The boys get a pint of Guinness while I get a glass of water.
I sat across from Luther while the Fives sat across from each other.
"Well... this is nice isn't it? The four of us, together like this," Luther smiled.
"No," both Fives say in sync.
"Somebody explain to me how it is I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self," Old Five said.
"Older, actually," Five said, "I'm you, just fourteen days older."
"I have pubic hairs smarter than you," Old Five said, "how's that possible?"
"I can explain," Five said, "you see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the commission. I already know you're thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. About Y/N. Well, today you're going to do something about it. Today, you're going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However, you're going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trapped forever, small, pubescent!"
I lightly kick his foot and gave him a look. I think he's very handsome.
"Okay," old Five says before farting.
Paradox psychosis.
"Even if I was to believe you, what am I supposed to do? Not jump?" Old five asked.
"No, no. I need you to jump. If you don't jump i cease to exist. What I need from you is to jump correctly," Five said.
"I'm listening," Old Five leans in.
"The first time around I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation," Five said.
"I'm listening."
"I'll be glad to tell you... In exchange for that briefcase you're holding under the table," Five said.
"Yeah, yeah, you go back to 2019 as planned, but this time with the right math, so you remain a full-grown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase you no longer need," Luther said.
"Timeline restored, paradox resolved. Everyone goes on existing happily ever after," Five said.
"That's quite a lot to take in," Old Five said.
I nodded in agreement.
"What do you think?" Five asked him.
"I think... I need to piss," old five said standing up with his briefcases in hand.
He walks off towards the bathroom.
"Oh," Luther said looking at Five. He picks up his napkin and starts to dab his face.
Poor Five.
"Well, besides the flop sweat, I think that went pretty well, am I right?" Luther asked as he dabbed Five's face.
Five pulled his hand away, "No, no, there's something... something doesn't feel right about this."
"What... what do you mean?" Luther asked.
"I don't trust him," Five said.
"But he's you," Luther said.
"Exactly," Five replied.
I take his hand.
"I think I can talk to him," Luther says standing up.
"Luther, I don't think-" I started.
He walks towards the bathroom.
"Well, we're screwed," I said turning to Five.
"Yup," he takes a sip of his Guinness.
I pull my rag out and wipe his face again, "you really are sweating a lot."
"It's nice to know that you have my back," Five said.
I put the rag back in my pocket and took his hand, "of course I do. And I always will."
He smiled at me, "you really do keep me sane."
He leans over and pecks my lips.
"I can tell. Your old self is a little less sane," I said before letting out a small laugh.
He chuckled, "that's true. But remember he still has a soft spot for you."
I nod before taking a sip of my water.
I looked up to see Old Five and Luther heading back towards the table.
"Here they come," I whispered.
Luther looks very suspicious. We are most definitely screwed.
Five looks up and sets his glass down, "we good?"
"We're good," Luther smiles.
"We got a deal," Old Five said, "we gotta hurry. Kennedy's en route. Less than an hour until showtime."
Five stands up, "why are you so anxious to get going all the sudden?"
I stood up and pushed my chair in.
"Relax," old five said, "you're getting paranoid."
Five scoffs, "oh, am I?"
Yes, love. Yes you are.
They both fart.
Luther and I look at each other.
"Okay, let's roll," he says walking out with Old Five following.
"They're being suspicious," I said, "especially Luther."
"Yup," Five said holding out his hand, "come on."
I take it and we walk out behind them.
We walk onto a bridge. Five's psychosis symptoms are really bad. He keeps yelling at people as we walk past them.
"What are you looking at?" Five asked someone, "you see something funny?"
"I'm so sorry," I tell the person.
"Don't apologize," Five tells me.
"You're being extremely rude," I whisper to him.
He just scoffs.
We pass another person.
"Mind your business!" Five yells at him, "or I'll give you something to stare at!"
I sigh, "Five, seriously!"
The man gives us a weird look and picks up his pace.
"You wish you could pull off these shorts!" Five yelled at him as he scratched his side.
I grab Fives hand and pulled him off to the side.
He looks at me, "what are you doing?"
I make sure Old Five isn't looking before turning to Five and pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. He smiles in the kiss and pulled me closer to him.
He pulls away and rested his head on mine, "what was that for?"
"To get you to shut the hell up," I said.
"I think I need one more kiss then," he winks.
I smiled and rolled my eyes, "of course you do."
"I thought you enjoyed my kisses," he said.
"I do," I said.
He leans down and softly placed his lips on mine for a couple seconds before pulling away. He took my hand and we continued walking.
Luther stops and waits for us to catch up.
"He looks nervous," I said.
"Yup," Five nodded.
"Hey, brother, sister. How are you guys doing?" Luther asked when we caught up to him.
"What are you hiding?" I asked.
He laughs, "what am I hiding? I'm not hiding anything."
"He's gonna kill me isn't he?" Five asked.
"Wait, what?" I asked.
Luther scoffed and laughs, "what? What? Him? He's gonna kill you." He continues laughing, "yeah right. That's ridiculous!"
"Oh my God. He is!" I said.
Five squeezed my hand, "you know, you're a terrible liar, Luther. You're a worse liar than you are a spotter."
"Okay, whose fault is that?" Luther asked, "what good is a spotter if you won't even listen to him?"
"You haven't really said anything to him. You snuck off with Old Five and talked to him," I said.
He glared at me.
"So, you admit you're conspiring against me?" Five asked him.
"Do... do you admit that you're suffering from paradox psychosis?" Luther asked.
"All I'm suffering from is bracing clarity about you and your murderous intentions," Five said as he itched is chest.
"Look, it's not like he's gonna 'kill you' kill you," Luther said, "he just wants to kill a, um... version of you."
I smacked my head with my free hand as Luther walked ahead of us.
"But I am that version of me!" Five stated before running after him.
"Hey, I don't love it, either, but he's actually got a pretty good plan," Luther says.
"Killing the love of my life is not a 'pretty good plan', Luther!" I yelled.
Five smiled at me and squeezed my hand.
"What? The plan where you guys off me and then jump to 2019 to save the world?" Five asked him.
"Yeah, wait, how did you know that?" Luther asked.
"Because they're the same person, dumbass!" I yelled.
"And because that is exactly what I would do if I we're trying to kill me!" Five yelled.
"Okay, all I know is we've got one Five too many and you're the one acting like a maniac," Luther said.
Five stops walking and glared at him ahead, "Maniac?"
Uh oh.
He walks up to Luther and get's into his face, "Luther, you have seen nothing. If you want a maniac, I will show you maniac!"
I put my hand on his shoulder, "Five, calm down."
He backs off and looks at me for a second before starting to walk again.
"Okay, as your spotter," Luther said as he caught up with us.
"One of his spotters," I corrected him.
He rolled his eyes, "whatever. I think the best I can do for you right now is put you out if your misery."
I turned to yell at him, but Five beat me to it. He let go of my hand and grabbed Luthers arms to pull him to his level, "okay, Luther listen. I know your feeble mind only responds to age and authority, so listen very closely," he lets Luther go and pokes his chest, "Yet again you are experiencing daddy issues, this time with your own brother, which is honestly making me a bit crazy."
I chuckled to myself.
"But remember this: I'm fourteen days older than him. I have seniority here. So, it is me you should be listening to Luther. I'm the daddy here!" Five yells.
I cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing too loud.
Some people glance over at us.
"How's it going?" Luther asks them as he forced a laugh.
Five itches the back of his neck.
Luther bends down to Five's level, "Five, please. You're being unseemly, look at you."
"I admit there's a possibility that I may not be in my fully... right mind right now," Five admits.
"Okay, good," Luther nods.
"But whatever I got, he's got it too," Five points at Old Five.
"What?" Luther asks.
"You three quit grab-assing. We're here," old Five says as he sets his case down.