The boy's eyes looked into mine, but it felt as if he was gazing past me, rather than at me. His expression lacked much emotion, and he seemed quite aloof.
'That's right, I am a friend of Kiritsugu. I apologise for intruding so late at night. I just couldn't wait to see him.' Such an obvious lie, which allowed me to prolong the time I didn't have to kill him.
We sat down together, exposed to the outside breeze in the summer night.
'If that is the case, I apologise. Kiritsugu's sleeping right now.' He pointed to the room I had previously seen.
'I ask that you please wait until next morning to speak to him.' The way in which he said those words, led me to believe there was some fallacy in his words.
I looked back to the room in which I could see a person through the window. Compared to before, where I could make out a distinct amount of lines and points of death from that room more than others, it had definitely decreased. The man in there was eternally sleeping now.
Turning back to face Shirou, I said, 'Alright then, I will do so. But, can I ask, who may you be?' I knew the answer but having seen what I had just seen, I wanted to talk to him more.
'Well, it makes sense that you may not know who I am. I'm Kiritsugu's adopted son, Shirou. I'm 12 years old.'
'Adopted? I see. What events led him to you, if it isn't too much of a painful thing to remember?' I wanted to learn more about him.
'The Fuyuki Fire that occurred five years ago, burned down most of the city. Kiritsugu saved me before I died in that fire, and he gave me a life that I could live.' I should have stopped with the questioning there. I knew that if I kept on going, it would get harder and harder to kill him. But I continued.
'How come you are still up at this time. If Kiritsugu's gone to sleep, shouldn't you have by now?'
'We were staying up so we could watch the stars. I talked with Kiritsugu about his dreams and aspirations he had as a child. He told me something sad - That it is harder to become a Hero of Justice as you get older. Isn't that such a sad thing? A hero of justice shouldn't be a time locked thing. Do you agree with what he said too, mister?
'I don't think I'm qualified to give an opinion, but, as one gets older and gains more experience, we become more selfish. We gain things in life that become important to us and so we end up valuing certain things more than others. When that happens, it becomes harder to help others as we only want to focus on certain things at a time. For me, I have brought suffering to a number of people so that I can be with the person I love the most. I would say it becomes harder, for me at least.'
Indeed, in my obsession to reunite with her, I fought many enemies who I thought would have the answer. I made them suffer for my own sake. I cannot call myself a hero of justice, but I never intended to be. I just wanted to live a fulfilling life, and I wanted to be with her to do so.
'But, just because we have someone especially important to us, or things we value the most, doesn't mean we can't help others. It may take more effort, but I want to save everyone. That is what I promised to Kiritsugu. I will carry on his dream for him.'
'Is that way of living something you want for yourself, or are you doing it to repay Kiritsugu for saving your life?' I didn't want it to be that this child took on a heavy burden out of a sense of obligation.
'No, it isn't like that. Just because it was his dream first, doesn't make it any less my dream. He may be the starting point, but in the end, it is still something I want to do.'
'If that is the case, then it is fine. As a child now, it may be easier to see the world through a more optimistic lens. But when you grow up, if you find that ideal too difficult to uphold, you must evaluate what is most important to you and choose what to do with that ideal. But I pray that you can continue to live the way you want to from now on.'
'Thank you, Mister.'
I looked up to the sky and gazed at the celestial lights. Looking up at the full moon hanging ever so brightly in the night sky, I was once again reminded of her.
'Do you miss them? All the friends and family that you lost in that tragedy?' I shouldn't have asked such a painful question to a broken child, but I said it without thinking.
'I... I've never really thought about them. I tried my hardest to forget everything before the fire. My previous life was gone, and so too were all the people in it. My parents and my friends all lost their lives. Yet I lived.'
Though his face remained static, tears started to well up in his eyes. It hurt to hear his response, and I immediately embraced him.
'Why... Why did I have to survive, and they have to die... I don't...'
He cried into my arms.
'Shirou! That's not true. Don't say such a thing. Listen to me. Even if they are no longer alive, they aren't dead. As long as you carry the memory of them, they will live on within you! Don't ever say such a thing.' The unbearable guilt he must have felt for being a survivor must have been painful. To lose everything you have, and still be forced to continue was a difficult existence, that he nonetheless had to endure.
'Mister, for their sakes I won't try to forget them. Even if it hurts, I will keep on remembering my parents who had tried their very hardest to allow me to live. I will remember the people who lost their lives, so that they can live on, even if it's only within me.'
'That's fine. That much is fine. The fact you remember them is proof of their value as humans. Never forget that and tarnish their lives.'
Even though I was talking to a mere imitation of a memory, it felt so real to me. But that brought forth a question within me. Is the current Shirou Emiya still as broken as this child before me?
'Is this a dream, mister? If you were truly Kiritsugu's friend, a man as kind as you would have come here before he passed away.'
Even though he was a fragmented child, he was still perceptive enough to realise things. Of course he would. Having been surrounded by death in such a traumatic experience, of course he would know. The both of us have always been close to death. But this child before me has experienced too much at such an awful time, in which those deaths will forever haunt him.
'It's true. I don't know who Kiritsugu is. This world isn't even real, as crazy as that might sound.'
'I see. If that is the case, then you probably came from the real world. Do you know the real me?' He seemed so accepting of what I said.
'I do. Not very well yet, but I'm beginning to understand.'
'Mister, do you think the current me was able to change? Does he ever remember his past and family? Is he truly happy?'
With a troubled expression, all I could say was, 'I don't know. But I promise that when this dream comes to an end, I will find out. If it isn't the case, I will tell him myself what I have just told you.'
He smiled, and said, 'Then I hope this dream ends soon.'
That last statement just reminded me the tragic truth that the end had only one path to reach it.
'To end it, you will have to die...' Crap! What am I saying to a child? Why did I say that to him? It will be hard for him to accept that, and harder for me to actually do it.
'If that is what is needed to happen, then go it's alright, mister.'
I was in disbelief. Did this child truly accept death so easily?
'Shirou! You know that if this dream ends you will cease to exist. Are you sure that you just want to give up your life that easily?'
'But you said yourself that this world isn't real. If that is the case, then that means I am not real. But you are. If the only way for you to escape this world is for me to die, then to the you who actually has value, I will give my life to you.' There was no hesitation in his voice.
I hugged him tighter, and started to cry.
'You idiot! The fact you are alive at this very moment means that you have value. It doesn't matter how short it may be! You should still treasure yourself! There are people who care for you and love you, so you shouldn't be so willing to give up your life.'
'The Shirou that people love is the one beyond this memory, right? It's alright mister. Talking with you, despite being so short, saved a part of me. Whether that translates to the other me, I doubt it will. So, rather than treating the end of this dream as killing me, think of it as bringing hope to the true me on the other side.' He hugged me back, and was smiling, despite his life coming to an end.
Taking a knife in hand that I had in my pocket, I raised it above the child's back.
'I will definitely save you, Shirou!'
A river of tears flowed down my cheeks, as I swung my small blade down and took whatever small life was left from that small boy.
----------------
I woke up to the intense cold temperature of water against my body. When first entering the room, the water had barely any depth. But it seemed that it was rising. I was only in that dream for a short time but it seemed that the water levels had steadily risen in the time. I estimated around a quarter of the room had been engulfed.
Luviagelita had been holding both Shirou and I above the water, to prevent us from drowning. It seemed she managed to break out of the illusion faster than I and had held us afloat. Shirou was the only one still asleep.
Of course he was. A man as sacrificial as he, clearly wouldn't be up to the task of killing a small child. He couldn't sacrifice anyone even if it meant he would die. That was the kind of man he was. A Hero of Justice. But I couldn't accept that by being one, he has chosen to sacrifice himself to do it.
The moment he wakes up, I'll admonish him. I'll force him to take his own life seriously, and treat it with care.
But for now, the foremost issue was whether he would wake up before the water engulfs us and we drown.
Wake up, Shirou!