I don't hate Christmas. Not really. But there are some things I could do without. Like shopping. Because shopping the week before Christmas should be illegal.
"I can't believe this place," I mumble under my breath. "Decorations everywhere and stuffed to the brim with people. On a Tuesday afternoon!" The bright lights of the Christmas tree sparkle from the open concourse of the mall and a large white reindeer looms overhead.
"I can hear you," Elodie chimes in before returning to humming whatever tune is playing through the speakers. It sounds like a remake of something older than my grandpa is being played on a cello. Or maybe a double bass. I stop in the middle of the mall and close my eyes, trying to figure it out.
"Keep up, will you?" Elodie pulls me by my hand to rescue me from the clutches of oncoming stroller traffic. And a good thing, too, those mom's can be deadly when they have places to be. And getting hit by a stroller hurts more than a person would think.
"I'm trying," I whine, trailing behind Elodie as she drags me by my hand past a large Christmas castle glistening with so many lights I have to close my eyes. "But you're going too fast."
"Julie, I love you. But I have a baby strapped to my chest and I'm walking faster than you."
I almost crashed into a santa collecting spare change for the food bank. "But you are also three years younger, which cancels out the baby."
"Two and a half."
"Fine, two and a half. And you never let me forget it. Can we please sit? I have to check my lists before we go back into that crowd."
The jingle of bells from the local children's chorus ring through the air and the bench groans under the weight of our bags as we sit down.
"Hey! No peeking, Amelia!" I poke my niece's nose and she cuddles into Elodie's chest, giggling.
"You do know she can't read, right?"
"She's your daughter, El. I'm sure she'll pick it up in no time."
I busy myself scribbling out the people whose gifts I have already purchased, trying to tune out the bustle of the mall all around me and focus on the task at hand, but there is too much going on. El puts her hand on my shoulder, but says nothing. The smell of cinnamon rolls distracts me even after I have managed to escape the noise. But looking at my list tells me there won't be any cinnamon rolls in my near future. "Still seven people to buy for, including you two."
"We don't need anything."
Typical Elodie.
"Maybe not. But you'll get something anyway."
"Shall we?"
I nod and stand up, threading my arm through hers and picking up my half of the bags that had spilled out into the hallway as we sat.
We walk in silence for a few stores, Amelia's giggling and the Children's Chorus bells notwithstanding.
Elodie slows to a stop in front of a very fragrant candle store. "I know you don't want to talk about it, Jules, but--"
"No. You're right. I don't want to talk about it."
"But last Christmas you--"
"El. I love you, but I don't want to talk about it."
"Fine. But only because I love you and you're already suffering through a loud mall. Don't think you're off the hook once we get home."
I ignore her, hoping she will indeed forget by the time we get home. Maybe the baby will distract her.
Come on, Amelia, now's the time to fill your diaper. Maybe she can read minds. It's worth a shot.
"You know who loves candles?"
I shake the cobwebs out of my hair. "Mom?"
"Bingo!" She drags me into the store by the hand and smiles. Well, she's telling the truth about leaving it for now. But I know my sister. She isn't through with me. And neither, I'm sure, is my meddling mother.
We stroll the aisles of the relatively empty store until I find the area with the excessively fancy, handmade scented candles. Peach Parsnip Perfection sounds genuinely awful and also like the kind of thing my mother would fawn over, so I pick it up, glass cold against my fingertips.
"What's this one like?"
El sticks her nose right into the candle and then jumps away, eyes watering. "That's strong. Close it, quick!"
"So it's a no, then?"
She doesn't even bother to answer me, shaking her head and gently turning all the candles to face the front of the shelf, all the while gently bouncing and shushing baby Amelia to sleep.
I'm glad to have Elodie to help me manage the crowded mall and smell the candles, but I'm desperate for a break.
"I'm going to get a little air, okay?"
"You need me to come with you?" She is still bouncing Amelia to sleep.
I shake my head and kiss her cheek, the gentle twinkle of Christmas music playing in the background. "You get that baby to sleep and I'll be back in a minute. I'll just go check my messages in the cool air. I'll be good as new in no time."
Her brows are pulled together, because she knows me better than I know myself, but she nods and lets me leave. Something about being stuck in a mall is making me long for an escape, and the outdoors will hopefully fix things. It usually works.
I finally make it through the crowded mall to the nearest entrance and push my way through the doors, breathing in the cold afternoon air as I do. Everyone else shies away from the doors as I open them, but I welcome the nips against my cheeks and the snow collecting on my hair.
It smells like home.
Which is a weird thing to say about a city, but Toronto had been home for more years than anywhere else and something about the bustle was both overwhelming and welcoming. I gave up trying to figure it all out years ago.
I pace back and forth in front of the doors a couple times until I am feeling cool enough to head back inside. Without my jacket this time.
As I slide my down coat off my shoulders, my phone falls out of one of the pockets. I really should have splurged for the coat with the zipper pockets. Live and learn.
In the time it takes me to collect my coat in my arms and breathe a deep sigh to express my frustration to anyone who may be watching, a young man in a grey coat reaches down to pick up my phone for me.
"Yours, I believe." He throws his red scarf behind his shoulder and adjusts his toque over his ears, all with one hand while he waits for me to take my phone from him.
But I can't move. All I keep seeing is his beautiful brown eyes sparkling with the reflection of all the Christmas lights strung up everywhere. And they remind me of him. And suddenly my throat is filled with an immovable lump.
I am stuck standing there like a deer in headlights, staring at my phone saviour. What now? What do I do? I reach out both of my hands and grab onto my phone, pulling it in toward my chest but not getting very far with my huge coat in the way. My skin prickles with goosebumps as the cold air begins to infiltrate my skin. So I say nothing, turning instead toward the mall and walking inside.
I'm on autopilot until I reach the candle store where Elodie is still busy bouncing a sleeping Amelia.
"What happened?"
I brush my hands at my warm cheeks. "Oh, nothing. Just an awkward encounter with a stranger. I'm better now. Let's go try to find mom a purse instead. I can't stand the smell anymore."
Elodie's eyes scan me up and down, pausing on the phone in my hand. And then she nods and pulls me by the hand through the crowds of the mall.
It is only then that I look down at my phone and see that it has decided to act of its own accord and show me a picture from this date last year. Our smiling faces fill my screen until I stab my hand down on the lock button, replacing the screen with darkness.
Okay, after what happened last year, maybe I do hate Christmas. Just a little bit.
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Author's Note
We're officially here! Christmas Extravaganza 2021 is ready to begin! I've already written the first five chapters, so expect regular updates. And remember to add this story to your library or follow me authorelizasolares in order to receive notifications when I post a new update.
In the meantime, I have a couple questions:
Have you ever been in a mall the week before Christmas? Did it make you feel 😇 or 👿?
For me it's usually avoiding the malls. If I can't do that, it's mostly 🥱.