"I have a feeling that you don't like me, Cole Orizaga."
Christoff Varias is grinning at me when he said that understatement of the year. I just looked at him and continued to towel my hair dry.
Kaming dalawa na lang ang naiwan sa locker room. Nauna na ang mga kaklase namin, kasama na roon si Theo, na umalis papunta sa kani-kanilang mga elective classes. Magkaklase kami ng lalaking ito at nagpaabiso na ang teacher namin na liliban siya ngayong araw so we can spend the hour however we want.
In the shower, I chose to take my time. Varias must have thought that waiting for me to irritate me to death was a wonderful way to spend his free time.
"I wonder why," dagdag niya pa.
I ignored that as well and proceeded to the lockers. Nakasandig siya sa saktong locker ko.
"Move," matigas kong utos. "Nakaharang ka."
With that happy grin still on his face, he moved to allow me to pass and continued to stare at me. I'm ignoring him, but he refuses to go away. He persisted to yap at me.
"Dahil ba ito kay Anna?"
I had had enough. Why can't he just shut up and go his own way? Padabog kong isinara ang pinto ng metal locker at sinimaan siya ng tingin.
"What do you want, Varias?"
Kumibit-balikat lang siya.
"Nothing much really. I'm just curious as to why you don't like me."
I just don't like this guy. I hate him.
He is turning out to be the bane of my existense here in Florentine High. Oh, the things I want to do to him.
I want to put his head on a stick, dunk it in a bucket of soap, and use it to clean the school hallways.
I'd like to sever his hands and use them for soccer practice.
I want to take his eyes out and use them for target shooting and literal bullseye.
And, his dimples. Don't even get me started on those blasted things. I want to take a bread knife to his fucking face and carve them off.
Want. Want. Want.
Puro ako want pero wala naman akong nagagawa kundi ang manood at magngitngit. This turd had Orianna hanging on his every word, mesmerized by his, as my kiska refers to them, cute dimples.
Nakakasuka.
"The world likes you enough. Why does it matter to you if I don't? Are you that greedy for attention?"
Mahina siyang tumawa. "Bro, may pakiramdam akong nakasalalay sa'yo ang itatagal ko sa mundong ibabaw."
Ngumisi rin ako sa kanya but the mirth isn't reaching my eyes. Coldly, I said, "You're not worth any time in jail. Rest easy."
"I might not be worth anything to you but Orianna does."
Tumalim na ang pagkakatingin ko sa kanya na mas lalong ikinalapad ng kanyang ngisi.
"Got your attention, huh?" May himig ng panunukso sa boses niya. "Let me ask you this, Orizaga: is she yours?"
My eyes continued to bore into his but I didn't answer.
He continued smiling at me wickedly. "No? Then, bro, i-ayon ang selos sa antas nang pagkatorpe. Kung walang sinasabi, huwag magalit dahil wala kang karapatan. Stop punishing me because of how she feels about me. I may retaliate. Also, I didn't ask her to like me, but now that she does, I want you to know that I appreciate it. You had a whole year to tell her, but you didn't. Your loss is my gain."
Kinindatan niya pa ako bago tumalikod at kampanteng naglakad palabas. Pasipol-sipol pa ang gago. Sarap buhatin 'tong locker cabinet at ipalibag sa kanya.
Naiwan akong nakakuyom ang mga palad at nagpupuyos ang damdamin.I had to take several deep breaths to calm myself down enough to close my locker softly and without damaging it.
Retaliate, he says? I gave an evil grin. I'd be curious to see how he did it.
Napangiti ako sa naalala ko habang naglalaro kami kanina ng dodgeball during PE class. The throws I have been doing earlier must have hurt like hell. Iyon na siguro ang nag-udyok sa kanyang hintayin akong matapos sa shower room para lang kausapin.
As I have said, we played dodgeball today. We were divided into six groups by the PE teacher, who assigned us individual numbers ranging from 1 to 6. Magiging magkagrupo ang magkakapareho ng numero.
Orianna kept moving around subtly plotting her way into Christoff's group as the teacher counted us off one by one. She was successful, which irritated me. When the idiot Christoff embraced her in welcome as she skipped towards him, my irritation turned to cold rage.
"Vor, chill," bulong ni Theo na noon ay katabi ko lang. "Anak ng mayor 'yan. We can't touch him without a valid reason."
"We're the bratva," I said coldly as I continued to watch the turd flash his dimples at kiska. Kitang-kita ko naman ang pagpipigil na ginagawa ni Orianna sa sarili para huwag hawakan ang mukha ng ugok. Sa huli, sarili na lang niyang pisngi ang kanyang pinindot-pindot.
That is the only bright thing in this whole affair. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba nahihiya si Orianna o masyado lang matindi ang pagkagusto niya sa buwisit na lalaki kaya hindi niya iyon magawang hawakan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko if kiska actually touches him the way she touches me. I might really chop him up and feed the chunks to sharks, starting with those dimples.
Tiningnan ko si Theo. "When have we ever shied away from attacking politicians and their families? Palagi niyo ngang sinasabi nina Tito Fyeda at Tita Leine, we are what we are."
Mahinang tumawa si Theo. "And I thought I was the more bloodthirsty one in this pair. Cole,you know the rules. Every hit the family runs must be sanctioned by your father. I don't think Tito Vasya will accept gut-twisting jealousy as a justification for murdering Christoff Varias. Maganda rin ang reputasyon ng ama niya. Your father appears to respect the older Varias. If the family makes a move against the man's child, even for you, Tito will be extremely disappointed."
I threw him a dirty look. "I hate it when you go logical on me." Tumawa lang siya ulit.
Muli kong ibinalik ang atensyon sa dalawa naming kaklase na naghahagikhikan sa kabilang bahagi ng basketball court. And I felt that gut-twisting jealousy Theo was talking about. Sometimes, it's not just gut-twisting but heart-wrenching and headache-enducing, too.
"I hate him."
Theo patted my shoulder and pressed it softly. "Halata naman. The world is just being fair, I guess. It's not healthy to have your heart's desire all the time."
"I don't have any previous desire of any kind."
"Orianna Amador doesn't exist in our lives before."
I stared at him before narrowing my eyes. "You're enjoying this."
"Immensely." His evil wide grin is tempting me to slam the ball on his face kahit na magka-teammate kami. I had to look away from his laughing face and came face to face with the couple across the room.
Theo is right. I'm freaking jealous but that feeling is justified.
Tatlong buwan pa lang naming naging kaklase ang Christoff na 'yon but Orianna regards him with more fondness than she ever graced Theo and I. Mas matagal naman niya kaming nakasama kaysa sa lalaking iyon pero kung tratuhin niya ang ugok parang santo. Kulang na lang ilagay niya sa pedestal.
The fool doesn't even look at her the same way she looks at him but she doesn't seem to mind. And, that is what hurts me the most. Orianna Amador is special. She should be looked at and treated that way.
So, noone can really blame me if I threw the ball a little harder in Christoff's direction every time our groups faced off. The only thing that stopped me from injuring him for real is that Orianna's always beside him. I didn't want to accidentally hurt the little woman. But it would have been so easy to send him to the infirmary with a broken jaw. So fucking easy.
Lumabas na rin ako ng locker room at muntik nang bumangga kay Orianna na nakasalubong ko paglabas na paglabas ko ng pinto. Mabuti na lang at nahawakan ko ang balikat niya kaya hindi siya sumalpok sa katawan ko.
"Hey, what are you doing?" saway ko.
Hindi niya naman iyon pinansin. Sa halip, nilagay niya ang dalawang kamay sa magkabilang tagiliran ko at sumilip sa likuran ko. Nagkandahaba pa ang leeg niya sa kapipilit aninagin kung may iba pa bang taong lalabas mula sa locker room maliban sa akin.
"He's not there anymore," sabi ko.
For a minute, she looked deflated at malungkot na humilig sa akin. I should say something at this point to stop her from engaging in all this nonsense but I can't bring myself to speak up. I ended up patting her shoulder in silent comfort instead.
"Snack sa canteen?" tanong ko pagkaraan.
Tumingala siya sa akin, nakakapit pa rin sa tagiliran ko ang dalawang kamay to support herself, and smiled brightly. "Okay," masigla niya nang sabi.
She circled her arms around my waist for a quick and tight hug bago bumitiw at hinawakan ang kamay ko at pilit akong hinila papunta sa hagdan. Natatawang naiiling na lang ako. Basta pagkain talaga itong isang 'to nakalilimutan ang lahat.
"Libre mo 'ko, ha," ungot niya. Nilingon pa ako.
Tumango naman ako. "Sure. Ako nagyaya, eh."
Lumapad ang pagkakangiti niya. "Don't worry, pipili ako ng mura," pangako niya pa.
Kumibit-balikat ako. "You can't order anything doon na makapagpapapulubi sa akin. Get everything you want."
Her tinkling laughter rang out along the open space corridor on our way to the school canteen. Eyes twinkling at me, "Ang dami naman ng everything na 'yan. Melon milk lang ang gusto ko. May pinatabi ako kay Ate kaninang breakfast. Pinalagay ko sa freezer. Parang ice candy na siguro iyon ngayon."
Napadila pa siya sa mga labi habang nagkukuwento. Napapangiti na lang ako sa inaasta niya.
Kami lang dalawa ang nasa canteen nang pumasok kami. Dumiretso siya kaagad sa beverage corner at binuksan ang isa sa tatlong malalaking vertical freezer doon. Hinanap niya ang melon milk niya at doon sa pinakaitaas nilagay ng staff.
Pinanood ko siyang kumapit sa isang gilid ng freezer, tumingkayad, at pilit inaabot ang maliit na karton ng gatas pero nabigo siya. Nilingon niya ako at tinuro ang karton.
"Kuha?" ani niyang nagmamakaawa ang mga mata. She looks like the British Shorthair I kept on seeing on gifs these days. Sarap kagatin ng pisngi dahil mamula-mula sa exertions niya.
Kinuha ko ang karton at inabot sa kanya. Malugod naman niya iyong tinanggap at binali-baliktad iyon kakahanap ng straw.
"Walang straw," dismayado niyang anunsyo. Luging-lugi ang tono.
"Nandoon sa cashier 'yan. Bayaran daw muna natin bago mo inumin."
Sumabay siya sa aking naglakad palapit sa counter habang abala sa kakapisil at kakaalog ng melon milk niya. Hindi niya pinapansin ang ginagawa ko at ang buong atensyon niya ay sa gatas niya. I picked a pack of chocolate wafer to go with her milk at hindi niya iyon alintana.
I got a bottle of water for myself and a double tuna sandwich. Ang double ang kinuha ko dahil mahilig tumikim itong si Orianna ng pagkain ng iba at tiyak na pupudyot na naman siya roon mamaya. Well, not ng iba. Pagkain ko o ni Theo pero mas madalas ang pagkain ko. Pinapalo ni Theo ang kamay niya minsan, eh.
Giniya ko siya paupo sa isa sa mga mesa na malapit sa bintana.
Recess na siguro ng senior high dahil dumarami na silang nakikita kong naglalakad sa quadrangle papunta rito sa canteen. They are still far away. Solo pa namin ang canteen ngayon.
Ang lakas ng unang sipsip ni Orianna sa gatas niya na ikinatingin ko sa kanya. "You were craving that?" I asked, amused.
Tumango siya na hindi binibitiwan ng labi ang straw. Ilang lagok pa muna bago siya sumagot. "Kanina pang breakfast pero hindi siya malamig kanina kaya pinalagay ko ito kay Ate sa freezer. Masarap na siya ngayon. Gusto mo tikman?"
Inaabot niya ang karton ng gatas sa akin. "May laman pa ba 'yan?" tudyo ko.
Sinimangutan niya ako. "Mag-a-alok ba ako kung wala?"
Kinuha ko na nga ang inaabot niya bago pa siya tuluyang mag-tantrum at batuhin pa ang hawak sa akin. I wouldn't put it pass her. I swirled the packaging almost out of habit.
"Ano ba 'yan? Ang tagal mo namang sumipsip," nayayamot niyang reklamo habang pinapanood ako.
Natawa na ako. "Heto na nga, oh."
I did take a quick small sip. I could taste the milk, and the melon, and a sack of sugar. I regret buying the chocolate wafer. Ang tamis na nito masyado. Aantukin na naman 'tong isa sa klase sa dinami-rami ng asukal na isinaksak na naman sa katawan.
"So?" usisa niya pagkaraan.
"Masarap naman," pagsisinungaling ko. I don't like sweet stuff masyado pero simula nang makasama ko ang babaeng ito, palagi akong may sugar rush. If it is all the sweets she plies me with or her presence, that I'm not really sure.
"Mas bagay ang tuna sandwich dito," dagdag ko in an effort to get the wafer away from her.
"It is?" nagdududa niyang tugon.
Mabilis akong tumango and swiped the wafer from her hands at pinalitan iyon ng tuna sandwich. Tinitigan niya pa rin ng may pagdududa ang naturang sandwich bago kumagat. It must have tasted great because she's eating it with gusto, chocolate wafer forgotten.
"Kuhaan kita ng bagong straw?"
She stared at me weirdly habang ngumunguya. "What for?"
"Para sa gatas mo? I used your straw earlier."
"Save the turtles, save the whales, V. Use less straw." At muli na nga rin siyang sumipsip ng gatas niya.
"Hindi ka naiilang?" I asked curiously.
"Bakit naman ako maiilang?"
"Other girls will freak out sa laway ng iba sa straw nila, Orie," matiyaga kong paliwanag.
Inikutan niya ako ng mata sa palayaw na ginamit ko. She still hates the nickname 'Orie' pero hindi na nag-aaksaya ng oras na makipag-debate sa akin tungkol doon. Eyeroll na lang.
"I'm not like other girls," anunsyo niya. I wholeheartedly agree with that. "At laway mo naman 'yon. It's not like laway ni Theo o ng kung sino-sino."
Napa-arko ang kilay ko sa narinig. "You won't share a straw with Theo?" ulit ko.
Nalukot ang mukha niya sa narinig. "Ewww, no!"
"Why?"
Huminto siya sa pagkain at tinitigan ako nang may pagtataka. "What do you mean 'why'? He's Theo! Yuck naman!" She shivered from the perceived yuckness bago muli akong matalim na tinitigan. "Are you telling me to share saliva with Theo?"
Hindi ko na alam ang takbo ng usapan namin pero I exerted effort to find logic in the midst of it. "I'm not saying that —"
"Good," agad niyang putol, "because I don't want to even if you asked me."
"I'm not asking you to, kiska," I assured her. "I will never ask that of you." I placed a heavy stressed on 'never'. "I'm just trying to understand. Why is it okay with me but not with him?"
"Because you're Cole Valentine Orizaga," simple niyang tugon. "I like the taste of you."
Wala 'yan siyang ibang ibig sabihin, my brain hissed at me. Alam mo 'yan. Don't go crazy over things na wala lang sa kanya. Pagtarong, Sokolov.
Damn, brain, I know! But it is so fucking difficult to calm down when she say things like that.
"Are you okay?" nagtataka niyang tanong at bahagya pang nangunot ang noo habang nakatitig sa akin.
"How do you know?"
"How do I know what?"
"The taste of me. How do you know, Orianna?"
Hindi siya kaagad tumugon at tinitigan lang ako. "Natikman ko, 'di ba?"
Huh?! I would have fucking remembered it if she kissed me.
"When?"
"Last year? 'Yong sinipsip ko ang daliri kong sinipsip mo rin una? Bakit mo 'yon nakalimutan?" She looked at me with her hurt and slightly accusing eyes. "Hindi siguro pareho ang naramdaman mo sa naramdaman ko that time kaya nawala sa isip mo."
"That's not true," tanggi ko.
I clearly remember that incident. Kung alam niya lang kung paano ako pagpawisan nang ilang gabi simula noon na inuulit-ulit ibato ng utak ko sa akin ang tagpong iyon.
"Sus, itinanggi pa." She wrinkled her nose at me. "Sige, okay lang, kahit hindi mo na maalala. Ganoon talaga kapag hindi nasasarapan, nakalilimutan." And she had the audacity to sigh heavily at malungkot akong tinapunan ng tingin.
"Kiska."
"Hmmm?"
"Stop talking about that incident if you don't want me to eat you whole right now."
"Hindi mo 'ko malulunok!" matapang niyang sagot.
I grinned evilly at her. "Wanna bet, baby?"
She stared at me balefully, looking like a Chartreux with her wine-gold eyes. Minsan talaga, ang sarap isako nito at iuwi sa bahay.
Inabot ko ang isa niyang kamay at umaktong kakagatin siya. She snatched her hand away before my lips even hit her skin. Itinago pa sa likod ang palad pero nakikita ko naman ang isa niya pang kamay na mahigpit ang hawak sa karton niya ng gatas.
"Bakit ka nandoon sa labas ng boys' locker room kanina?" naalala kong itanong.
Inalis niya ang kamay mula sa likuran, kumuha ng isang piraso ng tuna sandwich at ibinalik ang iba sa akin. Sinubukan niyang buklatin at ilapat ng maayos ang maliit na puting tablenapkin na binigay sa amin ng cashier kanina pero puno na ang mga kamay niya. Ako na lang ang gumawa at nilapag niya roon ang pudyot ng tuna sandwich na kinuha niya.
"Hinahanap ko si Chris para pasalamatan siya."
Ako naman ngayon ang napasimangot. "Para saan?"
Her face lit up and got excited with that question. Nilapag niya ang hawak na tetra pack at naging abala sa kung ano man mula sa kanyang palda. Mayamaya, maingat niyang binubuklat ang nakatuping puting papel para ipakita sa akin ang nilalaman niyon.
It is a portrait of her done in black pen. Nakaharap siya sa gumuguhit sa kanya and the smile on her face looks mischievous but noone can deny that she's happy. It is beautifully done. Yet, it's making me sick to my stomach.
"Ang galing nang pagkakagawa, 'di ba?"
"Yes," matipid kong sagot habang nakatingin pa rin diretso sa mukha niya.
Lumapad ang ngiti niya at malamlam ang mga matang muling tinitigan ang naturang obra. "I look so happy here, isn't it?"
Tumango ako at tahimik siyang pinanonood habang maingat na muling tinupi ang papel at ibinalik sa kanyang bulsa.
"Christoff made it for me."
"I already guessed that."
"I want to thank him."
"And that couldn't wait until our next class?"
"Eh, layo niya sa akin. Nasa last row pa siya, eh."
"Pareho kayong dormer. Puwede mo siyang pasalamatan mamayang dinner."
"Ang tagal pa noon. Baka makalimutan ko pa."
"So, you have to kiss him thanks as soon as possible? Preferably, right now?"
Alam kong nahalata ang pinipigilan kong iritasyon but I couldn't care anymore. She looked at me again weirdly.
"Who said I'm going to kiss Christoff? Kakakilala ko lang sa kanya! Bakit ko siya hahalikan?"
"You said you wanted to thank him," I pointed out.
My irritation is no longer that big after I saw her face when she mentioned about kissing that turd. My kiska seems to find kissing him deplorable. That calmed me down more than anything ever could.
"Thank him as in sasasabihin ko sa kanyang 'salamat.' Ano bang nangyayari sa'yo at parang gusto mo akong pahalikin sa kung sino-sinong lalaki? Kanina kay Theo. Ngayon naman kay Christoff. May mga utang ka ba sa mga taong iyon at ako ang gusto mong ipangbayad?"
Natawa na lang ako at siya na ngayon ang napipikon.
"Para sa kaalaman mo, si Papa lang ang gusto kong halikan," bato niya sa akin. Natahimik siya saglit at napaisip. "Ikaw din. Kayo lang ang gusto kong halikan."
I don't know how to feel about that. It's amazing to know that she wants to kiss me and only me but I don't know about being lumped in with her father when it comes to kissing. I don't have an iota of familial love for her so that thought makes me feel weird. Happy but weird.
If I could trust myself not to have dirty thoughts about her answers, I would have asked for a clarification. But, since I never know what kind of things she's going to say next, better play safe and ignore that whole can of worms she just dropped. We already talked about how she loves my taste earlier. Magiging soundtrack na 'yon ng ilang x-rated kong mga panaginip. I should stop adding fuel to my torture.
"Baby, don't worry. Kahit mabaon man ako sa utang balang araw, hinding-hindi kita ipambabayad."
She sniffed at that statement. "Siguraduhin mo lang," may pagbabanta sa tono niya. Inangat niya pa ang nakakuyom niyang kamay at ipinakita sa akin. I'm glad to note that she remembered the proper positioning of her fingers for throwing a punch safely. She might be innocent about a lot of things in life but she learns amazingly fast.
Oh, the things you could teach her and the fun you can have together. That unbidden thought popped up in my mind and I tried to quell it.
"Kiss Christoff? He might have cutie patootie dimples pero hanggang doon lang 'yon. He does not even smell half as good as you, V. You smell amazing."
Malapad lang akong napangiti sa babaeng kinakausap ang sarili niya at hindi makapaniwalang naisip kong hahalik siya sa iba.
Christoff might be her first crush. I could see it even if she's not aware of it.
Crushes don't last. Thank God, I'm not just a crush.
==========
KMC translations:
*Vor (Russian, male)= head of the Bratva. Equivalent to Italian mafia's 'don'
*Bratva (Russian) = Russian organized crime group. Equivalent to Italy's mafia
See you next Wednesday!