Genevieve POV
Its been a week since I woke up, most of it I've spent with Izzy and Alec trying to locate Magnus or any word of him from across the globe. He's been missing for a long time now and I can't ignore the constant worry I feel knowing he's somewhere out there or he's dead.
I miss him a lot, I could really do with a Magnus gossip session and some of his advice, especially regarding the dreams. But mainly because he is my oldest friend, the only person I've loved my whole life, he was the only consistent good in my life for a long time.
But there's no sign of him anywhere. It's like he's vanished off the face of the earth.
I haven't seen much of Jace either, anytime I see him, he runs away. He hasn't spoken a single word to me, and as much as I hate to admit it, its crushing me. Entirely crushing. I have no idea how to deal with emotions like this, but I do know I love him, and he will never love me back.
It pains me to say but I think I miss Jace even more than Magnus, and I know i'm being selfish but I want him back, I truely do.
Well I never wanted it to end, I wasn't the one who made that decision.
And even after all the pain, I still know I am in love with him.
And it's breaking me.
He's breaking me.
He might have already broken me if I'm being honest.
I was on my way to the training room when Alec ran up to me, his dark eyes puffy from lack of sleep. I know he has been worrying about Magnus a lot, maybe even starting to develop some feelings from the way his eyes hold that constant look of worry.
"We got an image of him but then he disappeared again" he tells me as soon as he reaches me, his face drawn in a frown, his eyebrows furrowed.
"What was the image?" I dread Alecs answer as soon as I ask the question but I need to know,
"Magnus in chains in a cell" Alec lowers his voice, a slight waver that makes me search for his eyes seeing the tears welling as his dark orbs catch mine with the look of a scared child. I've never seen Alec show this much emotion. I reach up and wrap my arms around him, drawing him into a big hug, stretching on my tiptoes to reach his height.
"He's alive Alec that's all that matters, he's alive" I whisper in his ear, trying to calm him as worry creeps over my skin, worry for Magnus. Alec hugs me back but we both know there are things Valentine could do to Magnus that would be worse than death.
We stay there in our embrace for a while, before we are interrupted by the presence of two people who I did not want to see.
"Awww go Genevieve! so cute" Clary smiles at me genuinely, this girl has no idea what has actually been occurring but my problem is not with her. As Alec and I pull away from each other I see Jaces face in a disgusted grimace as he looks at both of us. He stares at me, his eyes angry but there's something else in them I can't decipher.
Grabbing Clary's hand tightly, he walks away from us dragging her behind him, my heart aching just at the sight of them holding hands.
I turn back to Jace trying to ignore the hurt that takes over my entire body, as Alec pulls me in for another tight embrace, this time cos I need it.
"Look at us Genevieve Petit, two heartbroken people comforting each other before the war begins, as if it can't hurt us as much as we hurt now" Alec leans his forehead against mine, both of us just with our eyes closed and deeply breathing, simply comforted by the presence of each other.
I let out a chuckle at his honesty, but I also get a deeper look at who Alec truely is, my closest friend.
"Do you love him Vieve?" Alec whispers, as though he's scared I am going to lash out.
"I do, I hate that I do, but I can't help it Alec, it's like I'm drowning without him and he's never coming back." my voice breaks as the tears begin to flow down my cheeks as Alec just hugs me tighter until my breathing has evened out and we have both calmed down.
"Thank you Alec, for everything" I smile up at him as we part, and he returns the smile with one that almost reaches his eyes
"No thank you Vieve" He grins as he turns his back and heads back towards the cafeteria and I continue to the training room.
I can't help the verbal gasp that leaves my lips when I see it, dropping my beam on the floor as I feel like I lose control of my body. My heart feeling like its finally cracking, all the pieces patched together being ripped apart again, like my soul is leaving my body and all that left is empty sadness.
Standing in the middle of the training ring are Jace and Clary embraced in a passionate kiss.
The dream.
Clary and Jace stand in front of me, both undressed in a tight embrace.
Jace pulls back and smiles at her, like she lights up his world.
That's how he looks at me.
He leans close to the redheads ace, placing a brief kiss on her nose before reaching dow for her lips, capturing them in a kiss with passion I can fell myself observing.
"I never liked her, she was just a distraction until I could get you" he whispers as he pulls back and Clary grins up at him.
"She could never be good enough for me, the dirty mutt"
"Vieve!" Jaces voice breaks my flashback of the dream, him and Clary now having pulled away from each other.
Clary looks confused and embarrassed, while Jace is staring directly at me with his eyes full of dread and anger.
What right does he have to be angry?
without thinking, I turn around and leave the training room, catching my own reflection, my eyes glowing with tears streaming down my face.
I didn't even remember beginning to cry.
And I walk to my room, shutting the door and locking it and this is where I intend to stay.
Jace POV
I regretted it as soon as I saw her reaction. I just wanted to make her feel how she makes me feeling. When I walked down the hall and there they were, foreheads touching as they had just been kissing, locked in a tight embrace. She did it right in front of me so I wanted to do it right in front of her. But when I see her face, her eyes glowing, tears falling, I want to take it back instantly
but I can't, just another fuck up to add to my list.
But this is starting to make my heart hurt, I feel lost. I don't know what Im doing. I'm so in love with her and I keep hurting her.
She walked away. She ran from me. I hurt her and she ran. I kissed Clary in front of her. I made her cry. Again.
I didn't even notice the tears leaving my own eyes as well as her until Clary passes me a towel, I forgot Clary was even here. She just witnessed the entire thing.
"Are you with Vieve, Jace?" I hear her soft voice whisper, another person I've hurt but what she says next surprises me.
"I had a feeling but this shows its much deeper than I thought, its ok Jace I'm not hurt, disappointed sure but clearly I couldn't compete with what you feel for her but why aren't you with her then?"
Clary was more perceptive and mature than I gave her credit for, she understood immediately. I didn't mean to hurt her. I just wanted to fill the hole, and while that was definitely selfish, Clary understood. I owe her more than she can imagine.
"I'm sorry Clary, I shouldn't have gotten you caught up in this, I thought I could do it, I thought I could move on" I turn to her honestly, showing her the truth and bringing her in for a hug
"Thank you Clary"
"It's ok Jace, but why aren't you with her right now?" Clarys eyebrows furrowed, as her nose twitches as her hair droops over it.
"Because I fucked up, I kept hurting her or letting her get hurt, and she won't ever fit in with this world, she's a downworlder, she will never feel happy with me, and lets not forget I stabbed her" I let it all out in a rush, relieved to finally tell someone everything, even if it wasn't who I expected to help me through this.
Clary begins to laugh at me, rolling her eyes and chuckling
"You are an idiot Jace, you are hurting her more than you ever could by leaving her. You and Alec both told me I would never fit in when we first met, yet here I am. And she is a shadow hunter Jace, don't forget that there's shadow hunter blood running through her veins, don't be an elitist asshole"
Considering this girl professed her feelings for me, she is incredibly understanding
"Why are you so understanding about this?" I blurt out before I can watch myself and she chuckles again.
"Honestly Jace, I thought it was romantic feeling, but then after we kissed I didn't feel anything" she admits, which bruises the ego a little bit, not gonna lie, but I did worse to her.
"Friends ?" she reaches out her hand,
"friends." I nod, grabbing her hand in a shake.
It's time to figure some things out and get her back. If I can.