I laid still, silent, the only sound was that of my own breathing and the tightening around my chest as it heaved a little off the table moving up and down. A faint beat of my heart every so often other than that silence. I had my thoughts to keep me company as I remained alone. Remembering how patient and how sensitive he used to be with me.. Ok maybe not sensitive but he was soft ok he was never soft or gentle. I suppose that was always what I craved about him. His aggressive ego was just too sexy. Hell who am I kidding he was what I made him up to be. Still he has been my world up to this point. It was a horrible feeling. Disappointing Elijah was like watching a puppy being put down. It was almost too tragic to watch.
When I was getting used to things he would be what I needed him to be. Play the part I wanted him to play. The thought that he no longer wanted me was terrifying. There was always a feeling of safety that came to being his and without it what else was there.
I was still recovering and yet Elijah hadn't been in to check on me once. Did he just not care that my soft smooth skin would possibly never be what it was? Lylianna had been in several times replacing the ice and giving soft words of comfort.
When I thought about what it might look like it sent a false replica of the event as if it had happened all over again. I imagined the faces of all that had to watch. Their disgust in me. I deserved what I got. I imagine the flesh peeling back away from the wound. This of course made me feel worse.
He still hasnt been in to see you has he? Lylianna again trying to comfort me.. I shook my head in response as I watched her take a place on the sofa next to me.
Tell me does it look as bad as it feels. I wailed. Of course her shying away was an answer.
Does it still hurt?
A little.
He's really upset with you. Its true that I havnt been around as long as you but Ive never seen him... so hurt. She finished with a sad look to the floor like maybe if she didn't look right at me then maybe she wouldn't show her true feelings.
I dont think Elijah gets angry. I added to make her feel better. Like I said before he doesn't work like that.
He's not even angry he's just distant. She shrugged her shoulders before glancing around the room. You know how he gets. She began to fiddle with the lining in her dress almost a dead giveaway that he'd been taking things out on her. He promised he wouldn't do that. The thought of him doing that and her suffering at my expense was enough to break me.
I did the worse thing possible I betrayed him. I admitted outloud. It was the first time I actually admitted I was the problem. It was easier than thinking that this was all because Elijah had grown bored of me and I didnt want to accept that.. There's no going back after that. I knew she knew it.. that was just how Elijah works.. Worse was the fact that I did this horrible thing with Jeremiah. His one true nemesis in this life. Maybe if it had been done by any others means then maybe he would have been able to forgive me.
Are you in love with him?
Jeremiah? I questioned. Of course Jeremiah he was the reason behind all of this. I think I am.
Oh...this is really bad. her eyes shifted toward her feet as she closed up as if she herself felt the sting of my betrayal. Ashamed of it.
Wow I was admitting to all sorts of things today. Being broken sure does put things in perspective.
I didnt mean for it. Jeremiah was unexpected. It shouldn't have happened. Maybe it was always going to..
Too bad a reset button couldn't be switched. Who's to say that if there had been a reset button that it would have ended differently.
I finally felt better and was able to move around. Found myself on the second floor where I wasnt suppose to be. My curiosity getting in the way again I started to feel nosey and heard the two of them arguing. No doubt about me.
As always hearing his voice and knowing he was close just put hope in my heart. I'm not sure why because I knew it wasn't up to us.
The argument between Elijah and Jeremiah had sounded heated.
We aren't friends I know this. Jeremiah seemed distraught as his words came out.
Then why are you here. Elijah said.
You know why. Come on Elijah the whole world doesn't need breaking. We were friends once. he pleaded.
We were yes. I remember when you used to hold my secrets in confidence. We used to share many things. Pamela Abernathy. I remember sharing her.
They smiled at one another letting the hate go for a brief second but it wasn't enough to let current events go unscathed. Like things of the past were just too damn tragic to forgive and forget.
Woman were always your kryptonite Jeremiah. He drew in a deep breath as if the thought was just exhausting to think about.
Just as fire was always yours. He added.
What have I told you Jeremiah It wasnt just anything that would satisfy my needs. To really make an impression you have to go for what hurts.. Not entirely burning things that made the biggest explosions but rather did the most damage.
Like Bentley and Gizmo.
Precisely. He smirked an evil crooked grin.
You were always good with words just as you were good with people. Always saying the right things until it came to something important. Until you spoke to my father about me loosing that merger. He was painfully distant that entire summer. Judgmental my ma and pa had already been having problems that sent him skyrocketing.
I already apologized for that when are you gonna let that go.
I can't! It ruined everything.
Yeah I remember Ms Green paid the price for it that week.
Do you remember that night. he frowned probably visualizing that night in his mind.
Ms green and her two Scottish poodles..
Bentley and Gizmo.
Always barking and chasing nipping at our damn heels. Im not saying they didnt deserve what they got but....he started to shake his head. Two fireballs flaming down pine road. You couldn't even tell it was dogs till they finally stopped running.
Yeah I never heard anything scream like that before. I didnt know dogs could yell.
Your dad almost killed you that night.. he was always beating you. I swear I thought he would kill you that night.. I stood up to him for you. Me. I wanted to do something after what I had done.
I remember. But don't act innocent Jeremiah. When I needed you, you betrayed me and my family.
I did and I'm sorry but it had to be said.
Everything my father fought so hard for was taken away, just like that. Elijahs voice deepened with anger.
You cant break everyone your dad taught you that.
Yeah and you cant always get your way. Sometimes you loose.
Does she really have to suffer for what I've done.
She's made choices the same as you..
I said the same thing about your mother, you didnt listen then either.
This isn't about any of you. You said it yourself.. You think I care about anything or anyone.. You know me better than that. Id watch the whole world burn if it meant putting you in your place.
Please I'm begging don't do this.
Elijahs expression changed. He paused tilting his head as if to examine something more closely. You love her. It was a question almost unbelievable. He would really be so stupid as to fall in love.
Don't you because if you don't you should just let her go.
Youd like that wouldn't you Jeremiah. I will but it won't be you, it will never be you.
It sounded like a threat. Worse was he had just admitted to not loving me. I was devastated as I leaned in to hear more clearly.
I thought he cared about me. I thought I was special. I felt discarded, betrayed,
I ran to my room in tears. Finally hearing the door creek open. Could it be possible. Could it be him. I couldn't bare the thought of being wrong. Finally I felt the tiny fingers slide around to hug me. Proving that I really didn't have any answers. I really didn't understand Elijah at all.
Clarisse this is about you isn't it. Are you leaving us.
I didn't want to reply. I didnt want to except what I already knew.
Everything is fine Anna. Try not to think like that. Just go to sleep. I whispered rubbing her arms softly around me.
But everything wasn't fine and she knew it.
When I awoke she was missing from my bed. A flashback from before and the little girl I never saw again played over in my mind. Would this be one of those times. Clenching my jaw I had realised how thirsty I was. I had a chalky feel inside my mouth that made me feel forgotten. I clenched tighter which caused a scraping along the ridges of my teeth. This in turn caused my skin to goose up.
Now I was just cold and this reminded me that I was indeed alone.