- Clay -
I let Emmett drive us to the game in my car. With his blessing, I spent the ride over posting all the pictures I had saved of us. Three months' worth. I'd been too afraid to put them up before. Even the ones from before we started dating. I worried someone would see through me and know the truth. It was quite obvious in the way I looked at him how much I loved him. I started with the photos from our date that Mrs. Noble took. I added the photo I took of us downtown in front of the mural. The one of us after our first hike. The one from Sunday at the botanical garden I took after that bitchy woman looked at us like we shouldn't be there.
I felt a rush every time I shared a moment from our relationship that I thought would have to remain hidden. I didn't stop until I ran out of photos. I even changed my lockscreen from a generic geometric pattern to a photo I took of Emmett asleep in my lap at the park.
Another notification popped up, alerting me that I had fifteen new followers and forty-three new likes. "Ever since that one guy shared my video in his story, I got like double the followers."
"Yeah, they've been following me, too. It's crazy."
"I still have no idea what he's famous for, or why he's verified. Other than having like nine hundred thousand followers. I mean he's really hot, so I guess maybe he's a model or an influencer."
"Did you see his boyfriend?"
"Um, yeah." I smiled at Emmett. I liked that we could discuss things like this without jealousy or snide remarks. "I wish I had his abs."
"Please, boy. Don't even. You're gorgeous."
"Am I?" I leaned across the center console.
"So very." Emmett met me halfway, brushing his fingers through my hair. He gave me a tender kiss.
"You're totally very yourself, baby."
Emmett gave an embarrassed laugh, turning his eyes away from mine. Sometimes I didn't think he believed me when I said things like that. It seemed unfathomable to me he could believe himself to be anything less than spectacular.
"We should go in." I said, pulling back to my side of the car.
"I'm ready when you are."
We met up at the front of the car. I looked out across the sea of cars to the football field. A glow surrounded the stadium from all the huge overhead lights, making it a beacon in the dark, moonless night. Almost the entire school came to these things, not to mention their parents and siblings. Even former students who no longer had a connection to the school showed up on game night. My nerves were working, prickling the hair on the back of my neck, making my palms sweaty despite the chill in the air.
I looked at Emmett, watching me. "Are you okay with me holding your hand?"
Emmett slipped his hand into mine, interlocking our fingers. "I'm okay with anything you feel comfortable with."
"I just want to be like everyone else and not have to think about what I'm comfortable with. I mean, when I was with Summer, I never gave a second thought to holding her hand or putting my arm around her. Sometimes I'd even kiss her cheek. But I guess that was more of a show, for everyone else's benefit. I did it because that's what my friends did with their girlfriends. It was an act of mimicry, not genuine desire to do it."
"So no making out then?"
"Honestly, I always feel weird when I see couples kissing. People do it in the halls at school all the time. I've never been a fan of it. Not in public. It's way too intimate. Like a peck is fine. But do you really need to shove your tongue down someone's throat in front of so many people?"
"I get it." Emmett rubbed my chest. "Seeing straight people kiss makes me kind of nauseous too."
I glared at him. "That's not what I meant."
Emmett flashed a mischievous grin. "Well, are you okay if I put my head on your shoulder later? I'm probably going to fall asleep like ten minutes into this thing."
I chuckled, stepping up to lean against him. "Yeah, baby. I'm okay with that." I said, giving Emmett's cheek a small peck.
As we approached the gate, where a line formed to buy tickets, I squeezed Emmett's hand tighter. It was one thing to be brave and show my true self when I was alone in a room with no one but Emmett who loved and supported me unconditionally. It was quite another to have that same confidence surrounded by strangers from the other team's school, not to mention parents who probably hadn't seen my declaration. I also wasn't sure how many of my classmates actually watched the video. I recognized a few names in the comments, but I stopped reading them a while ago, after I saw one guy call us disgusting. Despite the hundreds of positive comments, that one negative asshole nearly sent me into a panic. It hurt worse because he actually went to my school. I recognized his name. He was on the football team. He was in my math class. This was someone who saw me every day, not some anonymous troll.
But I didn't want to dwell on the bad. Not when the good was so good. I knew the bad would come, regardless. That was just how the world worked. The positivity was a surprise, so I tried to make myself focus on that.
I looked at Emmett. "I'm scared."
"I'm right here."
"Clay," a girl called out.
I turned to see who said my name. I noticed the cheerleading uniform first, then my eyes lifted to the cute, round face, framed by two wavy, dark tendrils. "Robin?"
She smiled, jogging up to me. "I saw your video." Her eyes jumped to Emmett, then to our hands clasped between us.
"Robin, this is Emmett."
"I know," she said, bobbing her head. She was extremely bubbly, even for a cheerleader. "He's your boyfriend."
I turned to Emmett. "Robin was my girlfriend in middle school. My first girlfriend ever, actually."
"Cool." Emmett said. "Nice to meet you."
"You, too."
"Um, so what did you think of the video?" I asked, shifting my weight to my other foot, trying to play it cool.
"It was so sweet. Thank you for what you said." Robin clutched her hands together over her heart. "I really want to hug you, but I feel like that might be weird since we haven't talked since like eighth grade."
"I could actually use a hug." I took a step forward to hug her with one arm, still clinging to Emmett's hand—the tether that kept me grounded and safe.
After releasing me, Robin said, "I'm glad you're happy, Clay. I always thought you seemed really unhappy." She shook her head. "That's not really the right word. Maybe more like discontented."
"Did I?"
"Mm-hmm." Robin nodded. "But in that video, and even now—" she waved a hand at me "—you don't have that gloominess in your eyes. You seem relaxed."
"Well, that's hilarious—" I let out a humorless laugh "—because I'm totally freaking out about going in there." I ticced my head toward the stadium.
"Why? Everybody knows."
"Do they?"
Robin barked a laugh. "Sweetie, this is the biggest news to hit Huntington since they arrested Mr. Hanover for selling weed and Adderall out of his trunk last year. I've been getting calls and texts for hours asking if I knew, and if I was your beard. I'd bet money that Summer and your other exes are also dealing with this."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think about how this would affect any of y'all."
Robin rubbed my shoulder. "It's fine, Clay. You have the tougher part in this."
Robin started backing away. "Listen, I have to grab something from my car and get back to the field before the game starts, but it was great talking to you. Don't be a stranger. Okay? I followed you, so DM sometime. We'll hang out."
I nodded. "I'd like that."
Turning back toward the line, Emmett nudged me with his elbow. "See. It's not going to be so bad."
"Robin has always been a sweet person, so her reaction is probably not going to be the norm."
Emmett leaned against my side, bringing his face in close. "You're being so pessimistic. I thought that was my job."
I cracked a smile.
"That's more like it."
Robin was just the start of my congratulatory tour. It took ten minutes to walk the fifty-foot distance from the gate to the stands. The warm welcome shocked me. I expected at least a bit of backlash. Apart from a few sidelong glances at us—possibly because we were two boys holding hands—no one made a fuss. It probably helped that Brandon, Jackson, and Tyler joined us, surrounding us, acting as our own personal secret service as soon as we got through the gate.