loving him was a mistake
Chapter Ten
Ray’s POV~
We all went on stage, the crowd was loud like usual, the people were pumped. Gerard was already advocating the audience with his compulsively lengthy but significance rambling. I turned to Frank, who was already looking too dangerous to be around, so I kinda backed away from him and stood in my perfect little corner near the back next to Bob, who was ready to play. Then I turned to Mikey, who apparently just came on stage. He was smiley and cheeky which is uncommon for Mikey especially during concerts where he’s rather serious about our performances.
He turned to me as he was putting his bass around his shoulder and gave me a huge blushy grin that made me and him laugh to quietly to ourselves.
Both me and Mikey could tell Bob was looking at us and wondering what’s so funny? Which made us laugh harder, Frank turned to us and then to Bob, shrugging his shoulders and turning to the crowd again.
Finally Gerard stopped talking and signaled for us to start with the song “I’m Not Okay.”
We all started playing, everyone in the crowd was enjoying Franks many dangerous spasm attacks, Bob’s genuine drum beats, Gerard goofy faces and dances and my rhythmic playing. Everything was normal until I turned to Mikey; usually Mikey stands there playing his bass amazingly but nonchalantly with little to no movement. But today it wasn’t the same, he was moving around, jumping, head banging compulsively and even playing around with Frank a couple of times when Frank came over to mess with him. It surprised the fans, Bob, Frank, and Gerard when Mikey basically taunted Frank to tackle him.
It was really cute, to see him so hyper as if he was a four year old on three days’ worth of sugar.
Four songs into the concert and everything were going well. After a while, Frank realized that today Mikey wanted to goof off and they worked together in aggravating the rest of us and did stunts together that made the crowd rowdy.
The way they interacted with one another was like magic, like one of them would stand on the speaker and jump on the other or they both would just mess with me and Bob. Honestly it made me jealous of how well they worked together and how good they looked with each other, they looked so good together…I would never look that good with Mikey, I will never be good enough for him.
My God Ray! For Pete sakes YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! Stop Stop Stop forget about Mikey, forget about him. I kept trying to convince myself that I could ever forget about him, I tried to forget about him but I can’t I just can’t. Not now since I found out his feelings, not now since I feel that same way, since I always felt the same way.
The crowd screaming louder than normal knocked me out of my thoughts, Mikey and Frank must be doing something really big so I decide to turn my head over to see what kind of crazy stage stunt Frank and Mikey were doing now, I was expecting something amusing or funny.,. But instead, what I got was an eyeful of Frank pressing up against Mikey and what looked like him kissing or biting his neck.
Flabbergasted, anger, and hurt; I tried to look away but I couldn’t I couldn’t look away from the horrendous sight. I was upset, so upset that I couldn’t keep up with the rhythm of the song or anything.
Eventually I just gave up and took off my guitar and putting it against the amp. Nobody noticed that I stopped playing because they were too tied up into Mikey and Frank.
I waited till it was Bob’s drum solo, walking up to Gerard and asking him for a break, I couldn’t take being on the same stage with them at the moment.
Gerard looked at me and whispered back “But were in the middle of a show”
I turned my attention back to Frank and Mikey, feeling even more hurt every time they got closer to each other. “Please Gerard” I pleaded.
He saw that my attention wasn’t with him anymore and turned behind him to see the ghastly view.
When he saw Mikey and Frank he sighed, it was like his whole outlook changed from a strict leader to a caring friend.
“We can have a short intermission okay, but it has to be short, can you get yourself back together?”
I nodded even though I wasn’t sure if a short intermission would help me.
I quickly ran off of stage and into the dressing room, the crowd must have finally noticed that there was no Ray on stage because it got major quiet.
My heart ached so bad, how can one person make me feel so bad but claim to love me? I don’t know if it was Mikey’s idea to let Frank treat him like a chew toy or not but it fuckin hurt to watch.
I laid on the couch that was in the room, burying my face in pillows and trying to stop myself from crying, loving him was a mistake, wanting him was brutal, ignoring my feelings for him was impossible.