The night of my Sugar Plum Fairy Dance was the night I went home for winter break. I’d completed the dance without a flaw, which was good. The only thing that bothers me about dancing is the fact that I work hours upon hours to perfect four-minute dance, and when that dance is over, people clap and that’s it. Nobody ever really brings it up again, despite how hard you worked to get that four-minute dance down pat. It’s like cooking for Thanksgiving; you cook all day and it’s all eaten within minutes and nobody makes anything out of it.
I refused to wear that huge, immobile tutu and wore a custom-designed, light purple, sparkly dress instead.
Zach was waiting for me backstage with a bouquet of flowers, which I was grateful for, especially considering what happened after my last dance.
“You nailed it,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “It was beautiful, Layne. Honestly. I don’t know why you were so nervous.”
“Because you were watching me the whole time,” I muttered, thinking it was quiet enough that he couldn’t hear me, but he did.
“I shouldn’t be the one making you nervous. You make me nervous.”
I giggled and nudged his shoulder with my elbow before getting my things and walking out into the auditorium to meet my mom.
“That was beautiful, sweetie. Great job,” she said, giving me a tight squeeze. “Ready to go home?”
“Yes please,” I said, hitching up my dress as we walked outside and into the car.
Luckily, my dad and brother weren’t in the car to hear that Zach and I were officially boyfriend and girlfriend now, thank God. My mom, however, could apparently tell by “the way we looked at each other”. She’s good at reading people; always has been. This time, we didn’t meet up with anybody at an Italian restaurant halfway through the ride back home. We just took the straight and narrow.
When we got home, Zach, my mom, and I snuck inside to hear my dad snoring on the couch with a basketball game on and a fireplace lit. My brother was on the couch opposite my dad, looking intently at the TV. He didn’t bother to greet me when I walked through the door, so I took Zach’s hand and pulled him towards the couch, where we sat down next to Michael.
I hadn’t asked Zach why he changed his mind about staying over my house, but I didn’t feel like bringing it up after what happened. I’d been very cautious about what I said to him now, careful not to pull one of his triggers and make him upset. It was Christmas time and I wanted us all to get along as well as possible.
“You again,” my brother spat, glaring at Zach when we sat down.
“Nice to see you too,” Zach muttered sarcastically, looking away from Mike’s intense stare.
“Be nice, jerk,” I whisper-yelled to my brother, considering my dad was still sleeping on the couch beside us.
Mike rolled his eyes.
“I am not happy,” he said with his jaw clenched.
“About what?” I asked incredulously, wondering why he was giving us such an attitude when we’d just arrived back home.
“That you two are, like, a thing now. I mean look at him, Layne. He’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.”
“You’re being an idiot, Mike. Just stop talking.”
“You know I’m right, sis.”
“You’re the farthest thing from right, bro,” I hissed through my teeth, getting extremely frustrated.
“Like I said before. He only wants one thing from you. I know it,”
“Chill out,” Zach said, sounding extremely irritated. “Jesus. You think I don’t take care of her? You think all I want is once thing? If you do, you’re wrong.”
Great. What Mike was doing was extremely immature, but if he makes Zach angry, I don’t know what’ll happen.
“She’s my sister,” my brother growled, keeping his voice low enough that my dad didn’t wake up. “Now cut the crap.”
“Yeah, and she’s my girlfriend, so leave us alone. I think I know what I’m doing.”
Suddenly, my brother stood up off the couch so fast I wondered why he didn’t topple over with dizziness. He grabbed the collar of Zach’s shirt in his fist and moved his face closer to his.
“Fight with me again. I dare you,” he snarled, crinkling his nose in anger.
“Look, I don’t want to fight. I’m just sick of everyone thinking I’m not going to take care of Layne. I would never, ever do anything to hurt her.”
Number twenty-three, I thought.
“Outside,” Mike said to Zach. “Now.”
They both walked angrily towards the door, but when I tried to follow, my brother wiggled his finger in front of my face.
“You’re not involved,” he warned me.
“Excuse me?” I asked incredulously, “I’m the whole reason this stupid fight even happened. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Stay out of it, Layne,” Zach snapped, glaring at me.
His tone was harsh and angry. I know my brother had gotten him angry, but I didn’t want him taking it out on me again. My lip quivered and I looked down, avoiding his irritated stare while waiting for them to walk out the door. But, when I didn’t hear them leave, my eyes nervously fluttered back up to meet Zach’s. His expression was softer now… different. He turned to my brother and shook his head.
“We can do this later, Mike,” he mumbled before turning his back towards him and taking my hand.
I looked behind me to peek at Mike’s expression and, surprisingly, he didn’t seem angry at all. He actually seemed kind of impressed by the way his eyebrows were raised. I turned my head back around and walked upstairs with Zach, into my room. Once we made our way over to the couch, Zach cupped my face in his hands and looked at me, his blue eyes hypnotizing me.
“I’m sorry I yelled,” he said. “I’m so sorry. You don’t do anything to me and-and…I just want to be perfect for you. I mean, you’re perfect for me. I want to-”
“You are perfect for me,” I interrupted. “I just don’t want to make you angry. I just want everybody to get along.”
“I know, sweetheart. Me too,” he whispered, kissing my lips.
I’d gone weak as soon as he called me ‘sweetheart’. One more kiss and I’d pass out.
“Number five,” he said, as we pulled apart. “I’ll put up with your brother.”
***
The day before Christmas Eve, Zach and I went ice-skating on the lake near our house. There were a few other kids skating on it, so we assumed it was safe. Zach used Michael’s skates because they were the same shoe size, and I used my own. We walked there in our snow boots and changed once we got to the shore. Luckily, Zach already knew how to ice skate. He was pretty good at it, too. I incorporated a few dance tricks while I was sliding around, making people gasp and point fingers. I tried to teach Zach a few things, but it didn’t work out very well.
“I’d rather have a race than learn how to spin,” Zach gasped, nearly out of breath as he rested with his hands on his knees.
“Challenge accepted,” I said with a competitive grin, even though I knew he was going to win.
Zach drew a line in front of us with the end of his blade.
“That’s the starting line,” he said, “Ready to get your butt kicked?”
“Oh, don’t be so sure of yourself,” I laughed.
“Ready. Set. Go!” he yelled before taking off at the speed of lightening, his legs moving with the grace of a gazelle.
I was much further behind him, hoping to catch up sooner or later even if I was already out of breath. Suddenly, he turned past a few bushes that stretched out into the lake and headed towards the bay, where the boats came in when the water isn’t frozen. The current was usually stronger there, so I knew the ice wouldn’t be as thick. It could easily be broken.
“Zach!” I called as he disappeared from my sight.
My heart sped up in my chest when he didn’t respond and I tried desperately to skate faster.
“Zach! Stop!” I yelled again, my eyes watering with fear.
I was far enough from shore now that there were no other people near me. If something happened, who would be there to help? Then, when I’d finally picked up enough speed and turned the corner behind the bushes, I saw Zach, skating along the bay. I sighed in relief once I saw he was still safe, but started to panic again when I realized the ice could still break.
“Wait up!” I called. “Please!”
He could fall in at any second now. The current underneath must be too strong to-
Suddenly, a cracking noise interrupted my thoughts. My first thought was: This is it. He’s going to fall in. I don’t know how I’ll save him. I’m no lifeguard but I’ll have to find a way. But, to my surprise, Zach wasn’t the one falling in.
The ice underneath me nearly cracked into a perfect circle, and as I tried to push myself off with the heel of my skate, the ice cracked further, causing a gigantic hole to appear beneath me as I plunged below the icy surface. I knew how to swim, of course, but when you’re panicking and your clothes make your body feel a thousand times heavier and help isn’t coming fast enough and your mittens keep sliding of the edge of the ice, everything seems hopeless.
Suddenly, before I could even take a final breath, a wave of water splashed over my head and I was under water again. My body was numb. The sensation was like something I’d never felt before and something I never planned on feeling again. But, as I swam back up towards the surface, my head hit something hard. Ice. I put my hands above my head, searching for the hole in the icy surface above me, but it was all solid.
Where was I? Where was I supposed to swim if I ever wanted to breath again? There was a ringing in my ears from holding my breath for so long. I panicked more, but my heartbeats were slower and less common now. What was beneath me? What was above me? I had no idea. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, but I knew I couldn’t give up. I kept trying for the sake of Zach and my family. I couldn’t just die on them. So, despite the fact that I had very little mobility left because of my lack of air, energy, and overall feeling throughout my body, I opened my eyes under water and started towards a bright light that appeared beneath the surface. It had to be the opening.
When I finally reached it, I felt something, a hand, grasp my arm before I could even try to pull myself up out of the water. I didn’t know if it was Zach or someone else, but I was grateful for whoever it was. And then, I was above the surface, free to cough and take in as many ragged breaths as I pleased because I knew I was safe.
Zach’s POV
“Wait up!” I heard Layne call form behind me, “Please!”
I chuckled to myself and continued to skate faster than ever, wanting her to chase after me, and I knew she was. But, before I could go any further, a cracking sound rippled through the open air around me like a knife slicing through the quiet that surrounded me. My eyes widened, my mind immediately considering the worst: What if I fall underneath and die? What if I become paralyzed? Well, those were the worst thoughts that came to my head until I imagined those things happening to Layne, so far behind me.
Then there was a splashing sound. My body immediately spun around, searching for Layne, but it was too late. There was no sign of her anywhere but I knew she must’ve fallen under because I heard her voice before.
“Layne!” I screamed in panic, louder than I’d ever screamed in my life, clumsily racing towards what looked like a whole in the ice, sure enough, that’s exactly what it was, but there was no sign of Layne.
My brow creased in confusion as my eyes scanned the ice and landed on a pair of hands, pressed against the bottom of the icy layer covering the surface of the water. Not her. Not now. Why do the people I love always get put in danger like this, damn it! It’s all my fault. It’s always my fault. The thought of her getting hurt made my stomach lurch, but the thought of loosing her forever; the thought of her dying made me dizzy to the point where I almost hoped I’d fall in, too.
“No,” I whispered, and soon my whispers turned into hopeless screams, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Fuck. Somebody help! Help!”
When nobody came, I convinced myself to expect the worst but hope for the best. Tears fell uncontrollably down my cheeks. I knew it was not the time to be crying and I was being totally inappropriate but I couldn’t help myself. What if she’s hurt? Suddenly, though, I saw her hands move along the bottom side of the icy surface.
“That’s it. Follow the light,” I said aloud, grateful she could find her way back to the hole before I hand to jump in and save her myself.
If I had done that, there would’ve been a very little chance that we would’ve both made it out safely. When I saw her head of dark, reddish-brown hair appear in the hole full of freezing water, I reached my hand underneath and pulled her up by her arm, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. When I put my arm in the water, I realized just how freezing cold it was, and to think Layne’s whole body had been submerged in it…
She immediately started coughing, taking in strained, ragged breaths as her tiny body shook rapidly in my arms. I needed to get both of us out of here before the ice cracked more, so I picked her up in my arms and carefully skated back to shore, trying desperately not to fall over. There were only a few little kids left playing on the ice who didn’t even seem to notice Layne as I walked up to where we’d left out snow boots before.
“Fuck,” I growled as I set her down on a bench, looking at her pale skin and blue lips as her body shivered uncontrollably, “Shit.”
I knew I’d have to take off her heavy, wet clothing so she wouldn’t catch frost bit or hypothermia, so I immediately stripped off everything but her leggings and t-shirt. I slipped her boots onto her feet and figured I should just leave the rest of her clothes on the bench. The whole thing was like a strange recap from Mark’s party a while ago, but this time, her life was in danger and I needed to get her home as soon as possible. So, after slipping on my boots, I picked her up in my arms and cradled her trembling body in my arms, trying to warm her up as I ran as fast as I could towards her house. Luckily, it wasn’t far away from the lake at all, but I was still out of breath once we reached her front porch.
“Oh my God!” I heard her mother screech as she ran outside from the kitchen, making me flinch. “Don’t tell me…Oh God!”
She covered her mouth with her hand and looked at me with a worried, frantic expression. “Take her inside and start a fire, would you? I don’t know how and my husband’s out working. A-And, don’t panic! This happened to Michael a few years ago.”
Of course, we were both panicking, but I didn’t say anything. I was just grateful that maybe her family wouldn’t be so angry with me, considering this happened to Mike before. I gave her a curt nod before running inside with Layne in my arms.
She hadn’t said anything since she called out my name and I ignored her, which worried me. Was she too cold to talk?
I set her down on the couch and covered her with numerous blankets before starting a fire, which immediately warmed up the room. I took off my wet boots and coat so I was just left in my thermals and sat next to her on the couch, placing her head on my lap and running my fingers through her frozen hair.
“I c-c-c-can’t f-f-f-feel my l-l-l-lips,” she stuttered, her teeth chattering uncontrollably.
“Number nineteen,” I said softly; glad that she could finally talk. “I’ll keep you warm in the winter.”
Making sure the coast was clear, I stood up and forced myself onto the couch with her, so my back was facing the living room and hers was pressed against the back of the couch. I covered the blankets over both of us and pressed my mouth to hers, not even to kiss her, just to make her lips feel warmer, and I can proudly say they went from icy cold to extremely hot. The feeling sent chills down my spine. I didn’t even care if she couldn’t kiss me back; I was simply doing it to make her feel more comfortable, and if her brother tried to stop me, I’d tell him to suck it up.
“Are they better?” I breathed when her lips felt warm to me.
This time, her words came out as clear as day: “They’re perfect. Thank you.”
I sighed in relief and put my hand on the side of her precious face. She looked at me with her big, green eyes and I knew then that Layne was everything I ever wanted, laying right next to me. She was beautiful, considerate, and smart… I could go on. She was so prefect it scared me. It terrified me; the fact that I couldn’t live without her, but I knew I’d have to in just half a year.
My eyes suddenly started to water, thinking that maybe if I hadn’t been there today, or if Layne hadn’t figured out how to find her way back to the opening in the ice, she could’ve been taken away from me forever. I mean, God forbid, but the thought still made me cringe.
I sighed, shaking the unbearable thought out of my head and continued to stare into her eyes. “You could’ve been killed today, Layne. You have no idea how scary it was to see your hands pressed against the bottom of the ice like that.”
“You have no idea how scary it was when I hit my head on the ice and realized I might never get the chance to breathe again,” she said, making me shudder, “But I’m okay now. Thanks to you,” she said, offering me a small smile.
I smiled back at her, kissing her again. This time, she kissed me back.
“I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you, Layne,” I whispered, kissing her all over her face. “When I say you’re all I have left, I’m not kidding.”
“Well, Zach, you’re the whole reason I tried so hard so to give up. I…I…” she said, suddenly tailing off like she didn’t know what to say.
“You what?” I asked in confusion.
“I…never mind. Never mind,” she repeated.
“Are you sure?” I asked again, really wondering what she was going to say.
“Forget it,” she said. “Please.”
“Okay,” I sighed, giving up even though I knew it’d bother me.
With that, we both fell asleep, and it wasn’t the fireplace that kept me warm, or even the ten million blankets on top of us. It was her.