We spend the next couple hours eating dinner, telling stories, and just hanging out. Even Sam seems to open up a little when he tells the story of when he and his siblings started a strawberry war in their house, and strawberries ended up being banned for the rest of the summer.
I'm glad Sam seems happier. It broke my heart when he was all sad and there was nothing I could do to help him.
"But he dared me, so of course I jumped on. And it worked for two seconds before the rope broke, and we all hit the ground hard. So I rolled over, and I kid you not, my left arm was at a forty five degree angle. I don't know if it was shock or adrenaline, but I didn't feel any pain, so I ended up chasing my younger brother around the yard for ten minutes before my mom saw and took me to the emergency room." Dev wipes tears from his eyes. "My brother was traumatized for years afterward."
We all laugh.
Jax stands up. "I have decided—"
Peter hands me the rest of his s'more, and I finish it off for him since he used the non gelatin ones too.
"—that we need to go do something."
"Like what?" Peter asks.
"Like an adventure."
"We're going on a trip in our favourite rocket ship," Peter softly sings.
"Let's go to the park," Dev says after groaning over Peter's singing.
Jax points at Dev. "Excellent idea. Race you." He takes off.
Dev blinks, and then he's up too. "Hey, wait!"
Peter gets up from my lap. "Can we go too?"
Orion nods with a smile. "Just please don't come back like you guys did last time!"
"I make no promises!" Peter grabs my hand and pulls me with him.
I glance back once we reach the end of the yard cause I feel bad for leaving Orion, Sam, and Lincoln by themselves. I hate being left out of things.
"They'll be okay, Blythe," Peter says, coming to a stop beside me. "It's okay."
I hadn't realized that I had stopped walking. The moonlight shines around us.
"Oh, you're so cute!" He squeals and kisses me on the cheek. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me along again. "Let's go. We got to catch up to Jax and Dev."
I smile and hurry up.
I don't know where we're going, but Peter seems to know. There's a mini forest behind the house, so we swerve through a lot of trees. Then all of a sudden, the trees stop, and a huge playground comes into view.
Lampposts surround the playset, casting a little light over everything, but definitely not enough to see any clearer than basic shapes.
I hear laughter and see Jax at the highest point on this spiderweb thing, knocking Dev off when he tries to climb up.
"I beat you, and you know it!" Jax yells.
"You only won cause you cheated, you cheater!" Dev yells back.
"You're just jealous that you didn't win."
"C'mon," Peter says and pulls me around the spiderweb, so Jax can't see us. He puts his finger to his lips and then points up at Jax with a smile.
I nod, and we climb up the web.
Dev spots us but doesn't say anything.
"I am not jealous," Dev says, distracting Jax.
"Yes, you are— fuck!" Jax falls to the ground, and Peter climbs where Jax was and evil laughs.
I hang onto the ropes and watch Jax as he sits up. When he starts yelling at Peter, I breathe a sigh of relief. The ground underneath us is that hard squishy stuff that's on most playgrounds, so it shouldn't do much damage, but it still hurts to fall on it.
I'm paying so much attention to their bickering that I don't notice Dev coming up behind me until he puts a hand on my shoulder. I jump and almost fall off, but he holds my waist and makes sure I don't fall.
He laughs. "Did I scare you that much? Come with me. I wanna show you something."
He climbs down, and I follow, jumping down the last bit and practically fall on him, making him stumble. "Pay back," I say.
He rolls his eyes and grabs my hand, pulling me away from the spider web and to these two swings that look like a mix between a rope swing and a zip line.
Dev grabs one and drags it to this platform. He gestures with his head for me to get on.
I climb up and sit down on the circle seat.
"On the count of three, I want you to jump."
"Jump?"
"Yes. One. Two. Three!"
I jump up, and the swing snaps on the way down, sending me speeding down the metal line. I hold on for dear life but also lean back and let the wind go through my hair.
The swing reaches the end of the line and starts going backwards towards Dev, but it also slows down so that I come to a stop only halfway.
Dev runs over to me. "Wasn't that fun?"
I nod.
"This is my favourite part of this place. I could do this for hours." He gets on the other one and jumps off the platform.
I get off mine, bring it back to the platform, and jump off again. Dev and I have a blast on the swings, and I can still hear Peter and Jax making noises in the background.
At one point, I learn how to get back on the platform while still sitting on the swing, so I keep going over and over again, wanting to get that same split second feeling of freedom.
I don't know why, but ever since I was little, I've been addicted to that feeling of the wind shielding me from the world. My favourite place on earth is at this little park in Australia that sits on a cliff on the coast. There's this one section that overlooks the ocean, and the wind roars there constantly. It's so loud that I can't hear anything but the buzzing of the wind, and it's like this embrace and makes me feel like I could do anything. I'm free from everything.
I live for that feeling, and I get it wherever and however I can.
Like now. It only lasts a couple seconds, but I crave it, and I don't ever want to let it go.
"Let me try," Jax says, running over and wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
I laugh but get off and let him get on.
He gets on and then holds out his hand.
I raise an eyebrow.
"Get on my lap with me."
I shake my head. "I'm gonna fall, or it's gonna break."
"It's not gonna break, and I'll make sure you don't fall. Just trust me."
"Fine." I somehow sit on his lap, facing him and holding onto the rope.
He uses one hand to hold himself up and one hand around my waist to make sure I don't fall.
Then he jumps off the platform, and we go flying.
I'm pretty sure this swing was meant for little kids to play on it, so it shouldn't be that terrifying, but there was a single moment, right after he jumped, that had me weightless, and my heart skipped a beat.
But then gravity takes us, and Jax's arm makes sure I don't fall off, and I can't help but laugh my butt off.
After the swing eventually comes to a stop, Jax puts his feet down and helps steady us.
I make to get off, but Jax stops me. "Uh, Jax." Whatever else I was gonna say afterward gets lost in the wind.
I don't know why, but I'm hyper aware of his arm around my waist and my legs around his waist. I stare at his eyes, making sure to stare only at his eyes. My mind flashes to earlier today. Then to that moment when I was helping Peter with his math.
I want to do the same thing with Jax.
I imagine myself doing the same thing with Jax.
But then I stop myself. And remind myself that that will never happen. Not to me at least. No one wants me like that. I'd scare them off. Yes, I have my moments of being okay with people, but my default is not liking people. And with that trait, I'll never be able to have a relationship with anyone.
I look away from Jax's eyes and look over to where Dev and Peter were. "Where are Dev and Peter?"
Jax looks over too, whatever was happening between us gone now.
I get off his lap, and he gets off the swing.
"I don't know. Let's go look for them. We should probably be heading back anyway." He starts off heading towards the spiderweb, and I follow after him.
I feel like Jax is disappointed for some reason. His steps are slow, and his hands are in his pockets.
I hurry to match his pace then pull his hand out of his pocket and hold it in my hand. I smile up at him, hoping that what I'm doing is making things better and not worse.
His shoulders slump, and he cracks a smile, pushing me away. "Tag you're it." He rushes off.
I laugh and chase after him, climbing all over the playset.
I swear that Jax is part ninja. He makes climbing look easy, but I'm already out of breath and sweating. It doesn't help that it is the middle of summer.
"Okay, okay," I say, leaning over to put my hands on my knees. "I give up. You win. Just let me—" I fall to the ground like a starfish, my eyes shut, and my breathing heavy.
I sense someone leaning over me and see Jax there with a smirk on his face. "I win."
I roll my eyes and then shut them again before sitting up. "I'm tired."
"I can see that. Here."
I open my eyes and see him squatting in front of me. With the grace of a baby giraffe, I somehow climb on his back.
He stands up and starts walking off the playground.
"We didn't find Peter or Dev," I say.
Then we hear a rustling in the trees before Peter and Dev show up.
"Found them," Jax says.
"Hey, guys," Peter says. "Nothing happened. Don't ask. We going back already?"
"Yeah." Jax hikes me further up his back. "This one got tired."
"Only because you're like a ninja."
We all start walking back through the trees.
"I know right!" Dev says. "This one time, I swear to you, this one time I chased him through that tower with the dragon that only has one entrance. I chased him there, and he disappeared. I was at the entrance. He went in. Then he was somehow behind me. I have no idea how he did it."
"And I'll never tell you."
I can't see his face, but I can tell Jax is grinning.
"You manipulative cashew." Dev grabs onto Jax, making him stagger and drop me.
"Run, Blythe, while you still can!" Jax calls as he play fights with Dev.
I laugh and grab onto Dev's arm. "Never!"
Peter pulls me off Dev and spider monkeys on my back. "Sorry, Blythe, but this means war!"
We all tumble through the leftover trees and emerge in the backyard to hear Sam crying. The play fighting immediately stops as we all rush over to Sam.
He's sitting in Orion's lap as he comforts him. "The others are back," he whispers to Sam. Then he says to us, "Sam's okay. A moth landed on him, and he freaked out."
Jax walks over and places a hand on Sam's back. "Let's go inside."
Sam nods and untangles himself from Orion before following Jax. Lincoln is nowhere to be seen, so I can only assume he went inside.
The rest of us clean up the food and the dishes and bring them inside.
I fill a cup with water and go back outside to make sure the fire is put out correctly.
Orion must have the same idea because he comes out a second later with a cup full of water. He slides the door closed behind him, shutting off the noise coming from the kitchen. "What are you doing out here?"
I hold the cup up. "Making sure the fire is put out."
He holds up his cup. "Same here."
He walks over to me, and we pour the water over the embers. The embers hiss as steam pools to the sky.
"Is Sam afraid of moths?" I ask, genuinely curious.
"Yeah. When he was younger, a moth got stuck in his ear, and he had to go to the emergency room to get it removed. Ever since then, he's been terrified of moths."
"That sounds terrifying. I would hate it if that happened to me."
The fire is out now, but I don't feel like going back inside.
"You're fitting in nicely," Orion says.
I nod. "I hope so."
"You're giving the others a chance."
I look away from him. "You said I should."
"But you chose to do it. And I'm very glad you did. I can tell that everyone here cares for you and that you care for everyone here."
I have no idea what to say to that.
"You're a good person, Blythe."
Then why do I feel like I've tricked all of you? I'm not a good person. Far from it. But I'm still so nervous around everyone that I act like I am a good person, so you guys will like me and not throw me out onto the street with nothing but the clothes on my back.
But I don't say any of that.
When someone compliments you, you thank them for the compliment and then put the center of attention back on them. "Uh, thanks. And uh thanks for dinner. And for roasting my marshmallows. I swear I don't understand how I always burn them."
Orion smiles. "It's a skill." He heads for the door. "Now get inside, so I can lock up."
We both head inside, making sure the doors are locked and the lights are off.
Orion pulls me into a hug. "Good night, Blythe."
I hug back. "Night, Orion."
He heads into his room, and I head upstairs to mine.
I expect Peter to be sleeping already, but the lamp is on when I open the door, and he's at his desk doing math homework. Without a word, I pull my chair over and sit next to him, grabbing a blanket on the way and wrapping it around us.
I see the half way empty coffee cup sitting in the corner and know it's gonna be a long night. "How much coffee have you had so far?"
"Too much," he says, sounding and looking a little stressed.
"Okay, what are you struggling with the most right now?"
"This." He points to a problem on his paper, and I start explaining how to solve it.
At some point, I'm explaining something, but I can tell he's not listening. "Is everything okay, Peter?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah. Everything's fine. You were saying?"
"I was saying that something's wrong with you. What is it?" I close his binder and turn towards him more.
He seems to curl up on himself. "It's nothing."
"It's obviously something if it's affecting you this much. Tell me what it is. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Not unless you can kill someone for me." He glances over with a smile. "Kidding. Don't worry." He shrugs. "It's just some kid at school. He's been making fun of me for a while, but then he found my Instagram account and has been DMing me mean stuff."
"Mean stuff like what?"
He shrugs, but then pulls his phone out, clicks some things, and hands it over.
I read the screen and dear lord. "Why haven't you told anyone?"
He shrugs again. "It's okay. I only see him at school, and after this summer class is over, I'll be free of him until school starts again in the fall. And it's not like he's done anything."
"Peter," I show him his phone. "Yes, he has. He's bullying you. You have to tell someone."
"No." He looks me in the eyes for the first time since we started talking. "No, and you have to promise me you won't tell anyone either."
"Peter—"
"No, Blythe. I don't want to cause any trouble. Promise me."
The look in his eyes is fierce and determined, and there's nothing I can do without his say-so. "I promise."
He sags in his seat. "Thank you. Now," he opens his binder back up, "I have this test, and I need an A."
We get back to working, but all I can focus on is this feeling growing in my chest. It makes my heart race, and my hands shake. It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs and punch a mountain in half. I haven't felt this in a while, but it makes me smile. Finally, my flame is coming back.