Flashback
Harry's eyes heavily flutter awake and he stares at the beautiful sight before him. Nia is staring at him with her lazy eyes and she's fresh awake from sleep.
Their fingers are still intertwined and their scents are lingering off each other's skins. Nia sniffs as she brings his knuckles to her mouth for a soft kiss.
He adjusts his gaze and looks around to notice that he's in her bedroom in her flat. It smells like lavender and a brush of mint. It's warm and feels like a proper safe haven for Nia.
The woman is almost perfect in how she deals with everything. Nia loves herself and it shows in how she takes care of herself. She's clear on her boundaries and knows her worth as a human being.
It's admirable how open her heart is and he's a little scared that she's too good to be true.
Noticing his lost stare, Nia cosies up to him and repeatedly kisses the corner of his mouth to bring him back to the present.
Harry clears his throat and frowns just a little.
"What - Why are you eating my mouth off?" he groans out.
"You were staring into my soul," she chuckles.
"Was I now?" he hums.
"Yeah, sort of cute and creepy at the same time," she replies.
"Pardon me, I was lost in your beauty," he wiggles his eyebrows.
"It's hard to believe you," Nia smiles.
"C'mon, you're beautiful and I like to stare," Harry says.
"I know that, but that's not why you were staring," she counters.
Nia sits up on the bed and leans against the wall, keeping their fingers together. Harry parts his lips to accept that she's right but he exhales.
Whatever they have isn't strong enough for him to get attached yet but he can feel himself slowly slipping away.
It is easy to get attached to this woman because that's how warm she is. Every single thing about her screams safe and sound, but he has never been in this position before.
It has always been him being the aloof one and randomly ghosting. He ghosts and leaves before he's left. That's the silent rule he has lived by and it hasn't always been the healthiest rule.
Things are different and he likes that.
"I was wondering if you're too good to be true," he confesses.
"Wow, you're right. I'm secretly a psychopathic cult leader," she mumbles with a smile.
"I'm so messed up that I would be happy if that's true," he replies.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.
"About what?" He frowns a little.
"About who hurt you," she tenderly pushes away a stray curl from his face.
"C'mon babe, nobody hurt me. That's such a cliche question to ask after fucking me," he scoffs, getting a little defensive.
"There you go building up the wall and sounding a little annoying," she points out.
"I'm not that transparent," he quips.
"I think you are. I could see through you from the moment you stole my food at that party," Nia smiles.
"Okay, that was banter though," Harry purses his lips.
"Go on, talk to me, love," she encourages.
Harry steadies himself on the bed with his elbows and sits up a little bit. They're facing each other on the bed and the scented smoke from her incense surrounds them.
Nia stares at his beautiful open eyes, wondering when his heart will be that open. Harry stares at her innocent eyes and wonders if there's more to this.
They face each other and the whole world silently fades away as they shed off extra skin before themselves.
"The world hurt me," he starts.
"You can be a little specific because the world has hurt us all in many ways," she replies.
"What makes you think I'm that hurt though?" He clears his throat.
"It's in how you go out of your way to hide your true feelings. It's in your little defences here and there. And, it's in how you hold onto me when we sleep, like you're scared to lose me," she explains.
"Shit, I didn't know I still did that," he quickly says.
"Don't apologise. I like knowing you don't want to lose me, it makes me feel valued," she smiles at him.
"Of course, I value you," Harry frowns and avoids her stare.
"And it's also in how you instantly recoil into your shell when faced with vulnerability," she gestures at the present moment.
This is a moment where he feels caught.
"I wasn't raised around a lot of love and kindness. I was a very emotional child and I cried a lot, like an idiot," he gives a bitter chuckle.
"Don't say that, please," she says with concern.
"Right. Yeah, I was that kid that cried a lot and was super clingy but yeah it was never acknowledged," Harry clears his throat.
Nia is already uncomfortable at the thought of a little Harry just wanting to be loved and hugged but getting denied the basic emotional need of a child.
It makes her heart hurt and she tries to remain calm till he's done telling his own story.
"I lashed out as a teenager and started to demand for the love I never had. It was bad and I was diagnosed with severe anxiety before moving to London with my Jeff's family," he explains.
"Oh. You've always known him?" she asks.
"His family before him. I think they had a phase where they lived here before returning to the states but yeah I was interested in music, they noticed and took me in," he replies.
"Are you still in touch with your family?" Nia carefully asks.
Harry goes a little cold and gives her a blank stare.
"I have no family." He says.
"That's fair," she nods in understanding.
"I have chosen family and friends. I still don't know how to process emotions without feeling like a needy bitch," Harry chuckles.
"Harry...," she cautions.
"Yeah, sorry for the toxic language but can I express myself without the faux therapy mood?" he frowns.
"If you mean constantly dismissing your own self, no. I'm not sorry about that," she replies.
"I'm not dismissing myself. I'm just saying the truth, what's with the textbook words and shit?" he gets a little uncomfortable.
"You're doing it again. If you really want to deal with this, you'd notice when you retreat into that pattern and learn how to stop it," Nia points out, staring at him.
"Nia, I'm sure you mean well and all but people don't care, and that's life," Harry smiles a little.
"So, are you saying I don't care about you?" she asks, staying calm.
"I don't know. I know I care about you," he replies.
"Do my actions show that I care about you?" she asks again.
"Your actions are kind and amazing, but who knows how long this will last for?" he shrugs.
"We don't care about people because of how long they'll be in our lives, we care because we choose to care. Harry, we are here to live and be fully human. Being robotic will not protect you from loss and hurt, it will actually make it hurt even more," Nia manages to explain.
"I guess I have a lot to learn from you," he smiles a little.
"Actually, you have a lot to learn from therapy because I can't help you like you can help yourself. You know where the shoe hurts because you walk in it," she leans in to kiss him on the cheek.
"I really like having you in my life," he responds by kissing her on the lips.
PRESENT DAY
Harry happily enjoys his small bowl of vegan yoghurt and watches an animated show on his laptop when Zayn enters.
The house manager greets Zayn with a smile and walks away. Zayn looks around and decides to sit next to Harry with a smile on his face. He is greeted with a scowl and silence.
Harry continues watching his show and enjoying his snack.
"Did you fight me in your dream or did you just wake up on the worst side of the bed?" Zayn asks, amused.
"Shh," Harry waves him off and focuses on his show.
"Where's Nia?" Zayn asks, looking around.
"Working," Harry mumbles.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you being a pissy princess?" Zayn asks.
"N-No," Harry frowns, trying to concentrate on his show.
Zayn notices this and leans closer to him, trying to annoy the hell out of him.
Harry groans at the disturbance and tries to focus but Zayn is basically brushing his nose against his.
"Why are you ignoring me?" Zayn bats his lashes with a smirk.
"Oh....away! Go...away," Harry flinches and slaps the laptop shut.
"You texted me for a meeting and now you're acting up, are you flirting with me?" Zayn asks.
"Stop," Harry calmly warns him and sits up.
"I hear you and Nia went to the corner shop last night. Was it a date?" Zayn raises an eyebrow.
Harry pauses and puts the laptop away. He looks at Zayn and wears a knowing smile on his face.
Moments like this, he wishes he was fluent because he surely has a lot to get off his chest but he's going to take his time with his words.
"Why?" he asks, calmly.
"Nothing. I just like the idea of you two spending time together," Zayn replies.
"You...you lying," Harry quickly says.
"What? How am I lying?" Zayn pauses, confused.
"Yes...lying. Okay...okay liar," Harry continues.
"Again, I won't hesitate to attack you without being ableist, I can do it," Zayn warns him.
"No...you say first. Say....why lying?" Harry insists.
"What am I lying about?" Zayn asks, trying to be patient.
" 'bout idea," Harry cannot repeat the whole sentence.
"Wait. You think I am lying about me liking the idea of you two spending time together?" he asks.
"Yes," Harry smiles, victory at long last.
"It's the truth. Why would I lie about that?" Zayn is now confused.
"Telling...telling Nia 'bout him," he suddenly goes shy.
The idea of Zayn encouraging Nia to try dating people made him mad uncomfortable and he had no idea why until he dropped the bomb about Rohan being a potential date.
It's a lot of emotions to process because it means her friends are actively helping her find someone to date and he just doesn't know how to be openly against that.
It will stir the pot and raise a lot of questions. It makes sense for her friends to protect her and want her to move on in life. It makes sense that admitting he didn't cheat won't make things change overnight.
It doesn't fix anything because they've been broken up for about a year now. People change and move on, and it's clear that Nia wants to move on.
Also, he doesn't know what he's currently feeling but he's certain that he doesn't want anybody matchmaking his friend with his speech therapist.
"Is this about Rohan?" Zayn catches on.
"No...no worries," Harry quickly says.
"Shut up, you started this conversation," Zayn smiles, knowingly.
"Okay...okay ending it," Harry looks away.
"You texted me here for a chat, you're not ending it," Zayn reminds him.
"Okay....p-patient...not comfy," Harry frowns in defiance.
"I don't know if that works for your nurse but you're not my patient, you're my annoying friend," Zayn chuckles in amusement.
"No....no worries Z-Zayn," Harry repeats.
"Yes worries, Harry," Zayn moves closer to him. "Talk to me and be honest, okay?"
Harry blinks and bites down his lip. It's been confusing how he's been super open about his feelings and it's very ironic. He was never this open when his speech was great.
All of this sudden he's blunt and okay with expressing how he feels. It's relieving and annoying at the same time.
"Why...why tell Nia 'bout him?" he rests his head on Zayn's shoulder as he mumbles.
"Mate, I was hoping she'd turn it down," Zayn sighs.
"Why...turn down?" Harry asks.
"In my head, it was a great plan to stir her away from him and to you but I messed it up," he chuckles.
"To...to me?" Harry hides his smile.
"It's silly, I guess a part of me was hoping for a romantic reconciliation but you two just want to stay friends," Zayn sighs.
"Recon-big...big word," Harry nervously giggles.
"You know that word but I mean I wanted you two to get back together," he properly explains.
"Nia...Nia says friends," Harry replies.
"Because she thinks that's the best thing for you two," Zayn explains.
Harry slowly sits up and nods in understanding. He has been making assumptions about Nia's feelings and projecting without asking her.
Maybe a part of him wants her to reject him because he feels he deserves it. It doesn't make sense but he's always ready to be punished for having feelings.
"Is it?" Harry asks, holding Zayn's hand for support.
"Do you know what I think?" Zayn exhales.
"No," Harry replies.
"You two have been badly hurt in the past year and you cannot fully accept that you still love each other. Call me a romantic or whatever but that's how I see it and I stand by that thought," Zayn stays smug.
"Accept," Harry picks that word to linger.
"Yes, Nia probably cannot accept you still have feelings after a whole year and you think you don't deserve her after everything you put her through," Zayn continues.
This makes a lot of sense to Harry and he hates this. He truly put Nia through a lot in the past year and it feels selfish to just expect things to pick up without putting in the work. He sighs and slowly nods along to Zayn's words.
"Okay...okay e-enough," he manages to say.
"I have a question for you mate and this may help us figure out the next steps," Zayn clears his throat.
"Ask...ask," Harry is a little moody.
"Do you love Nia?" Zayn asks.
"Yes," Harry replies without missing a beat.
The answer has always been yes but does it also mean he wants to have a relationship with her again, after everything?