Epilogue - Part 4
I felt like I was more excited than Jersey—was this how parents felt when they were sending their kids to school?! I was so excited that I was already looking forward to buy her books. When I first went to law school, I really didn't know anything. I just bought whatever my friends bought. But later on, I realized what worked for me. After a lot of trial and error, I finally found out my rhythm, if you will.
I didn't know if Jersey would like law school. At the very least, I wanted to make things easier for her. She deserved that.
"Mga magkano kaya?" she asked while we were in the bookstore and browsing for books. We just finished enrolling. I wanted to tell her what to buy, but I stopped myself. I would just tell her when she asked. I'd let her do her own thing first.
"I don't know."
"Di ka talaga tumi-tingin sa presyo, no?"
"I can afford it," I said.
"Sounds so mayaman."
I shrugged. "Well, it's not a lie," I replied. "At the very least, at least I'm using my money well."
I knew I was rich—never denied that. But it's also not like I broadcast it to everyone. And what's the use of denying it, anyway? It's not like I would magically eradicate poverty.
"Thanks sa pa-scholar, mayor," she said teasingly, bumping her shoulders against mine.
I laughed. God, I really liked it when her skin touches mine. She's just unbelievably soft—oh, god, I sounded like a fucking perv right there.
"If you're my scholar, then you have grade requirements and shits like that?"
She rolled her eyes. "Sinasabi ko sa 'yo talaga kapag mataas ang grades ko, baka lumuhod ka sa harapan ko."
"Well... I can kneel and do other things," I said...
God, the things that I would do just for Jersey to let my dick in that smart mouth of hers. I could already imagine how good it would be—but I was so sure that the actual thing would be so much better.
I hope she feels charitable enough to throw one blowjob my way.
"Gago."
"You like this gago," I said teasingly.
"Libre lang mangarap. Geh," she replied, rolling her eyes, but I just laughed at her.
Jersey was skimming through the pages of the book and I was just watching her. I couldn't help but feel this... overwhelming sensation inside my chest. I just... wanted to stand here and watch her and savor the moment.
I felt like a fucking weirdo but... Of all the girls I've been with, this one... she makes me laugh. She's hilarious and sexy and smart. I think...
I think I wanna keep her.
Would she want to keep me, too?
"Anyareh sa 'yo?" she asked when she looked at me. She was still holding the book.
I drew a deep breath and told myself to keep it together. "This one for Crim," I said as I handed her the book of Reyes. "And this one for Persons," I said as I gave her Sta. Maria's book. "This one for Statcon and this one for Legal Ethics."
I was busy thinking about what more did she need that I didn't notice that she was carrying four heavy books. "Konting tulong?!"
"Oh. Sorry," I said as I got the books from her. "Just got lost in remembering my first year in law school," I said instead. I didn't want to tell her that I was already imagining how she'd look like when she's wearing her 'law school' attire. To be completely fucking honest, and I hated myself for this, I got a boner when I saw Assia wearing that attire. I would never tell Vito that. This was one secret that I would carry with me to my grave.
"Ano'ng meron nung first year?" she asked.
"Things were much simpler and easier."
"Hindi na ba ngayon?"
"It's messy and complicated now."
"Wala bang magagawa para bumalik sa maayos?"
"I don't know... and I really don't wanna meddle in their problem," I said, not really wanting to discuss it with her because today's a happy day and I didn't want to bum us out. But the next time she asks, I would tell her about it. It's not like I was keeping it as a secret from her.
"Just let me pay," I said when Jersey looked like the cashier told her the total amount that she needed to pay. She looked like the whole world fell on her shoulders. I wanted to pay it, but she was adamant that she would pay for it.
"Ako magbabayad nito," she said.
"It's seriously fine if I pay for it," I replied. I got my card and was about to hand it to the cashier when Jersey beat me to it. I saw the cashier frowning. And then I looked behind us and there was already a line. I didn't realize we were causing a scene.
"Napaka-hilig talaga gumawa ng eksena," Jersey said.
"What? I was just trying to be nice!"
"Sakin na lang na books bayaran mo," the lady behind me suddenly said.
I was about to say something, but Jersey quickly beat me to it. "Teh, maghanap ka ng sariling sugar daddy," she said and then rolled her eyes.
"Aba't—"
I stood in between them. I didn't want to cause a scene here. I always buy my books here! And Jersey would buy her books here.
"Have a great day," I said as I got the books and grabbed Jersey's hand and gently dragged her away from the bookstore. This was for her own good. The world of law school is small—I just didn't want her to get off on the wrong foot. Law school would be a much better experience for her if she could get friends. It's gonna be hard to do it all alone. And since she decided to enroll in that loser school, I wouldn't be there for her.
"Sorry nag-eskandalo ako," Jersey said.
"What?"
"Mali ako," she said. My forehead was creased. "Kailangan ko i-remind iyong sarili ko na wala na ako sa bar. Na ibang tao iyong mga nandito at hindi ako pwede maging siga."
"Jersey—"
"I promise mas magiging maayos ako."
"Hey," I said. "I didn't it mean it that way. If you feel like someone's wronging you, by all means defend yourself—I will be on your side, I promise."
"Totoo?"
"Of course," I replied.
"E bakit mo ako hinatak kanina?"
"Because... I didn't know all of those people but they all looked familiar. They'll be your schoolmates. I just thought it wasn't worth it. But was it worth it?" I asked. "Because if it was, then let's go back and pick a fight."
She rolled her eyes again. "Fine," she said. "Di ko rin alam kung bakit muntik na akong mapa-away. Mukhang tanga lang."
"If I remember it correctly, you were about to fight for me," I said, wiggling my eyebrows.
"Kapal, ha!"
"You were mad when she asked me to pay for her books."
"Kasi ang mahal naman talaga tapos ipapabayad niya sa 'yo!"
"I told you I didn't mind," I said.
"Ang mahal!"
"I told you I'll pay."
"Tuition lang babayaran mo, okay? Ako bahala sa ibang bagay. Kaya ko na 'yang diskartehan," she replied.
"Whatever you want," I said. "Let's eat first?"
When we got out of the building, I cursed inside my head when I saw Vito and Sancho heading our way. Fuck. Of all the fucking places I'd see these two. Oh, shit—
"Why are you two here? Did you enroll? I said wait for me!" I said in panic when I remembered that our enrollment started earlier. I just got so excited that I enrolled Jersey first. I mean, I was already in my last sem. Just one fucking last sem.
Vito's eyes widened like he was shocked when I accused him. Why was he shocked? It's like my hobby already.
"What? I'm just gonna buy reviewers," he said.
"Sancho—"
I said but stopped when I noticed that these two idiots were looking at Jersey. I had this itch to stand between them because... fuck I could already feel it. Jersey's going to have a crush on Sancho. For fuck's sake! Why always him?
"H-hi..." Jersey said while she was staring at Sancho.
"Hi," Sancho said that made me crease my forehead. Who says hi that fucking way?
"Jesery," I said before Jersey began to salivate. Seriously, this woman. I spend what was left of my energy to fuck her and to satisfy her and for what?
"Ano?" she said while having the audacity to still stare at Sancho.
"Jersey," I said again because I'd rather that she looked at me when she talks to me.
"Ano nga?"
"Tsk."
The two devils laughed. Assholes. Jerks. Bane of my existence.
"Di kami nag-enroll. Bibili lang kami ng reviewer," Sancho said.
"You better not lie."
"Niko, we're literally in the same block. And it's our last sem, so chill out," he replied. Jersey looked so surprised when Sancho switched to English. The tan of this man was deceiving—he sounded American when he speaks. I guess that was the charm. Tsk.
"Yeah, I know, our last sem. Would suck if I get in another block."
"We're already in the same block," Vito said.
"I know."
"So... what's the point of this conversation?" Vito asked.
"I don't know," I replied.
"You're weirder than usual," Vito said and then looked at Jersey. "Sorry, I forgot to catch your name?"
"Jersey," she said in a tone that I didn't recognize.
"It's Jerusha," I corrected.
She glared at me. "Jersey nga!"
"But her name's really Jerusha," I said.
"Hi, Jerusha," Vito said, smiling a little.
"Brent ka rin?" Sancho annoyingly asked. Since when did this one start to make small talks? He's usually just quiet. Couldn't he be that way right now?
"She's from SCA, so you won't probably see her that often," I replied so that there'd be no expectation of them seeing her on a regular basis... at least yet. I just fucking realized that I liked her—no way I'd be taking her with my friends until I was sure that she's into me like I was with her. I didn't want to confuse her. I mean, look at her right now! She already looked like a kid in a candy store.
"Grabe, literal na katabi lang ng Brent iyong SCA!"
"But you'll be busy studying," I reminded her.
"May time naman siguro ako gumala sa Brent," she insisted but I also insisted that she'd be so busy she wouldn't have time to go to Brent. I could go to her, I offered, but she just rolled her eyes at me.
* * *
Today was Jersey's first day of class and I paid Manong so that he could reserve to me the spot right in front of the gate. I wanted Jersey to see me as soon as she got out of the gate. I wanted to surprise her... but it seemed like she would surprise me.
I watched as she was walking and talking with Bentley. I wasn't friends with him, but we've been introduced. He's a member of a frat. I just didn't want Jersey associated with them because they're almost always bad news. I knew not everyone, but you still wouldn't be able to tell who's good and who's bad. And when it's like that, would you even risk it?
I sat quietly in my car as I watched them.
'No, Nikolai. Don't you fucking honk at them. You don't own Jersey—you said it yourself that she should have friends.'
'Yeah but—'
Great. Now I was having debates with myself!
But then she laughed.
And I was a selfish bastard.
So, I honked like it was the end of the world. Jersey almost jumped on her place because of surprise. She was clutched her hand to her chest. And then she probably said goodbye to Bentley and got in my car.
"Who was that?" I asked.
"Bentley," she replied.
"Classmate?"
"Hindi."
"Why—" But then I stopped. She'd think I was insane if I ask her why the hell was she laughing with him. It was okay if she was laughing at him. I took offense that she was having a good time with.
I fucking sucked.
"How was class?" I asked instead.
"Okay naman."
"Did your prof go to class?"
"Hindi. Sabi ni Bentley hindi raw pumapasok usually kapag first day."
I fought a frown. I was the one who was supposed to tell her about that. Fuck you, Bentley.
But Jersey looked so excited and I didn't want to bring her energy down so I just quietly listened as she told me what happened to her day. She sounded happy. Maybe law school's for her. Maybe she finally found what she's supposed to do all along.
* * *
"Tingin mo ba nagtatanim ng sama ng loob mga prof?" Jersey asked one day.
"Huh? Why?"
"Wala lang..."
"Did you get shouted at?" I asked, worried because some professors could be a little too harsh. I knew some people who dropped out from law school because the professors were too hard. I mean, I understood the need to have a thick skin in law school, but was a little compassion really that hard to extend?
But maybe I shouldn't worry because Jersey just rolled her eyes. "Abang na abang ka sa downfall ko?" she asked and I laughed because I loved the confidence. "Pero kebs lang naman kung nasigawan ngayon, 'di ba? 'Di naman 'yan dadalhin ng prof hanggang bigayan ng grades?"
I shrugged. I knew one person who looked at her watch while in class. Our class was supposed to end at 9:30 and it was already 11PM. We were all tired and hungry, but we extended because it was already the last meeting, so the prof was trying to lecture everything. That student was actually very smart but for some reason unknown, she failed that class.
So, I guess some professor like to harbor grudges.
"I'd like to say that everything's professional... but some profs have biases. So, I really don't know."
"Grabe, mambabagsak sila dahil lang 'dun?"
"Yeah. I mean, sometimes, they say professors use the 'dart method.'"
"Seryoso?"
I shrugged. "Who knows? It's not as if they're very transparent with the grading system," I said. "What prompted you to ask this?"
And then she began to tell my what happened to her day.
And to be frank? This was the best part of my day—her telling me about her day.
We went to the bar and I headed straight to the office. Jersey followed after some time. And then I took a nap and when I woke up, Jersey was staring at me.
"Hey," I said when she was standing before me.
"Bakit gising ka na?" she asked as I yawned and stretched my arms. I saw her looking at my stomach. This little perv.
"Just took a nap."
"Humihilik ka kaya."
"I don't snore."
"Paano mo alam e tulog ka nga?"
"How did you know e we don't do sleepover?" I asked, trying to trick her into sleeping over. We began to sleep together again. I didn't want to call us friends with benefits because I see Jersey as more than that. I frankly, I didn't like calling sleeping with her as a 'benefit.' It just... sounded wrong. Because it sounded like I had to do something to gain the benefit. But the thing was, I wasn't doing anything to get that per se—whatever I do for her, I do it because I want to.
"Sleepover ka d'yan. Boyfriend ka ba?"
I just rolled my eyes because damn that hurt. "I don't snore," I said, not wanting to answer her question.
"Nagsnore ka kaya. Ganito, oh," she said and then tried to 'mimick' my snoring. I didn't sound like that! She was making me sound like a pig!
"I don't snore," I said adamantly.
"Naka-move on na ako," she said because we were already in the back of my Jeep. We were eating Jollibee and it felt like everything's right with the world at this moment.
"But I don't snore."
"E 'di hindi."
"I really don't snore."
"E 'di hindi na nga."
"Sleepover and I'll prove to you that I don't snore."
She elbowed me. "Sabihin mo na lang na gusto mo akong maka-tabi matulog. I don't snore ka pa d'yan," she said, laughing at my face.
"Do you wanna sleepover?"
"Sabihin mo muna gusto mo ako maka-tabi matulog," she teased.
"Do you wanna sleepover?"
"Sabihin mo muna—"
"Nah."
"E 'di nah ka rin."
I rolled my eyes. "Just concede and say that I don't snore."
"Gusto mo talaga akong marinig magsinungaling, ha?"
"Fine, I wanna sleep beside you. Happy now? Will you sleepover now?" I said and then she quickly choked on her burger. I handed her the bottle of water. Thankfully, she was able to recover quickly. She made me nervous for a second there. Her whole face was red and there were tears on her eyes.
"Okay, fine," she said.
"What?"
"Pahiram boxers at t-shirt. Saka dapat may kape na ako paggising ko," she said as my eyes widened and my heart began to beat quicker inside my chest. Holy fuck. Was this really happening? Would she really sleep in my bed? With me? And I'd wake up with her beside me? For fucking real? "Alam ko maganda ako. 'Wag mo na akong titigan—perfect ako sa lahat ng angle."
I laughed as I shook my head. "Only you, Jersey..."
We packed up our things and I was already driving. But then we stopped in front of the traffic lights. I looked at Jersey who was looking at the cars outside. She looked like she was in deep thoughts. Was she rethinking this? Did she just say say because I kept asking? Did I just wear her down?
"Jersey," I called and she looked at me. "Do I drive straight or turn right?" I asked because I would hate myself if she was just forcing herself to give in to me. That's not what I wanted. At all. I didn't want her to think that she owed me anything.
"Ha?"
"Will you sleepover or will I drive you to your condo?"
"Sabi mo doon ako sa 'yo?"
"Yeah, I was just kidding," I said.
"Weh?"
"If you wanna sleepover, it's totally fine. But if you wanna go home, just say it and I'll turn right," I said, giving her the option. That's all I ever wanted for her—for her to have options. Because at this point, having an option was already a privilege.
But then Jersey averted her gaze and said, "Turn right."
* * *
"Yago," I said. "I think I'm basted."
"What?" he replied. He's working in a coffee shop somewhere, but I just really needed to vent. When Jersey said that she didn't want to sleepover, that felt like... she just didn't want to be with me.
Maybe I was just being paranoid.
I needed Yago to tell me what to do—so far, he's my only friend who had been in a serious relationship. I mean, it's already over with Rory, but damn those years they had were to envy.
"Remember Jersey?"
"Yes," he replied. "How's law school for her? Nabigay mo 'yung sa samplex?"
"Yeah. Thanks for that," I said.
"No problem."
"Anyway... I asked her if she wanted to sleepover and she said yes but changed her mind midway. I mean, it's not about that... I felt like it's her saying no to us? I don't know. I feel so stupid. Don't laugh at me—I'm being vulnerable here."
I could hear the clicking of the keyboard. How smart was this guy? Took the fucking BAR exam in California like a pro.
"How did you do it with—" I paused. "Sorry," I said.
"How did I do it with Rory?" he asked.
"Forget I asked."
"She emailed me about her feelings. I ditched my flight to confront her. We talked. Then... we were together," he said, his voice barely audible at the end. Then he looked at me and whatever emotion was quickly gone—just like that. "Just talk to her. Be honest."
"What if she says no?"
"Then it's a no."
"But I really like her..."
"She doesn't owe you anything, though."
"I know..." I said. "Damn it. I really like her, Yago. As in I got it so, so, so fucking bad."
He laughed at me. "Welcome to the club," he said.
* * *
I had been practicing for days on how I'd tell Jersey what I was feeling. I just wanted to be concise with my explanation because I didn't want her to doubt me. I wanted her to understand what I was feeling. I also wanted her to know that she could say no... Because she didn't owe me anything.
Would it hurt like shit if she said no? Hell fucking yes.
Would I be a bitch about it? In private, but yes I would be a bitch about it.
Would we still be friends? Yes. She wouldn't lose me that way.
I was pacing back and forth when I received a call.
"Yes?"
"Zach—"
"What the fuck did he do again?" I said, grabbing my keys and wallet and already heading to the elevator. When he mentioned Zach's name, I knew that Jersey's already involved because I was really not interested in Zach. At all. He could die and I wouldn't even bother to send him a flower. Maybe not even a condolence because I could be petty as fuck.
"Thanks. I owe you," I said because I really appreciated him calling me about this. Jersey didn't even text me or call me. I bet she wouldn't even tell me about this. Fucking Zach. He's so fucking insecure to do this shit to Jersey.
"No problem," he replied.
"I promise I won't kill him," I said because he still wasn't ending the call.
"Thank you," he replied.
"But do tell him that the next time I see him, I'm going to break his face," I said before I ended the call and drove to Jersey's place.
"Ano?" she answered when she opened the door.
"Are you okay?" I asked, but it was stupid of me to ask. Of course she wasn't okay. Why would she be okay? Zach just harassed her in front of everyone. I bet all the law students were already aware about it. Fucking Zach! Why did he have to meddle? Who was he to decide to tell that to everyone like it was his business? When I've been keeping my mouth shut about his business!
"Jersey—"
"Ayokong pag-usapan," she said, effectively cutting me off.
"Okay," I replied. "Can I stay?"
She looked at me. Her eyes look so tired. "Bakit?"
"So that you'll know that I'm here," I replied, looking directly into her eyes so that she'd know... "But if you wanna be alone, I'll respect that. So... should I leave or should I stay?"
She looked at me. I wanted to cross the distance and to just hug her, but I didn't want to move. I just wanted her to tell me that I could be here for her. I would be silent. I just really wanted to be here for her. I didn't want her to think that the world ganged up on her and she only had herself because that's not true anymore and it would never be true again. She's got me.
"Tsk. Oo na," she said and then sat on the sofa. She began fiddling with her phone. I just watched her. "Baka naman matunaw ako niyan?" she asked as she grabbed the pillow and placed it on her thighs. She was just wearing a thin white shirt and her panties. Normally that would turn me on, but it seemed like I was more worried. I was not horny—I was damn worried.
Law school was supposed to be her new beginning. She was enjoying it. She had new friends. She's finally got something to work for and to look forward to. I didn't want everything she's worked so hard for to be destroyed just because Zach opened his fucking mouth.
"How was the exam?" I asked instead. God, I felt guilty. At first, I avoided her because when she told me she didn't want to sleep in my room, that hurt me. And then it was about me practicing my confession. It took a long time. I wasn't there for her.
"Okay naman."
"Good."
She looked at me. "So, alam mo iyong nangyari kagabi?"
"Just an hour ago."
"Dito ka dumiretso?"
"Of course," I said because where else would I be?
"Mabuti naman," she said, sounding relieved.
My forehead was creased. "Why?" I asked, but she just shrugged her shoulders and then leaned her back on the sofa. And then she grabbed the pillow and buried her face against it. I wanted to pat her head and to tell her that everything's going to be okay... but I wasn't sure. Some people like to gossip. Some people like knowing that they've got better lives than everybody else. I wished they wouldn't treat Jersey differently just because she chose to do that to survive.
I wished that they're better than me because I did judge her, too, at the beginning. I wished they're better people.
"Had I known earlier, I would've come sooner..."
"May exam ka, 'di ba?"
"I'm taking a break."
She frowned at me. "Tapos kapag bumagsak ka—"
"Hey," I said. I didn't like the word failing. I didn't even open my Facebook account because some people just wouldn't stop sharing memes like 'if you don't share this, you'll fail.' Of course I had to share it! My wall was full of shared posts about it!
She laughed at me. That's great to hear. "Joke lang."
"So, you're in the mood to joke now?"
"Umorder ako ng Jollibee," she said. "Pagkatapos kumain, alis ka na."
"You wanna be alone?"
"May exam ka."
"I can study here so that you'll have company?"
She shook her head. "Okay lang talaga ako." She said and then she smiled. "Ayos lang ako," she added like she was trying to convince herself.
"Tell me again that you're fine."
"Bakit?"
"Because I'd like to believe that we're honest with each other, so if you tell me that you're fine, I'll believe you and leave you alone."
Her eyes widened and her lips parted. "Kainis naman 'to!" she said as she crossed her arms. She looked at me like a kid who was about to rant that someone took her lollipop. "Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga, okay? I mean, sanay naman ako sa mga lalaki na gaya ni Zach. Kung siya lang, wala talaga akong pakielam. Pero kasi—" She stopped. "Puta naman," she whispered as she held on to the pillow tightly.
Fucking Zach.
I would seriously break your face when I see you.
"God, I'm sorry, Jersey. I should've dealt with—"
"Wag ka ngang magsorry. 'Di mo kasalanan na fragile man ego 'yung epal na 'yun," she said.
"Still—" But she glared at me. "Fine. But what's bothering you?"
It took her a while before she answered. She held her pillow close to her chest and looked at me. She looked so sad. I wanted to hug her. If... if she's my girlfriend, I would always hug her. And kiss her. And tell her that whatever happens, I'm on her side. Even when she's in the wrong, I would be on her side—I would correct her in private but stand with her in public. That even if the world turned their back on her, I'm going to be her ride or die.
"Iniisip ko lang na kung naka-rating sa 'yo, malamang kalat na sa school." She drew deep breath. "Pero... ayos lang. Keri na 'to. Itutulog ko lang."
Oh, fuck.
Right... those 'Catholic' schools—the holier than thou but protects rapists and sexual predators and preach for forgiveness for the offender but never justice for the victims.
I would need to have a talk with my mom. I knew she could work her magic with this. Her school needed another library.
"If I don't have an exam tomorrow, I would've asked you if you wanna go to the beach to unwind," I said.
"Tsk. Iyong exam mo! Nasaan na ba kasi iyong Jollibee—"
"Where do you wanna go tomorrow?"
"May pasok ako."
"Professors don't usually go to class right after the exam. It's kind of like a mini-break."
"Sure ba 'yan?" she asked like I would lie about such a trivial thing.
"Why would I lie?"
"Aba malay ko sa 'yo."
"Do you know how to drive?"
"Hindi. Pero kung oo, papahiramin mo ako ng sasakyan?"
"Sure, but not my Jeep," I said. I like Jersey... but my Jeep's been with me for a long time! And I had lots of fond memories there especially at the back.
"Tsk. Damot."
"I have lots of cars."
"E 'yung Jeep ang gusto ko."
"What about... staycation?"
After I talked to Jersey, instead of heading back to study, I went to our house. I saw Dad with Jerry. They're probably on their way to meet one of his mistresses—what's fucking new?
"Hi," I said when I saw mom. She looked distressed, but she quickly smiled upon seeing me. I hated that she was making a fool of herself when she's a very intelligent and capable woman.
"Hi. What brings you here?" she asked. "I thought it's your exam week."
"It is," I said. "Mom."
"What?"
"Dad—"
"I don't want to talk about it, Nikolai."
"But—"
"I love your Dad."
"I know but—"
"Someday, when you fall in love, you will understand me, okay?" she said, smiling sadly at me.
"Fine," I said. "But... I'm actually here for a favor."
"What is it?"
"I need you to donate a library?"
"Are you failing a subject?" she asked.
"Wow," I said, clutching my hand to my chest and faking a hurt. "And I thought you're proud of me."
Mom laughed. "Of course I am. But do tell... why am I donating a building?" she asked.
I drew a deep breath.
"There's this girl..." I said.
"There's always a girl."
I shook my head. "No. She's different, Mom," I said. "It's too early to tell, but... I think I can see myself settling down with this one," I continued. Her eyes widened. She's that surprised, huh? I was surprised, too! But I was serious when I said it. With Jersey, everything seemed easy. Like it was a no-brainer decision.
"Oh..." she said.
"Yes," I replied.
"Why do I need to donate a building again?" she asked.
I drew another deep breath, but I wasn't that scared. My mom's a great person. She's very understanding and she's very forgiving—annex 1 would be my cheating asshole of a father.
"So, her name's Jerusha Leigh Lorenzo but I like to call her Jersey," I began as I told my mom about this woman who unknowingly invaded my entire being.
* * *
"I'm so glad we're almost done," I said when we finished our exams. Vito nodded and Sancho yawned. I wanted to go to my bed and sleep. I was so tired.
"Nag-email na 'yung sa review center," Sancho said.
"When's the start?" I asked, already tired just by thinking about it.
"Right after grad."
"Fuck."
"I think there's a free weekend there," Vito said. "How about Japan?"
"Really?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yeah... I wanna unwind before we study again," he said and then we planned about Japan before we each went to our cars to go home. The block was planning on some inuman but I wasn't that interested. I was more interested with sleeping at this point. I got into my car and when I finally got out of the gate, I almost jumped on my seat when someone knocked on the window of my car. I thought it was some kid asking for coins, but I was surprised to see Jersey standing outside my car.
"What—" I asked, confused because she just told me that she was in her room... I planned to go to her as soon as I wake up from my sleep. I like Jersey a lot... but damn I was fucking tired from all the exams.
"Pa-bukas nung pinto," she said. I unlocked the door and she got in the passenger seat. She wore the seatbelt and everything.
"What... is happening?" I asked.
"Tapos na exam mo, 'di ba?"
"Yeah."
"Wala akong pasok."
"Okay?"
"Tara na sa beach!" she said, grinning. "Deserve natin 'to, Mayor!"
I blinked. "Beach?"
She nodded. "La Union, okay lang sa 'yo?" she asked.
"Right now?"
"Oo... ayaw mo ba?"
I drew a deep breath. She looked so excited. I thought I would spend a few more days with her in her room, but she's here... She looked okay... at the very least.
"No, I want to," I said. "But I'll get myself a coffee first."
"Sure."
"Okay," I said, nodding as I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. "La Union it is," I continued as I drove to the nearest coffee shop and got myself a triple shot espresso.
"Sure ka ba na kaya mo? I mean pwede naman na next time na lang," she said worriedly while I was driving.
"No, I'm fine," I replied while my eyes were focused on the road. If I was still sleepy, I would not insist on driving. I didn't want to get us into an accident. I still needed to confess to her. If I died without confessing, I was pretty sure I would haunt the earth and that would be my unfinished business.
"Sure na sure?"
"Sure," I replied. "Just keep on talking to me."
"Okay. Ano ba'ng sasabihin ko?"
"Anything," I said. "I enjoy listening to anything you say."
Jersey was silent for a second. I wanted to look at her but I was driving on the express way and I couldn't risk it. But after a few seconds, she began to tell me about some of the things that interest her about law school.
But later on, she ran out of rant about law school so she began to sing these... songs. She was rapping and laughing.
"What's that song?" I asked because she was singing it like it was her anthem.
"Kabet 'yan! Grabe ka! Fake Filipino ka talaga!" she said, faking offense. "Sobrang foreigner mo na nga tignan—mano ba naman na Filipino at heart ka?"
"Hey, my favorite food is Jollibee!" I said, quickly defending myself because although I was not completely Filipino by blood, I sure was by heart! I just couldn't speak in complete Tagalog because almost everyone talked to me in English while I was growing up. I blame my parents. And thank Sancho and my nanny for talking to me in Tagalog so I was still able to understand.
"Di sapat. Dapat alam mo 'yung theme song kapag may karaoke."
"I don't sing," I said. I couldn't have it all, could I? It's unfair for the other guys.
"Ano 'yan? Puro gwapo? Walang talent?"
"So, you admit that I'm gwapo?" I asked but when I quickly glanced at the rearview mirror, she just rolled her eyes. I just laughed at her. I knew I was gwapo—it just sounds better when she confirms it, but she just rolled her eyes.
"Nikolai."
"Yeah?"
"Wala kang jowa talaga?"
"Where is this coming from?"
"May narinig ako kanina sa school mo may babae ka raw."
"What?" I asked, curious. Who was my jowa? "Who?"
"Jersey daw," she said and I felt like I was having a heart attack, so I just faked a laugh. She didn't seem to notice. Good. "Pero may nakita ako kanina na babae. Blockmate mo ata. Sino 'yun? Ang ganda, e."
"Describe?"
"Matangkad tapos morena tapos black na black iyong buhok. Basta ang ganda niya talaga," she said and then I immediately knew who she was referring to.
"I think you're referring to Sob," I told her.
"Blockmate mo?"
"Yup. Also, she's Sancho's crush since like forever—so if you have a crush on Sancho, think again."
"Grabe! Maganda rin naman ako!" she said so defesively like I just called her ugly.
"I didn't say that you're ugly."
"Wala akong sinabi na panget ako—sabi ko, maganda ako."
"Sure."
"Excuse me? Maganda ako!"
"I already said sure."
"Bakit? Hindi ba ako maganda?"
"What do you want to hear from me, Jersey?" I asked. "That you're beautiful? Because you are," I said and that rendered her speechless for the next minute. When we stopped because to traffic, I turned my head to look at her. She was also looking at me. God, that fucking heart inside my chest has got to calm down! I didn't know if it was Jersey or the espresso.
"What?" I asked.
"Watawat," she replied.
I frowned. "Ha-ha."
She rolled her eyes. "Di mo nga crush si Sob?"
"Nope."
"Assia?"
"Oh, my god," I said because we're discussing about her again.
"Sabihin mo na kasi kung may crush!"
"I already said no."
"Okay lang naman!"
"Oh, my god."
"Bakit mo crush? Gusto mo ba mga ganon? Mga mukhang hindi makasalanan?"
"Why are we discussing this?"
"Bilis na."
"I don't see Assia that way."
"Weh? As in never ka nagkagusto? As in never talaga? Swear on your BAR?"
I glared at her. She knew I would never lie when it came to my BAR. I worked so hard to risk it.
"Fine," I said. "Just... a teenie, tiny crush. Okay? But just for like a minute," I answered and then she just crossed her arms and then looked outside the window and she kept on mumbling about flexibility and being on a mission? I couldn't understand her sometimes...
"Room share or—" I asked Jersey when we were about to check in. God, that was a long drive! I was looking forward to having my body on a freaking bed.
"Sir, isa na lang po available," the guy on the reception said.
I looked at Jersey. "You wanna share? Or we can go to another place."
"Hindi, okay lang," she replied.
"You sure?"
She nodded. "Yup. Saka as if naman never pa tayo nagtabi sa kama," she said that made my lips part a little because she told that to the guy right in front of us. This woman, really.
When we got in the room, I sat on the chair near the door. There was just a single bed. I didn't think we'd fit without her being so close to me or for her to sleep on top of me. I mean, I didn't mind, but maybe she'd mind.
"Ayaw mong mahiga?" she asked.
"You don't like sleepovers, right?"
"Okay lang ngayon—no choice naman."
"We should just find another place."
"Arte naman nito. Ayaw mo ba akong katabi? Malinis kaya ako!" she said that made me crease my forehead because I literally was not thinking about that. I never thought of her as unclean—if any, I was obsessed with how soft her skin was! I liked touching her a lot. "Mas madumi ka kaya kasi galing ka sa school? Fresh pa ako—kaka-ligo ko lang nung pinuntahan kita."
She's insane.
"Let's go to the beach," I said instead.
"Tulog ka muna. Pagod ka na, e."
"No, I'm fine," I replied because as much as I wanted to sleep, the coffee was still working its magic and I seriously doubted if I'd be able to sleep. "Let's buy some beer and sit by the shore."
We got out of the room and were walking on the shore. I hated how the sand got in my shoes. I wanted to remove my shoes and just walk barefoot but that didn't sound safe, too.
"Mukha kang ambassador ng Brent," she said.
"You dragged me here," I told her because it's true! She dragged me here.
"Naka-boxers ka ba? 'Yun na lang isuot mo."
"You want me to walk around in my underwear?" I asked because... I could. I've got nothing to be ashamed of. I worked hard for this body and I had no problem flaunting it.
"Tsk. 'Wag na. Okay na 'yang suot mo," she quickly said like she wasn't the one who told me that I looked like a freaking Brent Mascott.
"You sure? Because I'm wearing a decent boxers that looks like a board shorts."
"Wag na nga."
"Really—"
"Kung maghuhubad ka, huhubarin ko rin 'yung suot ko."
I shrugged. "Fine by me," I said. Jersey's got a great body. She could flaunt it anytime she wanted. It's not up to me to police what she wanted to wear or what not to wear.
"Ang dami namang tao..." she said when we finally reached the resto where we'll buy our beer. My forehead creased when I noticed the familiar faces. Oh, shit... How could I forget? Some of them always go here after exams—it's almost like a tradition for them to head straight to La Union after exams. God, I was so out of it.
"Jersey."
"Hmm?"
"They're from SCA," I said, just wanting to give her a head's up.
Her lips parted. "Kilala mo sila?"
"Not really... but the faces are familiar," I said. "We can just go somewhere else?"
She looked at me and shook her head. "Dito na lang tayo."
"Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Practice na rin 'to. Malay mo... nalimutan na nila?" she said while smiling to hide her discomfort. Jersey walked in front of me... and then some guy decided to whistle at her. I looked at Jersey who just ignored him and walked towards the bar. I, on the other hand, walked towards these assholes from SCA.
"Hi," I said as I approached their table.
"Hey!" he replied like we're friends. "Niko from Brent, right?"
"So, you do know me," I said.
He nodded. "Saw you in some parties. I actually wanted to discuss with you your—"
"I'm sorry, what's your name again?" I asked.
"Liam."
"Liam?"
"Liam Villaflor," he replied.
"Noted," I said.
"Noted... for what?"
The whole table was looking at me. "You see that girl?" I asked as I pointed at Jersey who was just quietly order her beer. The woman just wanted her fucking beer and this asshole couldn't give it to her. "She's my girl and if I hear again that you as so much lay an eye on her or disrespect her in any way, I promise you that you'll never be able to use what you learned in law school."
I looked at everyone. "Same goes to all of you, you fucking enablers," I said. I looked at them all so that they'd know that I meant business. I would have them blacklisted in all the top firms and the top corporations. The corporate world is small and all of them owe my mom a favor.
"Uy..." Jersey said when I felt her holding my arm. "Kunin na natin 'yung beer..."
I stared at them, still. "Think about what I said," I said before I went with Jersey and walked towards the bar. "Did you order food?" I asked. She was looking at me with a hint of worry on her face. "Don't worry about them—they won't bother you anymore."
She nodded, but she was silence. We went to the shore. We sat down and were quietly drinking. I kept on glancing at Jersey who was being very quiet.
"Are you mad?" I asked when I couldn't handle the silent anymore.
"Hindi."
"Why are you so silent?"
"Ano ba'ng sinabi mo doon sa mga lalaki?"
"Nothing."
"Asaan na ngayon 'yung honesty kineme mo?"
"I just told them to fuck off."
"Ano pa?"
"And introduced myself..." I said because the guy told me he knew me and if he knew me, he shouldn't dare mess with me and my friends and most importantly, my future wife.
"Are you mad with what I did?"
"Hindi. Pero 'di mo na sana ginawa."
"Why not? They're being assholes."
"First year pa lang ako. Ilang taon pa ako sa school."
"I know. I'm sorry," I said... because that was exactly what I told her before in the bookstore. But this was different—if I didn't do anything back then, those guys would continue to harass her...
"Pwede bang 'wag kang magsorry kapag 'di mo naman kasalanan?" she asked.
I clenched my jaw. "What do you want me to do?"
"Wala."
"So just... let them harass you like that?" I asked, a bit horrified that she thought I would let them do that to her and be okay with it.
"Nabuhay ako ng ilang taon na wala ka, okay? Kaya ko iyong sarili ko," she said like she was on defense mode and I was the enemy. "Hindi mo ako kailangang ipagtanggol, okay? Kaya ko iyong sarili ko."
Oh... wow.
Fucking wow.
"Hindi sa payag ako na gina-ganon lang ako... Syempre masakit kasi sino ba sila? Ano ba'ng alam nila? Pero alam mo? Mas mahalaga na alam ko sa sarili ko na wala akong ginagawang masama. Saka 'wag mo na akong alalahanin. Baka masanay ako," she said, in a much lighter tone. I saw how she tried to discreetly wipe her tears. I wanted to wipe them for her, but stopped myself.
"So what?" I asked.
"Ha?"
"So what if you'll get used to it? It's not like I'll be gone."
"Ga-graduate ka na."
"I'll graduate—I won't die."
"Magiging busy ka sa review."
"The review center's just minutes away from school."
"E 'di kapag working ka na as lawyer."
"I'm still gonna be in Manila."
"Ano ba'ng point nitong usapan na 'to?"
"The point is that I'm not going anywhere."
Her lips parted. She averted her gaze. She was uncomfortable. Good. At least I was making her feel something.
"Napaka-hina mo talaga. Nalasing ka sa beer?" she said and then tried to stand up to escape, but I quickly held her arm and made her stay so that she'd hear the words that I practiced so fucking hard to say. "Ano ba—"
"Jersey, I like you."
My heart was rallying inside my chest.
I felt like I would puke from nervousness.
My entire system was shaking in fear—this felt worse than my worst recit when I had to stand up and invent the facts of a case because my professor was tired of me always saying that I was sorry I didn't read the case.
"Gago, lasing ka," she said, sounding nervous.
"It's fucking beer."
"Weakshit ka kasi."
I rolled my eyes because it was so obvious that she was trying to divert the topic. I practiced a lot to say those three words! At the very least, she should listen to me and not just dismiss me because this was not easy for me, too! Did she think that it was easy for me to just outrightly tell her that I like her so fucking much that sometimes I couldn't breathe?
That... that if only I could, I wished I met her sooner so that she wouldn't have to go through everything she went through?
Did she know how hard it was for me to finally acknowledge that she owns me heart, body, and soul? That I was not my own person anymore? I was hers and hers alone and that's scary as fuck.
"I like you," I said, hoping that my voice wouldn't break because I was already freaking out on the inside. I didn't want to fucking cry in front of her!
"Gago, sex lang 'yan—"
"I had plenty of sex before you—they never made me feel this way."
"Duh? Kasi magaling ako—"
"Can you please stop that?" I asked, a little angry because she was belittling my feelings.
"Stop what?"
"Making light of the situation. I'm serious here."
"Di bagay," she said as she averted her gaze.
"I like you, okay? And it pisses me to no end whenever they'd talk about you like that. Because they don't know you and even if they know you, it still doesn't give them the license to talk about you that way. It's your life and you're free to live it the way you want."
She still wasn't looking at me... but I was hoping that she was listening.
"The sex is great, Jersey—but it's not about the sex, I swear. I really like you... Please believe that."
And then there was just silence... until she stood up, said okay, and then left me there—alone with the thoughts of her.
**
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