Silence.
It’d been the furthest thing Beomgyu weighed on his journey here. In his head, he outlined a sensational scene with teetering details and fireworks. He had a picture of a grand love declaration which he’d be entirely content with no matter the outcome.
But, that was it. That was all he thought of. The boy didn’t think of what he would say which would drive to that result. He didn’t consider the apt words to use which would thoroughly describe the adoration which smothered him every day, begging to be said.
Nothing he could think of would live up to the strength of his emotions. No words would compute the raging thoughts which stood by him daily.
This wasn’t like the movies he watched months ago to remind him of the feeling. There wasn’t any staircase to the climax, no easy slide down after conquering the big, intimidating force. This was real, raw enough for him to realise nothing was scripted. It was all on him.
His throat closed up when he met Taehyun’s watchful eyes, welcoming and expecting, yet laced with confusion. It shouldn’t have been this hard, all he had to do was start talking and he wouldn’t stop. There was so much to say yet no means of bringing it forth.
They stood like that for a few seconds too long, Beomgyu’s heaving breath being the only thing holding them back from standing in complete silence. The tense air pooled in moments later, unspoken words dancing with the wind in rhythmic movements, almost as if teasing Beomgyu, edging him to go on.
Everything felt out of place, yet he wouldn’t be anywhere but here.
“Beomgyu?” His voice was softer than usual. Serene. “Do you want to come in?”
In the musky moonlight, his eyes twinkled with more than empathy. Were they always like that? He couldn’t tell.
He shook his head, harsher than intended. He couldn’t imagine how he looked to Taehyun; sweat matting his forehead, chest heaving as his eyes must have looked close to manic with the heaps of desperation.
Already off to a bad start, he couldn’t help but wince when the younger took a step forward, fingers reaching out to touch him. “Hey, it’s okay. Come in and drink some water.”
Beomgyu wanted to protest— to say no and demand time to speak. He wanted to slap himself for not being able to talk as if he had his thoughts out on a script in front of him. He had so much to say, yet nothing was leaving his mouth.
He only nodded, his heart rate never ceasing its rapid thrum. He felt lightheaded with the weight following him around, an inevitable feeling of remorse seething through the euphoric feel of adrenaline. He could do nothing but wait as the dread began to overtake.
“I’ll get you some water,” Taehyun declared, leaving no room for Beomgyu to refuse. He wasn’t going to say anything either way. All this time and not a single word had left his mouth, his conscious was laughing and making fun of the phoney confidence he readily convinced himself that he had.
Without Taehyun’s presence in the room, time dragged as Beomgyu’s situation really began to settle in. Was he genuinely ready for this? To put his final heart on the line?
One would have to put a prodigious amount of trust into another for them to love them on their last heart. It was as if they were allowing the latter to wield a hammer, a sole tap enough to shatter their fragile world. They would be giving the last bit of their life into someone else’s hands, the path on where it’d go up to them.
That’s how Beomgyu perceived it, because, quite frankly, he felt too much for it to be any less. It baffled him how willingly he came here, ready to be faced with the worst without a flicker of hesitance, not up until now.
He did trust Taehyun— he does. It just scared him how far that trust ran.
“Here,” a glass of water was held before his face, reminding him of where he was, to begin with. Taehyun was standing in front of him and Beomgyu had to crane his neck up to look at him from his position on the couch.
He wondered if his eyes sparkled from Taehyun’s perspective.
“Thank you,” he croaked, unaware of how dry his throat ran until he tried to speak. He flinched when it came out hoarser than expected, promptly downing the glass seconds after. If he had something to say, would his voice crack halfway through?
Taehyun only nodded in acknowledgement, taking a seat on the couch beside him. He made sure not to situate himself too close to Beomgyu, he noticed. The older boy tried not to scowl at the gap, tried not to show how touch-starved he was when it came to him.
After seconds of staring at the empty glass in his hand, he wondered if he should just leave. If he couldn’t say anything, was it even the right thing to do?
“Are you okay?” Taehyun questioned delicately. It was a cliche question, almost always met with a faux reply. Nothing was okay, yet at the same time, being here with him, everything was okay.
“Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted…” Beomgyu breathed, “I needed to tell you some things.”
Taehyun stirred beside him, not closer, but more comfortably. “Okay, I’ll listen.” He told him clearly, leaving no room for him to delve into any concealed meaning behind his words.
A shaky inhale, a rush of warmth. How ironic how this was always how he felt around him no matter the situation.
“You know, I never thought I would feel what it’s like to be in love again,” Beomgyu muttered. In love. That’s how he was starting, and how he feared it was ending. “And I didn’t want to for the longest time.”
It dawned upon him then that fear may be the last emotion he would feel.
If these moments may have been the last with his warmth in his chest, why would he send them off with troubled thoughts and hesitance? As dramatic as it seemed, why would he give himself away while ridden with timidity and agitation?
Beomgyu allowed himself to be immersed in his love for the first time.
He’d rather be wrung of warmth than fear.
“I mean, you can imagine, right?” Beomgyu advanced, holding out his wrist as a paltry chuckle left his lips. He noticed how Taehyun’s eyes didn’t leave him even when he signalled at his single heart. Would it be easier if he was looking away? “I was content with depriving myself of receiving or giving that type of love. I didn’t need it.”
He paused a second too long. “Until I did. Until I couldn’t stop myself from wanting.” You, gone unspoken.
Taehyun didn’t speak, only let himself be spoken to. Beomgyu couldn’t bring himself to look at him, unsure if he’d be met with what he wanted or what he was dreading.
“And I know I shouldn’t because my conscious would dim my own heart,” he spoke outright, “but a part of me was desperate to feel that way again— to have fallen so hard it was intoxicating. I couldn’t slow it down or get rid of it.”
Beomgyu swallowed the rigid lump in his throat, chest swelling with giddiness and a glimmer of uneasiness. “Because it gave me something to look forward to,” he looked to his side, meeting his eyes. “You gave me a purpose.”
Taehyun was smart. If he hadn’t caught up before, he understood now. His truth was spoken, the so-called love he’d hinted at given away. Beomgyu couldn’t tell what laid behind his eyes, what worked at his mind at this moment. He couldn’t bear waiting.
“It took me so long because I was scared. I am scared,” Beomgyu avowed, finding it more laborious to admit to his fear than to convey his feelings. “I’m scared of thinking this was a mistake. I’m scared of my own judgment. I’m scared of regretting allowing myself to feel.”
Beomgyu didn’t ponder, “but, most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel around you.”
What more was there to add? Beomgyu believed he’d said enough to get his point across, yet at the same time, he worried he said too much. He wasn’t planning on speaking of what he was afraid of, but it seemed more important to lay out his worries before jumping in blindly.
How’d that turn out for him before?
Those times, he’d brought them to himself. He didn’t fear it, instead, desired it. This time was different.
Not because he was hanging by a thread, nor because of his last heart. It was different because this love had seized him, overtaking him without any warning. This type— Taehyun, had grasped his heart before he could say no. He barged in and settled down despite Beomgyu’s constant nagging to get him to leave— begging him to leave.
This love stretched out deliberately, creeping up like a shadow taped to the ground at blue hour, hardly visible. It crawled around him, fingers uncurling, preparing its stance to latch closed with him in the middle. He thought he was in authority until his emotions began operating against his control.
Even though the process seemed overwhelming, it came to him when he wasn’t aware he needed it the most.
It came to him in the form of Taehyun; the epitome of everything he’s ever looked for in another human being.
Which was why he was leading in the dark, entirely unsure of anything other than his own feelings. He was so used to already knowing how people felt about him that this was like walking through a maze in the dark with no hand to hold.
Taehyun’s voice came to him like a sudden bolt in the musky sky. “I guess you’re waiting for me to say I love you back?”
Beomgyu grimaced at his words, trying not to flinch too visibly. This situation was all too familiar for Taehyun. Of course, it had been. Would he be able to look at confessions the same way again after what he’d gone through?
It was a repeat cycle for him.
Even though Beomgyu was more vulnerable; more prone to the damage, he needed to make sure Taehyun wasn’t hurting. That's how it always was.
“No, I don’t want this to be like your last time,” he swallowed down the tremble in his voice, unsure if he could keep his composure any longer. It was wrung out of his words and dipping into his hands, fingers balled into shaking fists. His mind jumped to the worst places. “I’m not expecting anything from you.”
Taehyun was still watching him, head arched at an angle. His eyes were masked with adoration, softening when Beomgyu kept the contact. It put his racing heart at ease, even though the words he needed to hear weren’t spoken.
“Then this will matter more,” Taehyun told him, his words slow.
Beomgyu startled when the younger boy slipped closer, hand reaching out to rest on the nape of his neck. His mind whirled quicker than he expected, thinking the younger would kiss him.
And he did, just not on his lips.
Beomgyu’s eyes were wide open as he felt Taehyun pressed his lips to his temple, soft, just on the area above his eyebrow.
He’d never been kissed there— he’d never been kissed anywhere other than his lips. He didn’t believe any place would be more intimate.
It was never as tender as this; never carried as much weight or warmth. Nothing made him feel this safe yet exposed at the same time.
It gave him what little clarification he needed without the large spectacles or the overwhelming rush of feelings. Without burning them out.
Without returning to his place, Taehyun snaked his arms around Beomgyu, allowing the boy to rest his head against his chest. He closed his eyes against the thin fabric, unsure if his eyes were burning because of the leave of adrenaline or the tears beginning to well for reasons he couldn’t point out.
This was the feeling he ached for. This was the adjacent piece he needed to complete his problem. This was the warmth he desired.
“You've given me more of a purpose than I could ever ask for,” Taehyun’s chest vibrated with his words, voice deeper and more sincere. "I do love you."
The first tear slipped from his eye, hot as it fell down his cheek.
“You trust me?” Taehyun wondered even though the answer was evident. Still, he needed the declaration from him.
All Beomgyu could do was nod against his chest.
“Then let go of that fear and lose yourself to me.”
He was already gone for him.
He let out the first breath of relief he’d held in for years.
It was supposed to be smooth sailing from there.
By smooth sailing, Beomgyu meant it should have at least been more hospitable to breathe, not for all the doubts and worries to magically vanish as if they hadn’t existed in the first place. He assumed that after he released whatever it was inside of him, he’d feel lighter.
And he did.
At least, for the first few days.
Being so deprived of love after striving to avoid it as if it were his life mission had drained him of whatever experience he thought he had. He wasn’t sure what to do with his hands or what to say, most of the time. He didn’t know what was okay or when he was allowed to touch him.
No, not when. He didn’t know if he was allowed to.
He’d assume he could, yet he couldn’t tell if Taehyun would be comfortable with it. He never said anything about it either, never giving him the go or telling him to stop.
By the looks of it, the younger boy didn’t know what he was doing either. It made sense then. Just as Beomgyu had pulled away to protect himself, Taehyun pulled away to protect others. They were both two people who chose to detach, who found themselves stuck again without knowing what to do.
Frankly, Beomgyu never knew what the younger boy was thinking. Most of the time, he was buried under piles of work, balancing everything which was still there. What had Beomgyu expected? That if he confessed, everything would be exactly how he needed it to be?
Once again, he discerned that nothing was like the movies he watched. There was no dreamy happily ever after once the truth was out, nor would they have automatically clicked. That wasn’t how it worked.
Though, through it all, he did feel lighter. Not in the sense of less burden on his shoulders, but in the way of feeling like he was worthy of love. That his love to give was enough. Amongst his array of possibilities, he didn’t think Taehyun would’ve felt the same way, but he did, and that was the best feeling.
He didn’t know what they were, but he knew the small touches around his wrist and the longer glancers were more. They were abundant in what he thought he would never have again, and it was more than he could ask for. He didn’t know what he was asking for, but this was fine.
Soobin was the first person he told, no hesitance to begin with. He stayed longer than he intended at Taehyuns place. After his rush of emotions—and the physical rush— he couldn't get himself to pull away, and Taehyun didn’t push him away. That night seemed so far away, like a dream he’d woken up too early from.
He told Soobin the following day, and the older boy was stuck in a state of shock for the whole day. He continuously congratulated Beomgyu, concurrently bewildered and happy at the same time.
It didn’t hide the concern in his voice.
Beomgyu didn’t miss how the ‘I can’t believe you did that’ clearly translated into Are you sure you want this?’ without even being said. He could tell that every look wasn’t entirely filled with wonderment, rather with the lingering question of ‘Are you sure this is the best idea?'.
He couldn’t blame him, he thought the same too. He homed the same doubts and found himself asking himself those useless questions every day. Questions he knew he’d never have answered.
Still, he didn’t regret any part of it. He wouldn’t take any of it back.
Through the awkward, unsure tension and the confusion, he didn’t want to go back and change anything.
After what seemed like almost a week of dancing around each other, an unnamed label hanging above them, Taehyun asked him if he was free for the night. It was nothing out of the ordinary, it just meant he wanted him to come over. Nonetheless, it made Beomgyu jittery all over.
kang taehyun:
beomgyu? are you free tonight
--:
yeah!! not like i’d be studying without a reason to
kang taehyun:
im telling you, you’re going to regret having that habit
--:
then that’s a problem for future me
goodluck to him!
kang taehyun:
future me will be dealing with the outcome too..
ill be there helping you cram it all when you realise you should’ve started earlier
--:
that’s why i love u
taking one for the team
kang taehyun:
yeah haha
do you want to come over?
maybe stay the night too
--:
yeah sure i dont have any morning classes
ill be there soon :] see you, tyun
kang taehyun:
see you, gyu
He hadn’t meant for the I love you to slip.
“Beomgyu,” there he was, “hey, come in.” There was a smile dragging at Taehyun’s lips, almost as if he was trying to hide it in the first place. Beomgyu would know because he was doing the same. The thought made his chest feel tight, but not in a suffocating way, rather in a way of embrace.
“I brought some extra clothes for the night,” he remarked, setting his backpack at the side of Taehyuns low, cushioned couch. He paused for a second, the realisation that ‘holy shit, I’m staying the night at my maybe-boyfriends place for the first time’ hitting him at that moment.
“You could’ve borrowed some of mine,” Taehyun frowned, coming around from behind him to clear the table of his books.
Beomgyu didn’t miss the way the palm of his hand grazed his lower back, barely there, not enough to tell if it was an accident or not. That was how it usually was with how they were.
Still, he was more comfortable than he’d ever been before. He took a place on the couch, “I think you’re better off borrowing mine instead,” he kidded, watching the younger boy intently. He didn’t think he could do otherwise, no matter how hard he willed himself to look away. This time, he didn’t have to. There was nothing to hide.
Taehyun realised that too, and this time Beomgyu didn’t miss the rosy tint painting his face when he regarded his gaze. The red-haired boy only scoffed at his comment, turning his head away as if his books were his only focus. “I’m not that small, you know.”
“I beg to differ,” Beomgyu refuted, an effortless grin playing at his lips. He wasn’t sure if it was from being in his presence, the light conversation, or the evident blush coating both their faces. It could’ve been none, or all of them at once.
Beomgyu watched as he rolled his eyes, finally standing up straight. “I ordered some food,” he commented instead of throwing something back, “I’ll get it from the kitchen.”
“Okay.”
This situation was all too familiar.
The same position, the same room, different feelings. This time he didn’t have an aim. He didn’t have a driving force to distract him from his current being. This time, he was in a position where he didn’t think at all. There wasn’t any need to, was there?
There wasn’t much to think of. He could ponder on what to do, but there was no need to rush with that. He wasn’t even sure if anything he could come up with would even be appropriate for their situation. Were they even in a situation?
He didn’t know what he was doing, but he knew it wasn’t enough.
Still, with him, he felt content.
Taehyun stepped back into the room, two full plastic bags in either of his hands. It wasn’t until the aroma had filled the room that Beomgyu realised how hungry he was.
Either that, or he was desperate for a distraction.
As soon as Taehyun placed the bags on the table, Beomgyu didn’t wait to pry them open. He heard the younger boy laugh fondly at his eagerness from beside him, still standing. His hands faltered when he felt his hand atop of his head, pushing back the loose curls in two swift movements— practically patting his head— before he dropped it.
It was hard to pretend it was nothing when his heart hammered in his heart. He felt as if these small, barely-there actions had a larger effect on him than any of the large spectacles he’d put on before for other people.
At this moment, he was thankful for the food in front of him seemed to be his only interest.
“Were you studying before I came?” Beomgyu questioned aloud once Taehyun settled beside him.
Taehyun hummed, “I was with Sooyun today so I didn’t get to do most of my work.”
“How is she?” he smiled fondly. He didn’t know if it was from her memory or from watching Taehyun eat fully in front of him.
“She’s good, healthier than usual,” Taehyun spoke through his stuffed cheeks with an underlying question, as if the words he spoke confused him too.
“That’s great,” Beomgyu beamed at him, hoping to simmer down the discomfort.
The younger boy looked his way, an easy smile playing at his lips. “Yeah, it is.”
They spent their night in their own world, nothing other than the feeling of each other's presence. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest, Beomgyu found himself being drawn to his presence, wanting to be close to him, in his space.
It was a game of barely-there touches and long glances from them both, unsure of what to do but certain of what they wanted.
Once it got too late to stay up anymore, Beomgyu was prepared to pack his things and leave, as he usually would. He’d leave with a close hug or a kiss to his temple or cheek.
Though, this time he didn’t have to leave. He was spending the night.
So, when Taehyun led him to his bedroom, already freshened up for the night, his situation did dawn on him.
“Do you want me to sleep somewhere else?” Beomgyu mumbled, almost absolutely certain there wasn’t another spare bed in his room. The boy could barely breathe just sitting close to him, how would he sleep by him?
“No,” Taehyun answered simply, that familiar smug grin playing at his lips as he manoeuvred around his room to put things in place. He knew what it was doing to Beomgyu.
Beomgyu couldn’t even blame him for finding it humorous because he’d laugh at his nervousness too if he didn’t feel like it would swallow him whole at any second.
Taehyun took notice of that too. “You think I’d invite you to stay the night just to sleep in another room?” he almost laughed, but not at him. “You can sleep beside me, unless you don’t want to. I can take my roommate's room, he’s barely here anyway.”
“I want to be with you,” Beomgyu pleaded solely. It was a silent plea both for the moment and wholly all together.
“You’re welcome anytime,” he smiled at him, and Beomgyu wanted to give him everything.
That was enough to dissipate the nerves which were crawling up the expanse of his body. It didn’t halt the thrumming of his heart, but it settled it to a fluttery feel instead of a painful, yearning one.
Already in his comfortable clothing, Beomgyu climbed into his bed with a jittery body. It smelled just like him.
“What’s this?” he picked up a greyish half dome on the table by his side, unsure why the small object piqued his interest. Maybe he just frantically needed something to distract him from his worries.
Taehyun looked over his shoulder from where he was packing away his desk. He turned away hastily, a small flash of sheepishness washing over his face. “Uh, it’s an LED light projector,” he mumbled under his breath.
Beomgyu simpered, “You mean a night light?”
“When you put it like that it sounds childish,” Taehyun shook his head, still not looking at him, “but, yeah, I guess. A night light.”
“It’s not childish,” Beomgyu pouted, fumbling with the projector in his hands as he searched for the switch.
“I don’t need it to sleep, not really,” he shrugged, his bare feet padding against the floor. His pyjamas were way too big for his body. The cuffs of his pants pooled around his ankles and his sleeves slipped over his fingers way too often. The shirt was basically draped over him like a blanket. It made Beomgyu’s heart twist in ways he couldn’t stop.
When he climbed in the bed beside him, he gently took the object from Beomgyu’s hands, switching it on like it was muscle memory.
Instead of the mere hueful glow he’d expected, the room was instantly littered in stars. The roof and walls were suddenly a more profound tone of royal blue, white specks splattered all over the room. Constellations he couldn’t name were tucked in some corners. There were mixes of colours in some places, an entire galaxy in their little wonderland.
Taehyun switched off the other lamp at his side, allowing the projector to be the only source of light. Beomgyu looked his way, in awe at such a feeble thing.
In his hands, the light shone on Taehyun’s face too, the prickles of stars against his face dancing on his skin. His eyes twinkled a different type of light. This time, there were actually stars in his eyes.
“I’ve had this since I was a kid, I didn’t think much of it,” Taehyun shrugged. The stars moved with him. “I don’t use it much.”
“It’s nice,” Beomgyu didn’t know if he was complimenting him or the lights. He wasn’t looking at them anyway. He spoke those words with his eyes trained on Taehyun’s.
“Yeah,” the younger boy smiled, a flash of nostalgia washing over his eyes.
He didn’t switch it off. He just placed it on the bedside table and shuffled onto his side, facing Beomgyu with his head against the pillow. The stars still illuminated his face.
Beomgyu mirrored his position, his hands against his chest. They faced each other, not touching, yet almost there. This time, Beomgyu didn’t falter his gaze. He didn’t look away when Taehyun looked at nothing but him. He didn’t cower under his lovesick stare, he only stared back. Their eyes stayed locked on each other, entranced
“How did you know?” Beomgyu whispered, willing the lump in his throat to disappear. He worried that if he spoke any louder than he was now, their glass atmosphere would shatter under the booming frequency, bringing them back to reality. Bringing them back to the distant phase they were in before.
This was better, this was what he wanted to continue doing, even though they weren’t touching.
Taehyun watched him, his gaze never wavering. His eyes were half-open now, but not in a way where you’d think he’s sleepy. It was in the way where he didn’t need to see anything other than Beomgyu now. As long as he was in his line of sight, nothing else mattered. “Know what?”
Beomgyu didn’t let his gaze drop either. Taehyun’s eyes twinkled under the set. “About how I felt.”
“What makes you think I knew?” Taehyun raised an eyebrow, lips jutting outwards. He could kiss him.
“Come on, I know you did,” he mumbled instead, willing himself to keep his hands to his chest. There was no need to disrupt the quiet atmosphere with something he may regret. “You looked at me like you were waiting for me to tell you.”
“I guess I was for a while,” Taehyun confessed, blinking once, “I didn’t know when you left after the photoshoot. I was hoping, but I wasn’t sure.”
“How did you find out, then? I basically ghosted you for two weeks after that.”
A playful smile arose, eyes glinting with nothing less than adoration. Beomgyu worried he said the wrong thing. “So, you do admit you were avoiding me?”
“Not on purpose,” the worry could’ve been spilling out of his mouth in letters at this point, “I didn’t want to. I just didn’t know what to do with myself after that day.” He paused, “God, you drove me crazy.”
“Don’t do that again,” Taehyun frowned, “I missed you.”
Beomgyu wasn’t accustomed to receiving such sincere words, especially not from someone he never thought he’d get them from. “I missed you, too,” he didn’t miss a beat, the words were already at the tip of his tongue as soon as he spoke. “Go ahead and continue, please.”
“Well, it wasn’t really me who realised,” Taehyun adorned that fond smile again, the one where his lips curled only slightly, yet it was enough for his dimple to show. It was a marvellous sight. “I sent in the photos we took the day after, and my professor called me in about three days later. She wanted to talk to me personally.”
“Why?” Beomgyu pulled his lips into a pout, worried that he’d tainted the photos he took by looking too awkward.
“I thought she was going to tell me how I needed to do more, again. That we were almost there,” he spoke the last two words with bitterness in them as if they were gibberish to him, though it didn’t last long.
Beomgyu wondered where this was going— how it had any relation to what he asked. “Did she? I thought the photos we took would’ve come out pretty good,” he says would’ve because he never got to see them. He was supposed to have them sent to him, but he wouldn’t send a boy that was ghosting him his pictures either.
“They are. They were perfect, she told me. She was shocked. She said she didn’t know I was capable of capturing such…” he trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows at his own words, “genuine love. She told me she didn’t know I had even experienced love, which didn't make sense.”
It did, with the full array of glowing hearts. “What?” Beomgyu asked nonetheless.
“Yeah, I didn’t get it either,” Taehyun almost shrugged, quirking his eyebrow in question, even though he didn’t seem as confused, “at first, I thought she was insulting me.”
The smile on his lips never faltered, especially not when he heard Beomgyu chuckle at his words. “She wasn’t though,” he continued, “she was amazed by our work—”
“Your work,” Beomgyu corrected him.
He didn’t comment on it. “She told me…” he paused, slowing his words, “she asked if you were looking at me, and when I told her you were, she said she’d never seen someone manage to work up that much love in their eyes for a photo.”
Love? In his eyes?
Oh, god.
“You can’t be serious,” Beomgyu groaned when the words fully registered. He grimaced at first, then it was followed by a pool of warmth rushing all over his body, resting in his face. There was no doubt that his cheeks were a light crimson.
The embarrassment piqued when he raised his hands from their balled position to cover his face, hoping his attention would land elsewhere.
There wasn’t anywhere else it could. They were the only ones there in their wonderland.
“Hey, don’t be embarrassed,” Taehyun giggled when he couldn’t hear him through his muffled voice. “Beommie, come on,” he whined, prying his hands away from his face by tugging at his wrists. The nickname and the touch only made him fall harder.
“I don’t have a choice,” Beomgyu whined, unable to do anything to hide his burning face away, “was I really that obvious that an absolute stranger could tell I was in love?”
“To be fair, she is a photography professor. Part of her job is to over analyse the photos we take.”
Beomgyu pouted, his face pulled into a disgusting expression. “That doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.”
“It’s fine, come on,” Taehyun laughed through his teeth. He was still holding onto his wrists.
“You’re laughing at me!” Beomgyu fussed, unsure if his heart could take the towering embarrassment and proximity all at once. It was as if Taehyun was shifting closer with each word, using their connected hands to anchor him and allow him to tug.
“Not at you, with you,” Taehyun grinned, knowing his words weren’t convincing either of them. He continued to laugh as Beomgyu struggled in his hold, trying to free his arms from his warm fingers.
“You’re unbelievable,” he scoffed, a few escaping giggles spilling out of his mouth unwillingly. He slipped a hand out before it was caught between Taehyun’s again. This time, he laced their fingers together, finding it easy to weave through them before pinning his hand down.
He grinned, only then did Beomgyu notice he was slightly hovering over his side. “Yet, here you are, in my bed.”
“That’s enough from you,” Beomgyu gaped through his laughter, surprised with how much warmer his face was getting. Should he be concerned? Was he coming down with a fever, high off of love?
“You asked!” Taehyun accused from on top of him, wrestling him down. Really, Beomgyu was no match for him. Didn’t he once mention he worked at the gym?
In the mess of woven bed sheets and light clothing, Beomgyu’s laughter ceased when he took note of how close Taehyun was, how lovely he looked in the dim, blue light. He found the breath in his chest rapidly spilling out when he noticed his lips closer, closer. Come closer.
Beomgyu could kiss him. It seemed like the right moment and the first one at that. He only needed to lift his head and reach a bit to be met with the younger, just a single, swift movement and it’d be sealed, it’d be sorted.
His breath was jagged, shaking out of nervousness. He half expected Taehyun to swoop down and kiss him first, that would've made it easier for him.
It’s what the younger would want, right? Would it be?
Before Beomgyu could test his theory, Taehyun tilted his head. Away. He turned away.
Beomgyu couldn’t read his expression, he wasn't sure if he wanted to in fear of seeing something he’d regret seeing. He willed his eyes closed, conspiring against the urge to tug him back and kiss him as if he wouldn't get the chance to again.
Would he, though? At this rate, was he getting anywhere?
As Taehyun settled beside him, not a word said since the encounter— the laughter had died down as soon as they both realised the proximity— he shuffled under the covers, his head hitting the pillow with a soft thud. Beomgyu couldn’t read him.
But, he didn't need to.
Taehyun turned his head towards him again, this time with a small smile twitching at the corner of his lips. There wasn’t any regret, nor confusion, which only puzzled Beomgyu more. He thought he’d figured him out.
He didn’t need to think anymore.
Not when Taehyun was holding his arms out, inviting and wide. Not when he crawled under the cover beside him, body tingling from the places where they touched. Not when Taehyun dug his hand into his hair, fingers weaving through his curls. Not when he had his head nuzzled in the crook of his neck, the tip of his nose brushing his neck. Not when his arm was wrapped around Taehyun’s small waist.
Not when their hearts beat in sync, as if tied together, chamber by chamber.
He didn’t need to think when he was under the blanket of his love. His love, Taehyun.
Surprisingly, he found himself stirring first, body slowing waking.
He wouldn’t say it was the best sleep he’d had. That was exaggerated in books and movies. It certainly wasn’t with the way his body felt sore after being curled up against him for so long, and his arm went numb under the weight of his body.
Not the most comfortable, but the warmest. Nothing would amount to the safety he was treasured in, nothing would add up to the feel of being in someone else's arms in his most vulnerable state. Again, and again, he’d want to sleep like this.
Though they weren’t in the same position they slept in, his body was still glued against the youngers— who was possibly still asleep, Beomgyu couldn't tell— their legs tangled in a heap and their arms were woven in one way or another.
Shuffling back a bit, Beomgyu decided the temporary discomfort was worth it if he woke up to his face every morning.
He wouldn’t mind a slightly aching arm in exchange for the sight of Taehyun’s red curls sprawled messily over the pillow and his face, framing it in an almost childish way. He would take a crick in his neck to see the way his freckles matted his cheeks, splattered on in the light pooling in. It reminded him of the constellations on the roof the night before, except closer and more real.
His mouth was slightly parted, lips pushed against his pillow, eyelashes long against his cheeks. He was asleep on his front, his cheek pushed onto the pillow, looking softer than Beomgyu had ever seen him.
It was all worth it for this.
“Good morning,” Taehyun croaked, not bothering to move as he barely opened one of his eyes. His voice was like silk, sultry and smooth, slipping right between his lips. How was that possible in the morning?
“Morning, Hyun,” Beomgyu couldn’t stop himself from grinning, not taking a second to think about how he himself looked. With the way his hair fluffed up, he didn’t doubt it was a gaping mess.
Taehyun seemed to notice, raising a hand to pat down Beomgyu’s black curls before his hand slipped to cup his cheek for a split second, then flopping back beside him. “How long have you been awake?”
“Not long,” he whispered, unsure of the line where he really woke up and when he started just admiring. “You look like an angel when you sleep.”
He didn’t know what prompted him to say that, but he was glad he did with the reaction he elicited.
Taehyun groaned, his smooth skin quickly rushing with colour against the white sheets. He turned his face into the pillow, voice coming out rough and inaudible against the cushioning. “Not this early, Gyu,” he whined, the red tips of his ears being a dead giveaway of what he was trying to hide.
Beomgyu didn’t know where the compliment came from, but he knew he’d lose it if he didn’t get to touch him again. When Taehyun didn’t get a reply, he turned to look at him again, cheeks still red. Beomgyu took it as an opportunity to lean over, pressing his lips promptly against the tip of his nose.
It definitely worsened the blush, that was for sure.
“I’m going to get ready and make breakfast,” Taehyun grumbled, no malice in his voice. It was airy and lovesick. He kicked his legs over the edge of the bed, fluffing his hands through his hair in the process.
Beomgyu couldn’t stop smiling nor could he stop watching him. It was getting ridiculous at this point. He felt he was fine with this pace, he could work with it. With time, things would be easier with him. They were learning together.
Taehyun walked around his side of the bed as Beomgyu fished for his phone which he dropped somewhere by the bed.
When Taehyun walked around to his side, he assumed he just needed something from the bedside drawer.
He assumed so until Taehyun’s hand was flush against his cheek, and before he could process it, a pair of lips were against his own.
It was everything and nothing he’d imagined at the same time. Everything in the sense of the feel of warmth against him and his lips were as soft as he’d expected as if pillowing his own. Nothing in the sense of the rush it gave him down in his chest, running along his entire body. How the contact made all his muscles tingle, his head light.
Though he was slow to respond— the shock faltered his thoughts— Taehyun waited. He always had, never pushing him past what he wasn’t ready for. From the start, he waited and waited. What he was exactly waiting for, Beomgyu couldn't tell.
It didn’t matter. At a time like this, nothing mattered. Nothing except the lips moving against his own, slowly then not at all. Taehyun moved back a mere inch just to smile enough that his teeth wouldn't bear, only to lean in again and place two more chaste kisses on Beomgyu’s lips.
Beomgyu didn't let him pull away, throwing his arms around his neck and dragging him down. Taehyun fell over him in a fit of giggles, back onto the bed he'd just gotten off of. If it weren't for the fleeting laughter dancing between their breaths, Beomgyu would be kissing him again.
It didn't stop him. He let their laughter cease between them when he found his lips again, almost as if it were muscle memory to do so. They slot together so easily, nothing close to awkward or out of place like before. His heart danced in his chest, rising up to his throat every time he met his lips.
Their giddiness and touches got lost between the tangled sheets, soft gazes shared. Nothing would amount to this.
Once Taehyun pulled away— too early— and walked out the room, Beomgyu was in a daze. The best one.
Things would be okay. Things are okay.
Until they weren't.
“Taehyun?”
“Beomgyu…” his dishevelled voice crackled over the phone, heaving breaths being taken between each syllable, voice coated with tears. Beomgyu would know. “I— I don’t… I need you, please.”
“I’m on my way,” he was already out the door as soon as he called. “Try to breathe for me, Hyun. What happened?”
Too long of a pause on the other side.
Another sniffle, a defeated one.
“Sooyun passed away.”
Beomgyu felt the hope pull away from him.
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Bling Bling