𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 : 𝐢 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮
❝ took me a long time to
say this. i want to love you. ❞
⁻ ᵈᵃʸ⁶ ⁻
ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗
waking up at ungodly hours had become the norm for choi chanhee, the boy constantly being plagued by nightmares the closer he got to that day — it haunted him for years on end, a never ending ghost that followed him wherever he went and whoever he interacted with.
he shuffled around his dark room and soon found his earpieces and phone and, after putting his jacket on, he left for another past midnight walk.
once he stepped foot outside of the dormitory halls, the cold air nipped at his skin and for a second, he was tempted to return to his room for a change of clothes. but the thought of walking past the drunkards that loitered in the lobby dissuaded him so, zipping his hoodie all the way up and wearing the hood over his head, he started his stroll.
eventually, he found himself in a secluded corner of the campus, not even those who partook in the night life lingering around there and with a sigh, he sat himself down on a bench, taking off his mask and slowly doing breathing exercises to calm himself down.
his nightmare earlier had sapped every single ounce of strength he prided himself on having. it suffocated him and paralysed him completely, so much so that even in reality, it felt as though he were still breathless, his nightmare seemingly seeping into the very fabric of his reality.
he hated it.
he hated the weight of the guilt and burdens he carried although people have told him time and time again that there was nothing that he could've done. they told him that there was nothing he could've said to change the outcome and yet, he could see the resentment in their eyes, could feel their disappointment that some useless child had caused such repercussions.
he knew they wanted him gone for taking their precious friend, colleague or wife away but what they never realised was that he had lost his own mother on that day too.
that child stole her smile from her.
he often heard their murmurs, their accusations tossed towards a helpless child to catch.
and he has the audacity to show that smile of his?
after his mom's death, growing up had become more a chore rather than something he should have looked forward to. as years passed, he began hiding behind masks, unwilling to let anyone even catch a glimpse of emotion from him.
the only time he had ever felt at peace with himself was with his grandmother. she never blamed him for her mother taking her own life despite having had lost her only daughter and continued to shower him with an unconditional love that felt so warm and comforting.
but time wasn't on his side, his grandmother soon passing on as well and leaving him all alone with her beloved red rose pin.
from all that suffering, he learned to be independent, to never rely on anyone apart from himself but progressively, that belief had manifested itself into a fear of people and the relationships that came with them be it classmate, friend or partner.
and although they had both died years ago (on the same day, just different years), he still could never quite cope with it, always feeling this heaviness in his chest whenever it was almost that day.
he felt powerless and painfully alone but back then, he had younghoon to comfort him. yet despite that, he found himself standing outside the dance studio, the lights still on as music pierced through the silence of the halls.
chanhee peeked inside and sure enough, ji changmin was busy dancing, his eyes entirely focused on the mirror in front of him. with a small smile, chanhee leaned against the wall, slowly sitting down cross legged in the hallway that was only illuminated by the light from changmin's dance room.
he hugged his knees to himself, taking off his earpieces and listening to the music changmin was dancing to.
somehow, even being near the dancer made chanhee feel that odd sense of warmth and comfort he had felt when he was younger, one that although he had felt some semblance of with younghoon, was an omnipresent feeling when it came to changmin.
he chuckled at himself, his hands toying with the red rose pin. "looks like i knew all along who i had feelings for," chanhee murmured to himself, a bitter smile forming on his face as he forced himself to stay awake. "hey, ji..." he whispered, his voice completely covered by the music.
he pulled his knees closer to himself as a cold breeze blew past him, warm tears falling sliding down his face as he rested his head against the wall.
"i like you ji changmin," he whispered, the music still blaring and changmin's footsteps still dancing along to the beat. "i like you but i hurt you didn't i?" tears continued rolling down his cheeks, staining his face and forcing him to take off his mask. "i'm the downfall of those around me ji and knowing you, you'd say things like 'no you aren't' but i really am," he continued, his voice being hidden by the pounding music. "i hurt everyone because i'm selfish and scared of being left behind or being falsely accused for things out of my control."
"thinking about it now, that's probably why i can't bring myself to tell you that i like you. i like you ji changmin but i-" the music stopped playing, chanhee wondering if he had disrupted something and immediately got up to get out of the building before he causes yet another problem for the dancer.
but as he was walking away, he felt a warm hand wrap around his cold wrist, pulling him backwards into an embrace that reassured him and told him that everything would turn out alright in the end.
unwilling to turn around and face him, chanhee remained silent in his arms, changmin gently resting his head on chanhee's shoulder.
"you do know that the walls are thin right? i could hear almost everything you said," changmin said, arms still wrapped tightly around chanhee. "all except that first part. what was it again that you liked?"
"i'll hurt you ji so kevin was right about you needing to keep your distance from me because i'm not a good partner-"
"shouldn't i be the judge of that?" changmin said, his head still resting on chanhee's shoulder. "it's been weeks, nearly a month since i've hugged you so let me have this one at least!"
"i thought you were supposed to be smart but you're really just an idiot."
"and i thought you had a cold reputation to keep but you're just letting me hug you so fair trade!" chanhee smiled, the tears drying up and the suffocating feeling slowly being replaced with butterflies.
he knew it was selfish and he knew that he didn't deserve changmin's love and affection in the slightest. but in that moment, he felt as though he had found a safe haven within changmin's embrace.
with a sigh, he finally turned around to face changmin, the dancer still having his arms loosely wrapped around his waist.
mustering up all the courage he could have, chanhee finally said what he wanted him to know.
"ji changmin, i like you."
a moment passed and for a second, chanhee thought that he had messed up once more but before he could overthink further, changmin had pressed his lips against his forehead, smiling brightly afterwards before saying. "i know. i just wanted to hear it again."
and before chanhee could retaliate to his stupidity, changmin closed the gap between them and placed his lips on chanhee's, pulling the boy even closer towards him and refusing to let go.
ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗
author's note:
SORRY no update ystd! i forgot hdjdje
but now we have chanhee backstory and a confession so how we feeling bout this?