AN: Hey everyone! Sorry, it's been another busy three weeks. Like, come on, can't a girl get a break?
New big thing in my life: Marching competitions. They take place on Saturday, and usually take all day, early morning to late at night. For those of you who aren't familiar with marching band contests, there are general rankings and specific caption awards, like Best in Woodwinds, Best in Brass, etc. The top 10 in general rankings go to finals. There are also different classes, based on the size of the band. Like, 4A would be a smaller band, and 6A would be a larger one.
Our first one was last weekend. We placed 10th in both prelims and finals. Our second one was this Saturday, and we placed 2nd in prelims, as well as best in class for our class, 5A. In finals, we dropped a place, to 3rd, but it was still a really good rank. And our next one is UIL, this coming Saturday. The most important one. Oh, joy. At least it won't take the entire day this time.
Anyways, my venting about my personal life is over. Enjoy the chapter!
The first thing I see is a face.
I squeal and push myself backwards, trying to get away from the person hovering above me.
The person bursts out laughing. Wait. I know that laugh.
I squint, trying to focus my bleary morning-vision. Once I do, I can't help but chuckle as well. The person hovering above me was Julia.
"Well, that's efficient." Julia chokes out through her laughter.
I reach forward and punch her shoulder lightly. "Why?"
"You were sleeping like a log, which was strange. From what I've seen until now, you've always been a light sleeper."
She's right. I am usually a light sleeper. I guess I picked that up from the years spent in Marcus' house. I always wanted to be awake if he walked into my room, or, even worse, Tobias', during the night. There was no saying what he might do.
"Yeah, I am."
Julia nods and continues. "So, anyway, you were just not waking up, and we had an hour until training began, and so I climbed on top of you to try and tickle you or something."
My eyes widen. "Whoa, hold on. You were planning to tickle me awake?"
She grins at me slyly. "It was final yet, but yeah. In my defense, I really wanted to get some breakfast before training, and you were severely hindering my chances of that. But, turns out, it wasn't necessary."
I shove her backwards a little. "You are terrible."
"And yet you tolerate me." Julia puts on an innocent face and clambers off my bed.
I look around, realizing what just ran through my thoughts. My bed. I'm in the dormitory, but how? The last thing I remember was drifting off in Tobias' arms at our spot in the Chasm.
I'll have to ask him later. I store it away in my mind and get up. Luckily, I already have my clothes on, because I sleep in them. As much as I dislike many parts of Abnegation, many of its habits have stayed with me, just like Tobias.
I grab my hairbrush and run it through my hair a few times, then pull it back in a ponytail. As much as I would love to let it hang free, it will just hinder me during my fight today.
"Let's go." I tell Julia, who is patiently standing beside me.
She extends her arm and links it with mine, and I'm momentarily stunned. She's doing this because she wants to, not because she has to. Julia wants to stand beside me as my friend, beside the broken, abused Abnegation girl.
Of course, she doesn't know about Marcus. And I hope she never will.
Snap out of it, Camilla. Of course she wants to be your friend, otherwise she couldn't have expressed her concerns about hurting me when we were fighting! Your past doesn't matter. All that does is the present.
We walk into the dining hall, and Julia pulls her arm from mine. "Let's get some food in us."
I smile in response and start towards the line, Julia a little in front of me.
Suddenly, I feel something crash into me, with enough force to knock me over. I flail my arms, trying desperately to regain my balance, but to no avail. I land on my bottom, and sit dumbly on the cold stone ground, staring up at what hit me.
But it isn't a what. It's a who.
A boy who is with dark hair and bronze skin is standing above me, a look of concern on his face. He reaches out his hand and I stare at it hesitantly.
The Erudite boys in school used to do this; knocking me over on purpose, then reached out their hand as a show of politeness, only to pull it away once I grazed it.
But, for some reason, I feel like I can trust this boy to not do the same. So, I take his hand.
He hauls me up with surprising strength, and lets go of my hand once I'm steady on my feet.
Now that I'm standing beside him, I can see that he's only an inch or two taller than me. He flashes me a grin that's so infectious, it makes me want to smile right back at him. It exposes his pearly white teeth, which shine in the light.
"My apologies." He says, not breaking eye contact with me. "I was trying to catch my idiot brother. Mum's looking for him for that crazy prank he pulled." The boy shakes his head, as though he is disappointed in his brother, although I catch a hint of a smile on his lips, and a sparkle in his eye that can only mean that for him, it's all good fun. "I'm Zeke."
Wait. Zeke. This is Tobias' best friend. That means that his "idiot brother" is Uriah. The two most notorious pranksters in Dauntless, as of the time being.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Cammi."
His eyes widen. "Cammi. You're the second stiff transfer to Dauntless, aren't you?" When I nod, he leans in, his lips beside my ear, and whispers, "Four's little sister?"
So he's told his friends about me, like Tori said. I can feel my mouth curl into a slight smile involuntarily. "Yep, that's me."
He pulls back and laughs. The sound is low, like Tobias', except it sounds more carefree, somehow. He raises his arm and slaps me on my back, which makes me wince. It's not his fault; I'm guessing he doesn't know about Marcus, but I can't help but internally curse as Zeke's hand connects with my scars, some of them still pretty fresh.
"You should know that I'm one of the people Four trusts. He doesn't tell me all his secrets, but he does open up to Shauna, Tori, and I more than anyone else. Girl, once Four gets started on the topic of you, he can't stop. He absolutely adores his little sister, and would do just about anything for you."
I stare up at him, my mouth slightly agape. I know that he would do anything for me, and I for him, but, somehow, hearing someone else say it brings a warm feeling into the pit of my stomach.
I'm snapped out of my reverie by Zeke continuing. "And I've been so excited to finally meet Four's amazing sister who is supposedly even braver than him, and Four's really brave."
"Wait." I stop him, emotions getting lodged in my throat. "He said all of that about me?"
Zeke laughs again. "Of course he did! I told you, he adores you."
I have no words. A little bit of guilt settles into my stomach. I didn't see him at my Choosing Ceremony, and I thought, even for a split second, that he might not care for me as much as Tori said, as much as I believed. While he was in Dauntless waiting for me and bragging about me to his friends.
Am I a terrible sister?
I push those thoughts aside and smile at Zeke. "It's nice to hear that he cares about me so much."
Zeke nods in response. "He sounds like me when I go off about Uriah. As annoying as he is, my little brother is amazing. The only difference is he has a lot more good things to say about you than I have to say about Uri."
I smile in response.
"Anyway, someday you have to come and meet Shauna, my girlfriend and Four's other close friend. She's been just as excited to meet you as I was."
"I'd love to meet her. Maybe after initiation?"
Zeke nods. "That works. Anyway, you should get back to your fellow transfer. She's staring at you like I'm about to abduct you."
I turn my head to look at Julia. She's standing with her food at the end of the lunch line, watching us converse cautiously.
I laugh. "I really should. See you, Zeke. Go catch that idiot brother of yours."
Zeke mock salutes. "Yes, ma'am. Bye, Cammi!" And with that, Zeke takes off again, sprinting through the dining hall. Nobody even bothers to do any more than glance at him. This must be a regular sight.
I make my way to the start of the lunch line, and grab some food without really looking at it. I join Julia, and we start walking towards our table.
"Sooo... what was that about?" She questions curiously, glancing at me from the corner of her eye.
I can't really tell her that 'Oh, I have a sibling in Dauntless, and he's actually our initiation instructor, and Zeke is his best friend.' My ranking would come into question by the other initiates, and that can't happen, not with how hard both Tobias and I have worked to get here.
I shrug. "He bumped into me. He recognized me as one of the initiates. He said he was Four's best friend, and he warned me about him. Said that initiation with Four is no joke."
"Well, he's got that right." By this time, we've reached our normal table. Lavender and Ethan are sitting side-by side. We sit down across from them.
"Morning, lovebirds." Julia smirks at them, and they both blush bright red.
"We're not a couple! Just friends." Lavender cries out.
Is it just me, or did I see a flash of hurt in Ethan's eyes when she said that?
"Sureeee." Julia rolls her eyes. "Really, really, really close friends, you know, like Aiden and Sadie over there." She points her fork at them. Once again, they are sitting very close to each other, engaging in a conversation that only they can hear.
The blush on Lavender and Ethan's cheeks is undeniable. I decide to help them, a little bit.
"Let them be, Julia. Let's let things happen naturally." I wink at them, and their cheeks grow even redder.
"Cammi!" Lavender fake pouts. "You're supposed to be on our side!"
"I am. I'm telling Julia to stop teasing you, aren't I?" I respond innocently.
Ethan grumbles something under his breath. Lavender narrows her eyes at me. "The day you have a crush, I will tease you just as mercilessly."
I just laugh.
"By the way, have you seen the newspaper, Cammi?" Julia asks.
I shake my head, and she hands me a copy that is open to a certain page.
I stare in shock.
More children of Abnegation have been transferring out of the faction than ever before. How is this a coincidence? In the last Choosing Ceremony, the most notable Abnegation transfer was Camilla Eaton, daughter of Marcus Eaton, head of the government, to Dauntless. A year earlier, her older brother, Tobias Eaton, also transferred there.
But why would Camilla choose her brother over her father? Why would she choose a new faction over one that she has always known? The fact that both Eaton children transferred out of Dauntless is a warning sign as to Abnegation's intentions and teachings. If the Abnegation life was so admirable, why wouldn't they stay?
Reports have come to light in the past year that both Eaton children may have been abused by none other than the selfless Abnegation leader, Marcus Eaton, himself. If this is indeed true, then that may provide a clue to the children's transfers.
But maybe that isn't the case. Maybe Tobias, Camilla, and numerous other transfers out of Abnegation transferred because they recognized what many cannot; that Abnegation is corrupt, that they are not leading our city into a brighter future, but instead a darker one.
Oh. My. Goodness.
How do they know? I know that Tobias wants to keep our abuse a secret as much as I do, so he wouldn't have said anything. And Marcus would never have uttered a word, because an accusation like this, if proven true, could lead to his own demise.
But nobody else who knew is alive right now. So who leaked it to the newspaper? Did they pick it up from any nightmares we may have had in the dorms? Or are we just really bad at hiding it?
I lift my head and find my friends staring at me. My heart sinks. Please don't ask questions, please don't ask questions, please don't ask-
"That's you, isn't it?" Ethan questions, still looking at me. "Marcus Eaton is your dad?"
"Yes." I mumble.
Julia places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. I'm not sure whether to be mad or comforted by her touch. Is she telling me that I don't have to spill any more secrets, or is she pitying me because she believes the Erudite reports?
"Have you found your brother?" Lavender finally asks, after a moment of silence.
I say nothing.
"Are the reports true?" Ethan presses, when I don't answer Lavender.
"Enough!" Julia's loud, angry voice makes me jump. I turn my head to stare at her, but she doesn't look back at me. She's looking at Lavender and Ethan, who have shrunk back slightly at her furious glare.
I've never seen Julia like this before.
"Cammi's past is her own business. Her family is her own business. If she wants to tell us, she will. But if she doesn't, don't press her. Just leave her the hell alone!"
I can't tear my gaze away from Julia. She glares at Lavender and Ethan a second more, then turns back to me. Her eyes instantly soften.
"Are you okay, Cammi?"
At this moment, I can't help but wrap my arms around her in a hug.
"Thank you." I breathe. She seems taken aback by my actions, but reciprocates, squeezing me tightly.
"No problem. Even if we are your friends, we have no right to go digging into your life if you don't want us to."
Oh, Julia.
I've never had someone defend me like she just did. My brother has always defended me, but he knew what went on behind the closed doors of Marcus' house. He defended me because he understood.
Julia is still a stranger to my past. She hardly knows me, and yet she chose to defend me from Lavender and Ethan's prying questions.
How could she ever be related to cold, calculating Jeanine? She's too good of a person to have a connection to her in any way.
I finally pull back, and look at Ethan and Lavender. They're watching us quietly, and remorse is evident in their eyes.
Any anger I have towards them fades away. They were curious, and they don't know how sensitive I am about my life in Abnegation. They are innocent to my hell, it's as simple as that.
"I'm sorry, Cammi." Ethan finally says, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had befallen our table.
"Yeah, we shouldn't have pushed. It was insensitive and unkind of us." Lavender adds.
I nod slightly, to show them that I accept their apology. "It's okay. I'm just going to go now."
I get up and throw the rest of my food away. I didn't realize that it was Abnegation food, plain oatmeal, not until now.
I walk towards the entrance of the dining room. Right before I leave, I catch Tobias' eye. He's watching me with concern.
When he sees that I've seen him, he mouths, Are you okay? I saw what happened.
I smile at him reassuringly and mouth back, I'm good. Just need to walk around a bit.
He nods, and turns back to his meal, but not before offering me a small smile.
I pivot and exit the dining room. I start wandering down the dark halls of Dauntless, making sure that I know where I'm going. The last thing I need is to get lost 15 minutes before training.
"Stiff." I turn in surprise. Who would call me Stiff except...
Zayden. And Dante.
They're standing right behind me.
"What do you want?" I scowl at them.
"Oh, you know." Zayden takes a step closer. I don't budge. I can't show him that I'm scared of him. "Just the truth."
"What truth?" I glance at my surroundings, and realize with a start that I'm standing in front of the doors to the training room. Great. I can dart in there if I need anything to defend myself.
"Did your father really beat you?" Zayden taunts. I just stand still. This is playing out too much like the situation I escaped five minutes ago, with my friends. There are only two differences this time: These two boys are my arch-enemies, and there is no dining hall full of people to help if something goes wrong.
I gulp.
"No answer. Does that mean it's true, stiff?" Dante joins in.
A wave of anger washes over me, but I try my hardest to push it down. There are two of them, and I'm not good enough to beat them both yet. It will do no good to try and pick a fight when they have the advantage.
"Did you go deaf?" Dante snarls at me, frustrated by my lack of response.
"Dante, stop." Now I'm confused. Why would Zayden stop Dante's taunting?
I get my answer a few seconds later.
"The Stiff doesn't have to say anything. We all know it's true. How else can a Stiff be so good at fighting and shooting guns? It's because she watched her father using those moves on her. Her father probably-"
And I snap.
I take three quick steps towards Zayden and grab the front of his shirt in my hand. I lift him off the ground with strength I didn't know I had.
Zayden flails, hitting me with his arms to try and make me drop him, but I don't budge. I've learned to endure pain, and Zayden's weak attempts to get me to drop him is the least of the pain I've had to experience.
Dante steps forward to defend his friend, but I stick my foot out without looking and trip him. He lands on the floor with an oomph.
"Listen to me, you two." I say through gritted teeth. "I didn't transfer because of my father." Hey, it's a half-truth. I also transferred here because of my aptitude test and Tobias. "I transferred to Dauntless because I belong here. So don't you dare try to bring this up again. If you do, I will destroy you, and it will be slow and painful."
I punch Zayden once, in the face, then let go of his shirt so he falls onto the floor in a heap on top of Dante.
I turn and take a few steps away.
"What, you aren't going to destroy us now? You're a coward, Cammi." Zayden's weak voice says.
I don't turn around. I don't hesitate in my reply. "I could destroy you in a second if I wanted to, Zayden. Don't you get it?" I allow my lips to curl into a small smile. "You're not worth it, Candor. Neither of you are."
And I stride towards the dorms without another word, my head held high.
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When I walk into the training room, I glance at the chalkboard which has our fights on it immediately.
When I see who my name is next to, I grin maniacally.
It's Dante.
Fighting Zayden would have probably been better, but Dante works.
Oh, this definitely works.
Even better, we're first.
I scan the rest of the list, and my good mood dampens a little when I see the other fights.
Julia is fighting Zayden. Good. At least he'll get beaten up anyway.
Lavender is fighting Ethan. That's going to be hard for them both.
And Sadie is fighting Aiden.
Something tells me Eric made these matchups. After all, making two people who care about each other more deeply than friendship fight is downright cruel, and Tobias is never cruel, not even as Four.
"Cammi and Dante, in the ring!" Tobias yells.
I stride towards the ring confidently. I glance back at the other initiates and see Julia, Lavender, and Ethan standing together. Julia still looks a little upset with them, but seems to tolerate them being there.
Before I know it, I'm facing Dante inside the ring, with my fists up by my face.
"Aww, that's cute." Dante taunts. "Camilla is ready to fight me but can't fight her daddy."
Luckily, he's talking too softly for the other initiates to hear. I keep my face impassive. I can't show Dante that he's ruffled me. "For the last time, those Erudite reports are lies." I reply, somehow keeping my voice neutral, even bored-sounding. "And my name is Cammi."
And Dante lunges. I expected this; I've kept tabs on both his fights so far, as well as the fights of the other initiates. Dante is a lot like Zayden; he aims to paralyze the opponent so he can get them down while they're stunned. Unfortunately for Dante, that strategy isn't very effective on more skilled fighters. His first fight was lost to Julia, and his second to Zayden, both talented fighters. And now he's about to lose to me.
His first move is a punch thrown towards my jaw. The problem? It's sloppy, and he has put his full weight behind it.
I don't bother to block. I just sidestep him and watch.
Since Dante thrust his whole body into the punch that didn't meet, his momentum keeps carrying him forwards. And because of his build and weight (he's not exactly light), he can't stop.
He falls flat on his face.
The initiates, as well as I, burst out laughing. I know I should pin him down and punch him unconscious, but I just laugh.
After all, embarrassing him is an even worse punishment for his remarks than beating him up is.
When Dante gets up, a second later, his face is flushed. "You..." he gets out through gritted teeth. And he lunges again.
Dante doesn't make the same mistake, of throwing all his weight into the punch, again. But he throws most of it. And so I sidestep him again. But instead of letting him stumble and recover his footing, I aim a punch to his back. This causes him to fall again. He flips over immediately and tries to get up, but I'm on top of him in a second.
I'll have to be careful. He's heavier than me; he could probably push or buck me off easily.
I pin his arms above his head with one arm, and get one of his legs with one of mine. I blindly search for the other one, but can't find it. What the...
And then a pain explodes in my groin. He kneed me. I grit my teeth and try to focus on Dante. If I get distracted, I'll loosen my grip on his limbs, and he'll push me off.
I finally manage to pin his other leg. Now he's squirming under me, desperately trying to push me off. I can see the terror in his eyes. He's scared of me, of what I'll do to him, of how I'll make his destruction hurt. I smile slightly, just to freak him out.
It works. He starts thrashing harder, but still can't manage to get me off of him. I smirk, and raise my free hand. I send it towards his face.
It connects, but with his nose, not with his forehead. I think I hear his nose crack. I broke it. Good.
A punch to the forehead would have been a knockout punch. But I don't think he deserves the mercy of a quick end to our fight.
I feel like Marcus when I have thoughts like that. No. I can't think like that.
I punch him in the face again. He's still conscious.
And again.
I think he's learned his lesson by now; don't mess with me. So my fourth punch is a clean knockout punch aimed at his forehead.
I stand up, and can't resist kicking him in the side once. I have a strange desire to do it again, but I push it down. I can't become Marcus. I'm already pushing the limits here.
I turn around and walk to the rest of the initiates. I don't look back at Dante.
I stand next to Julia. She pats me on the shoulder. Lavender and Ethan glance at me, showing their pride with their eyes, but don't approach me. Understandable. I wouldn't approach my friends if they were angry. And I probably look pretty angry right now.
Zayden, on the other hand, glares at me. I'll probably have to pay for beating up his friend later.
I don't care.
I cross my arms and wipe my face of any emotion that might have been on it.
I see Tobias watching me with slight concern. I nod at him, a little, just to tell him that I'm okay.
And as Julia steps up into the ring, my stone-cold persona is activated.
It doesn't turn off for the remainder of the day, not until I fall into bed that night. It's right after dinner. Usually, I would go have some fun with my friends. But I just want to be alone tonight. I hope that they don't think that I'm still mad at them.
It is when the covers are pulled over my head that my tears fall.
Once again, my emotions are in a jumble. What am I crying for? My friends' pushing, the encounter with Zayden and Dante, my fight with Dante, my exposed secret?
I might be crying for all of it.
It's strange, how emotional I have been since I came to Dauntless. The last time I cried in Abnegation was at my mother's funeral, when I was eight. Since then, I have learned to push down the tears. Don't show any emotion, or the beating will be worse.
But, not counting my tickle war with Tobias, I have cried twice. Where is all this emotion coming from?
Maybe emotions are like a spring. For eight years, I have pushed that spring down. And now, it can't take the pressure anymore, and has sprung back up with more force than ever before.
Does my inability to stop the spring from pushing back up make me weak?
I don't know. This is too much to take.
I don't bother myself with any more philosophical thoughts. I just let my silent tears flow down my face, creating a river down my cheeks and into the bedsheets.
A river. It's a good analogy for my life. I keep getting pulled down the middle of the river, where the fastest currents flow. And no matter how hard I try, I can't make it to the riverbank.
AN: And there's that!
I just want to point out two things:
One, if it isn't obvious already, I haven't read Four, at least not all of it. Some hints on that? Amity hosted Tobias' Choosing Ceremony in my story, instead of Dauntless, in Four. I knew that part, at least, but, when I was writing the chapter, I kind of forgot about that. There are multiple other irregularities from the original Four book that I will not point out specifically. I just wanted to talk about it here in case someone was curious.
Two, their aptitude test results. Tobias and Camilla both got Dauntless and Abnegation, obviously. And even though nobody has brought this up, I feel like I should address it. Tobias and Camilla are smart. Tobias is a computer whiz. And Camilla does think logically. So, some might ask, why didn't they get an aptitude for Erudite?
Well, I believe that the aptitude test shows you your most dominant traits. I don't think it means you can't be a little of something else. I mean, Tris got aptitude for Abnegation, Erudite, and Dauntless, but she was still capable of being honest and kind. It's just that she was mainly selfless, brave, and smart. In the same way, Tobias and Camilla are mainly selfless and brave, but capable of being smart, honest, and kind.
I really have a tendency to go off on rants in my author's notes, don't I?
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Have a wonderful day/night!