Songhwa glances at her phone to check the time then she realizes that Ikjun hasn't called or texted her since last night. Though Junwan and Seokhyung said he has two surgeries non stop since 9 am and cannot join them for lunch together. And now it's almost 6 pm and she haven't heard anything from him. She tried to call him but no answer. She starts to pack her bag and leave, want to check on him to his office or maybe went to his apartment since she's already finished with work.
She's about to leave her chair when someone knocks her door and open it slowly. She rises her head and her gaze captures her man standing there, looking tired as she could see.
"Hey"
She can't help but throw her bag on her desk from her shoulder, her eyes looks worried.
"Hey, I've been calling you" and Ikjun immediately check his pockets realized that he didn't bring his phone, closing his eyes as he forgot to take it after he charged on his desk "I'm sorry i think i leave it on my desk while charging it."
Her smiles formed as she relieved to see him in front of her. "Have you eat ?" Ikjun just shakes his head, closing the door behind him, walks in to her room and throwing his body to the couch. Songhwa walks closer towards him and sits right next to him. "What do you want to eat ?" He didn't answer, just his head slowly leaning on to her shoulder. Songhwa tilted her head to make him more comfortable and he starts to close his eyes. Songhwa lets Ikjun takes some rest on her shoulder, until she thought that he was sleep, she moves a bit want to take her phone, thinking about order some food for him when he's awake later but then he grabs her hand with his eyes still close. Songhwa turns back to see Ikjun and leans her body back to the couch, letting him rest peacefully.
They stayed like that for almost half an hour until Jeongwon comes in and immediately excuse himself as he saw Ikjun's tired face on Songhwa's shoulder. Asked her if she need anything and she just shakes her head a little and smiled. Ikjun wakes up right after Jeongwon close the door.
"What time is it ?"
"Almost 7, let's find something to eat."
"I need to pick up Uju today from his karate class."
"Do you want me to come with you ?" Ikjun looks at Songhwa, he meets her eyes that keep worrying, not sure if it's the right time to share what's in his mind with her. He just smiled and shakes his head "gwaenchana." Songhwa try to understand yet she can't help but still worry. Though Ikjun still offers her to drive her home before he picks up Uju, but Songhwa refuses as she didn't want Uju to wait too long for his dad, also she brings her own car as she told Ikjun not to worry about her. Ikjun nods as he leaves Songhwa's room after that.
It probably the first time Songhwa saw Ikjun like this. Didn't talk much, didn't tell what's bothering him and she can felt that his mind is wandering somewhere.
Songhwa just arrived at home, feeling exhausted. Decided to take a quick shower want to go to bed soon. She hasn't got anything for dinner yet, doesn't have any appetite as her mind start to overthink about Ikjun. She throws her body on her bed, turns off all the lamps and try to close her eyes, but her body refuses to sleep as her mind still keep on thinking.
She sits on her bed, bending her legs, trying to loosen up her mind.
"Is this because i haven't give him an answer about moving in with him ?"
Moving in with Ikjun kind of a big deal for her. It means she will live with him and Uju, and everything she does, they will see, everything they do, she will see. She will care about them more than she is now, every little things they do will matter to her and that scares her the most. Being care too much.
Aside from that, Songhwa can't help but think why Ikjun asked her to move in with him instead of marrying him. It's not like her reaction would probably different, but living with him without actually being officially a family member, made her questioning if there's something Ikjun felt wrong about her.
Songhwa sighed as she hates herself for thinking too much like this. Even having a negative thought. She can't lie that ever since Ikjun comeback to her life, ever since he worked at Yulje, ever since he accompanied her to check her biopsy's result, ever since he came to Sokcho, he took almost half of her brain thinking about him. Every little thing he did in front of her suddenly matter, suddenly getting her attention.
She once asked Iksun why she can't stop this worry ever since Ikjun got accident that night, that made her hard to sleep until Ikjun called her that he's already on his bed ready to sleep too and Songhwa remember how Iksun smiled looking at her.
"Because you love him, love made you feel warm and happy when you see him, but also made you anxious when you don't see him. That's the thing we find so hard to control when we love someone."
She remembers how she immediately called him after the surgery when he need to go back to Changwon for recovery, indeed she wanted to hear his voice, but that's also she wants to make sure that he was okay, that he's still fine when he's out from her sight.
After all she thought moving in with him could make her less worry as they will always be together, and also it's probably a step to gets real closer to Ikjun. Though they're together now, Songhwa realizes there's something inside Ikjun's life that she find hard to reach, and he didn't even let it out. He always keeps his burden to himself, he never really share any hard situation he had before to her.
Songhwa remember how Ikjun didn't tell much about his divorce. He once told Songhwa and the boys before band practice that Hyejeong has another man and ask for divorce. At that time all of them were being silent, until Junwan said that's a good thing for him to get divorce. Until now, nobody brings that up again.
*****
"Gyeosunim, do you have plan for summer vacation ?"
Ikjun decided to have lunch meeting with Minha and Gyeoul since Songhwa still in surgery. Still swallow tteokbokki in his mouth, squinting his eyes, thinking how this bear couple getting more cohesive each day. "Seokhyung already told me."
"Aaahh geurae... So ?"
"I don't have any plan now but..."
"Great" Ikjun haven't finish his words when Minha claps her hand in front of his face. She smiled and continued to eat her tteokbokki.
"Yaaa, I haven't finished, I'm gonna talk to Songhwa first."
"Don't worry, Songhwa eonnie already agreed."
"Mwo ?"
"I talked to her this morning when i jumped to her before rounds"
Ikjun on silence remember he haven't tell Songhwa about Uju's plan, but actually he prefers to have summer vacation with his friends and brings Uju with him. But lately Uju already mentions some stuff he plans for his trip to Jeju. He even asked Mone if she and her family want to go to Jeju too on summer vacation.
He hasn't processed anything since his last meeting with Hyejeong. He left Hyejeong without saying anything as Uju called him. And he haven't tell Songhwa any of it.
Ikjun back to his office and start to think how to share all of this with Songhwa. He saw her look on her face yesterday how worried she was about him, and he thought with him sharing all of this might add another burden to her. Especially since he also just asked her to move in with him. He closes his eyes as his hands on his forehead, feels headache all over it.
Ikjun still sits down on his chair when Junwan open his door walks in. He calls Ikjun but Ikjun didn't move a bit from his chair, only respond with his voice, and Junwan can feels something is wrong with him.
"Yaaa, gwaenchana ? What's wrong ?" Ikjun still didn't move but slowly his hand comes down and he turns to Junwan. "Do you wanna have drink tonight ?" and that's the first time Junwan feels Ikjun asked for drink because something is wrong with him.
*****
It's already one bottle of soju and five glass of beers, Ikjun still haven't talked anything. Junwan never pushed his bestfriends to share or tell him everything. He believes everyone has their own privacy and he doesn't want to cross the line unless they really want to tell him. But seeing Ikjun in front of him like this, kind makes him more worried than before.
"Ikjun-ah."
Junwan can see his face is getting red, his puffy eyes shows him that he may not getting a good sleep last night, feels like Ikjun is not here with him.
"She wants full custody for Uju." His tired eyes rises to Junwan, and Junwan was surprised to hear that. Took a few minutes for Junwan to take Ikjun's word, to process and respond it.
"She can't have it, she had an affair so she cannot get a custody for Uju."
"That's the thing." Ikjun swallowed hard, pouring soju to his glass. Holding his glass hardly that he feels like he wants to crush it.
"I didn't state that in our divorce agreement. I didn't mention anything about her affair." Junwan didn't know about this, and it's again surprising him how his bestfriend always try to compromise everything in his life "Why?"
"I don't know, at that time I was just thinking that I don't want any bad record for Uju's mother. I don't want Uju to find out that his mother leaving him and his father for another man. Even though he saw that already. I just don't want Uju to hate his mother."
"and now she wants him full custody." Junwan looks at Ikjun, totally can see how Ikjun's eyes full of anger as he even didn't say anything. He knows Ikjun needs to let all of this anger out and he's there to listen to him.
"I didn't even disallow her to meet him."
"Everyday" he almost shout out loud.
"I didn't complain and questioning her." Ikjun drinks his beer, feeling exhausted. Loosen up his hand, while puts them inside his side pocket. Looking down at the table.
"and now..."
"Now she wants to take him from me." His eyes on the table. He almost sound furious but cry at the same time.
"Ikjun-ah..."
"She's planning summer vacation with Uju, and asked me if I and Songhwa would like to join but then the real planning is she wants to take my son."
"How is this happening ?" Ikjun rises his head, shaking it like he didn't believe of what's coming to him.
"What Songhwa said about this ?"
"I haven't tell her."
"Why ? I thought you said Uju and Hyejeong asked you and Songhwa for summer vacation together."
"Ya, but I haven't tell her yet. I don't know if I can allow Uju to go with Hyejeong. But he's so excited about it, and I don't want to disappoint him."
"You should tell Songhwa, she's good at Uju maybe she can talk to him." there's long silence after Ikjun heard that. He sigh as he closes his eyes, not sure what he feels right now. He doesn't know if it's alcohol effects that made him can't think clearly.
"I don't know. I'm not sure I can tell her about this."
"Why ?"
"I'm asking her to move in with me..." Junwan gasped.
"she said she needs time to think about it but I don't know, I don't think she wants to."
"Yaaa, why do you think like that ?"
Lately Ikjun try to think what makes Songhwa needs to think to move in with him. The thought just lead him to recall some memories he had. The moment he waits for her answer from his confession in Sokcho. The awkward situation they had after that because of him.
He knows this time is different, they're together now. But Songhwa's face in the morning when he asked that, he remember her face just the same like the morning he told her how he treat himself by having meal and drink coffee with her, the same flustered she had when he told her he likes his old friend which they both knew it was her.
This feeling he had now just the same, and the fact until now Songhwa haven't brought up the topic or even answers him, just making him more sure that maybe, Songhwa doesn't want to move in with him. At least for now.
"I've been at this moment before Junwan-ah. I've been here before..."
he smiled to him, drinks his last beer and leaves a long sigh, facing his head to the ceiling. And that's when Junwan realizes that a lot of struggles his bestfriend keeps only to himself.
*****
"Eo, Iksun-ah"
Songhwa on her desk just reading some thesis of her residents when Iksun called.
"Eonnie, i'm sorry to call you, i called Oppa but he didn't answer."
"Ikjun is in surgery, what's wrong Iksun-ah ?"
"I'm supposed to pick up Uju today, but there's accident in my unit, one of my team gets hurt, I probably can't leave Eonnie."
"Arraseo, I can pick up Uju today."
"Jinjja ? You don't have any surgery or outpatient ?"
"No. I'm already free now. But you're ok right ?"
"Eo, I'm ok. Thank you eonnie."
"Don't mention about it."
Songhwa immediately packs her stuff and looking at her watch the time already 1.50 pm. Thinking how in ten minutes she could arrive at Uju's school so he doesn't wait when he finish his school. She leaves her room in hurry.
Ikjun probably will be mad if he knew Songhwa can arrive at Uju's school from hospital with twelve minutes, because in the normal situation it could take around twenty minutes. But still Songhwa is late for two minutes and she can see how the school already finished. She can see some kids running in the hallway and front yard. Some parents also ready to pick up their children. Songhwa didn't coming often here to pick up Uju but she always love and excited when she's doing it.
"Songhwa Imo!" Her ears recognizes the voice that she looks for the source and she found a big boy that looks so much like Ikjun running to her.
"Songhwa Imo, how do you come here ?" Songhwa bends over her body to the same level with him.
"I'm here to pick you up. Appa is in surgery and Iksun Imo also has urgent thing to do."
"I thought you're busy with people's brain. I'm so glad to see you here." Songhwa can't help but laugh.
"Did Appa tell you that ? That I'm busy with people's brain ?"
"No, snow crab uncle said that." Songhwa laughs again.
"Songhwa-ya"
Songhwa turns her face to another voice calling her and saw the figure she haven't seen for awhile. She stands slowly to greet her. As much as she surprised right now, Songhwa doesn't show any strange reaction.
"Long time no see." Songhwa doesn't say anything instead Aunty Wang walks closer to her.
"Gyeosunim, I'm sorry, after Iksun called and said she cannot come to pick up Uju, Uju told me to call his mother to come here. I don't know if you will pick up Uju today."
"Gwaenchana Aunty Wang." Songhwa smiles for a second and smile to the woman in front of her.
"Long time no see Hyejeong-ah"
"Imo, are you gonna join us ?" Uju's hand grabs Songhwa's and she's back to face Uju.
"Join to where ?"
"Eomma and Uju wants to go to Jeju for summer vacation. Do you want to join us ?" Her brows furrow in confusion.
"Did Ikjun already told you ? I already asked him. It would be great if we all can go together." Unable to stand up, Songhwa looks at Hyejeong and try to manage her face as she didn't want to show how she doesn't know what they're talking about.
Songhwa didn't like the feeling, not sure what to answer to Uju who's standing in front of her with his big smile. Her mind is wondering.
"Summer vacation ? Why he didn't say anything ?"