How did I miss all this?
Why did I have to go through this?
What happened to me?
That , I cannot see.
Am I in the wrong ?
No , I knew what I did.
But am I sure ?
Of course I am , I did go along.
He told me it was right.
I trust him.
He's my only light.
To resort with red spills , it will all be worth it.
For he told me it was mandatory.
And I'll do it.
Whether or not I prefer it.
But something is strange.
Not anything I've encountered.
Something familiar and not reassuring.
I see some change , and a little type of being deranged.
He holds me dear , and I feel fear.
Why is that ?
What happened ?
Did I just imagine ?
It felt too real.
Could it have been surreal?
He loves me.
He saved me.
He gave me everything.
So then why am I feeling manipulated ?
It gets me so frustrated.
I feel the need to go run away and hide.
But no matter what , it's not like I can go outside.
I'm trapped.
Most likely for years to come.
I'm guilty.
I feel really dumb.
It's just like her.
Except it feels suffocating.
Not in a painful way.
But pretty heartbreaking.
I still love him.
For he is the only person who understands.
We grew close , there's no way we can break it.
I have started to feel pressured , and pretty sad.
What can I do??
When I feel so - bad.
I don't want to be someone I'm not.
But any attempt , gets me distraught.
I'm not a wild animal , nor a demon.
I'm a human being.
I wish I was treated as one.
But then, what am I being ?
I'm a monster.
I end others.
Sometimes with hesitation.
But unlike me , he conquers.
And I say this with no exaggeration.
Giving an act can help.
It saves our relationship.
And whelp , I can still feel like everything's fine.
It feels divine.
An obsession.
Not despise or hate.
Rather the opposite , it must have been fate.
Though it feels too much and yet I appreciate it.
He could be overprotective, but that is simply my perspective.
I want to say goodbye , I just really want to die.
I miss the rest.
I hope they're doing well.
I wish I could see them again.
But maybe it's for the best.
I will always remember them , and I will always keep them in my mind and heart.
Because then I know , we'll never be apart.
A question pops up every now and then.
I look up at the sky , as if I could be free and finally die.
Mother can you hear me ?
Or is it unclear ?
You should be proud.
He takes after you.
But , I bet you always knew.