"Okei." Sabi ko sa kaniya tapos sumakay na kami ng car. On the way to the restaurant , I can't help but think about what's going to happen tonight. Sabi ni pare, he was going to tell me something. Ano kaya yung sasabihin niya. Basta ako, I have decided to do it na. To rid of all these things inside of me. Were adults now. We're not high school or college students anymore. We could deal with it the right way. I mean if he doesn't feel the same way were mature enough to just let it slip and not affect our friendship. Nothing could possibly do wrong now. It's now or never. It felt weird sitting in that table with the four of us together again. It's our second "get together" since that dinner. I mean we'd see each other but not like this, with all the four of us here. Natago ko nga bigla ung bracelet eh, ewan ko kung baket. Tapos si pare naman ayaw itaas ung sleeves niya kahit na halatang naiinitan na siya. Parang ilang din siya, siguro he misses his bracelet na pero I don't want to return it. Not now muna.
All through out dinner, nagkakatinginan na lang kami ni pare. Parang gusto na namin mag excuse sa kanilang dalawa and tell each other what it is we really want to say. As if we had already decided, we were about to excuse ourselves ng biglang nagsalita si twinx. Ewan ko ba kung baket, pero parang sobrang ganda ng timing niya grabeh as in. hindi rin siya msiyado madrama parang teleserye.
"Guys, I want to tell you something." Sabi niya, lahat kami tahimik lang na nakikinig sa kaniya.
"I consider you guys as one of those people na I could really trust. Kayo ung people na I could entrust my whole life with. Kaya I want to share with you something." Sabi niya, nakakatouch. I never really liked her. I mean hindi naman kami ganun ka close and I thought na ganun din siya sakin pero I never really thought na ganun na pala ung tingin niya sa relationship naming apat.
"I have an announce to make. Guys, babe." He looked intently in our eyes and held pare's hand. Gano ba ka importante ung sasabihin niya, grabeh ba i’to?!
"What is it?!" sabi ni pare na obviously curious ng malaman ung announcement niya.
Huminga muna siya ng malalim sabay sabi ng "I'm pregnant."
Natigilan ako dun. Nanginig ako, I didn't know whether I'd be happy for them or what. Hindi ko alam. So many things were going through my mind. Si pare then, obviously nagulat sa announcement ni twinx, but he hugged her as if na it was the right thing to do pero alam ko na naguguluhan din siya sa nangyari. Everything was perfect, wala na dapat manggulo kasi this was my night. Everything was perfect until now. Doc was rather happy about the announcement, I guess we all should be. I think. So, nung narinig niya ung announcement he peroposed a toast for the new baby nga. After that natahimik na lang ako. I forgot na what they were all talking about kasi parang nawala ako sa sarili ko. I just stared at them. Alam mo un. Ung parang nakikita mo sila pero parang walang sound, parang naka mute silang lahat. Tapos you really have no idea in what is going on. Ganun ung feeling ko nun.Para hindi naman ako masiyado mag mukhang , I just nod my head and smile whenever I feel like na they're talking to me o kaya parang they need my consent or something. Napansin ko rin na parang ganun ung ginagawa ni pare, mas hindi nga lang obvious sa kaniya kasi usap usap ever pa rin sila ni doc, pero I can see it in his eyes na parang his whole world crashed na parang ganun. Parang sobrang laki nung disappointment niya. Parang I think, he feels the same way I do. Ung parang kanina lang, everything was perfect and was actually looking forward to seeing each other tapos biglang nasira, parang biglang nawala lahat. Finally, natapos na din ung dinner. We went our own way na. Hindi na rin kami nakapagusap kasi obvious naman na the two has a lot of things to talk about tapos ako naman I have a lot of things to think about.
Sa car quiet lang ako, doc kept on making kwento about something na ewan ko. Napansin niya yata na I wasn't really paying much attention.
"What’s wrong? Napagod ka ba?" ask niya na halatang concern. I just nodded my head and just looked outside the window. Naguilty ako kasi sobra sobra talaga ung concern na binibigay niya sakin. I could really tell na he really loves me. I thought I love him too the same way that he does, pero right now I'm not sure. Naguguluhan ako. Lalo na ngaun na when I have decided to tell pare the truth biglang malalaman ko na buntis si twinx. Hindi naman ako home wrecker nuh! Badtrip! Bakit ngaun pa!
Pagdating ko sa bahay I just went staright up to my room. Pagkatapos kong mag bihis I went straight to bed. Although I tried, hindi talaga ako makatulog. I can still hear twinx' words. Parang echo. "I'm pregnant." Pungal yan! Badtrip! It echoes through my head na parang isang sirang plaka kaya it was really hard for me to go to sleep kahit na alam kong sobrang pagod ako. So I just stared at the ceiling hoping na baka biglang lumabas dun ung hinahahap kong answers sa mga questions sa utak ko na nagpapagulo ngaun ng buhay ko. While staring sa ceiling biglang nag ring ung phone,nag dadalawang isip pa nga ako at first kung sasagutin ko eh,pero I decided to answer it na rin baka kasi importante. Still staring at the ceiling inabot ko ung phone sa may bedside table and answered it.
"Hello?!" shiyet! Kilala ko ung boses na un. Sa pagsabi pa lang niya ng hello naiyak na ko agad.
"Hello?! Pare are you there?!" sabi niya, hindi kasi ako agad nakapagsalita eh.
"Oh hey" sabi ko, parang un lang kasi nakayanan kong sabihin eh
"Congratz nga pala ha, galling mo kanina ah." Sabi niya happily pero I could tell in his voice na parang malungkot siya na whatever, ung parang pinipilit lang niya ung sarili niya na maging masaya as he had always been kapag may problema kami.
"Ah un, thanks." Sabi ko tapos wala ng nagsalita. It was followed by a very deafening silence. Hindi ko na kasi nagawang magsalita eh.
"Sayang hindi na tayo nakapag-usap kanina." Sabi niya bigla
"Oo nga eh," sabi ko trying to hide from him the fact na I'm crying, knowing him for sure mag aalala un kapag nalaman niya na umiiyak ako.
"I was going to tell you something pa naman." Sabi niya, hindi pa rin ako nakapagsalita, I just touched ung bracelet niya while silently crying.
"I was looking forward to talking to you pa naman." Sabi niya tapos another deafening silence. Di ko na kayanan, nagsalita ako,
"Ano ba ung sasabihin mo?! Was it about the pregnancy of twinx?! " sabi ko sa kaniya trying my best to hide my tears, kahit na talagang sobrang sakit.
"Uhmm, wala lang un. I'll tell you in time na lang. Kala ko kasi ready na ko kanina eh, un pala hindi pa." Sabi niya
"So, it was about twinx' pregnancy?!" sabi ko na lalong naiiyak
"No, I also had no idea na buntis pala siya." Sabi niya tapos bigla siyang Natigilan, feeling ko naiiyak na din siya eh.
"Talaga?!" sabi ko na mejo nagulat din
"Yah, I was just as shocked as you were." Sabi niya, now I know kung ano ung tinatago niya sakin,he's hiding the fact na natatakot siya sa current situation. I don't know why but its clear na takot siya.
"Okei lang yan." Sabi ko
"Nu nga pala ung sasabihin mo sakin?!" ask niya, hindi ako agad nakapag salita.
"Diba you were going to tell me something?!" ask niya ulit
"Just forget about it. Next time na lang din siguro. Kala ko din ready ako eh. With all the things happening right now,I think its not yet the right time." Tapos silence ulit when neither one of us were talking na dun na talaga tumulo lahat ng tears ko. Parang biglang lumabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko, all the hurt and disappointments. Nagpapakiramdaman lang kami. Nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko,
"I love you so much..." then I fell asleep na, holding the bracelet close to my heart.
After that, I have decided na umiwas na lang muna kay pare. Parang I still have trouble believing the fact na when everything seemed so right, something happens that nothing could ever change. Parang it's a sign. Ewan ko. Hindi ko alam...masakit. He tried calling me and stuff pero umiiwas na lang ako. Parang dati. Hindi ko pa talaga kaya eh. Parang dati, sinubsob ko ung sarili ko sa work. By day, im a very hard working doctor, lecturing in seminars and stuff, just to keep me occupied. Si doc, as usual, patiently waiting for me. Isa pa un sa mga hindi talaga kaya ng konsensiya ko. Kaya whenever I go home at night, and all alone, that's when I let it all out. I'd cry silently and just let all my feelings out and cry myself to sleep. For so many nights, it had become a routine for me. It was the only way for me to sleep, I have to cry. Pero dumating din ung time na I no more had tears to cry. As much as I wanted to cry, kasi feel like meron pang natitira sa loob ko, I can't kasi naubos na lahat. Wala na talaga.Then sa wakas mejo nakayanan ko na. Bumalik na ko sa dati.
I begun to enjoy things more. Naging fair na rin ung treatment ko with doc.Hindi ko na siya tine take for granted. Even he was a bit shocked with the changes pero natuwa naman siya eh! Wahehehe... Tapos ngaun, kaya ko na rin kausapin si pare, I accept some of his calls now pero I'm still not ready to face him, not muna siguro ngaun. I still have the bracelet. Hindi ko pa binabalik. Parang ayaw ko na ibalik eh.Kasi parang ewan ko, it's the only piece of him na I have. I don't have his heart na nga tapos pag binigay ko pa ung bracelet, I'd have nothing. Parang ewan ko, the bracelet gave me the will to move on, parang ganun. Di ko alam eh, mejo naguguluhan pa rin ako ewan ko. Basta! Happy na ko ngaun.I'd be contented with I have and not take anything for granted. I've know learned how to be happy. Now, I can experience happiness once more in the arms of doc. We've been doing great.And now, I think I have finally moved on. Kasi, I can now talk to pare like before. Hindi na ko umiiwas, I feel comfortable again. Once again, I could say that my life was perfect. So un nga, ayos na lahat. I'm okay, doc's okay, pare's okay and Twinx and the baby are also okay. I think it was a boy yata,ewan ko. Okay naman sila and dun sila sa hospital nagpapacheck-up, dun sa friends namin.