"My biggest fear is that eventually you'll see me the way I see myself."
-Anonymous
Natasha's POV,
"Will you go out with me" he asked
I was shocked, did Steve Rogers the guy who bullied me all through elementary and middle school just ask me out? Am I dreaming, what the hell is going on.
"Um" I cleared my throat "no" I replied "I can't" I added noticing the confusion on his face
"Why not" he asked
"Because I don't believe in that type of stuff" I replied
"Believe in what" he asked confused with a hint of anger
"I'm sorry Steve" I said as I got up and walked away
I didn't want to hurt him, sure he hurt me, doesn't mean I wanted to hurt him. I just don't believe in love, I can't risk him falling for me, knowing that I'll never be able to do the same, plus I know once he finds out what I've done... he'll never look at me the same. The rest of the day at school, went by slow, unlucky for me all my classes are with Steve, talk about awkward.
"Okay class for today's assignment your gonna pair up with the person next you" the teacher said as he handed out the supplies
'Great, this is gonna be a really long class' I thought to myself as I internally rolled my eyes
I turned to look at Steve giving him a friendly smile "I guess we're partners"
He rolled his eyes "yeah" he replied coldly
My smile faded and we started to work on the assignment
After class, James came by my side wrapping his arm around my neck
"Everything okay Talia" he asked concerned
I nodded "yeah"
He sighed, he obviously knew I was lying but he knew better then to ask "you know...I got your back, no matter what" he said
I gave him a soft smile and nodded "thank you"
"No problem" he replied giving me a soft smile and we walked to my house
"Nick, we're home" I said as James and I walked through the doors
When I told Clint and Nick about James, they decided to get him out of the KGB and bring him here to his new home.
"Hey kids, dinners almost ready, Nat can you get Maria" Nick said
"Yeah, I'll go get her" I replied, then I went upstairs to Maria's room
"Maria, dinners ready" I said as I knocked on her door
"Coming" she replied as she opened the door and we both went downstairs for dinner
"So, how'd school go" Nick asked
"Good" we replied
He looked at us eyebrows furrowed "just...good" he asked
I nodded
He sighed in defeat and we ate dinner in silence
That night as I went to sleep, the memories filled my head in the form of a nightmare.
Flashback/nightmare
"I love you" said the voice of my boyfriend Alexi
"I love you too" I replied
Alexi and I knew better than to admit our love, we were both taught from a young age love was a weakness, a weakness for children.
It then went to another memory
"You have proven to be weak, you fell in love" Dreykov said anger lacing his voice
I knew better than to apologize, apologizes make you weak that's what I was taught.
I nodded
He handed me a gun
Not this, not again, I already killed one of my best friends, I can't kill him too.
"Shoot" Dreykov demanded anger in his voice
I wanted to cry, but I knew what Dreykov does to people who cry, so I took the gun pointed it at Alexi and pulled the trigger without hesitation.
Dreykov chuckled "you really are the black widow"
I then gave him the gun before walking away a single tear falling down my cheek as I did so.
End of flashback/nightmare
I woke up tears falling down my cheeks, I felt angry and sad at the same time, I went to the bathroom grabbing a lighter burning the skin of the inside of my thigh.
"What the hell are you doing" James asked in both anger and concern as he took the lighter out of my hand
"Give it back... please" I said my voice full of sadness
"NO, your hurting yourself, I can't let you do anymore harm to yourself then you already have" he replied almost yelling the first word
I let a single tear fall, back in the K.G.B. James was the person who always made sure I was okay, he never let my reputation define me, he was never scared of it.
James wrapped me in his embrace "please don't hurt yourself...I need you, your the only person I have left" he said I glanced at his face he had tears in his eyes
Those words so true and full of honestly, I couldn't help but embrace the hug further, we stayed like that for a while.
"You want to talk about it" he asked me softly
I took a deep breath "I saw Alexi's" I couldn't finish the sentence I just let the tears fall
He sighed "it's okay...he forgives you"
"How do you know" I asked
"I just do" he replied
The next day at school
As I walked to first block I noticed that Steve wasn't there yet, I brushed it off figuring he was either late or sick.
At lunch Steve wasn't there either.
"Have you seen Steve" I asked as I sat down across from James
"Who" he asked confused
I rolled my eyes "the guy who was sitting beside me yesterday"
"Oh, no, haven't seen him" he replied
I nodded sadly
"Why" he asked
"No reason" I replied
Although I was both concerned and upset that he wasn't here, the old me would have leaped for joy, knowing that he wasn't here, but not this me, this me wanted him here. I waited all day at school for Steve to come, but he didn't, I went home James and I's arms locked together. James and I decided to stop by a small café across the road from our house.
"Oh sorry" James said as he bumped into someone
"Watch where your going" said a familiar masculine voice
I looked up to see none other than, the blonde muscular guy that I had been looking for all day.
"Steve" I called
Steve scoffed "so you have time to go out with him but not me" he scoffed again "what does he have that I don't"
Before I could reply he walked away, leaving a very confused James
"Is there something your not telling me" he asked
I sighed "it's a long story"
He nodded "you can tell me all about it when we sit down"
James and I then ordered and sat down in a corner booth, I told him what had happened between Steve and I from the very beginning to now.
He let out a chuckle "so let me get this straight, Steve bullied you from kindergarten to the beginning of middle school, when you came back he apologized and he asked you out yesterday but you said no"
I nodded
"Why" he asked in confusion
"I can't love, not after..." I trailed off recalling what happened to Alexi
James sighed "he'd want you to move on"
I let out a small sigh "yeah, but sometimes moving on is easier said then done"
A/N
Where do you think Steve was all day? Will Natasha ever get over what happened to Alexi, more importantly, did she actually love him or was it Stockholm sendrom?