I made sure we all spent one on one time with Jojo because I don't want her to feel left out at all. She's my first baby, 7 years old now, and such an amazing big sister. She'll go into the nursery and read to Ian at night because if she doesn't, who will mom? She's always near the playpen so that Ian doesn't feel lonely without his brother. One of my favorite moments ever was Jojo arguing with her grandfather, she said he wasn't holding Ian the right way and she had to fix it. It was hilarious.
Our first week at home was stressful but so beautiful. Le and I mastered the art of holding 2 tiny babies at once, while I had to learn to breastfeed 2 babies at once. My husband is as helpful as he can possibly be but my mom and Patricia are the only reason I haven't gone absolutely insane. Okay, even with their help I feel like I'm going insane, especially with the sleep deprivation. Both boys sleep for about 2 hours each and we're lucky if it's at the same time.
My friends who are parents told me about it, I mostly spoke to Brie, but nothing can really prepare you for postpartum stress and anxiety. Everything scares me, everything worries me, the lack of sleep isn't helping either. I'm trying to be as present as I can but my mind wanders, my thoughts fly to how am I supposed to do this alone. Le's gonna go back to work, mami is gonna go back home, and Patricia is gonna go back home. The anxiety is real.
"Anna!" my mom called out from my room.
"What's left for her to reorganize? She's gone through everything already." I complained, making my husband and sisters laugh.
"But for real though, I got lost in my closet because I couldn't find my stuff where I left it." Le said, making my sisters laugh harder.
"That's mami." Cassie said.
"Dude, what if she goes through your underwear drawer? For either of you?" Mel added.
"Nah." Le and I chorused.
"Anna!"
"Babe?" Le asked.
"She wouldn't ..." I muttered, fear finally entering the conversation.
"Anna!"
"Oh shit." I exclaimed.
"Give me the baby, that's one less person to traumatize." Le worriedly stated.
"Why? What's in there?" Cassie asked.
"Yeah, what's in your underwear drawer?" Mel asked, wiggling her eyebrows behind Cassie.
"That's none of your business, I'll be back." I said, handing my son to my husband.
I can hear things moving in my room and it's scaring me.
"Mami ... what are you doing?" I asked when I walked into my bedroom.
The top of my dresser and Le's dresser, both night stands, and the baby's changer have been reorganized. I love my mom, but I'm gonna have to learn my way around my own house again after she leaves. It's that latina mother for you, for sure.
"Mija, this room was a mess." she said as she fold a shirt. (my girl)
"It was not." I sighed, this is bringing me back to my teenage years all over again.
"That's not why I called you." she said.
"What's wrong?"
"You."
"Mami, de que tu hablas? I'm fine." (what are you talking about)
"Mija, I know that you're a new mom and you want to be super hands on and present and do it all, but you need to rest." she said.
"Rest? With twins? That's funny."
"Tu necesitas una siesta." she insisted. (You need a nap)
"I can't take a nap mami, there are 2 newborns and a 7 year old out there." I argued.
"Si, lo se, and there are also 5 adults between all of us and a teenager to take care of the kids. We have milk, we have bottles, pampers, wipes, and everything we could possibly need to take care of them if they need anything. Mija, you were falling asleep while you were feeding Aiden. If you're barely awake, you can't take care of them. You're going to rest for an hour or two y no quiero pelea. Lay down!" (Yes, I know) (and I don't want an argument)
"Mami ... I can't ..."
"The babies and Jojo will be fine and if we need to, I'll wake you up."
"Mami ..."
"Pa la cama, dije!" (I said to bed)
"Dios mio ... fine." I sighed. (my God)
"Mija, we're here to help you so let us do that. We won't be here for long and you'll be able to do everything on your own with your own schedule but you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of those babies and that little girl. You gave me three grandchildren and I'm going to help you take care of them while I can." she said, kissing my cheek.
"Gracias." I sighed.
She smiled at me and turned around to pull the covers down like she used to when I was younger. I laid down just to appease her and laughed when she closed the curtains as well. The room was suddenly dark and mom turned the ceiling fan on before walking out. Just a second, I'll wait 10-15 minutes and then go back out and tell her I couldn't sleep. I don't know how she thinks I could possibly nap, there's so much to do. I closed my eyes for a second, just a second as I sunk deeper into the mattress.
"Baby ..."
"Hmm?"
"Ari ..."
"Hmm ..."
"Baby, it's time to get up." my husband said in a low tone.
"What?"
"Ari, wake up baby." he chuckled.
"Wake up? Hmm ... I closed my eyes for a few minutes." I mumbled, looking at the darkening sky through the slightly opened curtains.
"More like 2 hours."
"What?" I asked, shooting up.
"Calm down." He smiled.
"The babies ..."
"Are fine, I promise. You needed to rest." he said, pulling my face up for a kiss.
"But they ..."
"Were with me and their grandparents, aunts, and big sister." he said, tapping me on the nose.
"And they're okay?" I asked.
"They're fine, still down for a nap. They fell out about 30 minutes ago, both of them, which is nothing short of a miracle. Come on momma, let's go shower." he said as he picked me up.
"Do we have time?"
"Yes, we've got about 30 minutes."
He walked into the bathroom and I smiled when I saw the full jacuzzi tub. He had set up a few candles, added bubbles, rose petals, and my favorite shower gel (and his) was on stand by at the side. My husband helped me undress and we slipped into the fragrant water together. He washed my hair and helped me relax and I can admit that I did need this. When we got out, he helped me dry off and I pulled on some biker shorts and a Rugrats shirt.
"I really do love those shorts." he said, grabbing my ass.
"Bet you do, big Dog. Hands off." I smiled.
"You about got me ready to have another baby." he said, kissing my neck.
"Oh no you don't! Not any time soon." I said, skirting away from him.
"We can practice though. How much longer?" he groaned.
"Five weeks handsome."
"That's too long." he complained.
"You can handle it, you've been doing it for months now."
"Yeah, I know." he groaned.
We walked to the living room and I smiled when I smelled mami's cooking. That made me feel so much better than before. I will admit that I feel like a brand new woman after a nap and a bath. Add some Puerto Rican cooking to the mix and I really am a brand new woman.
"Dejame verte." mami said as soon as she saw me. (Let me see you)
"Mami, I'm fine."
"Yes, you look better now, well rested." she smiled.
"That nap was needed." I sighed.
"Sweetie, not wanting anyone else to do what you feel you feel you should be doing alone is normal. Being a new mom, especially to multiples, is overwhelming. It really does take a village to raise a child. We are here to help you, don't feel guilty for leaning on your village, that's what we're here for." Patricia said.
"Thank you." I smiled, grabbing both women's hands.
I feel like my day goes by so quickly. That night when we put the babies down for the night, I just stood in the nursery watching them. I did that, I pushed out two babies. What the literal fuck!
"We did that." my husband said, wrapping his arms around me. "We made the world's most adorable twins."
"I was just thinking about that. I pushed two babies out of my vag." I said, making him laugh.
"You made life, momma. I got you something." he said, holding out a box.
"What is this?"
"Open the box and you'll see." he chuckled again.
"Baby, you didn't have to get me anything. You got me a house."
"I know. You never ask for anything, you didn't ask for a house, I brought it up. You never ask yet you're always giving me and Jojo things, it was my turn to get you a little something." he said, wrapping his arms around me again.
"You got me a house!" I insisted.
"Open the box." he insisted, pulling me back to the little sofa we have and pulling me down to his lap.
I opened it and teared up when I saw what was inside. A pendant with three interlocking hearts, inside each heart, is a birthstone for one of our babies; blue topaz for Jojo and ruby for the twins. They even say 'love you mom' on one side of the heart with a small diamond on the other side.
"Mi amor ... it's beautiful." I sniffled.
"Just like you."
He softly pulled the pendant out of the box and put it on me.
"I love you." I said, turning to kiss him.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to fully express just how much I love you. You brought joy and light back to my life and to Jojo's life." he replied.
"You show me every day, Le. Let's take advantage that they're both down and go watch a movie with Jojo." I smiled.
"That sounds like a plan."