Najma wasn't sure how he had ended up accompanying a group of soldiers to their new mess hall, but he trailed behind the group, unable to join in their camaraderie. He wasn't one of them. He didn't want to be one of them, and he tried not to hear what they were saying. Of all the discussion topics he might have expected after a hard battle, it had not occurred to him that one of them might be him.
'The Yu-Liang.'
They didn't know it was him, walking so nearby, but with every mention of his involvement in their bloody victory, he was sharply reminded of his guilt. He winced each time and fell farther behind until he could no longer hear the things they said about him—both venom and praise alike. By the time they had arrived at the newly operational cafeteria, he felt too sick to try and stomach anything.
The entire remnant of Alliance soldiers could fit in the same room. It was yet another bleak reminder to look around and know that these were all that remained of the hundreds from Beyarm 4. But already, he'd heard rumors and seen evidence of the apparent warm welcome to the new judges. He recalled Garter's second announcement, telling the whole universe that they were excepting recruits to the cause. It wouldn't be long before they started to arrive, returning might to Garter's side. Before the year's end, she would have enough troops at her disposal to do whatever she wanted.
It was wise of her not to disclose just how much they had lost. For all the world knew, they had enough numbers to fill the entire Intrepid, rather than the tiny fraction of the vessel that they were truly able to occupy.
With no reason to linger, Najma turned back to the door, but before he could leave the cafeteria, a young soldier from the Ford Sector cornered him with news that Garter wanted to see him. His heart stuttered in his chest as he followed the grey alien down the impartial, sterile halls. What did she want him for? Would she threaten him, now that her plan was complete and she didn't need his trust? Perhaps she'd kill him now to prevent the truth from coming out sometime down the line, and chalk it up to an accident. It would be easy to say that her Yu-Liang comrade had been killed in the battle. All she had ever really needed was his signature, which he had naïvely provided. If he was dead, he'd never have the opportunity to change his mind about his support. Which, he realized, she didn't know she had lost.
The long walk left him alone to his thoughts for far too long, but at long last, they reached the office in which Garter had set up. The sight of her set his blood to racing, though he didn't know if it was anger or fear. His insides were twisted too far to figure it out.
The solider that had led him offered a brief salute to his leader before promptly leaving Najma to Garter's wrath. She was seated behind a desk, hands folded as she watched him.
"Have a seat, Najma." Her expression was carefully blank. He could not know what to think as he lowered himself onto the edge of the seat opposite her.
His deep breath trembled, and he waited an eternity for her to finally speak.
She heaved a sigh and placed her hands on her desk, leaning forward.
"I have to apologize. I can only hope that you understand my reasons and motivations. I never intended to lie to you, but I saw an opportunity with your timely arrival, and I had to move quickly to seize it." She spoke in somber tones, and Najma struggled to find the insincerity. Surely, she couldn't mean it. He had to have some reason to be mad, to yell at him and then kill him in a fit of rage.
He remained silent, tasting bile.
"I can offer you three things." She pursed her lips. "One, you can stay on as my supporter and actively speak as a Yu-Liang representative in the further dealing of the Alliance of the Shooting Stars. Two, you can fade into background quietly and easily. You can be a soldier or a janitor, for all I care. I'll keep my silence about your true identity and you can leave your heritage behind. Three, you can take absolutely nothing from me and leave forever. Go where you will. I'll even get you there. Think of it as payment for your service."
He felt panic creeping up on him again. He could not explain the difficulty of reigning himself in. He wanted her to be a bloody tyrant, but she had only been ruthlessly effective. She had her reasons, just as she'd said. It wasn't his way of doing things, but even so, it was a way. And it had worked. Could he say the same about his own? He'd never know. The opportunity had come and gone to find out.
He could not forgive her. He wanted nothing to do with her or her bloodshed and warmongering.
But where would he go? Where could he go?
There wasn't enough time in the world for him to make such a decision, but he could see in the way that Garter sat, leaning forward and watching him closely, that he'd have to make the decision now.
"I'll—" his throat closed over the words before he could finish. He swallowed, waited a beat, and then tried again. He regretted seeing the renewed blaze of interest in Garter's expression as she waited for him to finish. "I'll stay."
He thought for a moment, but not long enough for her to speak. "I'll stay, but not with you. I won't fight."
There would be no point in abandoning the Alliance entirely. He had nowhere to go, and nothing to do once he got there. At least, if he stayed, he would be able to keep a distant eye on the activities of Garter and her soldiers. Maybe, if it came down to it, he could do something to stop the very same kind of bloodbath that had occurred just a few days prior.
"Alright." Garter straightened the already-meticulous order of her desk, the shutters of her emotions closing down and leaving her eyes blank once more. "Then you will be dead."
His heart skipped a beat, and he was sure that this was the reveal of her true treachery. But it wasn't.
"You'll have to understand that we can no longer interact so closely, for your safety. There are people out there who would see the Yu-Liang finished off for good. Some might even be able to guess who you are already. You might want to change your face." she gestured vaguely through the air, suddenly looking quite tired. She was doing the work of an army, all on her own. "My mostly anonymous Yu-Liang compatriot will have been killed in the battle. Or you died due to complications of your injuries, the moment you just made your decision. I'll clean up the story and package it with a bow for the universe to hear."
"Understood." Najma cast his gaze down to the floor. What would she do with him, now that he'd shunned her? Their brief history had been built on lies. He shouldn't expect any more from her than she had no doubt expected from him. A part of him still expected her to pull a gun.
"I'll have you stationed here, on the ship. Maybe as a cook. Or like I said, a janitor. I'll have your orders sent to you. I would have preferred to make better use of your particular skills, but I won't ask you to change your decision." Her attention had fully shifted back to the work on her desk. She didn't even glance up to gauge his reaction.
He sat still for a moment until he realized that her words were meant as a dismissal. He stood, but did not look at her again as he turned to the door.
"Alnur?"
He froze.
"I do understand your—reservations. I was no stranger to the Yu-Liang. I actually visited more than once. But the time for your ways is in past. Surely you can feel it."
He turned.
Her eyes were wide, searching, and almost—he didn't want to let himself see it—pleading. She wanted his approval of her tactics. Her hand had frozen over an unsigned document. She was in deep water, even compared to her lengthy training with an underground force of soldiers. She barely knew what she was doing, and he was all that remained of her predecessors in this particular line of business, the only one who might know some glint of knowledge to ease her burden. He averted his gaze and said nothing.
"Something big is coming, Alnur. It can't be a coincidence." There was a faint trace of something not unlike hysteria in her voice. "I trust you've heard of the untimely tragedy of the Arachnidae?"
He nodded, feeling numb, lifeless. He didn't like the way she was speaking, nor what she was implying. She was a creature of war, and the only thing that would make her speak like this was the knowledge or assumption that a war was coming, and that it was coming soon. Mouth dry, he turned his back on her and took another step away.
The door hissed open at his approach, but Garter was not finished.
"You can't believe that it's up to chance, the fact that the only two species in our Quadrant who have precognitive abilities were wiped out within mere decades of each other. We can blame warring neighbors or natural disasters all we want, but there's something in the air, and you'd by stupid to deny it!"
Her ramblings continued long after he'd strode too far to hear. Her words ought to have set his heart to hammering, but it felt cold in his chest, as if it had long since stopped.
Najma wound his way through the ship, back to the lifts. The Intrepid was eerily empty.
Down three levels, he reentered the barracks and located his own room.
The conversation with Garter had left him deeply disquieted. He didn't know what to think, but before he'd quite realized what he was doing, he blocked his thoughts from following the path she'd tried to lay out before him. He wouldn't buy into her crazed conspiracies. She might not think it was possible, but he knew it as truth that the Arachnidae were exterminated by the inhabitants of their sister planet, Ceraph, when their long-standing truce had suddenly been broken, and though Yu-Liang had shown no signs of previous deterioration, it had combusted from the inside out in a devastating natural disaster.
That was the end of it.
But, even as he schooled his mind to forceful blankness, he couldn't stop the thoughts that began to intrude.
Would Thiths know something about the war, which her own planet had started with the Arachnidae? Perhaps, as a second in command of sorts, she'd told Garter about some secret reasons, some strange game of strategy to level an invisible cosmic playing field.
And the destruction of Yu-Liang, so sudden, so violent. Garter claimed that she had visited, more than once, so it wasn't completely impossible that she might know about some weapon or device that had been planted to cause the planet-wide implosion.