I've never opened up to anyone, let alone, told anyone the most of my abuse.
I do regret it, I don't want to be able to trust Dabi. Though, at the same time it felt good releasing and being open and honest.
It's been a few days since I saw Dabi last and I hope I don't see him today, I can't trust myself around him anymore. Seeing him shirtless and not immediately forcing my self onto of him took more self control than I can afford.
Normally I would have just had him for a one night stand like I do to keep from growing feelings, but I can't help but stay weary around him.
I've gotten closer to Dabi more than any one night stand I have had before, now it seems though we could potentially be friends.
Being close to someone that personally is dangerous for me.
His reaction towards hero's felt good, he validated me. Not all Hero's are good and he understands that.
He didn't call me crazy.
The subway doors open, showing the beautiful sunset at my stop in the middle of the city. It's about a ten minute walk to the largest book store in the country.
I never get to go very often due to my busy work schedule, but I like to go here to be in the quiet and read.
Of course the voices can make it very frustrating to be in a quiet place, but them being so quiet lately has been giving me anxiety.
I need someone to talk to.
I get lonely without them, and loneliness is sadness. They speak to me, comfort me, guide me, give me advice better than any 'friends' I've ever had.
It's hard when you have to keep the only good friend a secret.
People have shown me empathy, but when the topic of hearing voices comes up, people are fearful. It's what happened with James.
For so long the idea of hearing voices has been synomnous with straight jackets and serial killers, members of society would prefer to pretend we don't exist.
It would be too hard for anyone-even Dabi to understand that I'm not a psycho.
{"You're not, you're gifted."The voices reassure me.}
"Of course you would say that, what are you without me." I say aloud.
In the busy streets of the city, nobody turns an eye on someone talking to themselves.
The business people rushing to get to work never bother about anyone except if you're in the way. They are selfish and mind their business, it's nice.
{"You will understand." The voices say.}
They say that every time, I've tried before to ask who or what they are. All I understand is they are nonbinary and they are here to protect me, which they have proven true many times.
Except around Dabi.
I understand them thinking that Dabi is not a threat, but they have never been quiet when I'm unsure what do to. The voices let me know if I should run or stay, but not saying anything is unlike them.
'Why are you silent around Dabi?' I say in my head while making my way up to the 4th floor to poetry and erotic fiction sections.
Both genres don't help my loneliness but I can't help it, erotica is intriguing and addictive and poetry allows me to understand emotions in a more meaningful way. Like music does for most people.
{"He's not a threat." The voice say what I was expecting.}
'I understand that,' I say getting frustrated, 'but he was in my fucking house at 1am! Don't you think that's a little unsafe!'
{"You were safe." The voices tell me.}
'How? You still could have warned me since I was naked! Or just told me if he was lying!' I yell in my head.
I grab an erotic book off the shelf too at to my 'To Be Read' collection before heading to the poetry section. The voices don't respond.
'Hello!' I yell in my head. 'Say something!' They don't respond and my head starts pound from all the yelling.
I grow frustrated, "You give me headaches." I say to the aloud.
"What's the matter little mouse? Thinking too hard?" I look down a row of books next to me to see Dabi reading on the floor.
"You're following me!" I say to him.
"Shh Y/N, you're in a library if you couldn't tell." He smirks sarcastically, pointing around the room.
"I'm just so happy to see you." I say sarcastically.
I turn to leave, leave the whole bookstore now that my whole plan is ruined upon seeing him.
"God, you're adorable," he smiles, "Not at all gross today."
Without stopping or turning around, I give him the middle finger and he laughs.
"I'm not following you, I come here all the time. Never seen you here." He says following me.
I keep walking not bothering to respond. He has to be following me, how else would we just 'run' into each other a few days after he very obviously followed me home.
"What are you reading?" Dabi grabs my book.
I reach to grab it away from him but he quickly turns and holds the book out of my reach. I don't bother fighting with him instead I cross my arm and display a unfriendly warning on my face.
I know very well that when he reads the cover of the book he's going to giggle like a little school boy and make fun of me. If someone disagree's with what I choose to read, I say 'fuck them.'
"It's too mature for you to understand so can I have it back." I tell him.
"Oh I didn't take you for an erotica reader." He says surprised as he reads the cover.
"Really? Well I thought you would have known with how intrusive you are." I say back, referring to his stalky nature.
"You're right, I don't take you as innocent." He smirks handing the book back.
"Really, because I am a woman-of-god," I smile at him, "I get down on my knee's for god every night." I say lowering my voice.
I should walk away now, but I can look away from his devilish smile. He stalks closer to me and I step back to keep the distance.
Instead, he completely closes the distance between us by grabbing onto my waist, guiding me back so I'm pinned between him and the bookcase.
"Oh good woman, for I have sinned. Get on your knee's and repent with me." He says, making feel sensations all around my body.
I start feeling vulnerable as his hand slides around the curve of my waist, and I refuse to give into the arousal he gives me.
He leans into my ear and bites down on my lobe, causing a breathy noise to escape my lips. He lets out a deep laugh and the heat of his breath send shivers down my body.
Any control I have left to leave completely vanishes when, he whispers into my ear, "I want to be fucking you, right now. May I?"
I force myself to diminish my excitement, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
His hand squeeze my waist and he brings his head closer to look at me. "Oh? I you worry about getting caught? I thought you weren't innocent." He says sliding his hand up to my neck.
This is so stupid, I at least still care about my reputation enough to not get caught having an orgasm in a public library.
"I'm not going to beg you, just say yes or no." He slides his hand down to my ass and squeezes it.
I try to subdue the noise the comes, the best I can, but I struggle due to the hunger in his eyes. Caving in I grab his face, feeling his staples, and we make out.
Trying to stay quiet, we moan into each other's mouths. His hands run up and down my body, one hand stopping at my already wet cunt.
He pushes a finger on my clit through my clothes and a noise of satisfaction escapes my lips. He lets out a possessive growl.
I back away from the kiss, I will not let this man dominate me in a public library.
"No one's around, Little Mouse, let me satisfy you." He stops drawing circles around my clit making the sensations leave my body.
I stare into to his eyes as he looks me up and down, devouring my whole body with just his eyes.
I wait for a moment, I want to ask the voices if anyone is nearby, but I know they won't answer. I want him to keep going so badly as I feel my heat start to grow sore from all the sensations.
Giving in, once again I reach up to kiss him. He lets out a growl and shoves me back into the bookcase, immediately putting his fingers back on my cunt.
"That's a good girl," he says tangling his hand through my hair, pulling it back.
He quickly puts his hand over my mouth as I let an uncontrolled whine.
"I wouldn't leave you this dripping wet and on the brink of starvation." He says.
I want him entirely now, I want his length inside me. I want him to reach his climax as I do mine. Run my hands down his hard chest and down to his belt.
I feel the large bulge and can't smile at the size of him. I rub rib through his clothes and he snarls loudly. Getting lost in the sensations I completely forgot we're in a library that is until Dabi abruptly stops.
"Sorry love, but we should dip. Someone's coming, right now." he says and we separate, my body instantly missing his touch.
I immediately open up my book to a random page and pretend to be reading, just as I begin to hear footsteps coming this way.
How Dabi heard the footsteps before me-before my voices told me, is shocking. I focus on my book trying hard to regain awareness. I feel a knot grow in my stomach from the absence of him.
A older lady walks past us, with no knowledge about what we were doing. When she's gone Dabi comes up to me and places a hand on my face.
I push it away, I will not be continuing this, no matter how much my body needs it.
"We will finish this another time." He says to me.
"No, we won't." I smile with attitude.
"Oh we will because I intend to explore every part of you." He whispers coming closer to me.
I hide my reaction, since my body still wants him.
"But not here, because when I taste you Y/N, I want you splayed out on a table like my own personal feast." He whispers mer inches from me.
"And while I fuck you," he growls, "I want you to scream my name, but when I fuck you, I want you alone. Far away from everyone." He leans into my neck and takes a bite, causing a whine to escape my lips.
I push him away before I repeat the last mistake, "Sorry, that's just gonna have to stay in your imagination."
He only laughs doubting I won't fuck him. I turn to finally leave, but one questions still remains in my head.
"How did you hear her coming?" I ask, stopping myself from leaving.
"She's old, I could hear her desperate breathing from the moment she stepped foot on this floor." Of course, although I am disappointed he's not hearing voices like myself.
Dabi comes around to walk back with me, "My night's not over little mouse."
"Well I would love to take you home with me, as my new toy, but I have to make another stop." I say giving him an excuse to leave.
"Where to love, I will go with you."He says.
"My parents house." I smirk, knowing he won't wanna come with me now.
"Gross, why?" He says, still not leaving. "Let's just skip seeing your parents and goo home. I will make sure you have a good night." He says while pulling a random book off the shelf as we walk.
"Jeez Dabi you're like a stray puppy. You think if I throw a stick you'll leave?" I say.
He doesn't laugh or even get mad, instead he grabs my arm-stopping me from walking.
"I just want you to get home safe, I can protect you." He says very seriously.
I only get offended and retract my hand back.
"I don't need you to protect me, the only reason you saved me when we meet was because I lured that man in on purpose." I tell him.
"Why the hell would you do that Y/N?" Still sounding serious.
"I work at a hospital Dabi. I see women come in everyday from those same men. Those men hurt women every chance they get. Nobody does shit about it. And you know what, I enjoy luring them in and hurting them." I say trying to keep my voice low.
I start to smile, "They deserve every bloody wound I give them. I won't stop because it's fun."
Seeing his reaction surprises me, because he smiles, a greedy smile. "God, I wanna fuck you while you smile like that."
All men are the same, not listening to a word I'm saying. I keep walking.
"I won't stop you, but just tonight I wanna just be with you." He replies.
"Gross, what's with all this sappy shit?" It almost sounds like he wants to be more than fuck buddies.
He only laughs, but he doesn't deny that he still wants to actually hangout.
I wanna ask my voice's for their advice, but I can't get to them anymore. I'm not ready to make my own decisions, so I stick to the most comfortable choice.
"You know where I live just go there in a few hours, I have to run errands." I say trying to sound understandable.
We're not dating, we're barley even friends, why does he wanna hangout tonight so bad. It doesn't seem right for even friends, but then again I barley know how to have friends.
I turn to walk to the elevators to leave when I think I faintly hear him curse.