Jayza spent the afternoon pondering what Tavan had told her. She had absolutely no idea what he could possibly say that hadn't already been said. She was still afraid he was taking too big a risk but after weeks in his company, she knew he was as stubborn as a donkey and if he wanted to speak to her, he was going to find a way to do it. Better to go along with his plan than fight him. After all, what more could they possibly do to her than what she already faced?
Her bewilderment increased when Tavan kept to the same routine after they stopped for the night. He led her away after lifting her off her horse, then bought her back and gave her food before staking her. He walked among his men, stopping periodically to sit and talk before moving on. Jayza assumed he had changed his mind and she curled on her side, torn between feeling happy he had decided not to chance it and disappointed at not being able to speak with him one last time. She had just started to drift off when she suddenly felt herself being pulled up by her hair. Unable to grab it due to her shackling, she scrambled to her knees, afraid Commander Barint had come to make good on his promises. When she heard Tavan's voice boom, she glanced up, her mouth dropping in surprise.
"Last night with the barbarian whore," he announced, making a rude gesture while winking at his men suggestively. "I think I'll sample her delights one last time. What say you, men?"
The men cheered, making lewd suggestions and obscene gestures. Jayza's shocked glance traveled the camp, noting how a few of the men appeared disappointed. And Commander Barint looked positively murderous. The men mistook her stunned expression for fear and cheered even louder, urging their General on while good-naturedly complaining about the unfairness of the situation. Tavan roared with laughter and squatted, deftly undoing the bindings that held her to the stake. Retying them, he hauled her up by her hair once more. Jayza's eyes leaked tears and red crept up her neck. Her humiliation drove everything else out of her mind and she suddenly remembered the man who had backhanded her the first day.
"Move, bitch." Tavan jerked her forward, his hands wrapping themselves in her hair. Turning, he called over his shoulder to his men. "Don't wait up for me. I intend to enjoy this barbarian to the fullest. And to make sure she never forgets what a real man is like." Hauling her forward, he half-dragged her across the field, heading to a small stand of trees. The sound of the men's laughter followed them, and Tavan didn't stop until the campfires had disappeared and the laughter had almost completed faded.
"Tavan..." she cried.
"Shut it, whore." His voice was harsh, and he dragged her into the trees, ignoring her cries of pain. Roughly turning her, he slammed her against a tree and covered her mouth with his. "Remember, Jayza," he breathed over her lips. "Act."
Jayza didn't have to act. Tavan was hurting her. Her scalp stung from where he had pulled her hair and his mouth was bruising her lips. She struggled and he pulled her hands above her head, pinning her to the tree with his body.
"When I tell you, I want you to run. Straight into the field and don't look back. And scream." His voice was nothing more than a breath of wind and he immediately kissed her roughly again before pulling slightly away.
Jayza stilled. He was going to let her escape. Scorched Sands, he was going to let her go.
"Fight me, Jayza. Or we will both die."
Jayza began struggling again. Tavan continued to pin her to the tree, his hands groping. Taking a step back, he looked at her with dark eyes. Stepping forward, he undid the bindings, freeing her hands.
"I much prefer you battering me. Having your hands tied is no fun." He pushed her backwards, once more pinning her.
"Fight me, Jayza, like you're fighting for your life. And when I lift my hand, run."
Jayza fought even harder. Battering his shoulders with her fists, she pushed on him to no avail. Redoubling her efforts, she reached a hand up and slapped him. Tavan took a step back, his hand rising. Jayza thought for two seconds, then bought her knee up, holding it back before it could fully connect. Tavan's eyes widened with approval, and he let go of her, uttering a cry of pain as he bent over. Jayza didn't hesitate. Turning, she ran out of the trees and across the field as fast as she could.
"Bloody Bitch!" she heard him roar behind her. She pushed herself to go faster, beginning to weave back and forth. Her breath rasped in her lungs, and she pushed a hand against the stitch that settled in her side. She had no idea where she was going but the idea of her escaping sent the adrenaline racing through her body and she ran on.
The tackle, when it came, sent her sprawling and knocked the wind out of her. She felt a hand on her back, and she cried out, frustration and despair causing hot tears to fall. Giving up, she went limp, not even caring who had stopped her flight.
"Very good, Jayza," came the whisper in her ear. "Just a little bit more, okay?"
Jayza tried to turn her head but Tavan's hand held her down. She felt him move up, trapping her legs between his. When he finally took his hand off her back, she pushed up with her arms, mortified to find he was sitting on her butt. Clawing at the dirt, she tried to pull herself forward.
"Bitch," Tavan muttered loudly. "I'll teach you to try and escape."
Jayza was totally confused. She thought for sure Tavan was going to let her go. But instead, he had caught her, trapping her like an animal. And he was still calling her ugly names and groping her like she was a piece of meat. Tavan continued muttering, his hand pushing down on her back once more. Then suddenly he stopped. Bending over her, he whispered rapidly in her ear.
"Not a word, little one, Understand?"
Jayza nodded slightly, tears still seeping out. She felt Tavan tense and wondered what in the Seven Lands was going on.
"Who goes there?" he suddenly shouted, scrambling to his feet. Jayza rolled over to see him holding his pants up as if he had tried to remove them and her confusion grew. Tavan had promised he would never rape her. But his behavior seemed to indicate he had changed his mind. Scrabbling backwards, she tried to escape only to have him bend over and grab her leg. Dropping again, he pinned her once more, then rent her shirt from neck to hem. Jayza cried out and drew the two sides together. Tavan peered out into the field again, his hand now reaching for the dagger at his side. "Show yourself!"
Jayza heard rustling behind her. Craning her neck, she was only slightly surprised to see Commander Barint striding towards them.
"General," he said, raising his fist to his chest. "Is everything okay here?"
"Commander Barint, what are you doing away from camp?" Tavan asked sharply. He rose, hauling Jayza to her feet and grasping her tightly to his side.
"I thought I saw someone following you. I, uh, became concerned and followed."
"And did you find them?" Tavan's voice had gone hard and Jayza felt his muscles tense. Sands, she hoped he didn't do something stupid. She sagged, meekly looking down like Tavan had beaten the fight out of her.
"No. I must have been mistaken. Maybe a wild animal. Or just a shadow I mistook for something else." Jayza knew he was lying. She could see the way he licked his lips as he spoke, the way he tried not to fidget. And most of all, the way he avoided Tavan's eyes.
"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Tavan's words were curt and Jayza heard murder in them, causing her to tremble. She sent out a silent plea, imploring him to not lose control. "I told you and the rest of my men to stay in camp. You disobeyed a direct order."
"I'm sorry, sir. I only sought to protect you. It's what we swore."
"No, Commander Barint. You swore an oath to the Empire. And to follow my orders. The gesture, however well intended, is not welcome. We're already down two Commanders and you leaving camp has left only one to handle the entire remainder of our cohort. I am ordering you to return to immediately. I will deal with you when I am done."
"Yes sir." Commander Barint saluted, his face ashen even in the moonlight. "Enjoy the rest of your evening, sir. I'll make sure you are not interrupted." Turning, he walked away. Jayza got the impression he would have run if he could, and she stifled the giggle that threatened to emerge.
"Continue acting, little one," Tavan breathed, lowering his head again. "I don't trust him."
Jayza nodded, struggling as Tavan dragged her back into the trees. When he finally released her, she rounded on him, her eyes flashing.
"You're not letting me go?"
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
"You told me to run," she stammered, suddenly unsure of his motives. "If not to let me escape, then why?"
"Because I knew Commander Barint was going to follow, Jayza," Tavan said softly, sinking to the ground. "I saw the look on his face when I announced Commander Yago would continue down the Lesser Road. And again when I announced I was going to have you one last time. I've been watching him since you told me your suspicions. He can't take his eyes off of you. That kind of obsession cannot be tolerated. I set a trap, one that allowed me to get you away from camp while exposing Commander Barint."
"But his excuse seems plausible. Won't this cause problems?" Jayza was extremely worried. Commander Barint did not strike her as the type of man to easily let things go. Especially if he was obsessed with her.
"Whether or not his excuse is seen as believable, he still disobeyed a direct order. As I knew he would. When I punish him tomorrow, which I will, that will be announced, just like with Rufus. I try to be fair, Jayza, but I cannot have any man, even my most trusted Commanders, questioning my orders."
"I think I understand, But it still doesn't explain why you dragged me all the way out here if you aren't going to let me escape." Jayza was still confused. And hurt as well. Her scalp still stung, and her lips felt bruised. Tavan had never treated her so poorly.
"Because pretending to rape you gives me time to talk to you without anyone listening."
"You told me you never rape," she pointed out. "Won't your men question this sudden change?"
"I told YOU I never rape." Tavan looked away, running his hand through his hair. "And I don't. But my men don't know that. I hauled you away from Commander Barint and took you into my tent. I kept you by my side, never letting any other man touch you. But you're a prisoner. And Ta'njar. Most men can't see past that. What they saw was their General taking the only available female and using her to satisfy himself. And I let them think that."
Jayza subsided. The way Tavan had treated her while in his tent had led her to think everyone else saw the same thing. It never occurred to her that they would think he was forcing her or that he was allowing them to believe that he was. She wasn't sure how she felt about it even though she understood why he had done it.
"Jayza, please sit. We have time but if we stay all night, my men will question it. I have much I need to say before we go back." Tavan pointed to the ground, inviting her to join him. She dropped in front, folding her hands in her lap. She also had a few things to say but would wait until he was done. She waited patiently as he gathered his thoughts, trying to memorize his face for the dark days that lay ahead. Her ability only seemed to work with drawings, pictures, and written words. People, places, even animals, would often fade as time went by. And she wanted to remember Tavan as he was now. Gentle, vulnerable, his features softened by the moonlight.
"I need you to promise me something," he began. Jayza looked up in surprise, having not expected this. "I need you to promise me you will fight. Not your captors, but the despair that will overwhelm you. I want you to promise me you will fight to stay alive. Because there will be times, more often as the days go by, that you will lose hope and wish you were dead."
"If I'm going to eventually be sent to Thagim, then what does it matter? Even if I do survive, I'll never come out. And what life I have left is most certainly going to be much shorter than it would have been if I hadn't been captured."
Tavan scooted forward, pulling her in by her arms. His face was only inches from hers and she could see the determination that burned in the depths. That and something else she couldn't name.
"Because I'm going to save you, Jayza. I'm going to break my oath and find a way to get you out. And when I do, I'll send you somewhere where the Emperor can never touch you again." There was steel in his voice and his eyes burned with an intensity that scared her a little.
"How in the bloody Hell are you going to do that?" she asked, her mouth dropping. "You don't think his dungeon is watched?"
"I know it is, little one. As I said, there is much about me you don't know. I will get you out, but it will take some time. And the first thing I need you to do is make sure you do not come to the Emperor's notice, at least not more than you already have."
"Why?" Jayza couldn't understand this request. She believed she had already come to Emperor Antione's notice. After all, Tavan had indicated the Emperor had given explicit instructions about her capture and handling before being delivered.
"Because if he sees you before you've been questioned, he's going to put you in his harem. And that would be much more dangerous than the dungeon."
"And why would that be a problem? Won't I have more freedom there?" Once again, she was confused. The harem would offer her a safe place. One where she wouldn't be tortured. Where she would have clean clothes and food to eat. The dungeons held only pain and despair.
"Possibly, if you weren't so different than what he's used to. And if you weren't Ta'njar. The Emperor loves pretty things. It's why Lady Antione is always sending new girls to him. But he's jaded. After all, how many girls can you possibly bed before they all start to look the same? Right now, the fact you are Ta'njar is saving you. Because Lady Antione hates the Ta'njar. And because every resident of Truscas believes Ta'njar are inferior. But if he sees you as you look now, cleaned up and dressed in expensive clothes, he'll want you simply for the novelty. You'd be an exotic pet to be played with until the next one comes along. But his fascination with you will enrage Lady Antione and she will try to engineer your death as quickly as possible. And, if you enter the harem, I will never be able to get you out."
"So how am I supposed to avoid that?"
"I am going to take you directly to the dungeons before I meet with the Emperor. He will be angry, of course, but again, you being Ta'njar will work in your favor. I will simply tell him I didn't want to pollute his presence with an illiterate barbarian. And then I will proceed to tell him how you're nothing more than a desert rat, not fit to walk the Seven Lands. Even if he doesn't believe me and decides to see you for himself, you will be dirty and smelly by the time he makes his way to your cell. As long as you act the part, he should be convinced I was right and leave you where you are."
"I still don't understand why you believe you can get me out. Or how you're going to manage it. I'm important enough to the Emperor that he allowed you to save only me when you destroyed Kif Aljar. Even I, a supposed illiterate barbarian, knows that means I am of the utmost importance to him. There's no way you're going to be able to just whisk me away."
"It's not you, it's what you know. Emperor Janus Antione doesn't care about you, only what he believes you know. He's desperate to get his hands on whatever it is and will make sure you stay alive until he finds it. He bought you here first because he doesn't want the knowledge, should he ever discover it, spread around. Which would happen if you went to Thagim. If his henchmen can't force the information out of you, he will eventually send you to there, simply because they are, uh, more experienced at that kind of thing. Again, little one, you are going to have to do some acting. But I can't tell you how or what you should do. You'll need to figure out on your own how to remain in the dungeons here for as long as possible. Here, I have a much better chance of rescuing you."
Jayza opened her mouth and Tavan placed his fingers over it, shushing her.
"Promise me, Jayza. Promise me you will fight to stay alive. And that you will never reveal what you are or what you know."
Jayza's eyes flew wide. Tavan was going to commit treason to save her. But his last request seemed to indicate he was not only going to risk his life for her, but he was also going to help her after she escaped. Nodding, she continued to stare, unsure how to respond.
"Good. Now listen closely as I tell you what I know and what I think you can do to help yourself. More importantly, don't trust anyone sent to your cell unless they can prove themselves. Again, I leave it to you to figure that out. Because Jayza Ur Birfa, you've already proven yourself to be quite resourceful."
Tavan spent a little time telling Jayza all he knew about the dungeons and how they operated. She listened carefully, committing it all to memory and asking questions when she got confused or didn't understand something. When he was done, he took her hands in his and looked at her sadly.
"I'm sorry, little one. Sorry for what you are going to have to go through. Sorry that I bought you to this. And most of all, sorry that I can't rescue you right away. Please try not to hate me. Because you will. You will curse me roundly and I will deserve it. And when this is all over, if you want to walk away because of that hate, I understand and won't stop you. You have become the most important thing in my life, and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if it means losing you in the end."
Jayza was crying, tears pouring down her face. How could he ever think she would hate him? She loved him. Loved him more than life itself. And because she loved him, she would fight. Because it would give him hope and make him happy.
"Tavan," she said, only to have him cut her off.
"Shush, little one. There's nothing more to say. I have one more request before I take you back."
"But there is. I have something more to say." When Tavan looked at her questioningly, she lowered her head slightly, wiping the tears away. "The parchment that I wrote on. Where is it?"
"In the chest with my writing. I placed it there when you insisted I tie you to a different horse."
"It's for you, Tavan. But promise me you won't read it until after I am imprisoned, and you have left Culan. Truscas, if possible, but definitely Culan. I can't force you to wait, I can only ask you to. So please, honor my last request and do this one thing for me. Please?"
"I swear on the honor of my ancestors. Should I fail to keep my promise, may they haunt my every waking moment and condemn me to the Five Levels of Hell for all eternity. That and those of any and all my descendants. And I swear the same with regards to rescuing you. On the honor of my ancestors."
"Can I see your dagger?" she asked. Tavan handed it over, slightly mystified at the odd request. Jayza held the point in the center of her palm and drew a thin line. Turning her hand, she let the blood drip onto the ground between them.
"By the blood of my family and all the Ta'njar, I vow to fight to stay alive. And I vow to never reveal what I am to the Emperor, his family, or any of his loyal subjects. Finally, I vow to keep what I know secret until such time as it can be used for the right reasons. May the Earth witness my vow and hold me accountable if I break it."
Handing the dagger back, she let the blood drip until it stopped. Wrapping it in a fold of her pants, she smiled softly at Tavan. "That blood oath is the most powerful oath a Ta'njar can make. If I break it, my soul will be damned for all eternity. But I will not be condemned to Hell. Instead, I will be forced to spend eternity as a shade, neither dead nor alive, and I will walk the world that lies between. I will remember what it's like to live, to love, to laugh but will never be able to experience any of that again and instead, will be forced to watch others enjoy what I cannot."
Tavan took the dagger slowly, a slight shudder running through him. Normally not superstitious, he nevertheless believed in the concept of Heaven and the Five Levels of Hell as well as the delights or torments each held. Being sent to Hell was bad enough. But never dying but not actually living sounded like a fate worse than that. Which meant her oath was even more powerful than his. Opening his hand, he drew a thin line, then held it over the blood Jayza had dripped.
"By the blood of my family and all of my kind, I vow to rescue Jayza Ur Birfa from the Emperor or die trying. And I vow to wait until after I leave Culan to read what Jayza Ur Birfa has written. May the earth witness my vow and hold me accountable if I fail to keep it."
"You didn't have to do that," Jayza whispered. "Your oath bound you as strongly as mine does me."
"Not as strong, my love. Because now I've given an oath under both my beliefs and yours. If one of our beliefs are false, then I can still be held to the vow under the other one. Now, what else did you want to say? Time grows short."
"Only this, Tavan. If you cannot rescue me, do not blame yourself. Do not feel guilt over it. And do not let your grief keep you from living. Remember me but continue with your life. Live, love, and most of all, be happy."
Tavan sat for a moment then suddenly leaned forward and kissed her. Jayza met him halfway, her hands winding themselves in his hair. His arm went around her waist and he pulled her closer, his other hand cupping her head. She felt herself melting and he leaned her back, his body covering her as he continued to kiss her. She grasped him tightly, pulling him closer as she whispered in his ear.
"You were right. I will give myself to you willingly, Tavan Enyo. Now and forever."
Tavan growled low in his throat as his lips claimed hers again. Jayza fumbled with his clothes, wanting to feel his skin against hers. To melt into his warmth. Pushing his shirt up, she ran her hands over his chest. Tavan groaned and his head dipped lower, trailing kisses along her collarbone. Suddenly, he stopped, gazing at her with a look that shattered her heart.
"We can't. I can't." His voice was raw, and he sat up, fixing his shirt and running his hands through his hair again. Jayza sat up as well, holding her top closed as tears filled her eyes.
"Why? I'm willing, Tavan. More than willing. I want this, more than I've wanted anything."
"Because little one, you're vulnerable. Nothing has changed. If we do this, you will hate me even more. You will curse me for leaving you after I've loved you with all my heart. And I refuse to take advantage of your vulnerability."
Jayza flared. Once again, he was making decisions for her. How dare he decide what he believed was best. Her eyes flashed as she flung her words at him, anger making them sharp. "Selfish man. For weeks, you've been trying to get me into your bed. Now, when I've finally declared myself completely willing, you refuse. Because you think it's for the best. But what about me, Tavan? Don't my feelings matter? Shouldn't I have some say in what happens in my life, at least before I'm imprisoned below the palace?"
"Jayza, you have no idea what you're asking for. What this will do to you."
"You are wrong. Dead wrong." Jayza was fuming. And she was deeply hurt. "I want this, more than anything in the world. But the reason I want it is not what you believe. I want this, Tavan, because I love you. And because it will make both of us happy as well as give me hope. If you truly plan on trying to rescue me, the memory of this night will be a beacon when I despair of that ever happening. I want you, Premier General Tavan Enyo, because I want to have something to live for." Jayza was crying, hot tears sliding down her face. Turning away, she buried her head in her hands. She could hear Tavan's harsh breathing behind her, but she didn't care. She hated that she had been so wrong about him. And that it took this long to find that out.
Tavan sat still as a stone, a war raging in his heart. Several times, he reached for her, only to draw his hand back, afraid to touch her. It wasn't until he saw her back heave as her sobbing increased that he made his decision.
"Jayza, my love, I am so sorry." His arms went around her, drawing her back into his embrace. Turning her around, he looked into her eyes, gently wiping the tears away. "I was wrong. I am being selfish. Because I am afraid of what this will do to me. Of how loving you then leaving you could possibly break your heart. And by breaking your heart, I would end up hating myself forever. I never considered that you would see it any other way. Can you possibly forgive me?"
Jayza gazed into his face, her tears stopping. Reaching out, she gently touched his face. "Love me, Tavan. Give me something to hope for. And then rescue me. And I promise, when you do, I will sing for you."
"And now you have given me something to look forward to as well." Tavan's mouth descended, capturing hers again. And this time, he didn't stop her when she began removing his clothes.
Tavan cradled her in his arms, holding her tightly and wishing he never had to let her go. What had passed between them had been like nothing he had ever experienced. He whispered in her hair, laughing softly. "You've ruined me, little one. Imagine, the Golden Eagle bought low by a member of the Ta'njar."
"And here you thought I was a barbarian." Jayza was unbelievably content. She had never dreamed she could feel like this. That someone could make her feel this way. And while she was saddened that they would part in less than two days, she had been correct. This night would be the light at the end of the tunnel. The light she strove for.
"I love you, Jayza, Ur Birfa. More than I ever dreamed possible. And I will rescue you. And have you sing for me."
"And I love you, Tavan Enyo. And I will sing. Like you've never been sung to before. But we need to get back. Before somebody else comes looking. We've been gone long enough."
"With you, eternity is not long enough," he said, getting to his feet. He picked some of the twigs out of her hair, only stopping when she laid her hand on his.
"Leave it. It makes it seem more believable." She kissed his hands, then stepped back, drawing on her clothes as he did the same. Picking up the bindings, she held them out. Gently tying them around her hands, he kissed her again, then led her back into a camp that cheered and shouted obscenities as she was staked to the ground once more.