing I know about a police state is they tend to stay a police state."
Wilbur was indignant. "I'm keeping Las Nevadas safe. Which is more than anyone else has ever done."
"Are you? Or is that what you're telling yourself?" Phil asked.
Wilbur turned to his father, his jaw set, his eyes warning. He was in no mood for this anarchist bullsh-t today. "You're walking a fine line, Phil. I suggest you don't cross it."
"Hey, don't talk to Phil like that!" Technoblade said, stepping between them.
"Or you'll what?"
"Stay out of this, Techno," Phil begged.
"You think I'm afraid to take you and your army on?" Techno was eye to eye with Wilbur.
"Please Techno." Phil's earring glinted as he pleaded.
"Fine," Techno relented.
"No, actually, I'd like to speak to Technoblade, alone, if you wouldn't mind? I have a favor I need to ask." Wilbur opened the door to the boardroom, ushering Techno inside.
"I'll see you later, Phil," Technoblade said as the door shut on them.
"Would you like something to drink?" Wilbur asked once they were alone. "I've got a nice red wine. It's a good vintage."
"No thank you."
"So much animosity. I must have really done something to get on your bad side if you're being polite."
"Phil's too nice to say it straight, but I will. You're a dictator, Wilbur." Technoblade growled.
Wilbur gave a small smile and shrugged. He opened the bottle and poured himself a glass. "I'll have some, then, if you don't want any." He took a sip. "I want you to go to the Eggpire, Techno. Tell them when we're coming and where."
"I don't take orders from you."
"It's not an order, just a simple request. I know you're just itching to tell them. You're hoping they'll check me; I can see it in your eyes. But, if you'd prefer, I could always ask Phil. Though, you know, cats and birds..."
"I'll go. But don't expect me to fight for you."
"I'm not so stupid to believe you would, just like I know you won't stop us because the only thing worse to you than a dictatorship, is a murderous cult."
"Nah, bro, you got one thing wrong there. You're the stupidest man I've ever met." Techno turned and opened the door, glancing back a moment. "And he didn't sleep with Eret."
"How would you know?" Wilbur said to Technoblade's back.
"I have my sources," Technoblade said as he strode out of the room.
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Wilbur returned to the bedroom. He hadn't slept there last night, he'd had far too much to do in the end. Things that had distracted his mind from visions of Eret and Quackity, but never quite enough to push them out entirely. A calm moment and they came roaring back.
He was far more exhausted than he'd let on. Tonight, he was going to sleep in his own bed. It wasn't his marriage bed anymore, his marriage was f-ing over. It was just a piece of paper that ensured this was all legally his. Not that that mattered at this point, beyond the money. Las Nevadas was his country now, and this was his f-ing bed.
He fell backwards onto it. "Ouch!" he cried as his shoulder struck something hard and metallic. He reached under it and pulled out the silver and turquoise compass. He sat, gazing at the little pointer. What happened to compasses when their person died? Did they point forever to the place where they'd died or did they just spin aimlessly, always searching for someone who was no longer there. Maybe they pointed to their ghost, if they became one. But was a ghost really the same as the person? He hadn't been. Would Quackity be? Would he even come back as a ghost? Wilbur pushed himself up from the bed. He didn't want to think about that.
He walked over to the window, staring out into the bright light of day, the compass dangling from his hand. He should give it to Punz, get this whole f-ing mistake of a marriage over with quickly. But the thought of Quackity seeing Punz holding the compass as he approached the castle... Wilbur clutched the compass to his heart.
How did he still f-ing- After all of this!? In his mind, he was back in his own bed, in his own house, in the arms of his own husband, surrounded by his wings, as they'd been only a few days ago. And then his husband was in a bedroom in a castle, naked, with another man. After everything he'd done for him! Everything he'd risked to protect him!
He missed him like breathing! He hadn't even thought it was possible to hurt so much for someone! And Big Q was f-ing someone else!
He needed fire. Explosions to make the pain go away. Flames and smoke and screams of terror. The sounds and scents of death and decay and destruction that made him feel so giddily alive! Tomorrow would be the prelude to his magnum opus!
Wilbur pocketed the compass. If Dream found out Punz had gotten it from him, that'd be the end of their partnership. Punz was more than capable of finding them on his own.
As he lay down, the compass slid from his pocket. He groped for it, found it, and pulled it to his chest, holding it tightly. Tomorrow he'd put it all away, he'd forget him like he'd been forgotten. He'd embrace those parts of himself Quackity had made him want to suppress. But today he was going to hold Quackity, what little he had left of him, one more time.