𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 : 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞
❝ you said you would love me
so, what is this? ❞
⁻ ⁱᵘ ⁻
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"what's been bothering you?" chanhee asked the second their drinks had arrived, the younger of the pair taking off his mask and slowly stirring his drink. "don't think i haven't noticed your strange behaviours lately hoon."
younghoon nodded, staring at his drink, unable to meet chanhee's accusatory stare. chanhee sighed and ran a hand through his hair before lightly flicking the older boy on the forehead. "this is the first time in weeks since you've taken the initiative to invite me somewhere so i took it as a chance to ask why you've been so off but if you don't want to answer then it's fine-"
"you remember how i confessed to you right?" memories of that night flashed before chanhee's eyes, his question on why the theatre boy liked him still ultimately remaining unanswered. he remembered having had fallen asleep that night in younghoon's embrace which, despite the warmth it offered, made chanhee feel at an utter loss, unable to think about what he should or shouldn't be doing.
that night was a whirlwind of feelings both for younghoon and chanhee alike and in all honesty, chanhee wished he could avoid that topic but knowing that he could no longer run from it, he nodded slowly, putting aside his drink and biting on his bottom lip.
younghoon took a deep breath, finally bringing himself to meet chanhee's eyes. "tell me honestly...do you- god this is difficult," younghoon said, a nervous chuckle leaving him. "do you ever think that you could like me in the same way? or have i just been playing a losing game from the very beginning?"
his question stuck chanhee right through the heart, the bullet launched writhing and turning inside his chest and causing him to feel breathless all of a sudden.
he didn't like confrontations like these.
he didn't like facing emotions and feelings because they were just too damn complicated for him. but, younghoon, who chanhee knew had no ill-intent had forced him to properly address everything he didn't want to and-
"and...i know that changmin confessed to you too chanhee so i'm sorry for putting you in such a position but, i..." younghoon looked down into his drink again, losing the confidence he had originally mustered the very second he saw the shock on chanhee's face.
with his hands balled into fists, nails steadily digging into his skin, he forced the next few words out, knowing that if he didn't confront it now, both of them (and maybe even changmin) would drag out this confusion and complications for too long which inevitably, would hurt all of them more. "...i think it's unfair for neither of us to receive a proper answer from you."
he was right and chanhee knew that yet, he couldn't help but feel wronged still. younghoon knew that chanhee couldn't cope well with feelings. in fact, chanhee would've thought that he knew that fact the best. yet, even after knowing that someone had confessed to him, younghoon still added onto that and, although he knew that he was being selfish by thinking of himself, he couldn't help but feel too overwhelmed to even think about his own feelings.
did he like changmin? did he like younghoon? all of those questions were insignificant to him in comparison to the lingering fear of losing someone close to him because by god, he wasn't going to let that happen again.
"you probably regret going to this cafe with me-"
"i'm sorry," chanhee muttered, his hand subconsciously fiddling with the jacket on his lap. "i know that i did you both a disservice but i really don't think i want to hurt either of you-"
"but you're hurting us still chanhee," younghoon interjected, looking out the window as a group of people walked past, smiling from ear to ear. "i...i can't speak for changmin but for me, it hurts to switch between receiving your affection to watching you give it towards someone else all of a sudden. what makes it hurt more is because, i don't clearly know how you feel about me so i can't help but have this hope that gets crushed every single time i'm not the one you choose," younghoon said on the verge of tears.
"i-i don't want to be a second choice chanhee so please, just give me an answer soon okay? because i...i really don't think i can continue having these feelings if i don't even have a chance to begin with." the tears fell, younghoon quickly wiping them away and pretending as though nothing had happened. in that exact moment, their food arrived, younghoon quickly thanking the waitress.
they ate in silence, both consumed with a million thoughts that they couldn't quite articulate.
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"i'm going to stay over at hyunjae's dorm for the next few days okay?" younghoon said as he packed his bag.
chanhee nodded, passing him some of his books to which the older thanked him for. "doesn't he have a roommate?" chanhee asked, looking around for anything else younghoon might need.
although they seemed to be acting the same as they always did, chanhee was aware that younghoon was doing all this to give him the time and the space to think about how he truly felt. adding onto that, he knew that neither of them could really do anything if they both stayed in the same dorm seeing as how the tension between them would be far too prominent to even breathe freely.
"juyeon stays over a lot at this junior's place...i think his name was eric or something," younghoon said, chanhee nodding as a faint memory of some juyeon boy introducing himself to him played in his head.
once younghoon was done packing, he offered a small smile to chanhee before leaving their room and the second that the door shut, the room that used to be a safe haven for the younger boy slowly started to feel cold and empty, the darkness slowly eating at him as he let himself fall onto the ground.
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"changmin what the hell?" kevin said as he ran into the dance room to find his best friend shaking and breaking out into a cold sweat.
before the dancer could say anything though, kevin had hurriedly caught him, noticing how he had been swaying uncontrollably since the second he had entered the room.
sitting down while still holding onto changmin, kevin took out a cold bottle of water he had brought along with him and placed it against the dancer's forehead. "why're you still dancing when you're not feeling well?"
"chanhee said he'd come by later," changmin said, his voice frail and kevin had the urge to tell him to not waste his energy explaining things. "so, i'm waiting for him to come by."
kevin sighed, leaning changmin's head against his chest as he looked through his bag with his free hand and found some biscuits. "it's already so late min. do you really have that much faith in him?" kevin opened the packet and slowly tried to feed changmin who shook his head in refusal. "you need to eat to recover," kevin muttered, still trying to feed the dancer.
"i'm alright kev-"
"no you aren't so stop lying." at the sudden harshness in his tone, changmin felt his heart drop, kevin immediately realizing that he had raised his voice and letting out a sigh. "i'm not angry at you min it's just that... you're willing to do all this for a crush and i told you that, although yes i will support your feelings, i won't just sit back and let you hurt yourself." kevin tried again to feed changmin. "so please, just eat something okay?"
changmin slowly nodded, opening his mouth ever so slightly.
"kev?" kevin hummed in response, looking through his bag to see if he had anymore snacks he could attempt to feed to the boy. "do...do you think chanhee could like me?"
"i-i honestly can't tell," he said, changmin shifting slightly. "but he doesn't hate you that's for sure. just...don't expect so much min because it really hurts to see you in this state," kevin advised, changmin nodding and letting out a soft 'okay'.
but despite his silence, changmin felt himself falling into a pit of fire, his thoughts and feelings slowly burning him to a crisp the more he chose to believe in the boy he liked.
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